


A Voice From The Rubble

by StarChaser93



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Acceptance, Adoption, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Canonical Character Death, Children, Christmas Fluff, Depression, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Eren Yeager, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Moving On, Panic Attacks, Paramedic Levi, Romance, Ski Instructor! Eren, Survival, Time Skips, Trauma, Ugly Holiday Sweaters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-17
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-04-26 18:12:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 101,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5014987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarChaser93/pseuds/StarChaser93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all just took 30 seconds. Thirty seconds that kept replaying in my mind over and over again, the details so vivid. Thirty seconds that would change my life forever.</p><p>Thirty seconds earlier we had all been safely tucked up in bed. Shiganshina Lodge was my home, my family was visiting for the holidays; it had now become our tomb.</p><p>Shiganshina District had been a second home to all of us ever since I was born. I know this place. I know its beauty... I'm now learning its terror.</p><p>OR: Eren's trapped in a landslide and Levi's the paramedic that finds him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Thirty Seconds

Eren POV

 

I was fast asleep... from somewhere in my subconscious comes a rumbling sound. It's growing louder... louder. It's roaring.

My eyes shoot open. Is this one of those thrilling winds that tear down the valley? No this is something far more frightening.

A hailstorm? An explosion? A bomb? The thoughts flash through my mind.

My body is shaking, uncontrollably shuddering. My parents wake up. Our room is moving all around us. Everything's rattling, crashing down. I hear the window being smashed in. I hear the glass shatter, showering me in my bed. Instinctively I lift my head off the pillow to see what's happening. It's dark. Nothing makes sense. The wall behind me comes crashing down onto my makeshift bed. My head is forced back down as the roof caves in on top of me.

I can feel the ceiling about three centimetres in front of my face. I'm choking on dust. I can't breathe... I'm coughing, choking. I can't see a thing.

I've got to get out us out...where? I roll off the sofa and try to find the window. I land on broken glass, slashing at my hands and knees. I blindly feel around for a way out but there's no room... no escape. 

My mum was screaming a few metres away, 'I'm pinned... I can't feel my legs'.

"Mum! Dad!' I screamed, reaching out to touch them. I climb up on their bed. They were still under the doona. I run my hand over the shape of mum's body and found a big concrete beam across her waist. My hand found mum's face. She was screaming again. I couldn't hear my dad.

"I can't lift my head" she screamed "My head is pinned!" Their heads were trapped by the bedhead.

There's so much noise. It begins as a rumble and blocks out everything else as it hits- a rush of freezing water. Both of us were screaming- blood curdling, terrifying screams. The water cascaded down onto us. It swirls around us... rising and rising. I'm holding mum's face. I can't shift the bedhead off them; it's not budging; I'm trying, Oh God, I'm trying to move it. The water's absolutely freezing- it takes my breath away as it bites into my body.

The air is thick with dust; my mouth fills with it. I'm choking.

"Mum, it's OK. We're going to be OK. It's OK... we're going to be all right". She's screaming 'Eren, Eren' at the top of her voice- 'Eren, Eren, Eren' over and over and over again. 

The water's flying round us. I put my hand over mum's mouth.  I've got to stop the water getting in.  I couldn't reach my dad. I couldn't hear anything from him. It's rising, rising. It's useless. I can feel the water seeping between my fingers, filling her mouth. I've got to stop the water. Please, I've got to stop the water.

It floods in, I can't stop it. She's gurgling, drowning as her lungs fill up. My hand is still over her mouth. I can feel her face, contorted. The screaming has stopped... I feel the life drain out of my mum's body... she goes limp. I can't see her face but I know it's a mask of sheer terror... I take my hand away.

I feel so useless, helpless- totally, completely  and utterly unable to do anything. I feel so small, so insignificant. I'd always thought I could protect them like they protect me. I can't anymore.

I must survive... I must try and save myself... for them.

I arch my back, using my elbows to push myself above the water. Mud and water flow around me. My mouth is just out of the water. There's a tiny gap between my mouth and the roof, a tiny air pocket; at least I can breathe. The water laps at my lips. I must keep pushing myself up.

Part of me wants to just drop; the water can take me too. It's taken my dad... my mum... take me too... I just want to be with them.

The walls feel like they're closing in; the roof is getting closer... get me out of here. No control. I'm constrained. I can hardly move.

The water flows away.

It all just took 30 seconds. Thirty seconds that kept replaying in my mind over and over again, the details so vivid. Thirty seconds that would change my life forever.

Thirty seconds earlier we had all been safely tucked up in bed. Shiganshina Lodge was my home, my family was visiting for the holidays; it had now become our tomb.

Shiganshina District had been a second home to all of us ever since I was born. I know this place. I know its beauty... I'm now learning its terror.

 

 

***

 

The phone was ringing.

It was pitch black outside.

Levi had been fast asleep in bed.

He let it ring through once only for it to start again, grumbling he thrust out a hand to grab it off his side table and answered.

"What?" he growled.

"Levi?! Levi, you need to get up!" It was Hange, her voice was strange, panicked.

"The fuck do you mean?" he groaned, opening his eyes. Hange never panicked.

"Just... go turn your TV on" she whispered. Levi was fully awake now. What the fuck was happening?

He got out of bed and walked quickly to his living room where he switched the TV on and over to the news.

He was flooded with information. Landslide in Shiganshina District. Buildings gone. Up to a 100 people trapped, dead or buried.

He pulled the phone up to his ear again "Tell me everything, Hange".

"It happened at midnight, they say its devastating. Around 100 people are trapped but we don't know. Two buildings are down with one more in danger of toppling. Witnesses told of an explosion immediately before the slide. Shiganshina's in a state of shock. Calls for help went out to all emergency services. That's us, Levi. We need to get there as soon as possible".

"I'm leaving on the next flight" he said firmly and hung up the phone.

Levi breathed in deep, his mind reeling at the disaster. All of those people trapped. He had to get there and help. He had to get there now!

 

Eren POV

 

I'd be lying if I told you I could remember the first time I came to Shiganshina District. But mum kept reminding me; I was 8 weeks old, perched in a backpack carrier as she carted me to the top of South Maria Head, which is one of the big peaks in the moutains. I was two and a half when I first walked to the top of Mount Sheena. I was four when I did my first overnight walk and I was five when I carried my first overnight pack and did my first three-night walk. 

The mountains are in my blood. When I drive into Shiganshina I feel so comfortable, like I'm coming home. My parents, Grisha and Carla, came from big families in Trost and met when they were young. They still lived there but any chance they got to pack up and visit Shiganshina they took. Dad would drive his bike with mum perched on the back carrying skis as they slid down ice-covered roads.

Somewhere amid their mountain climbing and outdoor adventures they had time to have a family. I was first but when I turned two they adopted my sister, Mikasa, also two. From an early age it was always Mikasa and I against the world. She's always been my best friend, always protective. If I got into fights or broke my arm (which I did five times when I was a kid) she was always the one to drag me home and make sure I was OK. 

I was a handful as a child. Never sat still. Always running around driving everybody crazy- always trying to do things bigger, better and faster.

I used to have to wear one of those harnesses with a leash on the back when we went to the supermarket because if I didn't I was gone - 'see you later!'- down the street. I'm sure everyone used to look at mum and think: 'Oh, what a cruel lady dragging her son around like a dog'. But it wasn't cruel; it was the only way to keep hold of me.

My father was fairly strict. If he didn't pull me up every now and then I would have been out of control, especially when I was little. Like most kids I had no trouble finding some sort of mischief to get into- pulling things of shop shelves, throwing stones off cliffs while we were bushwalking without thinking what might be below and simply not doing what I was told.

There's little doubt I was accident-prone. Once I started walking I would constantly fall over, for no apparent reason, and never, ever put my hands out to stop from landing on my face. Mum would pick me up and I always seemed to have a permanent lump on my forehead. The corners of tables were also a problem. For some reason I never saw them. I've still got scars on my temples from running into them.

My parents were very social in their community and like throwing big parties with like 20 kids running around. I was my most accident prone at these events. I would go ballistic and everyone was too busy to keep me under control. At age six, I decided to enter stuntman status at one of these partied. I jumped off a four-metre high wall and tried to grab a tree branch to swing off. I thought I would be the life of the party, it was going to be so funny. I jumped, missed the tree, bang, smack, straight on the rocks below. I was screaming in agony- it wasn't very funny at all. Dad took a look at my injuries and declared that I was OK. Off I went to bed.

Next morning, when I was unable to get up and my arm was swollen and bruised, it was decided I needed to see a Doctor. Sure enough, a broken arm- it was my second.

I was always getting into accidents and trouble at school, not major trouble, but people were always saying, 'What the hell is Eren up to today?' Every time I walked through the door of the doctor's surgery nursing some injury the doctor would say, 'OK, which arm is it this time?'.

I've only ever broken bones while doing stupid things. Maybe it was because I like to take chances and didn't like responsibility. I always knew someone would come, pick me up and put me back together- it was usually Mikasa. We were hardly ever allowed to take sick days, I got sent to school for three days with a fever before I was finally taken to a doctor. I had a blood test, fell over and that was the end of that for six weeks.

My parents were always employed so we had money but instead of spending it on material assets they took us travelling. As far back as I can remember the mountains were our home away from home. Every weekend Mum and Dad would pack us up and off we'd go- it was what we lived for. From my earliest days it created a very, very strong bond.

I remember my first pair of skis. A family friend, Mr Hannes, made them out of wood and I thought they were the hottest thing known to man. If it was really icy I would have to get my Swiss army knife out at lunch and recarve the edges because they had become rounded and wouldn't cut through the ice.

From an early age I had a very high pain tolerance. It's an ability that allows me to go through pain barriers onto the next level, and then through the next barrier and the next. I just kept going. One time on a walk we had to get across a river, the locals had told us the river was shallow and we could walk across. Mum and dad thought this was a great idea so they loaded us up and away we went. The water gradually got deeper and deeper, dad was leading and we were all holding hands. About halfway mum decided to check on me as I hadn't said much. I couldn't have said anything- I was completely submerged. I had just kept walking thinking that if mum, dad and Mikasa were walking then I needed to keep going as well.

That was the trust I had in my parents, and my commitment to come out the other side.

I had always had the idea I wanted to be a ski instructor. It stuck around for years, all the way through school and when I finished high school I decided I would go for it. All of my personal experiences had prepared me and I wanted to show people how to ski, how to camp and how to enjoy being outdoors. Mikasa and my best friend, Armin followed me and together we moved to Shiganshina and started working, Mikasa and Armin attending university while I got every type of ski and first aid qualification I could think of. I was taught a lot about survival, I strengthened my body and over 2 years I grew out of being accident-prone.

I was soon hired to work at Shiganshina Lodge as a ski instructor while Mikasa forced me to start a business course at University as well, but my heart was always far away from that. I had to learn how to balance my university classes and my ski job. Months after I started my new job it was Christmas, mum and dad had decided to come up to visit and stay with us for a week. That night I went to sleep on the sofa in my room, mum and dad having to take my bed as we had no spare room. Mikasa and Armin and a few of our friends were out late drinking and celebrating the holidays but I had an early morning ski class and mum and dad had been exhausted from travel so we settled in for an early night.

I had said 'Goodnight, I'll see you in the morning".  

I fell asleep and then the worst experience of my entire life began.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

 


	2. Collective Grief

Levi

Arriving at the site of the disaster was so much worse than he had planned for. The landslide had affected more than those in the buildings but people on their way home from bars and restaurants. It was the holidays which meant there were plenty of people out enjoying the alpine atmosphere and the Christmas cheer.

The temperature had dropped to -11 degrees Celsius and now there was only darkness and debris where the two lodges once stood.

There were dozens of people from the neighbouring lodges swarmed outside forming a human chain to try removing the rubble, all the while hearing the muffled screams of those buried beneath. The stench of gas from ruptured underground pipes was overwhelming; the fear of explosion real. But with the cries for help ringing in their ears those on the scene already, frantically tugged and dragged debris away. Although it wasn't snowing, the sub-zero temperatures hampered their efforts.

Levi arrived on the scene in the early hours of the morning having been able to make the next flight. He currently stood with Erwin and Hange staring at the destruction in shock. It was too much, the whole side of the mountain was gone! They carefully made their way onto the site, clambering over toppled trees, at stages knee-deep in mud, struggling through water flowing down the mountain like a stream.

Levi could hear voices beneath the rubble, a man and a woman's. They were faint- but they were there: 'Help'. The voices became fainter and fainter. Nearby Erwin too heard three distinct voices- they sounded like the groans of dying men. He also heard the word 'Help'. Hange crawled into a hole in the rubble from where the voices could be heard. Two metres in and she could hear them and guessed she was probably only a metre away, but to go any further meant removing some of the debris, which could have caused a further collapse. Erwin holding Hange by the ankle, asked if she could see anyone- she couldn't. They decided they had to move away because the rubble was still moving beneath their feet.

Levi was told that most of those missing were well known in Shiganshina, the lodges that collapsed housing staff members and their families. Shiganshina Lodge could hold 48 people, the neighbouring building Rose Lodge could hold 56; they had both been near full. It still wasn't clear how many were inside the buildings. The media had started reporting that there was the possibility of 104 people trapped.

104 people that Levi and everyone else needed to find; to either rescue or recover.

Levi was part of an elite task force brought in for the operation; they were all on the site within hours and were immediately arranging the initial evacuation of remaining lodges and proceed in organising how they were going to deal with what was happening. Lights were set up and Levi finally got a clear view at the mess- it was complete catastrophe.

There were people everywhere. The smell of gas becoming overwhelming, Levi had to grab a firefighter and get him to rush back to the station, grab the keys and isolate the supply. Civilians were scrambling all over the muddied hillside and Levi and the rest of the emergency service personnel knew how dangerous and precarious the site was. They began telling people to get off, get out of the way, get away from the danger. It was procedure.

Levi knew the first rule of first aid is to ensure safety at the site. They realized, even at that early stage that to jump in could be disastrous. They even had to start physically removing the locals who were trying to dig for survivors. Levi's mind was racing; so many people trapped and also the very real fear the site could give way at any moment.

After the initial panic had passed Levi, Erwin, Hange and all the rest of the rescuers began to see the enormity of the task ahead. The mountainside had gone strangely quiet and the decision had to be made to wait until dawn because at the moment there was nothing they could do. The lights already set up provided some illumination but the rescuers just couldn't feel confident enough because of the ever present danger of slippage. It was torturous for everyone involved but they knew they couldn't just simply lift the concrete slabs off and pull people out, the scope of the job was just too big.

Shiganshina District was sealed off. Roads were blocked. Another lodge near the landslide site was hastily set up as the triage post; anyone with medical expertise was asked to go there and attend to any casualties. Rescue crews from all over were speeding their way to the site, arriving by the truckload. But darkness was preventing any rescue attempt. Levi could hear the site moan and shift for hours after his arrival; any rash decision could lead to more deaths. Any sudden movement could have triggered another landslide and killed any survivors trapped underneath and possibly rescuers as well.

Erwin had assumed control of the situation and from then on was the one to call the shots and make the early, crucial decisions. He and Levi walked over the wreckage yelling out "Can you hear me? Can you hear me?" With the whole site moving and shifting, Erwin had to decide that it was extremely unstable and that it could be life-threatening for any rescue personnel to enter. Erwin and Hange continued to assess the stability of the site and try to find any area they could work on successfully. It was infuriating to wait but they just couldn't do anything safely until morning.

 

Eren's POV

 

You bastards. Look what you've done. What the fuck have you done to me, to us? I screamed. My abuse came in a torrent. I was abusing the world. I had to blame somebody for what had happened. There I was, buried, cold, barely able to breathe through the dust, plunged into a world of pitch darkness and I was fucking angry. Furious at the world in general for taking away my parents and causing me so much intense pain when all I wanted to do was enjoy life.

What really hurt was there were no goodbyes. If my parents were told they had a terminal disease and had 6 months to live then at least we would have had the chance to say goodbye. That's one of the hardest things to deal with. The last memory I have of them is my mum's blood curdling scream.

I decided I had two options, neither of them good.

The first was to die along with my parents. What use was there to living when you lost two of the most important people in your life? It was a very good option and a part of my mind wanted to do it but another part wouldn't physically let me. There was no fear of death, no fear of dying. It was a fantastic option. What better place to be than with my parents? Why bother living? 

The other option was to live and be thankful I did. That was the option I took.

There are a number of reason why. Rational thoughts had started to enter my head. I was thinking of Mikasa and Armin, my other friends, my students. I had to get out to see them. This thought spread and I began to think of everyone I knew; all of my family's friends. Suddenly I had 100 people to live for. My parents were dead but I had to live- for each and every one of them- I had to live.

At first I pulled together everything I had learnt together in my entire life to survive. Every little thing I had ever done. I questioned my strength and ability: 'Can I get through this? Am I physically fit enough to get through this? Do I even have the inner strength and power to do it?'

It came down to one question: did I have the right level of physical fitness and enough mental stamina? That was the key for the first hour.

I was stuck in a situation where I had absolutely no control and that sparked a real disbelief in myself and went against everything I believed in, my upbringing, my parents, everything. It felt like I was driving down a freeway with a brick on the accelerator and my hands and feet tied. I started feeling I wasn't able to believe in myself anymore.

There was water everywhere. As the water poured down I began talking to myself, talking myself through it. I just kept coaxing myself 'Hold yourself out. Just hold yourself out'. I was arching my back, using my elbows, trying to keep my head above the water level. 

The first flood lasted about 10 minutes. 'I can't get through this' I wanted to let myself back down into the water and drown. But my body simply wouldn't let me do it. So I kept holding myself out of the icy water. Breathing, still choking, with my mouth close to the concrete above me I was breathing in more concrete dust than air. The water just  kept flowing down; I thought it was never going to stop. And with it came the mud and debris, which slowly pushed me up off the bed.

I was getting even more squashed against the roof as the mud filled all the cavities around me.  Somehow my lips stayed about a centimetre above the water line. I could feel the freezing water cover the rest of my face, it was so icy that it took my breath away. That was how close it was- that was the fine line- one solitary centimetre. After ten minutes or so the water started to trickle away and I thought 'Thank fuck it's gone. I may be able to hang in'.

How long was I going to be stuck here? I expected I would be out in 20 minutes. That was all I was thinking. Sure it was fucking cold, but I had been cold before- I should be able to survive for 20 minutes.

My mind reverted to my parents. I had to try to help them. I felt around on the bed, to where they should have been... they weren't there... all I could feel was the slimy cold mud. I frantically tried to sweep my hand across where they should have been but all I felt was a piece of their doona poking up out of the mud. I couldn't find them; they were buried in the mud. Not being able to touch them sparked new anger. It wasn't sadness just pure anger. I was shouting, 'Fuck you!' It wasn't directed at anyone in particular but just pure rage. It seemed to give me an immense feeling of strength, an amazing feeling of power. 

'You bastards, you've taken my parents. You've taken two of the people I care most about in this world, two people I love and you've taken them!' I started to go through a whole range of emotions- swinging from one end of the spectrum to the other- sadness, anger and fear. Fuck this, I'm not going to bother living- but in the next breath I vowed I was going to survive, I would show these bastards and live.

Two minutes later the water came back and for the next hour it came down five more times for periods of between five and ten minutes. Each time pushing me to the absolute limit of my endurance, mentally and physically. Every time I had to arch my back and tilt my head so that my nose and mouth were above the water level. No matter how hard I squeezed them shut the water got into my eyes. It was putrid, laced with diesel and who knows what else- my eyes were stinging. I knew I couldn't let any get into my mouth.

Then the water would subside again and I could lower my back. Minutes later I heard it again. It came with a roar, 'Fucking hell, here we go again'. Where I got the strength to repeatedly arch my back for those lengths of time I'll never know. And then the water would stop flowing again, then it would start again and stop and start again. It was torture and really started to drive me over the edge. The noise of the approaching water instilled absolute terror in me. How could I go through another minute drenching in this stinking, freezing water? After the fifth time I was thinking there was no way I was going to survive. At the end of that first hour I didn't think I had a hope in hell. My body was convulsing, shaking because of the cold. 

I had done shouting and cursing. I didn't have the energy. Once the water had finally slowed down to a trickle I could hear people above me starting to work, I could hear the fire truck arrive, and I could hear people roaming around. I knew people were there and that something was happening above me- that gave me renewed hope.

My parent's death became my will to live. After the initial feelings of despair and wanting to die so I could be with them, I made a promise to them that I was going to get out. I would show the world- it might have taken two of us but there was no way it was going to get me as well.

 

Levi

 

On the surface frustration grew to near hysteria as friends of those buried tried desperately to begin the rescue. Levi had to hold them back. Tempers flared, there was a lot of shouting and screaming.The situation was not helped by the darkness and cold, making assessment of the situation all the more difficult. And with the water and gas supplies cut off the site had been thrown into chaos.

By 4:00 am Erwin had managed to begin activating the Disaster Plan, they were given an emergency operations centre. Their disaster plan outlined the resources available in the area- trucks, earth-moving machines, buses, medical workers and evacuation centres. Shiganshina Hospital was put on standby for the arrival of survivors. Erwin's team were in command as they were first on site and also had the most experience in underground rescue mission. Their team consisted of Erwin who was in command, Hange was a geophysicist who specialized in disaster recovery, Petra and Olou had years of experience in the field with rescue operations while Gunther and Eld were more generalized in every aspect, they were sharp and calm in a crisis. And there was Levi, he was their Paramedic but he had more knowledge and training than your average medical worker, he had enlisted in the army and had a lot of hands on experience with serious medical situations. Even though all of their team were trained as paramedics he knew he would be the one to treat anyone they found. 

They began scanning the area with thermal imaging cameras, used to locate body heat through smoke. It was still dark; but it didn't matter if it was dark or light; the camera would have picked up exposed limbs as white heat blooms. There were no blooms.

A damp mist hung over the site. Sunrise seemed an eternity away, an eternity to wait before Levi could begin to do his job trying to find anyone alive in the mud, twisted metal and smashed concrete. Levi started to feel like it was probably futile but there wasn't one rescuer there without some hope, no matter how small. 

Police now had a rough estimate of the number of people missing- 60 people were unaccounted for. No names had been released.

 


	3. Stacked Decks

Eren POV

 

I began to assess my situation. I was completely horizontal. I could put my arms out to the side and feel around. I could feel the slab above me. I could feel the mud below. I could feel the bent wrought iron bed head and, with my feet, I could feel where the couch was at the end of the bed. If I strained I could just reach my knees with my hands. My head had been forced away by a concrete block which acted as a pillow. And underneath my back there was a rock jabbing into me. 

I wasn't buried in the mud but lying on top of it. There was glass all around me. The smell of gas and diesel was almost overpowering. There was also the smell of burning concrete, like when you hit concrete with a hammer, a really pungent, burning smell.

Surviving the first hour was my priority; I was sure I'd either be rescued or dead after that. It was so cold. But I was confident the rescuers would get to me before I died- surely it wouldn't take them much longer.

The cold was my biggest problem. My survival training told me I had to keep my torso warm so I hugged myself to maintain what little warmth I had left. I put my hand under my armpits to protect my fingers and then just basically hugged myself. I knew if I kept my torso warm my head would be OK. But my legs and feet were another thing altogether. I couldn't touch them, couldn't do anything with them, they were just going to have to fend for themselves for now. All I could do was wiggle my toes, so that's what I did.

From doing a first aid course I knew about hypothermia, what the signs were and how to avoid it. I knew that if I could keep my vital organs warm then I would be OK or, at least, I would have a better chance of getting out of here alive.

An icy draft was blowing through all the time. On my wet and freezing body it felt like I was being pricked by thousands of tiny needles. Every time it blew it cooled me down that little bit more. It was just so bitterly, bitterly cold there wasn't anything that I thought I could do. It was in basic survival mode. I had to just hug myself, hang on and see how long I could go for.

I could still hear people wandering around and I could hear trucks starting to move. I started to wonder what had actually happened but those thoughts were quickly pushed out of my mind by thoughts of what I had to do to keep myself alive. Time was the key and as each minute passed I kept convincing myself it wouldn't be long before they got me out... it couldn't be long before they got me out. I had this idea that it was only going to take an hour at most; after the first hour passed I thought 'OK maybe it'll take another hour'. I wasn't setting myself up for a big long wait because I didn't think my mind could have coped with that prospect.

I could hear muffled voices; if someone yelled I could hear it. I couldn't make out any real conversations, but I definitely knew people were out there. I could hear them moving around on the site. I never, ever heard anyone yelling for help. I never heard anyone call out. I never heard any other survivors.

 

 

Levi

 

_"The chances of anyone being alive in there are very, very negligible", Commanding officer Erwin Smith sadly admitted to a crowded news conference._

Those words kept ringing in Levi's head but he refused to believe them. Someone could be alive in there. Someone could be waiting for them.

The dark night sky turned a ghostly purple as the sun started to rise and the temperature struggled above zero. Around the mud and rubble that now scarred the landscape rescuers were still arriving, briefings were being held, decisions were being made. Heavy machinery was being hauled in. Whether it was needed yet wasn't known. The request was simple: 'Just get it here... and fast'.

Daylight allowed most of the town to take their first look at the disaster. Stunned, tired and dazed Levi watched as some simply burst into tears. Others stood staring, unable to believe their own eyes. What was once a picturesque mountainside was now scarred forever. It reminded everyone that this was snow country, in many ways untamed country. As light snow began falling on the town, Levi realised just how close so many others had come to being buried. It was a wonder the slide hadn't swallowed the neighbouring apartment blocks and surrounding lodges. The wall of earth having lost momentum just metres short of claiming more lives.

Daylight didn't hasten the rescue efforts. The site of the slip was still so dangerous no one was allowed on it yet. Family, friends and spectators began questioning the delay. But Levi knew it was a delay that had to be. If the wrong piece of rubble was moved it could cause another slide and more devastation. Weather was also a concern; it had been drizzling on the site and more rain was expected. It was going to be a long and an obviously dangerous rescue.

The site was still too unstable for the rescue machinery so an anxious silence fell over the entire town. Everyone was silently praying for some miracle as a human conveyor belt cleared away felled trees on the edge of the landslide. 

_"I have been saying the best prayers I can say and I hope we will find some survivors out there" Erwin had told reporters._

 

 

Eren POV

 

If the slab above me moved in any way I knew I would die because I had such a small gap above me. What the hell was going to happen if either the bed, which I assumed was holding the slab up, collapsed or the rescuers started moving things around at a rapid rate, knocking the slab around? The space for me to move in was very, very small. . . if they rushed in and started belting things around, I was going to be in so much fucking trouble.

When the water stopped flowing, and I didn't have to hold myself up to breathe, I yelled. For all I was worth I yelled. Why could I hear them so clearly and yet they couldn't hear me? I was screaming out and no one seemed to notice. After the initial noise above it went strangely quiet. I started to think that whatever had happened was big. Maybe it wasn't just our building but the whole of Shiganshina! My mind was beginning to fill with all sorts of wild thoughts. Had a bomb hit the town destroying everything? No it couldn't have because I’d heard trucks and people up above. Maybe only 20 lodges had fallen down. When it was quiet I began fearing the rescuers had left our building because they thought no one was alive so they had moved on to the next building and they would just keep moving through the town.

‘I’m here. I’m down here!’ Why can’t they hear me? Several hours passed. I decided I had to do something. I couldn't just lie there and let this beat me. I needed something to cover me so I started feeling around. I could feel the couch at the foot of the bed and on it was the blankets I had been using, a cotton throw rug over the top. It wasn’t much but it was better than nothing. It was out to the side. The bed must have twisted because there was no way I could have reached it otherwise. 

Somehow I managed to grab the cotton cover and started to pull. It was snagged on something. If I could just get a bit of this cover off, it would be good. I pulled and I pulled and I pulled. Between one and two hours later I finally managed to tear off a strip. It was only about 40 centimetres wide and about a metre long. I dragged it up and put it over my torso, trying to push it down over my feet as much as I could. My feet were getting colder. I was still wiggling them and trying to move them around as much as I could. I knew if I got this cover over me, even though it was only a thin piece of cotton, it would make me feel just that little bit warmer.

Once I had it over me it did actually deflect a lot of the drafts that were hitting my body through the rubble. Of course it wasn’t warm but it was better than nothing. Up until that point all I had on were my pyjama bottoms and a thin shirt. The struggle to tear the cover off the couch also helped warm me a little and take my mind off the pain of my body slowly freezing. I really don’t know how I managed to get that cover because there was so much mud, it was pitch black and I had become very disorientated. It was total cave darkness, totally devoid of light. Apart from the physical benefits of the cover it was a tremendous boost, mentally.

I still couldn’t hear a hell of a lot of digging up above. I could hear occasional noises and voices but not a real lot of digging. So, getting hold of that cover gave me a little bit more belief in myself again. Maybe, just maybe, I could survive. I was still looking hour to hour. As time progressed I thought ‘Well, I’ll make the ten-hour mark and they'll definitely find me’. I was shivering uncontrollably. It felt as though the blood in my veins was being frozen solid— my skin was so frigid I thought it would just crack open.

 

I started trying to focus on what the rescuers were doing, picture exactly what stage they were at. Although I couldn’t hear anyone on the site I knew they were somewhere out there— they must be! I could hear trucks and vehicles. Even though they weren’t on the site, they were near the site, around the site. I knew Mikasa would be out there, Armin too, they’d be there— if only they could hear me. I’d hoped that I would be out in the first hour; I had now been here for around eight hours. I started to fear that no one was coming and maybe the problem was really much bigger than I’d imagined. Surely they wouldn’t just give up.

 

Levi

 

‘It’s like a pack of cards . . . like a set of dominoes. If you move something you have to be sure that something else isn't going to fall. We can hope there will be life out there but we have no sign of life yet’ Erwin said steadily in their command post.

Levi sighed while Hange started speaking "This rescue has to be deliberate, controlled and coordinated until everyone that has been reported missing is accounted for". There were tense nods around the room. They all knew they had a long way to go.

"What about cellphones?" Petra asked and immediately it was decided to try dialling the numbers. It was a long shot but worth trying; anything was worth trying. No one answered the calls and the ringing of the telephones couldn’t be heard by the rescuers.

But finally... finally after so many hours it was deemed safe to begin the rescue operation. Carefully. There was still the possibility— and probability— of a further slide.

By 10.30 am, 11 hours after the slip, Levi and his team led the rescuers, albeit tentatively, onto the edges of the site which covered an area about 150 metres down the slope and 50 metres across the face. A small front-end loader had begun picking away at the rubble spread across the narrow roadway in front of the site. Two firefighters carefully checked the rubble as it was moved by the loader. The pair had the grisly task of seeing if the loader uncovered a body, specifically that of a woman who was reported to have been swept away as she walked along road.

Petra and Olou set up a trapped person locator on the site. The size of a shoebox, the device had small seismic and acoustic sensors that were capable of picking up movements or noises and amplifying them 20 times through the operator’s headphones. As Petra put the headphones on, Olou tested the device’s sensitivity by throwing a pebble onto one of the slabs. It almost blew out Petra's eardrums. Satisfied it was functioning correctly Olou used a megaphone to make a plea to any survivors; he asked anyone who could hear him to make the smallest movement, the slightest sound. Petra heard nothing through the headphones.

Under the shadow of the wrecked cars teetering on the edge of the car park, rescuers formed a human chain to remove the rubble piece by painstaking piece, all the while fearing their next move might be their last. 

Furniture, bedding, clothing, bricks and wood slowly snaked their way along the human chain, hand to hand, up the slope to waiting trucks. An eerie silence enveloped the valley, broken only occasionally by rescuers’ distant voices encouraging one another. Sometimes a single word passed up the line—‘ Personal’ simply meant an item belonging to one of the victims was being passed up the chain of men and women.

Levi began his job burrowing into the quagmire. Using seismic sensing equipment, flexi search cameras and thermal imaging cameras he led a small team forward— millimetre by millimetre— looking for any sign of life. When the lodges and their adjoining carpark collapsed five concrete slabs came crashing down. The four-storey buildings had been originally connected to the road by a suspended concrete parking bay, which joined the building just below the top storey.

The impact of the carpark into the building had cannoned the top floor through the air and down the slope. The 60-tonne parking bay ended up on top of the collapsed structure. The top-floor slab flew through the air, landed and split in half with one half flipping over and the other wedging into the ground and splitting in half again. 

In places there was just a few centimetres’ space between the slabs. Items such as refrigerators, washing machines, dryers, wardrobes, beds, mattresses, filing cabinets and computers were flattened. Erwin stood at the edge of the slide watching as a full-size refrigerator was being removed from the rubble and wardrobes filled with clothing were reduced to half their size.

Hange set up more seismic listening devices and thermal imaging cameras. Every time a piece of rubble was removed the thermal imaging cameras were used to check for any body heat blooms . . . there still weren’t any. 

 

 

Eren POV

I searched my soul for strength. I knew I had the ability to overcome fear and that I would have to in order to survive. But this was just sheer terror. Fear beyond the imagination. Fear of the unknown. I had this overpowering fear of the water coming again. And the water coming again . . . and again. That drove me so close to the edge. I kept getting pushed to the wall. The pain was becoming unbearable. 

On top of that, the emotional pain of losing my parents and just lying in mud and cold water in pitch blackness, I had no idea of how the hell I was going to get out—  _if_  I was going to get out. I couldn't process what was happening but my brain just kept repeating, ‘No, I’m going to keep going. You can worry about the fear and you can deal with the loss later, but at the moment you are in survival mode and this is what you have got to do’. I was so afraid of dark places, afraid of small places; everything that absolutely terrified me but still my mind pushed me on . . . it was making me survive.

As time went on my hearing became more acute. Once the water stopped flowing there was silence all around me, complete silence. That silence and the pitch darkness heightened my hearing. I guess, like a blind person, I began to rely on my hearing for my survival. There was no use smelling because the cavity smelled putrid— a mixture of mud, gas, diesel and sewage.

My taste was useless because there was nothing, but the dust, to taste. I felt I was yelling at the top of my voice. But was I really yelling that loudly? My throat hurt so much I must have been yelling. Or was my hearing so much more acute that I wasn’t actually shouting as loudly as I thought I was? I never, ever yelled, ‘Help’. I made a conscious decision that if I yelled ‘Help’ I was just going to scare myself more because that would heighten the reality of the situation I was in.

I was terrified and that terror seemed to magnify as time went on. Instead of yelling ‘Help’ I was calling out ‘Hellooooo’, because it was more prolonged and I could start off quietly and yell as loudly and for as long as I could rather than just a short, sharp ‘Help’. ‘Hellooooo’ seemed a lot more comforting as well. I didn’t want to scare all the others who had survived in our building. My throat was unbelievably parched because of the dust. Sucking in concrete dust and yelling on top of that didn’t do a lot for my throat. Whenever I heard the rescuers come close I would let loose, shouting and screaming as loudly as I could.

I did everything I could to try to get their attention. I found a little metal pipe and I was banging it against the wrought iron of the bedhead. I thought I was belting it pretty hard but obviously not hard enough— there was still no recognition from the people up above. As well as focusing on getting their attention I also focused internally, on myself. I started to realise that I was in a fucking terrible situation and the likelihood of me getting out was not great.

That was the reality of it— there was no point lying to myself. The long hours were giving me a lot of time to think about what was going on around me. I was still willing to just lie there and wait— I didn’t have much choice. I was talking to myself, ‘You’ll be OK. You’ll get through. Keep going, keep going, keep going’. In my mind I begged my parents for their support to try to get me through it. To give me strength.

 

 


	4. Life or Death

Levi

 

Above, not a murmur was heard. By now more than 200 emergency workers were involved in the operation. As the members of the human chain continued to shift what they could, others began shoring up the site to prevent further slippage. The rescue strategies being used emphasised the need for teamwork. Multi-agency teams made up of police, firefighters, ambulance and State Emergency Service personnel abandoned any inter-agency rivalry and adopted a single-minded effort to locate and rescue survivors.

The initial plan Erwin called was for loose rubble to be removed from the road by an excavator. This was critical to the entire operation as it would give heavy machinery access to remove the mountains of rubble burying the two lodges. Drainage was another priority. Water constantly flowing over the site had to be dammed and drained away. Four-hourly briefings were being held at site control. At these briefings the current situation was reported, engineering advice discussed, Erwin would lay out future plans and agencies assigned to carry out those plans. A meeting between engineers, geologists, geophysicists and soil specialists decided it was still too dangerous to begin work on the centre of the site.

Hange told them there were no guarantees there wouldn’t be another slide.

‘We can’t be positive that whatever triggered the event isn't still active,’ she said.

The blocked road became a priority. Erwin felt that once it was cleared of rubble it would be a safe base to begin using the heavy machinery to remove the larger slabs. 'But it's so narrow it's going to be difficult to manoeuvre the machinery into place . . . if possible at all' Levi thought. That afternoon, 17 hours after the disaster, the rotors of a twin-engine helicopter could be heard coming up the valley. The chopper gingerly hovered over the ugly gash in the mountain.

A man was slowly winched down to survey the site from above. Of most concern were mangled cars caught in the slide— Erwin feared people might have been trapped inside them. It was an extremely dangerous exercise. If the cable had snagged on a tree or a piece of rubble the chopper crew would have had to cut the officer loose; there would have been no safe way of getting him out. It was yet another heroic effort. The operation was over quickly, the brave officer able to confirm the car wrecks were empty. But the down thrust of the rotor blade had sent lighter pieces of rubble flying around the site; it was the last time a helicopter was brought so close.

The down draught caused by the chopper’s rotors posed another problem. Vibrations shook the loose soil, causing renewed fears that the operation would trigger further land slippage. 

The operation seemed frustratingly slow, still hampered by slippery mud and pooling water.

 

Eren POV

 

I heard the chopper coming down. I could feel the wind blowing through so I knew there was air circulating. That was comforting because it meant I wasn’t going to suffocate. I could hear the helicopter’s rotors as they got closer and closer and it began to really get to me because it was blowing more icy air over my body. I could hear the slab above me vibrating.

I thought that maybe they were winching people out, so I told myself, ‘It's OK, Eren, put up with the cold air, put up with it, because they’ll be down to get you soon. There goes another person being airlifted to hospital. Awesome’. In my mind I was planning the whole rescue. I knew where I was and I knew the layout of the building, I knew where the other apartments were.

I tried to picture how the building had collapsed— if the building fell down one way they’d be rescuing these people— if it fell down another way they’d be rescuing others. They’re just progressively working down the site towards me. I figured the bedhead was holding up the slab above me so I was planning to tell them how to cut the slab so that it would break in half and split over the bedhead, then I would just stand up in the sunshine and walk out. That would be it— it would be that simple.

I had an overwhelming temptation to drink the water around me. I was as thirsty as thirsty could be. I was so dry. But sanity prevailed and I didn’t. I didn’t know exactly what the water contained but that it was contaminated with at least sewage and diesel. I probably would have been very sick if I had drunk it. I began realising that it was possible others in Shiganshina had died. I thought that half the people had been rescued by this stage. That was a critical thing keeping me going— the confidence that I too would be rescued. Why should I die if others had made it? I just had to bide my time. I would wait as long as I could and I’d keep warm enough to stay alive . . . they’d get to me in the end. I knew I was at the bottom of the pile so it was going to take a long time to get to me. They’d get everyone else out first and then it would be my turn. I started formulating pictures in my mind of what it would look like on the outside.

I refused to cry about what was happening. There was too much to do to survive, mentally and physically. I made a promise to my mum and dad, to Mika and Armin— I was going to get out. I knew that I was physically OK. I knew after the first few hours that the only thing that might kill me was the cold and I had a rough idea how to survive in the cold. Physically I should be able to survive, what would happen  ****mentally was anyone’s guess.

So I promised. That was what drove me.

I promised Mikasa that I was going to get out and see her. I promised I wouldn't leave her alone.

 

 

Levi

 

For the permanent residents of Shiganshina the grief was communal. Everyone knew somebody lost in the rubble. It was collective despair. All through the town they hugged and comforted each other in small clusters. The other staff and employees were enveloped in tragedy. Tears flowed freely, along with words of hope. 

On the scene emotions were running high. Levi's Search and Rescue team was burrowing into what was left of the top flat of Shiganshina Lodge. They hadn’t found any bodies there, but as they burrowed into the wreckage they started to uncover something almost as chilling— babies’ clothes and nappies. The lump in his throat was almost choking him as they found tiny little clothes, nappies, parts of cots.

It shattered an already delicate morale, and Levi knew the danger of that. He watched as the mood of everybody plummeted. The next thing they expected to uncover was a baby’s body. Furiously they dug. For three hours they tunnelled into what appeared to be a baby’s room . . . digging, digging, digging. It wasn’t until they went to the debriefing at the end of their shift that they were told there had been a family living in that apartment but they had left before the landslide.

Levi was furious- 'why weren't my team told the family had long gone?!' For three hours they had to face a horrible possibility; their spirits, already dented by the tragedy of the slide, had been further battered.

Levi soon realised that in the early confusion of the disaster the information had simply not been passed on to his team. They had to treat the site like a crime scene and try to limit the public release of information as they would eventually have to investigate what had caused the collapse, but the overwhelming desire of everybody on the site was to find any survivors and keep them alive.

It was muddy, wet and cold on the surface as well. Despite the intensity of the work, the rescuers were also freezing, so frigid their bones seemed to rattle. The heart of the site was still bare of rescuers. Instead they carefully tried to shore up the sides of the slide.

Across the valley more surveyors had set up camp with Hange in charge and were carefully monitoring the rubble for the slightest movement. Any hint of movement brought an immediate halt to the search efforts. Erwin instituted a siren system: one blast to cease work, two to resume and three for immediate evacuation of the site. The rescue efforts had taken on a military-like precision. It was precisely the job the Levi and his team had been trained for.

 

Eren POV

 

It wasn’t long before I figured out what the sirens meant— and they began to terrify me. I started riding an emotional roller-coaster. I knew the rescuers were close to me and I thought, ‘It’s been a long time. I know it’s been a long time so they must be nearly down to me’. I could hear them digging furiously. Then the sirens would go and there would be silence again. It was so frustrating and scary. Once again, alone in this mess, this dark, cold wet tomb.

Those silent periods seemed to stretch forever. . . until finally I could hear the familiar sound of digging. And my hope renewed. It was playing havoc with my mind and the faith I had in the rescuers. I could hear them when they were working near where I was and that made me think that they must be getting other people out. But why weren’t they coming to get me out? That’s when doubts started to creep into my mind: were they going to come and get me at all? And then I would hear them come closer and I’d shout again. I felt panic and terror and disbelief in myself.

While the cold, in the beginning, was painful, by now it was indescribable. It was eating away at me. I was soaking wet and I had no way of drying myself. I calculated that I’d been trapped for about 15 hours or so and I knew I had to do something or I wouldn’t last much longer. Suddenly I remembered there’d been a polar fleece jumper at the end of the bed when my parents had gone to sleep. Why hadn’t I remembered it before? I frantically felt around for it where I thought it would’ve ended up.

Sure enough it was there, but it was a monumental effort to get hold of it. Time was hard to gauge but it must have taken about two hours. It was jammed under rocks and rubble and I just couldn’t free it. I pulled and pulled as hard as I could, with one hand first and then the other. In the end I finally managed to drag it out. I would do anything to keep warm. I had even started trying to pee on my feet, which is almost impossible when you’re horizontal. But I had also been peeing where the polar fleece had been so it was absolutely soaked in diesel, mud and urine. Should I even bother with it?

‘Why the hell are you putting this on. Is this really going to do anything?’ Then I remembered the polar fleece had similar properties to wool so it didn’t matter how wet it got, it would still warm me up. But pulling it free from the rubble was just the start of the battle. It took me another three hours to get it on— I probably put it on incorrectly about 12 times. I couldn’t, for the life of me, find the sleeves.

When I finally rotated it around the right way and managed to get one hand through a sleeve I then had about a three-centimetre gap underneath my body to try to feed it through to get the other sleeve on. For a long time I couldn’t get it far enough under my body to pull it through to the other side. I was totally exhausted— I’d try to squeeze it through, fail and then have a rest before starting all over again. A couple of times I would get it all the way under, but I had twisted it on the way through and so then I couldn’t find the sleeve. Then I would have to pull it all the way back out and try again.

Ironically it was probably good for me because the effort was keeping me occupied for a long while. I was determined that it was what I had to do and it was going to make me survive. My determination paid off. I finally got the polar fleece on. Just doing the zip up took me half an hour because I couldn’t get my frozen fingers to function properly. But after all that, the fleece was so muddy and wet initially it just seemed to make me colder.

Could I actually survive for much longer in this cold and this pain? When they came close it gave me hope that I could carry on . . . then when they went away again I hit the wall. Negative thoughts returned. Suddenly there was a flash of light— the power had suddenly come back on for a split second. There must be a light bulb somewhere nearby. If I could just find it I could break it and end it all right here and now. Stop the pain. Be back with my parents. I felt along the slab that was on top of me but I couldn’t find the bulb.

I didn’t even think about the shattered glass all around me— I guess that was just as well.

 

Levi

 

Levi knew there was no room for negative thought but it was a tremendous battle to quell feelings of despair. Personal effects, photographs, golf clubs— simple things that make up people’s lives— were being dragged from the rubble. For every rescuer it was emotional turmoil— they were touching the lives of people who, in all likelihood, were now dead. But still they continued in the hope of finding survivors.

Erwin was hopeful too releasing a statement to the media saying ‘In every single collapse there is a potential for survival. It’s a bit like an iceberg. What you see on the surface is only ten per cent, everything else is underground. The way buildings collapse in some cases, the potential for voids to be formed around furniture is enormous. We are only concerned with finding survivors. If we came here with the attitude that everybody was dead our level of enthusiasm and our demeanour would have been shot straight away. So we have to keep a very positive attitude.’

At 4.30 that afternoon Levi's team found the first body. While pulling back a mattress and some bedding revealed the slide’s first confirmed victim. Levi glanced up and saw a young girl standing just above him. The look on her face was not something he’ll easily forget— it was clearly the first dead body she had ever seen. The young girl’s presence on the ‘front line’ embodied the enthusiasm and dedication of the rescuers— everyone was willing to do their bit, regardless of personal hardship. 

With darkness falling, the floodlights once again cast their eerie glow over the site, creating hazardous and dangerous shadows, shadows that could have easily spelled disaster if a rescuer made a mistake with their footing. Most felt safer using their own torches. However the dark and the plummeting temperatures did nothing to quell their enthusiasm. 

It was several more hours, and almost 24 hours after the slide, before Levi's team were able to free the first body from the rubble and it was carried away by a sombre group of pallbearers up the steep embankment to a temporary morgue. Everyone began to fear it would be full before too long. 

Police rescue squad veteran Dot Pixis arrived by car that night, rendezvousing with Erwin and Levi by the side of the road. Briefed as to what was happening, he climbed back into his four-wheel drive with Levi to guide him and pulled away as Erwin called out ‘It’s all yours’.

Pixis' first words as he saw the site were a shocked ‘Oh shit, we’re here for the long run on this one.’

From that point on it became Pixis' job to oversee the rescue by night, while Erwin ran the operation during the daylight hours. While Erwin and Pixis supervised the operation they constantly sought advice from Hange, Levi and the heads of other rescue teams. At any one time up to five multi-agency rescue teams targeted areas where it was anticipated victims would be found. But that involved a certain amount of guesswork as there was no way of knowing exactly where the victims would be.

Each team had up to 12 accredited rescue operators along with an ambulance paramedic. The paramedics were there to treat any injured survivors but it was also their task to prevent injuries occurring to the rescuers by ensuring appropriate safety precautions were followed. Logistics were a priority. Clothing, food and sleeping arrangements all had to be taken care of. Shiganshina had been besieged by hundreds of rescue personnel, stretching sleeping arrangements to the limit. Initially they worked in four-hour shifts— four on, four off. A dormitory had been set up in a conference room and inside were more than 100 mattresses strewn across the floor, covered by a sea of blankets and pillows.

They were never empty. Their sleeping arrangement was called ‘hot bedding’— as one weary rescuer arrived for his sleep another would awake and they’d swap, the sheets still warm from the previous occupant. Many of the rescuers like Levi had been sent to Shiganshina with next to no notice. So the essentials were a problem. Local supplies of even the most basic necessities had been exhausted. But it provided a lighter moment amongst so much gloom. Pixis had to organise underwear for a group of 50 men and all that was left in the village were ten pairs of women’s underpants.

They also went.

 

Eren POV

 

I was running out of energy. All the effort of getting the piece of cotton and the fleece seemed to have drained what little energy I had left. It took a lot out of me physically. I had been wiggling my feet for about 20 hours and I didn’t even have the energy to keep doing that anymore. So, finally I had this fleece on but I was colder than I had ever been, and that’s when I started thinking, ‘Well, this is it. You’re gone now. You’ve put this wet fleece on and it is not going to work. It’s not going to warm you up one little bit’.

But eventually it started to dry out a little; the mud started to dry and went hard. That posed another painful problem that just heightened my already highly irrational state. I was still hugging myself, trying to keep my torso warm but my strength was fading and my arms kept falling off to the side. My elbows, which were covered in cuts, would end up in the mud, and the blood from the cuts would stick to the fleece. When I managed to move my arms back up, across my chest, the scabs that had bonded with the fleece would rip and tear, adding to my myriad of pains.

Then the water would come down again, though not as much as in the early stages. It seemed as though every time the rescuers moved something above, it released another flow of freezing water. 

Sleep began to seem like the easiest option. I was just so tired, I really, really wanted to sleep. Twenty hours in and I felt it was well and truly over. My will to live was at its lowest point. Even better than sleep, suicide again took over my thoughts. Everything was way out of control. I could only lose so much control before I started to feel like there was nothing left. I was so far out of it there was no use being there. I wanted to die. Mum and dad were there, why couldn’t I be with them? I was in total despair. I’d hit the wall and there was no way that I could see to get through that wall.

I’d been in this tomb for at least 20, probably up to 24 hours now. I’d hit that wall over and over again. Up till now I had managed to get through the barrier. Keep going. Hit the wall. Keep going. Hit the wall. My body felt like a battering ram. But finally I had started to warm up. The polar fleece was drying out a little and this gave me a new reason to keep going. The fleece only made me warmer than absolutely freezing though. I was still wet. The water continued to flow through intermittently. It was around zero degrees and I still only had my pyjama pants on my bottom half.

This caused the most excruciating pain in my groin. My feet were getting colder. My head was uncovered and you lose a lot of heat from your head. I couldn't sleep while in pain though. Even if I tried I couldn’t fall asleep. I still had that sharp rock in my back. I was scared I was going to black out if the pain got too much and then I would become unconscious. If I lapsed into unconsciousness I would die. I knew about hypothermia; I knew that my body would give up the fight if I became unconscious.

I really started to wonder just how long it was going to take and whether I had the internal strength to get through it. Doubt again crept into my mind. Could I physically survive this cold? The agony was excruciating. I was slowly, but surely, freezing to death— what made it all the more frightening was that I knew it.

 

 


	5. A Voice From the Rubble

Levi

"Look, it's possible for someone to have survived. If they were in their beds, wrapped up or not injured or traumatised by the slide, it is possible they could still be alive" Levi was telling his team. There was hope. There had to be. "The cold could be helping them by slowing down their body’s metabolism and heart rate, meaning that they  would need less oxygen than normal".

What Levi hadn't mentioned was how the  cold was a doubled-edged sword. While hypothermia could protect someone against trauma it could also kill them. The risk of ‘crush syndrome’— where damaged muscles release toxins into the bloodstream, causing kidney failure— was great. 

 

It seemed to be one hurdle after another for the rescuers; if their hands weren’t tied by the precarious nature of the site they had to deal with other problems. In the early hours of the morning they had finally managed to dam and seal a diesel leak from one of many tanks in the rubble. Then work was once again forced to a halt as a boulder the size of a small truck, and poised on the upper section of the site, was seen to shift. If it came down it could crush dozens of rescuers working down lower.

By now there were hundreds of emergency workers on site— police, fire brigade personnel, ambulance staff and Emergency Services members. Levi saw the news as well with headlines screaming ‘No Hope’, ‘We have no sign of life’, ‘No heartbeat from icy ruins’ and ‘Buried’. Despite the brave and determined faces of the rescuers hope was fast dwindling of finding anyone alive. Twenty-four hours after the disaster only one body had been recovered.

The landslide site continued to be a hive of activity, the 4.5-metre boulder that had halted work was secured with slings. Parts of the road were cleared, allowing a crane to drag a vehicle out. A lot of the families were now in Shiganshina. The names of those affected by the landslide were made public after a report finalized the missing people. 54 names made that list.

For every relative and rescuer it was the waiting, the not knowing and the now steadily climbing death toll that was gnawing at them.

 

Eren POV

 

Feelings of frustration and anger returned every time the rescuers deserted the site. I heard the sirens go off. I knew they weren’t blowing them because they were having a big party. I feared the sirens sounding and the rescuers leaving me. I wondered how long my internal strength could last. Could I go on? But I also had an amazing determination to live. I swung between two, totally opposite, ends of the spectrum. At one end I was racked by great doubt, great fear, and at the other end I experienced a strange calmness and a feeling that I could conquer anything. I was fluctuating between the two, back and forth like a pendulum until in the end something told me, ‘We can get through this’.

I still kept thinking others in the building would have survived; I felt I had to get out and see all the others. I thought they must have all been airlifted, otherwise why the hell was it taking so long? I knew the rescuers wouldn’t just be hanging around worrying about dead people; they would be getting living people out. 

I could hear everything they were doing. I could hear trucks driving around and moving things in and around the site. When they brought the excavators in and started to dig I could tell exactly what they were doing. I could tell if they were going right or going left. I could even hear when they drove the excavator off to refuel. I could recognise the sound of low-loader trucks driving in along the bottom road.

I could hear when they got the mini-excavator down the side because everything started to shake and I thought ‘What the fuck are you doing?’ I could even hear when the excavator lost one of its tracks. I could hear the operator swearing. I could hear conversations. When the rescuers came close I could hear them speaking. And then they would go away again and I’d think ‘Fucking hell, when are you guys going to come?’

Because I could hear so much happening I formulated this plan in my mind about how they were coming to get me. It helped increase my hope. I was constantly reassuring myself that I would be rescued. I started focusing on what was happening and the people I needed to see, Mikasa and Armin and the rescuers.

I figured there were probably at least 20 guys out there trying but I also began asking ‘Why?’ What had happened? Was it a bomb? Was it me? Did I do something on my way in the door that I couldn’t quite remember that had knocked the building down? Crazy ideas went through my head. The day before, I had drilled a hole in the wall to hang a picture— did that cause the building to fall down? Buildings don’t just fall down, especially all the way to the bottom. I was at the bottom so I felt the collapse had to have something to do with me.

I began to believe that perhaps it was just our building that had fallen down because it sounded like so much activity was happening above me. But I couldn’t figure out how. It looked pretty sturdy when I got home. It was a solid brick building, why had it fallen down? But there was no point agonising over it. It was down and that was it. What was important now was solving the problem of getting out. So there I was cold, but very much alive, waiting for the rescuers to reach me. And then silence returned above me. I thought the rescuers had finished and were now deserting me. Again I collapsed into depression, plagued with self-doubt, fear and terror.

I was really, really scared of talking to my mum. I had this terrifying fear that she would reply. I became truly terrified that she would reply if I spoke to her. So I didn’t. I spoke to her in my mind but I never, ever said anything out loud. My yelling ‘hellooooo’ instead of ‘help’ was also partly because I didn’t want to scare mum into thinking we were in such a dire predicament. Of course, I knew she was dead. My dad as well. I knew that after the first 30 seconds. But my mind started doing funny things to me. I didn’t want to scare myself either. If I had scared myself any more than I already was, what depths could I drive myself to then? There are only so many places you can go within yourself— by now I had been to most of them.

 

 

Levi

 

Given the instability of the site, and the extremely cold weather, the further the fragile rescue operation proceeded the more frustrating it became. Erwin had admitted to Levi the chances of finding anyone alive were ‘infinitesimally small’. The mud and debris were several metres deep— the rescuers faced a mammoth task. As one weary firefighter wandered off his shift, wiping the mud from his eyes, Levi heard him tell reporters: ‘You have to think that there could be someone who just happened to get caught in their sleeping bag, in a pocket, in the right place, one of the lucky ones, that they’ll be the one we find. That’s the main thing that drives you on— the hope that you’re going to find someone alive, that we’re not just here as a body recovery team’.

At about 10.30 on Friday morning a hush descended on the village. From across the valley a crowd of solemn onlookers gasped as a lone firefighter gingerly made his way to the heart of the disaster site. Tethered to his colleagues, he inched his way across the debris to an Audi sedan. It still had its parking lights on, as they had been since the landslide occurred. The car was precariously balanced on a precipice at the base of the slide; if it fell its petrol tank could burst into flames, igniting lodges immediately below the site.

The firefighter managed to secure a chain to the car so a crane could later lift it out. Some hours later a crane removed the Audi sedan and another severely damaged car. A one-tonne truck had been dragged clear earlier. This was viewed as a significant achievement and boosted the spirits of the rescuers.

The magnitude of this job was like nothing they had ever encountered. It was vital that the relatives and friends were kept up to date with information and that any questions or suggestions they had were acted upon where possible. Regular briefings were scheduled to bring them up to date. During these briefings, experts such as doctors, engineers, geologists, media officers, the rescue command and those involved in the overall running of the operation were made available. During one of the first meetings Erwin made his position clear: ‘I’m the punching bag— be as gentle as you can’.

He maintained a theory that it was always best to be open in passing on information to the relatives. Erwin was also the one given the heart-wrenching task of informing the relatives when the bodies of their loved ones were found and identified. 

Briefing the media on the task ahead, Levi could tell that Erwin could no longer hide his own disappointment when he spoke "The reason for the frustration that everyone has felt is that this damn slip . . . we could not get in, people could not get in with any safety, or any degree of safety, for either their own lives or perhaps people who were still alive within the rubble". 

Movement of another large boulder, held in place by only a tree, once again brought work to a halt. Two backhoes, six thermal imaging cameras, two seismic listening devices, diamond-tipped chainsaws and flexi search cameras all became idle until the boulder could be secured.

Across the valley from the site a large media contingent had grown to a small army. Footage of the rescue efforts was being beamed live around the world from trucks carrying satellite equipment. News broadcasts and current affairs shows were being presented live from Shiganshina. Many locals felt their privacy was being invaded. A number of reporters and photographers tried to sneak through the police cordons, only to be turned back. There were reports some had even disguised themselves in SES uniforms.

As the daunting task of clearing the rubble continued, the danger of further slippage increased. But the emergency workers doggedly carried on pulling debris from what had been two lodges— battered books, photo albums depicting the smiling faces of the victims, clothes, some still on their hangers, and bedding were just some of the items being recovered.

Each piece was tenderly passed up the human chain to be carefully put aside for future identification and slowly a mountain of personal belongings piled up. Touching the lives of the victims made Levi's and everybody else jobs all the harder. It just added to the emotional drain. Pulling people’s happy snaps off walls, or finding someone’s wallet. 

Almost two days had passed when the road into Shiganshina District was finally reopened to traffic. It was decided Shiganshina had to reopen; it couldn’t close out the world and hide in its own misery. The sun set, heralding another freezing night. It was Friday night, normally a night of partying after a hard week’s skiing or studying. There was no partying that night; there was no cheer as once again the temperature plunged below zero.

A 24-hour kitchen had been set up and staffed by people from all walks of life in the town. Truckloads of supplies were donated by the people of the region. There was no shortage of volunteers to cook up the thousands of meals that were needed each day. One delivery of mince meat from a local butcher inspired a ‘cook off’ as five locals prepared their own prized bolognese sauces. No one won— it all tasted good to the weary rescuers.

Levi was now working longer shifts with shorter breaks, though weary, despondent and emotionally drained, he ploughed on, centimetre by centimetre, into the heart of the slide. But for many the grim search was becoming all too much, finding body after body with no sign of life.

Psychologists and counsellors were on hand for those who needed them. What made this trauma all the more unusual was that instead of being a single sudden incident this was going on for days. Most, including Levi, were coping reasonably well, running on adrenaline to overcome the negativity of the situation they were in. What worried counsellors was that when the adrenaline wore off they would come crashing down to earth.

Despite there being no sign of life there was still hope. The lower side of the site was an absolute mess and most of the rescuers by now felt there was no way anyone could survive down there. But up at the top of the site they would occasionally come across voids in the rubble, voids that could sustain life. It provided fresh hope. With darkness came the now familiar arc floodlights casting their long and haunting shadows over the rubble.

 

Eren POV

 

There was a really sharp pain in my back. A rock had been stuck in my back since the beginning. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get that rock out. Every half hour I tried to shift a little because the pain was so excruciating from that damned rock. The pain ran the whole way along my back. That rock caused me such intense pain but actually, in a lot of ways, helped me survive— because of the pain it caused I couldn’t go to sleep and run the risk of losing consciousness.

I’d dig down, dig around with my hand underneath my back, I could feel it. I couldn’t move it and I was thinking, ‘Fucking hell, why the hell can’t I move this rock?’ I would dig around it with my fingernails. Sometimes I thought I’d moved it but no, it was still there. Eventually I reached out and felt something flat above my chest. Maybe it was a picture or something, it was relatively large, flat and smooth.

With a bit of effort I was able to dislodge it and manoeuvre it under me so I wasn’t lying in mud. It finally put an end to that infuriating rock that had hurt so much. It was such a relief. It also felt good to not be lying in mud . . . but that didn’t last long. As soon as the water started flowing again I was covered with mud. Although I was exhausted I managed to find enough strength to start wiggling my toes again. My urine only provided very temporary relief. It warmed them for a split second and that was the end of that. Every time I needed to go to the toilet I just went. The urine was pretty good actually— it was sterile and nice and warm. Because of the cold I was urinating a lot, considering I hadn’t drunk anything. I was losing a lot of fluid.

I had no idea if it was day or night. The pitch blackness was overwhelming. I was so hungry, so thirsty. I began feeling that this wasn’t happening. It was some horrible nightmare. When would I wake up? Surely this couldn’t go on much longer. But I was wide awake. Although I craved sleep, something in my mind held me back from the brink. Even though I was awake I sometimes felt my mind was resting, preparing itself for the next hurdle that would present itself.

I guessed I had been there for about 40 hours. I felt that my subconscious had taken control: ‘I’m going to keep the vital organs going. I’m going to keep you alive and keep the body ticking over because we don’t want to spend any more energy’. It felt like my mind had moved to another level. Moved away so it could observe me from a distance. The cold was sapping my energy so much there was no way I could see myself going on.

That was when my subconscious took over and basically shut down my body into a sort of hibernation. I was no longer wiggling my feet, I was no longer moving, I was just lying there waiting— or maybe I was simply starting to die. My mind started to produce hallucinations and really wild dreams to keep me going. I’d lapse into them temporarily then bounce back to reality.

What scared me most was that some of these hallucinations and dreams were about attempting to take my life. What was going on? One minute I was running the show, determined to survive, the next I wanted to die. I was so confused—‘ Do I want to live? Do I want to die?’ I swung from one end of the spectrum to the other, there was no control. But I couldn’t do it. Physically it would have been almost impossible to take my life. It was an option I’d had at the beginning— I could have drowned myself then easily.

So many hours later there weren’t many options left. I had no other means to kill myself than to try to hyperventilate to death. I knew that hyperventilation could cause unconsciousness, and I thought that if I lapsed into unconsciousness the cold would take me and that would be the end. At least I would be out of this tomb.

I tried ten or 12 times, sucking in gasps of putrid air, but I didn’t even get dizzy, never even passed out. All it did was charge my body with oxygen, and therefore intensify the pain and actually make the whole fucking situation worse. I was so committed to ending it there and then. The pain was by now unbearably agonising; it was all over my body but especially in my groin. It was like my testicles had been placed in a metal vice screwed up as tight as possible. Do that for three seconds and feel the agony . . . try doing it for 30 hours . . . that’s the depths. It made me sick to my stomach. I was unable to cope with the pain anymore.

I may as well have been dead. I was lying dead still. I had no more strength. I couldn’t wiggle my toes. I couldn’t hold my arms over my torso. If the water had come again I know I was just going to let it take me, there would have been nothing I could have done, I just didn’t have any more strength to fight.

My imagination was going wild. Switching from reality to a bizarre world of dreams. In my few lucid moments I had recollections of Mum rubbing my feet to make them warm when I was a little kid at the bottom of one of the ski lifts in Shiganshina. Why wasn’t she here now— she’d make my feet feel better. I was seriously concerned about losing my feet. My whole body was racked with pain; it seemed to emanate from my feet, creep up my legs, attack my groin and spread through my torso to my brain.

To block it out I concentrated on people. It was comforting thinking of Mikasa and Armin. Everything I’d ever done before came together in my subconscious. No single incident stood out, it was more like a montage of memories— Mum, dad, Mikasa, Armin, bushwalking, skiing, rock climbing, travelling. There was no clear-cut transition from one dream to the next. They blended in, they were all intertwined. I would come out of these dreams when my head hit the roof. I was still in the same spot, nothing had changed. I was cold again. I would look around and see only darkness, hear the water still trickling and hear the rescuers and the saws. Nothing had changed and then off I would go again into another dream.

When I wasn’t dreaming I was still calling out. I was trying, really trying. I had that metal pipe and with the little strength I had left I tapped on the metal bars of the bedhead and tried to make noise. Everything was blurry. What was reality? Was I yelling in my dreams or was I yelling in the real world? I couldn’t tell. I knew it was dangerous to be so close to deep sleep, but there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn’t stop myself going off into dreamland. It was as though my mind was producing these dreams as a kind of stimulus, to keep itself alert and awake in case something happened that I physically had to be there for.

When it went quiet I too stopped making a racket, thinking they had once again left the site. Maybe if I had just kept tapping during those quiet times . . . I started to have dreams of a desert scene and real warmth. 

And then I would smack my head on the concrete slab above me and come back to reality. I would find I had moved a little bit. I would have changed position. I’d stay in the real world for a split second before going back to dreaming. It was during a dream that I finally heard a voice.

It was a voice and it was really close. My mind had kept me just aware enough to respond and I did with every ounce of strength I had left.

 

 

Levi

 

Levi could see the stress was not only starting to show on the rescuers. The residents of Shiganshina were angry. Angry that they had lost friends and loved ones, angry that the rescue operation was taking so long, angry that their mountain paradise had been invaded by not only terror but the glare of the media’s— and the world’s— attention. 

On the surface rescuers too were becoming delirious— deliriously frustrated by the instability of the site. Levi just wanted to get in there, rip the debris apart and rescue people, but he knew he couldn’t. The rescuers were having some success cutting through the massive concrete slabs with diamond-tipped circular saws. But even that did little to ease Levi's frustration. He could only think ‘The slab that we are going to uncover will only uncover another fucking slab’.

Every piece of equipment had now been deployed in the rescue effort. All had failed . . . there was no sign of life.

But just about every rescuer maintained hope that if there was life under the rubble it would be found— somehow. The trapped person locator was being used regularly. When this piece of equipment was employed the site became deathly still; everyone silent as the operator tried to pick up something, anything.

Several times a night utter silence would descend on the town as the rescuers put down their tools, lay down and pressed their ears to the cold concrete, praying they would hear a murmur, the rustle of clothing, a groan . . . anything. For a spectator it appeared eerily strange— it looked like they were taking a rest.

It had been a long, fruitless night for Levi and everyone in Shiganshina. It was now some 50 hours since the landslide. The stars shone in the sky as the temperature once again plummeted to minus nine degrees Celsius. The cold had hampered the recovery work; water used to cool the motors of the chainsaws froze, making them inoperable without the use of anti-freeze.

The confirmed death toll so far stood at 18. Twelve bodies had been recovered; rescuers knew the whereabouts of six others but hadn’t been able to free them. To Levi's team it had brought a bizarre mixture of joy and sorrow. If they didn’t recover a body during a shift they would become despondent, feeling as though they weren’t doing their jobs properly.

Alternatively, if they discovered bodies they finished their shifts feeling as though they had accomplished something. Erwin and Levi both started to see the effect the mounting body count was having— rescuers excited that they were finding bodies began wondering whether there was something wrong with them because of their feelings of accomplishment.

Levi had left his team to Eld and joined Gunther at 11.00 pm, Friday night. The pair had spent their shift dangling like puppets, secured by harnesses and safety lines from up above. They were busy cutting through the larger concrete slabs so that a crane perched on the road could lift the pieces out. Still no one was allowed on the centre of the slide— all they could do was attack it from the sides.

It was now Saturday, 5.37am and the pair was in the south-eastern corner edging towards the heart of the slide, just above an area that was to become known as the ‘A frame’ because of the shape of the fallen concrete slabs. They were clearing rubble on the edge of one slab, beneath was an abyss. The noise was almost deafening on the site— chainsaws working in one area, diamond-tipped saws in another, excavators digging, cranes lifting and people shouting instructions.

Levi stopped frozen and yelled at Gunther ‘I’ve fucking heard something!’

‘What the fuck are you talking about?’ Gunther screamed back.

‘Something unusual,’ came Levi’s tense reply.

‘Go with it’ Gunther yelled back.

Levi didn’t know what he’d heard; didn’t know if it was a voice, but it was something. He screamed to a man nearby ‘Turn off the fucking chainsaw’.

Sensing the urgency in his voice just about every rescuer on the mountain turned to where Levi and Gunther had been working. Carefully lowering himself further down Levi lay on the edge of the slab and looked over into the abyss.

‘I’m going to look a fucking idiot here if I’m wrong,’ he thought. Like just about everyone else on the site Gunther at first thought this was yet another frustrating false alarm. But he screamed for silence on the site and listened as Levi called out again . . .

Levi still wasn’t sure what he’d heard. The rubble was a network of conduits and there were people all over the site so he shouted again: ‘Quiet on the fucking site’. This time it brought dead silence.

The adrenaline was racing through his blood at that moment. He shouted: ‘Rescue party working overhead, can . . . you . . . hear . . . me?’

A faint ‘can . . . you . . . hear’ came from somewhere beneath him. The clarity of the voice amazed the young paramedic. Although he could tell it was some distance away in the tangled mess of twisted concrete and debris, it was strong, unquavering.

 

Eren POV

I was in the middle of the dream when I snapped out of it. A voice! A voice! I don’t know if that voice had pierced my dream or I was already in the real world, but from the moment I heard it I was back for good . . . no more dreams. I had been here for what seemed an eternity. Though nothing had changed and I was still in the same situation as I’d been in all along at last I’d had voice contact with another human being.

I thought I heard ‘Rescue party above. Can you hear me?’ I screamed, ‘Yes. Can you hear me?’ Then he repeated exactly the same thing again: ‘Rescue party above. Can you hear me?’ I yelled, ‘Yes, I’m down here’. Maybe he thought my first response was his voice echoing. When I first heard the voice I heard his commanding tone ringing out and calling for an area quiet.

But this time, when I shouted ‘I’m down here’ he called for a site quiet.

I knew he had heard me.

At last, after a lifetime in this concrete tomb, I had human contact.

I really believe that I was almost at the end. I couldn’t feel my feet or legs. I just don’t know how much longer I could have lasted. But this man’s voice gave me another chance at life and from somewhere I mustered more energy. I don’t know where I got it from but it was there. The first human voice contact after being on my own for so long— was fucking unbelievable, just a fucking unbelievable feeling.

 

 


	6. Touch And Go

Levi

 

Levi was on top of the world. Tears actually welled in his eyes. After so long- after so much death- here was someone alive.

Petra immediately rushes up to Erwin and breathlessly told him someone had been found. Levi had found someone alive. 

"What's your name?" Levi called down trying to control the emotion in his voice.

"Eren Yeager"

"What's your condition, Eren?"

"I'm OK".

The elation was short lived for Levi... though one life had been saved he knew another might be lost.

"Is there anyone with you?"

"My parents but they're gone".

"OK, hang on, Eren, we're not going to get you out in two minutes but we are coming for you" Levi called down.

 

News of a voice from the rubble spread like wildfire through Shiganshina. The media were in a flap, the mood of the rescuers was buoyant. Levi, Gunther and a few others were now digging down into the rubble and frantically trying to organise a human chain to hand rubble back. Erwin was about to start his shift; they would soon have to take over the rescue operation.

Before that however Erwin spoke to the media "A miracle has occurred and signs of life have been detected". Their prayers had been answered; they wanted 54 miracles but at least they had one.

 

Mikasa

 

The past 40 hours had been the worst of her entire life. She had said goodbye to her brother and parents and joined her friends to celebrate the holidays. Late that night they had all frozen in place as an explosion of sound cracked through the town. Something terrible had happened, Mikasa could feel it.

She had run, with Armin right behind her, towards the noise- and the devastation waiting for her had rocked her to the core. Her home, her brothers home, was completely gone. There was nothing there but darkness and debris. She stood stunned not being able to comprehend what had happened. This is not happening, she thought desperately.

Her mum. Her dad. Eren.

They were all inside.

They were all trapped.

She hadn't screamed or cried but stood motionless at the scene. No, she thought, they were fine. They are strong. If anyone can make it through it's the three of them.

But they hadn't. It was about 40 hours later and she was still in a hotel room. Family not allowed to help with recovery. Armin sat with her holding her hand for comfort. They had been sitting on the floor by the wall in silence for hours. They had barely eaten or moved. They got reports every 6 hours or so from a nice young woman named Petra but it was never anything good. No news about her family. Nothing.

She had no idea if they were alive or dead.

She knew now that about 24 people were found dead. It was less than half of the victims after almost 2 days. And still nothing on her loved ones.

She began to wish she had gone home early with them- at least that way they could all be together. Whether that meant alive or dead. She couldn't lose another family. This was the only one she wanted.

Early in the morning there was a tap at their door. It wasn't Petra but another middle aged woman. 

"Mikasa Yeager?" she asked politely. Mikasa's head snapped up, this was it. The moment her world ended. But as she faced the woman she saw her smiling. 'That's a cruel thing to do when telling me this' was the first thought through her mind but then it started to process.

"I'm going to need you to come with me" she said warmly. Mikasa jumped up and with Armin's hand still clutched painfully in hers they followed the woman out.

As they entered the command centre their firefighter friend Thomas bounded over to them, smiling broadly "They found Eren, Mika! He's alive and he's OK".

Mikasa dropped. Her entire body caving in on itself and falling to the floor. Huge sobs flooded the room as Mikasa's emotions broke through and she finally cried for her lost brother. They had him. Eren was OK.

Thomas gently picked Mikasa up and together they moved to a more private room where a man name Erwin repeated what Thomas had said. They'd found Eren but it was going to take them three maybe four hours to cut through a concrete slab to get to him.

Mikasa didn't ask. Didn't want to know. But the question hung over the room anyway; what had happened to her parents?

 

Eren POV 

 

I couldn't believe he couldn't hear me very well. I could hear him so clearly. And he could only just barely hear me.

My world was a mixture of reality and dreamland. This guy had heard me with his human ear and I probably wasn't yelling that loud- I didn't have the strength to. In my confused state I wondered if I'd even been yelling. Maybe I had just been whispering.

How did I hear his voice in my dreamland state? I was phasing in and out. I was on my last legs, I was going and I just happened to hear him and in that split second I yelled at the top of my lungs. I knew I was yelling and he could barely hear me. I could hear him as if her were right there with me, talking to me. Crystal clear. 

'This is bizarre. Why can't you fucking hear me? I'm right here!' I thought savagely.

I'm sure that if he had not responded when I called back the second time I probably would have given up. It was my last chance, he was my last chance, I doubt I'd get another.

I know my mind would have just shut off and said 'See you later. We're out of this'.

 

Levi

 

Levi knew his joy was contagious. He was never one for being too emotional but this fucking situation had him. He had found someone, surely they could find another and another and another. No one was going to give up until the very last victim had been located. Levi knew he would oversee this very delicate extrication, he would stay until Eren Yeager was brought out- dead or alive.

Levi and Gunther unclipped their harnesses and jumped down into the crevasse and began dragging out rubble and debris. The rest of their team soon joined them. Together they dug down and cleared a trench. Within two minutes two human chains of 60 people had been formed. One to take full buckets of debris away, the other to bring them back empty.

Although the voice was clear they couldn't determine exactly where Eren was. So they just kept tunnelling down. With each piece of rubble removed the got closer and closer, the voice so much clearer.

At one stage they heard Eren mumbling. Fearing he was losing it they worked even more feverishly until they could quite clearly hear him humming to himself.

Levi yelled out "Eren, are you OK?"

'Oh yeah, I'm fine" was Eren's reply.

"OK, just checking" Levi called back tensely. He knew now that they had found someone alive the problem would be keeping him alive. People on the mountain were being drawn to the area the voice had been heard. Everyone wanted to help. But that created a really dangerous situation. With the site still unstable, if a mass of people got on top it would collapse.

Levi made sure that there was a perimeter of officers to help control things. They needed to monitor the safety of those working in the vicinity of where Eren's voice had been heard. Levi needed to keep Eren alive at all costs. It would be devastating after all this time, to get so close and then lose the fight. Levi couldn't tell just how far down Eren was trapped; he suspected Eren was at least several metres down but it was impossible to determine how long the rescue would take. 

Early estimates suggested Eren would be free by 8:00 am, but that quickly blew out. 

With the initial euphoria of that first contact subsiding, now came the difficult task of extricating this miracle man. It wasn't going to be easy. It was going to take time. In the first place no one was really sure of his condition. Levi new the possibilities were endless- hypothermia, crush injuries, spinal injuries, broken bones, internal injuries- anything was a possibility.

Levi was realistic. He knew the odds and they weren't good. His training told him Eren was obviously going to be hypothermic. The danger was that if Eren began to move around, got excited, or was handled roughly by the rescuers he could suffer a heart attack and die- just as other hypothermic patients have been known to die shortly after rescue. Levi knew that Eren's kidneys and liver were going to be failing to function properly. While Eren's body remained still he was relatively safe, but if he moved suddenly toxins could flood through his system, possibly resulting in death.

Though Levi still had no real idea of Eren's location he did know that he was in some sort of cavity and oxygen wasn't a problem. They weren't sure how long it would take to get him out but a helicopter was put on standby for immediate evacuation to a nearby hospital. Levi's team began to be convinced they were only a few metres away from their trapped miracle. 

They thought the operation would be over quickly- they'd clear away the rubble and have him out... they were incredibly wrong.

 

Eren POV

 

I knew I had been almost at the end, both of this ordeal and my life. It's very hard to tell exactly but I felt like I probably only had a few hours left in me. I know I would have lost my feet past that. I wasn't even sure if I still had them because I had lost all feeling below my waist.

While I had been given another chance memories of my mum dying flooded back to me. Like the water that had taken her life the memories were drowning me. Mum's screams of 'Eren, Eren, Eren'. Was surviving really that wonderful? I just wished I had my parents there next to me... alive. So we could all be pulled out of this hell together. We'd gone from being peacefully asleep and safe in our beds- to this.

My sole aim was to stay alive a little longer so I could get out and talk to Mikasa- I needed to tell her what happened to tear our lives apart. I wanted her to know the truth; I didn't want her living alone with only theory and supposition.

From the moment I heard his voice I was back. I was alert... alert as I've ever been. I suspected my feet were gone, I had basically given up on them. I was so happy to be rescued and I was sure they would have me out in a few hours. But my mind again turned to my parents. How I wished they were there next to me. How I wished they could share this moment. How I just wished they could here my saviours voice too.

Up above they were in full-on rescue mode. I just lay there. They said they were going to try and get a camera and a little microphone down to me so they could hear me better. I could still hear them fine, no problem. From their voices I knew this wasn't going to take long. I'd be out of my cold, muddy tomb at last.

 

Levi

 

Levi's team could all hear Eren's voice but were confused as to where it was coming from as it was being filtered through layers of rubble. Slowly they dug through the mud, rubble and debris towards his voice creating a tunnel between the concrete slab they believed Eren was lying on, and the slab above it. They were using a search-cam (an extendible arm with a flexible head with a camera, light and microphone on the end). Using a television monitor they adopted a system where Levi would talk to Eren for a short time and then the others would dig a little further. The probe meant Eren wouldn't have to yell and drain what little energy he had left.

Levi could hear the excitement in the other rescuers' voices and knew it could be dangerous especially for Eren and cause a heart attack. Mentally, it was also too dangerous for him to get too excited. Levi knew that soon he would be able to start communicating with Eren to assess his medical condition. He knew that his contact with Eren was established and it was vital to maintain it, build up a rapport and trust.

Levi wouldn't leave until the job of rescuing Eren was finished. He knew Erwin and Pixis would try and take over and pull him out. He wished them good fucking luck.

As the rescuers dug deeper, the space between the slab they were lying on and the one above their heads got smaller and smaller, it was down to about 30 centimetres. At 9:00 am- about 3 and a half hours after Eren's calls for help were heard- Levi realised he wasn't lying on the same slab as Eren at all. His voice was being filtered and vibrating through the debris and was being carried from somewhere beneath them, through a crack in the concrete.

It momentarily deflated their excitement- this was going to be a lot more difficult than any of them had realised.

 

Eren POV

 

He said his name was Levi.

He was a paramedic.

He promised he was going to get me out.

Levi kept asking "Can you see any light? Can you see any light?'. No, I couldn't see any light. Through the cracks I could hear them frantically working. Again Levi called "Can you see any light?". I still couldn't. More digging.

Then there it was- just out of the corner of my eye I saw a light up behind me.

In case I was injured Levi told me not to move. He said "Don't move towards the light, we'll get the light to you. Can you see any light?"

"Yeah! Yes, I can see the light!" I called back as I slowly slid towards it. I moved myself about a metre and a half and found myself in a bigger cavity. I had about 30 centimetres above where I was used to three.

I stopped when the light was shining right in the middle of my forehead. Levi asked 'Where's the light now?'

"It's shining right in the middle of my forehead" I said.

"You didn't move did you?" came Levi's worried voice.

"Only a little bit" I lied.

When that light hit my forehead it seemed to give me new hope. Seeing that light and hearing Levi's voice reinforced everything I had ever believed in. My faith in the rescuers had been proven correct.

I thought it would take maybe half an hour at most and I would be free and clear. That belief had kept me going the whole way along and Levi's voice and that amazing light made reality sink in a little more. I knew I was going to get out but my parents wouldn't. I would be rescued- but at what cost?

 

Levi

 

Levi heard Eren shout "I can see the light". Levi glanced around the cavity and wondered what he had moved to allow Eren to see the little light that had filled the void they had dug. It was then that he realised they were lying on the concrete slab directly above the entombed survivor; they were actually lying on his roof- the light shining through a crack in the slab.

"I can see the light", Eren yelled again "I'm going to reach up and touch it".

Levi was wearing mud-covered gloves but flung them off as he saw Eren's fingers, blue from the cold, appear through the crack. He wanted to have Eren feel human flesh. He grabbed Eren's fingertips- they were icy cold... trembling. They seemed to draw the warmth from his body. He needed to get this hole bigger and he needed a torch.

 

Eren POV

 

I didn't want to let go. Levi said he couldn't believe how cold my fingers were. Apart from dead people he had never, ever felt hands that cold. And I thought I was feeling great. I held onto his nice warm hand and just wouldn't let go. I probably hung on for about a minute, until he said they had to make the hole bigger so they could get a camera and microphone down to me.

I had to let go of his hand.

It frightened me because somewhere in my mind I felt it may be the last human contact I would ever have.

Levi was soon able to pass a torch down to me and I could finally look around to see if I could see my parents. I couldn't see them, and that put a few doubts in my mind. Were they really there? Had they got up and wandered off somewhere else while I had been dreaming? There were so many possibilities as to where I could have moved or what I could have done. I knew they were dead and buried under the mud but the facts just wouldn't stick.

So, I held onto the promise I had made my parents and myself. I would get out and see Mikasa and tell her what happened.

 

Levi

 

Levi had known the risks in giving Eren a torch. It had allowed him to see his tomb and regain some control of his life but it also enabled him to see just how much trouble he was in. But in Levi's mind the benefits outweighed the negatives; it could mean the difference between getting him out alive or not. Levi realised that the rescue was going to take much, much longer than he initially anticipated. 

He had to leave Eren and back out of the tunnel to explain the situation to his team, careful not to speak to loudly in case Eren could hear them. It would not be news this tired, cold man wanted to hear. They needed a more accurate idea of Eren's environment. The surface team had set up a miniature closed-circuit television with a flexible cable attached to it. They gave it to Levi and he scrambled back down the hole and passed it through the crack.

Although it provided no audio Levi was close enough to be able to speak to, and hear, Eren clearly though the crack, and he could watch him on the monitor. Levi asked Eren to move it around as best he could. Eren immediately put the camera on his own dirty face.

"Hi, I'm Eren Yeager. How're you doing?"

It brought a smile to Levi's face. Here was this young man who had been through so much terror, suffering and pain asking how _he_ was feeling! Levi was lying on his back with the monitor on his chest, watching Eren. He was blown away that Eren still had a sense of humour and that in their brief exchange of word's he was able to hear a tone in Eren's voice that showed an inner strength, an ability, to survive.

Levi had to keep yelling at Eren not to move but he could tell Eren was moving anyway. He didn't blame him either, it was the first time he was seeing his surroundings.

Levi was happy to note the torch hadn't broken Eren's mental resolve but he could tell Eren was getting excited. Levi knew he had to start talking his patient through it and he would monitor Eren, medically and mentally. Everyone else would now concentrate on getting him out while it was Levi's job to keep him alive.

"Hey, Eren, it's Levi again. How're you feeling?"

"I'm OK" Eren called back.

"Listen, everyone's out here. I promise this is going to happen but it's not going to happen quick" Levi figure that Eren was on a high after hearing everyone so close to him and was probably expecting a quick rescue. Eren was obviously going to be frustrated with the fact that he had been able to hear the rescuers but not make himself heard. He needed to assess Eren and reassurance was the key.

"We're definitely getting you out of here but it's going to take time. I just need you to stick with me" Levi said comfortingly, Eren needed to trust him and for that they needed honesty.

"I'm going to be your pacer... you're obviously very fit, you know about hypothermia, you know what you should and shouldn't do. What I'm going to do is I'm going to sit right up here and pace you. I'm going to be your trainer. All you have to do is listen to me and I'll get you out".

"OK, Levi" Eren called out his voice firm and confident. Their trust was building.

They started up a system- five minutes on, 20 minutes off. For five minutes Levi could speak with Eren, while at the same time assessing his medical condition. For the next 20 minutes the others would dig... and dig... and dig. Gunther and Olou advised and provided vital communications for Levi. Because he didn't want Eren to hear, he would whisper his reports to them and they would leave and radio them back to base.

Sometimes Levi and his team could hear Eren babbling nonsense. But it didn't matter- their aim was just to keep him talking but not concentrate to hard on what he was saying because it would use up energy.

 

 

Eren POV

 

They thought I couldn't hear, but I could. They were talking to each other discussing what they were going to do and then I heard one of them say: "We're really going to have a hell of a lot of trouble getting this guy out".

My heart sank- after all this I wasn't going to make it! 

At first I didn't want to say anything but finally I cracked and called out to Levi: "Tell them I can fucking hear them!"

That put an end to that.

It slowed the whole thing down because everytime they were concerned about something or had to shore something up they had to all go out of the tunnel, away from where I was. I had set the ground rules. slowly I began guiding my rescuers towards me. A woman named Hange had joined them and was trying to get a better idea of my exact location. It was almost impossible.

I couldn't tell north from south so eventually Levi reached through the cavity with a pen. He kept asking me what it was pointing at, how far away it was and how deep the cavity was. From my information Levi said they were able to calculate fairly accurately where I was in relation to the crack, which direction I was lying in and where I was in relation to the access tunnel they had dug.

They were getting closer. I would be out soon.

 

 


	7. Emotional Rollercoaster

Levi

 

They faced obstacle after obstacle. The room they were digging through was clearly a bedroom; there were cupboards, drawers, a bed, sofa, a television. Each and every item had to be cut through. Gunther was lying on the slab above Eren and was using a hacksaw to cut through some concrete reinforcing when the blade broke.

"Fuck" Gunther cursed.

Levi glared at Gunther and then at all the other workers "From now on no negativity. Everything has to be positive" he whispered. If Levi were in Eren's position he knew he wouldn't want to hear anything negative.

The site was still as unpredictable as it had ever been. Two and a half hours after Levi first made contact with Eren there was another significant landslip at the top of the site, forcing another evacuation. The alarms went off and Eld grabbed Levi by the back of his shirt "We're out" he shouted. He was dragged back up and out of the tunnel. He was furious; there was no way he was going to desert Eren now that a lifeline had been established.

He could just imagine Eren lying there, waiting for the water to rush over him again or the cave to come crashing in on top of him. He stalked over to Erwin and yelled.

"Eren is going to die unless I'm down there. I'm going back. I'm going down. I'm prepared to take that risk if you give me a skeleton team".

Levi knew he was breaking all the rules, breaking the discipline that had governed them so far on the site but he was a paramedic, he had experience and he knew he needed to be there with Eren the entire time. Up until now dozens of people had been involved in getting Eren out but Erwin agreed to the skeleton team. They organised for Petra and Gunther to act as safety monitors who would watch for any sign of movements while Levi was in the tunnel talking to Eren.

He rushed back and scrambled through the tunnel finally getting close to Eren again.

"Sorry, Eren, we had a bit of battery trouble out here".

Levi knew that Eren was well aware what the sirens meant- he would know the procedure.

"Don't fucking lie to me, Levi" Eren called out, Levi could hear the relief though at the conversation. 

"Alright, we had a slide but there wasn't much too it. Everyone's out here working to get you out" Levi said only hoping Eren would believe him. He picked up a discarded shovel and started banging it on the rocks trying to give the impression there were still people out here.

"Levi, stop fucking around. I know there's no one up there" Eren said "I know they were called off. Don't worry, we'll just stay here and wait".

Levi sighed amazed at Eren's calmness "OK. Not a problem".

 

Eren POV

 

Levi had been found out. But that was OK, he didn't apologise or anything like that, he just went straight onto the next thing. It set up our ground rules for the day for how we dealt with each other- there was no bullshit between us.

I was thinking hour to hour. The doubts were creeping back in. Big doubts. 'What the hell is taking so long?' Maybe that rescuer was right, maybe I didn't have a hope of getting out. 

The noise and the dust were terrifying. Everything was shaking and vibrating. It was starting to feel like on of the most terrifying parts of this whole ordeal. I still had blind faith in them. In Levi. They were going to get me out because they were professionals and that is what they are here to do, but I did start to wonder what the fuck was going on. 

Physically I felt like I was ready to just get up and walk out. I started asking for food. I wanted water, a cheeseburger. That's how good I felt. I tried to tell them there was nothing wrong with me.

But mentally I wasn't jumping up and down, cheering. I never felt ecstatic or felt any real happiness about being rescued. It was a relief, definitely- but because there was so much loss there I couldn't feel any real happiness. There were plenty of tears at this stage... but they weren't tears of joy.

 

 

Levi

 

My team had to change. They had worked way past their shift. Levi knew how much they wanted to see this through- they had helped find Eren, they needed to finish the job. But, reluctantly, they emerged from the tunnel and Levi briefed the new team on Eren's location. They drew rough sketches and suggested access points into Eren's tomb. Levi had earlier been able to calculate that Eren's feet were near where the rescuers had made their initial opening when they first heard his voice- beneath where the rest of the team were working.

Erwin had come to help and decided that if they made a manhole in the concrete where they were standing on they would be around 60 centimetres from Eren's feet. They figured once the concrete was cut they would be able to clear enough rubble away to slide Eren down about 180 centimetres, sit him up and lift him out.

Levi soon decided that the crack which led him to Eren was not big enough, so with a small sledgehammer and chisel he enlarged the hole considerably. Next thing he saw was Eren's entire hand, blue with cold, sticking through the crack. Levi shone the torch down to try and get a look.

"Can you put the torch on your face?" Eren whispered.

Levi shone the beam on his own face.

Eren's voice was cracking as he said "I didn't think I'd get to see another person's face again".

 

 

Eren POV

 

His face was stunning. Not at all what you'd picture in a rescue paramedic. Young, probably only a bit older than himself, he had fine features and dark grey eyes. But the look on his face was classic- 'I'm going to save the world'. I was so elated to see that face, any face really, but Levi's left a mark on my heart. He had found me, his voice was the first I heard, his hand the first I touched and now his face the first I saw.

"Eren, It's going to take a bit more time. You're not in the best position but you've got the best working on this. We'll take care of you and I promise we'll get you out".

I looked at his face and believed him. They were going to get me out. 

Levi soon extended a tube carrying warm air. It was the first bit of real warmth I had gotten since the slide. I put it down the front of my jacket. Nice, hot air billowed over me. Then Levi passed down oxygen and goggles so that all the dust and stuff wouldn't get in my eyes. Levi said they were digging two holes to get in- and fuck did it sound like it. 

Everything was shaking and vibrating- I began to worry so much activity would bring everything down on top of me.

 

Levi

 

Levi knew that the mere fact that there was hope could spell disaster for his patient. As Eren breathed, his oxygen bag crackled enabling Levi to count Eren's respirations. He'd also managed to get a probe onto one of Eren's fingers with which he could read his pulse rate. Twice in those early stages Levi thought he had lost Eren; his heart rate leapt and his breathing became heavy and rapid. A few times he heard him moan and start to cry.

About 6 hours into their rescue Levi heard Eren call out to him .

"Levi? I've got some stuff I need to talk about; I don't know whether you're up for it. It's nothing good".

Levi knew what was coming "Anything Eren, whatever you need".

"It's my parents. They're dead. I've got to tell you how they died; I can't lie here anymore holding onto this- it's tearing me apart".

Eren started blurting out things, everything he could remember about his mum and dad- how they were dead and how they died. He had opened his heart to Levi- a man he didn't even know. It was the first chance he'd had to speak about it to another person- and it really drove home to what had happened. It got really, really emotional. He had to talk to somebody. He had just gone on for so long. He had to talk.

Levi knew it would be good for Eren to get all of it off his chest. He was still in shock and in full-on survival mode but he had started to cope- mentally trying to deal with it all.

Nothing prepared Levi for that conversation though. His head dropped as Eren's voice filled his head and he started talking about his battle to save him mum's life. In that moment, Levi made a promise to Eren that their conversation would always stay just between them.

It was the moment a bond was formed; a bond on which a life depended.

After the warm air the next hurdle for Levi was to get Eren some nourishment but without knowing the extent of his injuries it could prove fatal. Levi began work on concocting Eren's first meal in days- a balanced electrolyte and nutrient solution. Levi inserted the tube through the crack, reached down and felt Eren's mouth with his fingers and fed the tube in. Up above another paramedic manually pumped the solution down through the tube.

 

Eren POV

 

Because I'd complained so much about wanting something to eat and drink, Levi gave me this horrible liquid- two mouthfuls every 20 minutes. It tasted awful but I figured if they were feeding me I must be OK. Levi was monitoring my pulse and respiration so he could tell that whenever the rescuers started working, my pulse and respiration doubled. When the rescuers took a break they returned to normal. When it was quiet time with Levi I was fine but when they started working, I panicked.

Levi kept on saying "Try and stay calm". He had this ability to keep me balanced just with the tone of his voice.

Levi and I solved most of the world's problems in our discussions. We had a few intellectual debates on things- just to fill in the time. He was doing whatever he could to keep my mind off the situation I was in. I knew he was holding stuff back about the rescue but I had a blind faith in him- I somehow knew that Levi was going to take care of me... he was going to ensure my rescue.

So, if he had to go and do something for a few minutes, that was OK- I could cope. As long as he was being honest, which he always was since that initial occasion, everything would be OK. I knew why he had lied- if I had been in his shoes I would have done the same.

The scariest times were the 20 minutes when people were working, when I didn't get to talk to Levi. I'm lying there and these people are furiously working, everything's shaking, everything's moving. The biggest loudest noise I've ever heard. I was breathing like crazy. I was going through a lot of oxygen bottles. It was a lot more terrifying than the breaks prompted by the sirens.

I was an emotional wreck- thoughts kept creeping up like "I don't want to have to tell Mikasa what happened, it'll be too painful" and then I would bounce back and think "Mikasa is up there, waiting for me. Armin too" and "I can't wait to get out" to "This whole thing is shit because mum and dad are gone". I was so up and down the whole day. It was really testing me.

After their initial doubts the rescuers had become so positive about the rescue that it was contagious. But I did wonder how sincere they were.

What really were my chances?

 

Levi

 

Levi was soon able to determine that while two slabs covered the upper part of Eren's body there was only one above his feet. The decided that a top-down approach was the most promising and in that the rescue team abandoned the tunnel to continue digging from above. They made a pumpkin cut through the single slab covering Eren's feet- it was critical to make the cut just to Eren's right otherwise they could seriously injure him.

First they had to drill a hole to allow the circular saw access- then they could cut out a plug of concrete in much the same way you cut the top from a pumpkin.  Inserting a second search cam through the hole revealed what appeared to be loose rubble near Eren's feet. They planned to make the pumpkin cut, clear out the rubble, gently slide him down to where the rubble had been, sit him upright and pull him headfirst out of the hole.

But like everything else in this rescue mission it wasn't going smoothly. A mattress partially covered the area the team was trying to dig through so they could begin making the pumpkin cut. It posed an interesting predicament- how do you cut through a steel spring mattress? First the material and padding had to be cut away and then using a small bolt cutter each spring had to be individually cut. Because all the springs were connected it took over an hour to get through it.

They were getting closer and Levi could hear the crackling of the oxygen bag speed up. He knew Eren was becoming more and more anxious he closer they got- his breathing quickened, his pulse rate sped up. Levi climbed over to the rescuers and ordered a shut down of digging. He felt it important to constantly update Eren what stage they were at, constantly urging him to relax, assure him everything was safe. 

Levi became Eren's eyes above ground, painting word pictures of the mountains. It was such a contrast- here he was surrounded by death and disaster but if he stuck his head up and looked across the valley it was a clear blue day with snow covering the top of the range, sun shining, it was so picturesque. At first, Levi thought describing the mountains would only frustrate Eren more, but they were clearly something he loved and gave him something to look forward too.

Once they completed the pumpkin cut they hit another hurdle. Directly beneath was the back of Eren's lounge; it to was difficult to cut through. It took an hour of hammers and chisels but finally they cut it out of the way. Despite his assurances to Eren, Levi was worried, he knew the risks of a long extrication- Eren's positivity and faith in Levi would only go so far. Levi had seen it before when people were trapped and were fine until the moment of rescue when they deteriorated quickly and died.

Erwin pulled Levi aside and together they discussed options; they had a few ace cards they could play. Levi had his cellphone; if he felt Eren slipping he would use it to let Eren speak to his sister... but only when the time was right. Levi knew that once that conversation took place Eren could let himself go but from Eren's sisters perspective if he died and she hadn't spoken to him it could be disastrous.

Levi was ready for Eren's highs and lows; when he was down he tried to lighten the mood by talking about Eren's plans to travel and see the world- all the mountains he wanted to climb. Anything to make him feel a little better. Levi believed that Eren knew how much trouble he was in- he wasn't an idiot.

At one stage Levi was down in the hole the rescuers had cut, reaching out to clear some rubble away his hand brushed something soft and frigid- he had just laid his hand on Eren's foot. It was unbelievably cold. Seeing Eren's feet his fears were confirmed. They were frostbitten. There was evidence of hypothermia and it was impossible to tell just how much other damage had been done.

The partially cleared cavity gave Levi enough space to wriggle up alongside Eren's freezing body. Gunther passed over a piece of webbing, similar to a car seat belt, which he carefully wrapped around Eren's waist. With Levi gently dragging on the waist strap, Eren began to squirm his way down, centimetre by centimetre, until his feet were visible in the manhole. Levi stopped him there. This was not going to be rushed.

Eren was now only minutes away from being extricated.

 

Eren POV

 

At the 11 hour mark Levi tried to put an IV in my foot- he couldn't find a vein because my feet were just too cold. Eventually Levi just had to make a cut near my foot to put the IV in- it took 20 minutes. There was no blood as they cut. Nothing. They spent the next half an hour re-hydrating my body in preparation for what was ahead.

"You're doing really good, Eren" Levi said calmly to him "We're going to do this two inches at a time".

"Come on, please just get me out of here" I replied desperately. I was at my limit. I needed out.

"We're nearly there I promise. Just relax, everything is going fine" Levi said.

He became adamant that I wasn't to move because he was sure the toxins in my blood would spread. He came down to lie next to me and told me they were going to drag me out slowly, place a harness on me and lift me up. Out of the hole. And down flat onto a rescue board.

 

Levi

 

Now they had established an escape route Levi felt more positive. The only thing worrying him was the medical side. He knew this was the most dangerous part of the whole operation- when Eren's body position changed from lying down to sitting up.

The rescue board was put in place and with Levi lying right alongside Eren he began helping him wiggle his way down towards the hole, the rescuers helping him as much as they could. Centimetre by centimetre he was manoeuvred into the clear area beneath the manhole. It was as though everyone on the site and around the nation collectively held their breath. Those on the surface gradually saw Eren Yeager- first his feet, then his ankles, legs, waist, chest, neck and finally, his face.

"Thank god you got me out in daylight" Eren whispered to Levi "I never thought I'd see daylight again".

No one could forget the look on his face as the daylight hit it. For Eren the temptation was too great, he lifted his head, trying to get himself out. Levi reacted quickly, placing his hand on Eren's forehead.

"Not yet. Remember this is all about pace" Levi whispered.

Levi was more concerned than ever about Eren's physical condition- this could be it.

 

Eren POV

 

It was a moment of complete euphoria- to see the sky.

Levi had been promising it all day long.

He said the sky was blue... he was right... it was fantastic.

The only thing that disappointed me was I didn't get to see anything else because they had to keep me flat.

I struggle to lift my head so I could get a look.

 

 

Levi

 

The joy on Eren's face was indescribable- Levi could only liken it to someone showing him the world.

"Eren, stop" Levi warned as Eren tried to raise his head.

By now Levi's voice had become crucial to Eren's comfort zone. Yet again Levi was able to talk his patient down.

"Eren, it's time for you to relax, think about something really nice, but just stay there. Calm yourself right down" Levi said softly.

Immediately Eren's heart rate dropped, his breathing slowed. Levi was amazed at the level of control Eren had over his body, that he could calm himself so quickly- he'd not seen many patients like it.

Levi finally got a good look at Eren's face. He looked so well- his face was tanned and a lot younger in daylight, his bright green eyes reflected the blue sky and his brown hair almost looked as if he'd brushed it for the cameras. He appeared so calm and in control. Eren was looking around with his eyes staring at the rescuers.

"What a bunch of ugly bastards" Eren declared and Levi could not believe his ears.

It blew everyone away. Each and every rescuer there was trained to handle grief- none of them expected Eren Yeager- trapped for some 65 hours- to come out with his spirits soaring.

Levi had done everything in his ability to stabilise Eren; he hoped Eren's fitness would do the rest. But fitness was only half- Eren's will power was the other vital element; and by now Levi had seen enough that he knew Eren had incredible strength.

Now was the critical moment. Within minutes Eren could have a heart attack and the battle would be lost. Now it was time for the cellphone.

A line to his sister was quickly established. There was barely a murmur from the site- they all knew how crucial the next few seconds would be.

There was total silence on the hillside as Levi placed the phone next to Eren's ear.

"Eren? Eren, how are you going?" came Mikasa's clear voice on the other end.

"Mika... I'm just happy to be out" Eren replied happily.

"Hang in there Eren, we'll see you soon" Mikasa said.

"Yeah, Mika, I'll be with you".

Eren was crying, his eyes brimming over with tears. Levi was surprised at how short the conversation was. Levi thought perhaps neither Eren nor his sister wanted to dwell... they just wanted all of this to be over.

"OK, Eren, here we go. I need you not to struggle, don't push, don't pull, don't do anything, just let us lift you out. Let us do everything and you just relax. When I get you out and on this board I need you to just lie there and breath. Just relax" Levi commanded and Eren nodded gently.

This was it.

Carefully Levi wrapped another piece of webbing around Eren's chest. It, and the waist strap, would be used as a makeshift harness, which the rescuers would grab to help lift him out of the hole.

They were ready. Hands went under his arms, others grabbed onto the tape, and the rescuers began to gently lift Eren's upper body. As they sat him up the rescue board was put into position behind him; with his back resting against it they gave one final heave and hoisted his entire body onto it. Now lying flat, but almost vertical, they whisked him out of the manhole and onto a stretcher.

At 5:17 pm, Saturday- more than 64 hours after the landslide- Eren Yeager emerged from his concrete cocoon. It had taken almost 12 hours.

As they passed him out of the hole Levi tracked Eren's vital signs on the monitor- everything was stable. Everything was going to be fine.

A human chain formed to carry Eren to a waiting ambulance; loud applause and cheers echoed across the valley.

"Eren, hear that, that's the whole fucking world cheering you on" Levi said.

Hand to hand they passed Eren's stretcher up the hillside. When they reached the ambulance Levi cleared away the crowd, bent over Eren and whispered: "Lift your head up and look over there, I told you you'd see them again".

Eren looked over Levi's shoulder... there, in all their majestic beauty, were the mountains he loved so much.

 

Eren

 

As they passed me up that human chain I saw the faces of so many of the rescuers... they were all smiling.

It was just unbelievable. I will never, ever forget this moment.

At that moment I forgot about absolutely everything else that had happened except the fact that I had survived.

I'd made it out alive.

 


	8. The Only One

Eren POV

 

Was this another dream? No, life couldn't be that cruel. Or could it?

As they passed me up the line, hand-to-hand, all I heard were cheers and voices saying 'Well done'. But what had I done? I'd just survived.

Mikasa and Armin were waiting at the top. I couldn't say anything to them, the words wouldn't come. I couldn't tell them what had happened. They came up to the back of the ambulance as I was being pushed in and one of them, Armin I think, asked me how I was. I couldn't answer but I gave him a small smile to let him know I was alright.

It had been such a hell, a living hell. I had a feeling of 'I'm out of here, I've finally made it out of here'. It was complete euphoria. As soon as they pulled me through that hole I was back. But in the back of the ambulance I started to fade- I had come to the end. There was nothing left. The tank was empty. I was totally out of energy. I lost my sense of reality a little as I began to get warm. 

Having been awake for 65 hours my body felt it was about time I went to sleep.

 

Mikasa

 

Unlike most of the nation Mikasa and Armin refused to watch any television coverage of the event. The first they knew that Eren was out was the roar of the spectators. Within seconds a policeman rushed into the apartment, where they had spent the day waiting for just this piece of news.

"They're putting him into the ambulance. You'd better come up" he said.

The two of them almost ran up the steep hillside, reaching the top just as the paramedics were wheeling Eren into the back of the ambulance. Mikasa leaned across the stretcher and kissed her brother on the cheek. She couldn't believe her eyes, Eren looked so good. He looked so physically well.

"See you soon" she said. After everything they had been through in the last 65 hours Mikasa finally felt a tremendous sense of relief. Her dread had grown as each body was removed from the site. She had been told of their condition and she had always feared that Eren, despite being alive, could have suffered horrendous injuries.

"Thank God" Armin whispered, tears finally escaping.

Despite the obvious relief that Eren had made it out alive it was tempered by the knowledge that her parents had not. All she wanted was official confirmation- for someone to tell her that her parents had died.

 

 

Eren POV

 

I was lying there, sleep was gnawing at me and my mind turned to Mikasa. What she must have been going through. The only reason I had come out was to speak to her and it crossed my mind that I hadn't. I hadn't been able to tell her mum and dad were dead. I wanted to speak to her so much, tell her it had been quick. That had been my mission. I had to concentrate on the people closest to me now.

Before I knew it they were wheeling me out of the ambulance and into Shiganshina Medical Centre. There were doctors and nurses rushing about, they'd been awaiting my arrival.

I was pretty much out of it but I soon came back to life when the medical team started getting to work, causing me intense pain. All I could think about was the pain. Why are these people causing me all this pain? I hadn't had a pain killer. I hadn't had anything. They inserted a catheter in my penis and tubes in my nose, and it seemed like I underwent every test know to man. There were about eight doctors rushing around.

They told me they were just prepping me for the helicopter ride to Trost Hospital. It was a bigger facility and much more prepared to care for me. The local doctor was there asking me about my feet.

"They're fine" I said "It's the rest of me that hurts".

I had needle after needle. Things in the heart, the head, the leg. It was unbelievable. I still had mud and urine all over me. I desperately needed a wash. Eventually a nurse came over and cleaned me up a little. I started to feel a bit human again.

A doctor was near my head at this point.

"Eren, do you want anything?" he asked.

"Just give me some fucking painkillers" I replied. All the doctors turned around and looked at me.

I could sense Mikasa and Armin were nearby... all I wanted was to be with them. It seemed liked forever before they were allowed in to see me. I just wanted to wake up and discover this had all been a nightmare.

 

Mikasa

 

Mikasa walked into the room first, Armin trailing after her, their hands were still clutched together for support. Mikasa walked right up to Eren and tried to hug him through all the tubes, she settled on kissing his forehead.

"Mum and dad are dead" Eren said quietly "they drowned".

"I know" Mikasa said softly. They only had a couple of minutes, so much else was going on around them and before they knew it they were being ushered out.

"But you're here" Armin said gently. It was brief. No one knew what to say... there was nothing to say.

"We'll see you in Trost" Armin said and gently patted Eren's shoulder before leaving.

"Where's Levi?" I asked suddenly, looking around at the nurses. "Why isn't he here?"

 

Levi

 

Levi had watched the ambulance drive off towards the medical centre. He felt a need to still be with Eren and followed on foot. But by the time he arrived there the emergency room was so hectic he didn't want to interfere and waited outside.

He waited until he heard news Eren was finally being moved so he left as well. He walked back to his car and just drove. Away from the site, away from Shiganshina, and towards Eren Yeager.

 

Eren

 

I thought maybe Levi would have stayed on the site. 'Job done' sort of thing. He'd finished his job with me and had delivered me to the doctors- that's where we say goodbye and shake hands- that's the end of it. But I wanted him to be there. He was such a crucial part of my life and my rescue. But he didn't come.

When I got in the air ambulance I tried to sleep, but it was too noisy. By that time it was dark. I couldn't see anything. I was in a neckbrace and feeling very uncomfortable with all of the tubes running into me.

As we touched down in Trost I could hear the sound of car horns heralding our arrival. The doctor told me a large crowd and media contingent were waiting. With an oxygen mask, a neck brace and nearing exhaustion I was in no state to face the media.

"I'm going to pretend I'm asleep, please just take me straight through them" I whispered to the doctor. He nodded and wheeled me straight through as questions flew and cameras flashed, right into the back of a waiting ambulance to take me to the emergency ward.

There was a lot of whiteness and bright light. I expected the emergency room to be full of people but it was completely empty. A very lonely feeling swept over me. I wasn't with anyone from Shiganshina. No Mikasa or Armin. No Levi. It was unbelievably frightening. I had been feeling so good when I came out of the rubble and now I was in so much pain. Maybe there  _was_ something wrong with me.

My feet were finally starting to warm up taking me to new levels of pain. It was excruciating, the throbbing ache racked my entire body. I'd already had so many needles and then they put in more IVs. I still hadn't been properly washed and even though they cut my clothes off I smelled pretty bad.

By this stage I had been awake for 67 hours; all I wanted to do was curl up and go to sleep. I was in an environment that was all white and bright- there was so much pain and loneliness that sleep seemed impossible.

A doctor approached me and said calmly "We're worried that your temperature is fluctuating so much, we're going to need to put a thermometer down your oesophagus".

I already had a tube going down my oesophagus! And they wanted to put another one in with a thermometer. No fucking way.

"If you come anywhere near me, put anything else in my nose, another tube anywhere close, I'm going to kill you" I growled.

The doctors reeled backwards.

"I'm serious. I'll get up and I'll kill you".

They decided to wait half an hour. And sure enough, within that time my temperature stabilised... he didn't have to put any more tubes in me and I didn't have to kill him.

Mikasa and Armin arrived soon after I did; they only had time for a quick hello as the doctors wanted to run more tests.

The test took another three hours and I had to stay awake the whole time. I had to have every part of my body x-rayed, and then all the blood tests they had done in Shiganshina had to be redone.

I had felt so fit coming out of the rubble. Maybe it had just been endorphins because I had felt great. But from the moment they got me into the medical centre I felt nothing but pain. The 65 hour ordeal and then what the medical team had done to me, I was fed up with everything- I just wanted to get the fuck out.

I began hassling them to take the tubes out- they were so fucking uncomfortable. 

"I'm sorry, Eren, they need to stay in. They're monitoring your body for signs of internal injuries" a doctor tried to explain. I didn't care- I wanted them out.

I was in a real daze when I finally reached the intensive care unit, I had painkillers by now- I could press a button and give myself as much intravenous painkillers as I wanted. Another doctor arrived.

"We're very concerned about your feet, I'm not sure your toes can recover" he said professionally. Neither of my feet looked too good. I knew when I came out of the hole my left leg from my calf down was completely black and my right foot from the ankle down was also black.

"If the skin was shiny you would be in trouble but it's dull so we have some hope" the doctor said.

They decided to put my feet into hot water in an effort to bring them back to life... and I thought I had already been through some intense pain. Frozen feet into what felt like boiling water. I screamed for them to stop. Instantly my feet swelled up to the size of footballs. Apart from some toes my feet went from black to pink in seconds. The blood just came straight back. As soon as that happened, even though my toes were still black, the doctors said they should all be OK.

They placed my feet back in the hot water for 20 minutes, took them out for 20 minutes and then back in for the next two hours. The painkillers helped but no painkiller in the world could take away the agony of placing my feet in that hot water. I just kept pushing the button on the IV painkiller. Even though there was a limit to how much I could have in an hour, it helped to press the button, it let me regain some control over what was happening.

The first real warmth I got arrived in the intensive care unit. A nurse brought in a big container of warm water and cleaned me up properly, she was the same nurse who gave me the painkillers so I thought she was pretty amazing. I started to think that everyone else who had been rescued was going through the same thing I was, so I shouldn't complain too much.

It was 2:00 am in the morning before I finally got some sleep- after 72 hours of being awake. It was more of a drug-induced haze than real sleep. The pain was so intense, I woke up about three hours later.

That morning a nurse came and took me for my first shower. It was perfect. My feet were still balloons so there was no way I could walk but she just rolled a wheelchair over and took me in that. Finally I could wash the 65 hours of caked-on mud out of my hair. They finally removed the catheter as well.

I had cuts everywhere and they worried about infection, so they made sure they were thoroughly cleaned. The pain of the cuts was nothing compared to my feet. The pain in them now was like a big, rusty nail being driven into my foot every 10 seconds, over and over again. I worried about it too much to think of much else.

I was dealing with only what I could handle. What's going on? When do I get to eat? The reality of what had happened and my emotions really didn't enter my mind much. It was so hard to be emotional while in so much physical pain.  I did start getting really angry with my feet; I was abusing them. I wasn't to happy with my feet.  They moved me to my own room later and it gave me a chance to remember what happened to mum and dad. Reality was setting in.

Mikasa and Arming visited as soon as they were allowed and they didn't leave unless forced. I told them everything that had happened, from beginning to end. I was able to hold myself together as I told them how mum had died in my arms. The emotion raged through me but I was still pretty doped up which probably helped me hold it together. I would be half way through a sentence and then go quiet, 30 seconds where I relived it all over again, and then I tried to pick up where I left off.

The doctors told me my tests came back clean and I could finally eat. I only got a small meal of porridge and as I tried to eat it my throat felt like it was constricting. I only managed to get a couple of swallows in before I felt sick. After being so hungry for hours suddenly food held no interest.

I had to report to the police as well. It was an hour long interview where I had to relive everything over again; it was unbelievably hard. No one would tell me what was going on either, no information on what had happened or where the other survivors were. Nothing. They asked me how many people were in the building, did I speak to them, did I notice any cracks in the building? I was scared; I had never been interviewed by police in my life. They weren't rude but very professional.

I figured they were going around interviewing everyone and I was just adding pieces to the puzzle. I thought it was strange when they showed me a map and asked me to point out where everyone lived but I answered anyway. They also asked about mum and dad and I had to relive that over again too.

I was starting to get nervous; I knew everyone in my building. Had they all made it out? I thought maybe someone had died as the police weren't saying anything; I didn't ask though I didn't really want to know.

Mikasa became unbelievably protective over who entered my room. The pain was so bad I couldn't sleep but she tried to give me time where I could at least rest. The media were in a frenzy trying to get and interview but Mikasa and I strongly objected. I was not prepared for that. She would deliver statements saying that I was 'still alive, stable and doing well'. I couldn't understand why there was so much interest in me.

On Sunday I was finally alone. I turned on the TV and every channel was still on Shiganshina. It was then I realised the devastation of the site. I thought I was the last one out. The site should be clear by now, right?

"Mikasa!" I called out and she rushed in. "Did everyone get out?" I asked and she looked away, tears in her eyes. "Mika, did they get everyone out?"

"No, they didn't but their still searching" Mikasa answered. 

"Did I do something special, Mika? Was I just the last one out? Is that why they're focusing on me?" I asked hopefully. "Where's everybody else? Can I go see them?"

Mikasa looked me in the eyes and almost whispered, "There is no one else".

"What do you mean there's no one else" I started to panic.

"They haven't found anyone else alive" she said quietly.

It hit me like a sledgehammer- I had never felt more alone in my whole life. No...one...else. We were both silent as the reality set in. What could I say? I looked down and just sat there. It was like someone put something through my heart. With no one else to share this with how could I cope? I was alone again, just like when I was buried under the rubble. I sat there by myself thinking 'this can't be right'.

***

Levi still didn't visit. I took my first steps again a week later; compression bandages around my feet- a nurse on one side and Mikasa on the other. It was excruciating to put my feet on the ground as the blood ran straight to them. 

He still didn't come when the team who found me showed up. I was introduced properly to everyone who was involved in my rescue and I was finally able to say thank you. I couldn't bring myself to ask about all the people or the site. I focused entirely on trying to be positive for the people in my room. They had all spent 8 days putting their lives on the line to get me out and trying to save the others. I didn't know what to say to them. I don't think I ever will.

The IV painkillers were finally gone and I started to take them orally which I thought was pretty good. The drugs had started to rule me; I would wake up every four hours to take them. Now I could start to ween myself off. I wanted off them as soon as possible because even though I was in agony, once my mind shut down I could sleep for 8 hours.

Levi still hadn't visited by the time I signed my release papers. But my release proved another issue- Mikasa and I had nowhere to go. Our home was gone. We had no home. We had nothing. She had been staying in a hotel when she wasn't with me but now we had to leave and we didn't have a plan. I couldn't go back to Shiganshina yet and Mika refused too as well but Armin solved our problems. 

"My grandfather said you're staying with us here" he said. I smiled, I loved his grandfather. We packed up everything and Mikasa wheeled me out of my room. I had the chance to say goodbye to all of my nurses and doctors who had cared for me but we had no idea how to leave the hospital. Somehow the media had been told of my release and were packed around the hospital trying to get a look. 

Armin's grandfather backed up his van with a mattress and pillows in the back to a rear entrance and with help from two nurses I got in the back of the van and laid down. My feet had to be elevated and I had to be lying down, I was still so exhausted that this was the only option we could come up with. It only took 40 minutes to reach the Alert's house and then I was being helped out and inside. I had the spare room and Mikasa had the couch but I couldn't bare to sleep alone.

I called for Mikasa and she immediately came in to my room and curled up into bed with me. I didn't want to be left alone- I needed to feel the warmth of another human.

The next three days were spent hobbling around the house, seeing pictures of my family everywhere- we had known the Alert's a long time and I broke down crying everytime I saw a picture of mum or dad. My walls were down in this house I'd know for so long- I couldn't be strong or positive anymore, Mikasa was usually the one who found me staring at a photo and crying, she would sit next to me and hold me and cry just as hard.

At the end of each day I would sit in the shower and just bawl my eyes out- this was just way, way beyond the strength I had. I couldn't deal with it. It was too much- my life had been changed forever. I missed my parents every day, every night, every single hour- I just wanted them next to me.

I hadn't done any interviews yet and the media had become very insistent so I caved. It was set up that I would go on Trost live news for an official interview- Mikasa would be with me so I wouldn't be alone- but I would have to go over everything again. We organised it so it would take place in our house so I could feel a little more comfortable.

The camera's were rolling and I was sitting on a lounge with Mikasa next to me- her hand in mine- as the interviewer asked questions.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm OK, my feet hurt a lot but otherwise I'm doing OK" I replied, I couldn't get into my parents or I knew I would start crying again.

"Can you tell us what happened? Can you tell us what it was like? How are you recovering?" The questions kept coming over and over and I answered each one as well as I could. Mika stayed silent beside me but she lended me her strength.

"We have another guest with us today" the interviewer said after awhile and I turned to her, hoping it was who I wanted to see. I had no way of getting in touch with Levi and honestly I had been so broken this last week he was only rarely on my mind. "The man who first heard Eren's voice, Levi Ackerman".

I looked around and there he was, walking over to me. I stood up and went to him, hugging him tightly. This was who I needed to see. 

"Levi, how are you?" I asked detaching myself from him to look at his face... well, down at his face. Levi was actually pretty short. 

He snorted out a laugh and said "I'm good, how are the feet?"

"Getting there" I said, my whole outlook had turned positive again purely because Levi was back. "You didn't visit?" I blurted out.

Levi scratched his head nervously, his hair was clean now and shaved in an undercut- it was a very good look for him. "I didn't want to intrude- I know you have things to work out".

I smiled, slowly understanding Levi a little more. Levi had given me time- time to rest and come to terms with what had happened. "Thankyou" I whispered.

After that it was like no time had passed- the interviewer was trying to get the emotional angle of our reunion but Levi and I were just happy to see each other. We just sat down and started talking as if we had known each other our whole lives. He knew me back to front from the 11 and a half hours that day, so it was just like a close friend coming around to see me.

The cameras filmed all of it- Levi walking in, us hugging and sitting down to talk, but about 20 minutes later Levi just stood up and declared we were taking a break. I think he saw that I was struggling in front of the cameras and he wanted to know if I was really coping. We walked into my bedroom and I broke down.

"Are you alright?" Levi asked "I know this must be so hard".

"I'm OK, I'll be fine" I assured him. "I'm coping. My sister helps a lot. I tried to mentally prepare myself for this but I don't think I can do it".

"If you don't want to I'll walk out there right now and tell them it's over" Levi said already standing up.

"No, no. It's OK- I'll be fine" I said, I took a few more deep breaths and wiped my face with a tissue and then with Levi behind me we headed back out. We got back into it but only until Levi thought I'd had enough again and he would just stand up and walk me out. He definitely wasn't being the easiest to deal with as far as the media was concerned. But for me he was perfect, his compassion for me, his concern for me, was the utmost. Before he arrived Mikasa had been trying to run everything but now he was here, Levi took control.

 

Levi

 

Levi was worried about Eren, he was putting on a brave face but Levi could see the cracks. This interview was too hard. He kept getting up after 20 minutes or so to just pull Eren out of the room with him so he could breathe or break down if he needed too.  Finally the media left and Levi was alone with Eren. Mikasa had left with Armin to do some grocery shopping and Armin's grandfather was out visiting a friend.

"Do you want some tea?" Eren asked, his voice was calmer now they were alone. It was easy between them, like the had known each other their whole lives. It was comfortable and familiar and Levi was so happy he had decided to show up. It had been a hard week for him- torn between needing to see Eren and needing to give his friend space and time to process.

"Yes, please" Levi replied and watched as Eren hobbled into the kitchen and put the kettle on. Levi would have offered to do it but he knew it wouldn't have done any good- Eren was too stubborn.

"Can we sit at the table? I can't be on that lounge anymore" Eren called from the kitchen and Levi stood up and walked towards him, swiftly sitting down in the wooden chair. The tea was done and they sat in peaceful silence in the kitchen, just sipping their tea.

"I didn't think you were going to make it out of that hole" Levi admitted quietly and Eren peeked up to look at him.

Eren sighed. "A big part of me didn't think so either. Another smaller part didn't want too" Eren whispered.

"I thought so" Levi said honestly, "I'm glad you did though".

"Me too" Eren said and smiled a little "It hurts all the time but my sister is worth it and I think I am worth it too".

"I think you are worth the hurt. I don't think it will ever get better, but it'll get easier. I know how strong you are" Levi said steadily.

"Thankyou, Levi. I'm so happy it was you who found me" Eren replied and gave him that smile that was so rare these days. They sat and sipped tea in peace, just happy to finally spend some time together.

"We should go away for awhile" Levi said suddenly and he saw Eren smile genuinely.

"Can we go to the beach? I haven't been to the beach in years" Eren answered his voice happy and light.

"My uncle actually owns a house on the beach, I'm sure he'd let us stay" Levi answered lightly. It was a spur of the moment idea but it felt right. Eren needed to get away from everything for awhile to just disappear and find some peace. Levi knew he was busy, that he had a thoroughly demanding job, but he didn't quite feel like his job with Eren was over and knew that for Eren, he would find some time.

They still had a lot to talk about- things that happened over that 65 hours- for both Levi and Eren. They would have the chance to talk if they wanted to or a chance to not say anything and forget it happened for awhile. Levi and Eren were both falling in love with the idea.

"When can we go?" Eren asked impatiently.

Levi chuckled and thought about his next few weeks of work "I'm clear this weekend actually".

"Really?!" Eren gasped his mouth open and his eyes bright, there was joy and happiness there again and Levi knew he would do anything to keep it there. 

"We'll have to take it really easy with your feet plus it's still pretty cold so no swimming" Levi said nervously but that happiness didn't leave Eren's face.

"Fine, anything. I'll do whatever you say as long as we get to go" Eren replied ecstatically. Levi was smiling at his friend, Eren was happy and had something to look forward to, and he had made that happen.

"I can pick you up Friday afternoon and we can drive down, spend the weekend and I'll drop you back Sunday night?" Levi offered. 

"That sounds perfect" Eren replied smiling.

 


	9. A Final Goodbye

Eren POV

 

The one thing I still had to face was my parents funeral. I was trying to focus on the future and what was going to happen to me - both mentally and physically. I was constantly dodging the media plus I was still in intense pain most of the time. However, those nails being driven into my feet kept my mind off my grief- it helped to block out the pain for the first little while. 

Armin and his grandfather both helped us to organise what we wanted for them. We needed privacy and absolutely forbade any media presence. This was for us and for our parents. We needed our goodbyes. We decided to have a ceremony at the local church that mum and dad had been a part of and the day before the ceremony I went to say goodbye to them.

I went with Armin- I clutched at his hand and he squeezed mine back tightly. In this moment we were each others lifeline. Mikasa couldn't come- her last memory was of them hugging her goodnight, smiling and walking away together. She never wanted that image destroyed. As we walked in a man met us and led us to where they were lying in a little chapel. I walked up to them and for the first time since that night I saw them. They looked different- time having taken effect, their skin deteriorating and both a lot thinner- but they were still my mum and dad.

They had made mum up beautifully and she was wearing her favourite dress, which a friend had brought over from their home. She looked at peace. But she wasn't the woman I remembered, the one I wanted to see, the one I needed to hug - she wasn't smiling my mum's smile. I reached out and gripped her hand, leaned in and whispered "Love you" and that was it.

The man asked if I needed more time but I honestly just needed to leave. I'd said goodbye. I started crying silently on the way home not being able to stop the tears from falling but I was glad I'd gone. I got to change my final memory of them, I didn't have my mum's blood-curdling scream ringing in my ears anymore, I no longer panicked over my father's silence. I got to see them at peace.

I walked to the bathroom slowly when I got back- I sat on my stool in the shower- so I wouldn't have to stand- and let the warm water run over me and the pain would ease... then the tears came...and came. It felt like I never stopped crying. In the shower I felt warmth- I suppose it felt like someone was hugging me. I constantly needed physical contact- I still couldn't sleep alone. Mikasa had all but moved in to my bed and when she wasn't there I crept into Armin's room and he just lifted the blankets and let me climb in.

The funeral was held the next day and we only invited family and close friends of my parents. It was beautiful- Mika and I had to be strong for them so we tried desperately not to cry. We had decided the day before to hold a memorial service that evening as well for everyone else who wanted to come. It was similar to the private service but this time Mika and I had chosen to get up and speak. The day had started hard and only got harder as it went but it was closure. The final goodbye to two people we had loved so much. Mikasa and I were inseparable all day, hands always clutched in each others, always there to lend the other strength. 

We had decided we needed to talk to say the words that we would regret if we didn't. It had been Mikasa's idea but I told her I needed to go first, I would lose all of my will if I didn't. I still couldn't walk for very long so Mikasa had forced a wheelchair on me for the day, it helped in a way- I didn't have to think about the stabbing pain in my feet but that pain was also not there to distract from the crushing feeling of this moment.

Mika helped me up on the stage, the wheelchair slowly bumping up the few steps onto the little raised platform, and then with a final squeeze she let go of my hand and returned to her seat. I stared around at all of the tear stained faces and took a deep breath.

"Today is the second hardest day of my life" I began my voice wobbling, just make it through this, please "I don't want to do this; no one ever wants to say goodbye to the people they love. Not ever. But it happens every day to everyone. Today is our day."

I met Mika's eyes and sucked in another breath "Everyone here knew my mum and dad, how brilliant and kind they were, and although I wished and prayed for more time I am grateful for what I had. For what time the four of us had. My sister and I are so thankful that you could all be here to say goodbye. We know it's not fair, not for anyone. This day has happened for too many families in the past week and now it's happening for us."

As I looked around the room I stopped on a face. Levi. He had come. I could feel the tears burning my eyes but I wasn't done, I needed to finish "As for me... you might ask how I will remember them... and I'm sorry but I will never have enough words. I will miss them forever and love them for longer." The tears were escaping now and I felt completely empty. I had more to say but I couldn't do it... it was too hard to get the words out.

I felt Mikasa's arms around me, hugging me tight and then she slowly pushed me back down the little steps to where we were seated. She knew I was finished but Mikasa had to speak next. Her steady voice filled the room:

"Today is also the second hardest day of my life. But I am luckier than some, I lost my parents but I got to keep my brother. I know they would have wanted more time with us- to see us grow up and have families of our own. But I will be forever thankful that I got my brother, Eren, back and I know they are thankful too. Today would have been infinitely harder- no, it would have been impossible if he had gone with them". She stopped for a moment to take a breath.

"Most of you know I was adopted but it never felt like it. I was their family and they were mine; I was never made to feel anything but loved and welcome and I want to take this moment to thank them both for everything they have given me. It says so much about the type of people they were- the kind of lives they led and how blessed we were to know them."

I could hear the emotion choking her and I knew she couldn't finish either. We had made speeches thinking we were strong enough to do this- strong enough for goodbye. We weren't. We were barely holding it together.

"I'm sorry..." she whispered and fled the stage. Her eyes full of tears as she walked straight to me, my arms wrapped around hers in turn, not wanting to let go. We sat together, arms laced through each others listening to everyone speak. There were so many kind things to say about them- words of love and of friendship, endless amounts of tears but there was also memories flowing. Good memories and happy stories, a lot which neither Mikasa or I knew and they made us smile. Made us feel like for a moment we had them back. It made us a little happier in the fog. 

The day continued in a blur of sadness. I almost constantly had someone coming to see me and slowly I got better at talking and socializing with them. I had to pretend a lot- pretend I was doing OK, pretend my feet didn't hurt all that much, pretend my parents being gone hadn't ripped a hole straight through my heart. But in a way it helped- I was able to forget, if only for a moment at a time.

As everyone began trickling home, Mikasa and I stood alone together by their grave. Beautiful polished marble that marked where they lay together. I had Mikasa and they would always have each other. 

After awhile Mikasa whispered "I need a drink" and I nodded.

"You go. I want to stay a bit longer" I whispered back. For some reason neither of us thought we could speak any louder here.

"It's OK. I'll stay with you" she answered but I shook my head.

"Mika" I said softly "If you need to go, it's OK. I'll call Armin when I want to leave".

"Alright, Eren. But don't push yourself" she said gently, she hugged me tightly and walked over to where Armin waited.

She left and all of a sudden I was sitting alone in my wheelchair in front of a fresh grave. No, I couldn't be here. It was too much. I was starting to panic. I was alone. I didn't want to be on my own, I couldn't handle it. But Mikasa was already gone. I heard footsteps behind me and turned quickly hoping maybe she had come back- she hadn't but it was someone just as good.

"I can leave if you want to be alone" Levi said softly, his smaller figure making its way towards me.

"No. Please, don't go" I cried extending my hand forward. I needed contact with him. His hand was warm in mine as he gripped it tightly but I needed more. I stood up carefully knowing my feet were going to be in agonising pain after staying off them all day but I needed more contact. I stepped up and threw my arms around him and as soon as he put his arms around me in return what was left of my emotions shattered. My head bent down to lay on his shoulder and I just sobbed; I had tried to be so strong all day but now I was crumbling. I was broken and hurting in so many places. I was tired of being strong.

Levi stayed exactly where he was, whispering comforting words to me and rubbing soothing circles into my back. 

 

 

Levi

 

Levi was overcome with emotions as he held Eren against him. He hadn't seen him break down like this before. Everything before had been calm in comparison. He felt Eren breaking beneath him, felt the pain like it was physically surrounding them. Eren was sobbing on his shoulder, tears soaking through his suit and all he could do was hold him and hope it was enough.

Eren had been through enough. This was too much for anyone, too much to try and bear alone. Levi decided in that moment he would be there for Eren- always be there for him. He would never leave unless Eren himself told him too. The sobs didn't let up for a long time but after awhile they subsided and Levi knew Eren was trying to piece himself back together, trying to find that strength that was always there for him, that always got him through.  

"Can I drive you home?" Levi whispered against Eren's hair.

"Please? I think I need my sister" Eren murmured, his voice shaky.

"Anything. Come on, sit back down" Levi replied nudging Eren back into his chair. Eren wouldn't let go of his hand, though. Levi knew it was the contact he needed, the warmth of another living person but he couldn't help the small flutters at the constant feel of Eren's soft hand on his. Levi pushed him over to his car and helped him into the front seat. He packed up the chair and placed it in the back.

They were silent as they drove. Eren's eyes far away as he stared out of the window. 

"Eren?" Levi called and Eren slowly turned to focus on him "Do you still want to go away for the weekend? We can postpone if you need too".

Eren's face fell as he shook his head "I really want to go. I need away from this place, from everyone for a little bit".

"If you're sure" Levi said but he couldn't help the happiness seeping in. They were still getting away together.

"I'm very sure" Eren confirmed, his eyes drifted back out the window but Levi noticed his face lost a little of the sadness he had been carrying.

 

He dropped Eren at home and into the waiting arms of his sister. They said a quick goodbye- Mikasa even hugged him in thankyou. Whether it was for driving him home or something else entirely he wasn't sure.

He was so busy at work he didn't get another chance to see Eren until Friday when he parked out the front of the Arlert's house and went in to get Eren for their mini holiday. Eren looked a lot better than when he had last seen him. He still didn't look great but he saw a small amount of excitement coming off him at the prospect of leaving for the weekend.

"Levi!" he called and walked over to hug him quickly.

"Sorry I'm late, work was hell. You ready to go?" Levi replied and Eren nodded happily.

Mikasa walked forward with a small duffel bag in her hand "Eren, go get in the car. I want to have a word with Levi". Eren glanced nervously between them but soon walked toward the door and then slowly out to the car. There was silence in the entryway before Mikasa spoke quietly.

"Don't hurt him".

Levi raised an eyebrow, hurting Eren was something he would never do. "I don't plan to" he replied dryly.

"I don't know you that well but I know Eren. He's excited and a lot happier than he has been since that day and I know that has a lot to do with you" Mikasa continued "So, please don't get involved if you don't plan on being around for a long time. I don't think he can handle anyone else leaving".

Levi sighed and placed a gentle hand on Mikasa's shoulder "I don't plan on going anywhere, not until Eren doesn't want me around anymore".

She nodded "Alright then. Take this" she thrust the duffel in his arms and then walked around the corner to grab the wheelchair "and this. He hates it but his feet hurt all the time, so try and get him to use it a little. And take care of him".

Levi swung the duffel over his shoulder and took the chair out to the car. He saw Eren's frown as he noticed what Levi was carrying but he didn't say anything, Levi saw his resolve though and knew it was going to be a fight to get him to use it at all. He opened his door to the drivers side and with a quick wave to Mikasa they left.

The drive started of silent but the further away they drove the more relaxed Eren got. He started to talk more and Levi got a glimpse of what Eren may have been like before the slide.

"Mikasa and I are thinking of transferring to Trost University" Eren said quietly after half an hour of driving. "It's too hard to go back right now".

"You're starting Uni again?" Levi asked curiously.

"Yeah... I mean, I'm not going to be able to ski for awhile. I never really liked uni but everyone thought it best to have a back up plan. Get a business degree and then go for ski instructing" Eren explained.

"Aren't you already a ski instructor, though?" Levi asked and Eren smiled.

"I never was very good at listening to people".

"Are you ready to go back to school?" Levi asked.

"I think so, Mika thinks it's a good idea. Try and get back to normal" Eren answered, "We're transferring on Monday and then classes start Tuesday".

"I think that's great, Eren" Levi replied looking over to smile at his friend.

"I don't know how it's going to go but for now it's a step" Eren said "I do this first and hopefully the next step will be easier".

"Are you planning on staying with your friend?" Levi asked.

"No, I think Mika and I will leave. Armin's transferring as well, he doesn't want to go back without us, so we might try and find a place together or we'll live in the dorms on campus" Eren said steadily. "There are too many memories to stay there for much longer".

"If you need any help just let me know, I'm sure I can clear work for a day to help out" Levi offered making that smile appear on Eren's face.

"And Eren?" Levi said steadily "I know that you'll be back on those mountains soon enough".

"Thanks, Levi" Eren whispered.

The rest of the drive was easy, conversation flowed naturally and the silences were comfortable until they finally arrived late that night. It was a small cottage house on a beach front, it looked homey and warm, they could smell the salt thick in the air. Levi helped Eren out of the car, his feet in agony after not moving them for a few hours, and together they stumbled up to the front door.

Levi found his key and let them in. It was a beautiful place, painted all in creams and soft colours, there were flowers on the table and quilts and blankets piled on a worn but comfortable looking couch. The house led straight out onto a wooden deck that looked out right over the open ocean. Eren was smiling and relaxed, Levi was happy too. This weekend was an excellent idea for them.

He helped Eren sit down on the lounge and returned to the car to grab their bags and Eren's chair. He knew Eren would refuse to use it but he brought it in just in case. He put his own bag in one room and then put Eren's bag in the other. He heard a kettle whistle and wandered out to investigate.

Eren was leaning heavily against the kitchen bench, the kettle shrieking and two cups in front of him.

"Tea?" he asked and Levi nodded, not even bothering to try and chastise him for not resting. 

The tea was consumed, Levi watched as Eren got a little twitchier without reason but they both soon headed off to bed. He couldn't understand why all of a sudden Eren was not relaxed, why the smile had dropped off his face. After saying goodnight and getting changed for bed, he turned his light out and climbed into fresh sheets. It was nice to be back here and especially with Eren. He could finally show Eren a bit of his life.

He was almost asleep when he heard a tap at the door. He sat bolt upright in bed, it could only be one person.

"Eren? Are you OK?" he called out and Eren slowly opened the door, his face red with embarrassment.

"I forgot" Eren whispered.

"What? What did you forget?" Levi asked, freaking out a little.

"I can't sleep alone" was the quietly mumbled reply. Oh fuck, was that all? Levi thought.

"Come over here then" Levi said, lifting the blankets and inviting Eren over.

Eren smiled but his face only seemed to blush deeper as he stumbled over and crawled in; "Mikasa or Armin are always there. I forgot... and then I tried to sleep but it was so lonely. I'm sorry" Eren explained quietly.

"Shh... it's fine. No need to explain, I understand" Levi comforted. They lay facing each other, turned on their sides.

"I don't understand. I've always slept alone but now... I can't do it anymore" Eren sighed tiredly.

"It's alright... just try and get some rest. It's been a long day" Levi soothed and watched as Eren closed his eyes. He waited and watched as the brunette struggled with sleep but eventually his breathing evened out; Levi smiled at Eren's relaxed and carefree face as he slowly fell to sleep as well.

 


	10. A Home Away From Home

Eren POV

 

_I hear a rumbling sound, a growling that was growing louder and louder. It was roaring._

_No, please. Not again!_

_I throw myself out of bed, trying to get to the door. Needing to get out fast._

_But then I hear screams. Those same blood curdling screams like that night and I remember I'm not alone. Levi is with me. His anguished screams pierce my ears and I know I have to go back. I can't let him die. No one else is allowed to die._

_I'm on the bed again searching for Levi. I find him pinned, he's covered in blood and screaming my name._

_"Eren, Eren, Eren!"_

_My body is shaking and the room is moving. The windows are shattering and glass is crashing to the floor. I'm choking again, I can't breathe._

_Levi is still screaming and I try and move whatever has him trapped. It's too heavy. No, no, no, please God anything but this again. I looked at Levi's bloodstained face, contorted into fear and pain._

_I can't do anything. Not then and not now. I'm useless, hopeless- I can't save him. I can't save anyone._

_And then the freezing water comes pouring down on us from every angle. It's covering us too quickly, we don't have any time. I hold my hand over Levi's mouth to stop the water but it falls through my fingers. He's gurgling, choking, drowning._

_The water lifts me and I manage to keep my head up and free. Tears are falling, I can't do this again. I can't move._

_Then the water flows away and I look around trying to find him. But Levi's not there._

_No, in his place is my mum. She's in her favourite dress, her hair soaking wet, her face pale and thin._

_Her eyes snap open._

_"Help me, Eren" she whispered, her voice so lifeless and frail._

_I scream. I can't stop screaming. I try and move but now I'm pinned. Something has a hold on me. I thrash my arms around, trying to get free. Trying to get out of this hell. Please, someone, get me out of here!_

_"Eren!" someone's yelling my name. It sounds like Levi; but no, he's dead now too._

_I'm crying, sobbing. I think I'm still screaming but I don't know; the room is trembling around me again. This time everything starts falling. Debris hitting me hard and falling away. I'm getting buried, there's no space, no light. There's dust everywhere and I'm choking. I'm not making it out this time._

_"Eren!" that voice is still calling my name, my body is being shaken. I can't focus, I'm just lying in a pile of rubble that's slowly burying me._

_I know there will be no more light now. No rescue is coming for me. I won't see my mountains again. I won't see Armin or Mikasa. Levi can't save me this time._

_"EREN!"_

"EREN! WAKE UP!" My eyes snap open. "Oh, thank God" A relieved voice breathed out next to me. I turn around and _Levi_ is there. He's not dead. He's OK, he's OK, he's OK. I can't help moving and throwing my arms desperately around him. He holds me tightly and I can feel his breathing, hear his heart pounding. He is very much alive. I know I'm crying again but I can't stop the tears. Relief flooded me at the same time as the pain over the memories.

"It was a nightmare" Levi was whispering, comfortingly "It's OK now, everything's fine".

The room was flooded in a dim light and I scanned what I could see from my position against Levi. There was no water. No debris. Everything was as we left it last night. It was just a dream.

 

Levi

 

Levi was brought back to consciousness quickly at the frantic moving next to him. Eren was shaking and struggling, his body twisted up in the sheets. Levi knew the signs, knew that Eren was having a nightmare. He quickly flipped the lamp on and then placed his hand on Eren's shoulder and shook it gently, hoping to wake him quickly before it got worse. But Eren was too deep. He sat up and shook Eren a little harder.

"Eren? Wake up" Levi said hoping his voice would be enough to snap Eren awake. It wasn't.

Eren had started crying, tears falling down his face, his breathing was ragged and his arms were flailing around violently. And then the screaming started. Eren was screaming, loud and panicked. 

"Eren!" Levi shouted, struggling to hold him so he wouldn't hurt himself "Eren! EREN! WAKE UP!"

Eren shot awake, his eyes crazed and his breathing sharp. 

"Oh, thank God" Levi breathed when he noticed Eren's attention on him. And then Eren's arms were around him, holding him tight and he could feel the tears soaking through his thin shirt.

"It was a nightmare. It's OK now, everything's fine" Levi whispered, his hands rubbing Eren's back trying in vain to calm him down. When Eren's breathing had calmed considerably and the shaking had all but stopped, Levi pried his friend off him.

"Have you been having nightmares a lot" Levi asked gently and Eren shook his head.

"First... one" Eren replied his voice hoarse and scratchy from screaming. Levi frowned, usually nightmares were pretty regular after going through the trauma Eren had been through but they should be fading over time- not popping up for the first time weeks after the disaster.

"The doctors... they gave me sleeping pills to help... I'm usually knocked out for 8 hours" Eren croaked. OK, that made more sense to Levi.

"You didn't take them today?" he asked.

Eren shook his head again and whispered "I left them at home... didn't want to take them anymore. I'm sorry I woke you".

"It's fine, Eren, don't worry about it. I was just surprised" Levi comforted, rubbing his palm slowly over the bare skin on Eren's arm, "Do you want to talk about it?" Levi moved them both so that they sat side by side and he could slip his arm gently around Eren.

"The room was collapsing on us" Eren started quietly, "It was happening again just like before... except you were there instead. You were dying just like my mum and I couldn't stop it... I couldn't do anything". His voice wavered and he was crying again at the memories, Levi just sat beside him with his hand constantly moving, letting Eren know he was here. He wasn't going anywhere.

"You died, Levi, and then my mum was there... she asked me to help her. I couldn't help her- I couldn't..." Eren trailed off into tears, his head buried against Levi's chest, the tears staining his shirt.

"Shh... it's OK now, I promise" Levi sighed. They sat there with Levi rubbing Eren's back and Eren sniffling quietly until he finally drifted off to sleep again. It was still dark outside and Levi reached over to grab his phone. It was 3:27 am. He sighed tiredly, couldn't Eren get a break?

He shuffled them around so they were more comfortable. He was lying on his back with Eren half draped over him, his ear pressed against Levi's chest to listen to his heartbeat. Levi kept up a constant stream of light touches as he fell in and out of sleep for the next 4 hours- when it reached 7:30 he knew there would be no more sleep for him right now, his internal clock keeping him very awake.

He stayed motionless though as he waited for Eren to wake up. There had been no more dreams which Levi was eternally thankful for- seeing Eren panic and hearing him scream like that was one time too many. He couldn't bear how much pain Eren was in- if it wasn't his feet when he was awake it was dreams when he was sleeping. 

He thought he should get up and put the kettle on but he was torn- what if Eren woke up in that small amount of time and Levi wasn't there? No, he would wait. He couldn't risk Eren waking up alone. Eren started to shift next to him, his hands innocently grasping at Levi's cotton shirt, his face was peaceful again as Levi studied the features he had come to know so well in the past few weeks.

He couldn't help thinking that Eren was beautiful. And it wasn't just his face, his strength and his will to keep going was beautiful. Levi was so lucky to know him, so lucky to be a part of this amazing young man's life. And he knew he would stay and help him through anything in any way he could.

"Levi?" the sleepy brunette muttered, his eyes flicking open suddenly.

"I'm here" Levi murmured and Eren instantly relaxed. They were probably positioned a little too close, too familiar, but Levi couldn't find it in himself to care, if Eren needed to sleep with his entire body wrapped around him he knew he would just agree and let him go.

"Did I wake you?" Eren mumbled into Levi's chest.

"Nah, been up for a while. I can't really sleep much past 7:30" Levi assured him and felt Eren nod. "Do you want some tea? Or coffee?"

"Coffee, please" Eren answered softly.

Levi gently extricated himself from Eren's warm body and watched as the brunette whimpered and then moved a few pillows to wrap himself around instead. Levi smiled softly, he could get used to this. He walked out of the room and went to get coffee. He was almost finished when he heard faint footsteps padding towards him. He turned around and watched Eren's strained face as he limped towards the wooden table.

He didn't say anything though, it was actually good for Eren to walk on his feet a little and try and keep the blood circulating. Levi picked up the two mugs off the counter and walked over to the table to join him, placing one steaming mug in front of Eren. His long fingers wrapped around the cup instantly and Levi saw him smile at the warmth seeping out. It was a silent agreement to not mention the nightmare but to just keep moving forward like they had always done- they would focus on what was next.

"I was thinking we could go out for breakfast, I know this nice little cafe pretty close by" Levi offered, Eren nodded as he lifted the coffee to his lips. "There's a bookstore near it as well, maybe we could pick some out and just spend the day reading?"

"I love that" Eren sighed "I haven't read a book in a long time".

"I'm going to jump in the shower" Levi said but Eren couldn't seem to take his eyes or his mouth off his coffee, making Levi laugh "I'll just leave you two alone".

Eren didn't move except to flip Levi off on his way out of the room. 

 

***

 

Eren stubbornly refused to even let Levi put the wheelchair in the car. Levi ended up just giving in, convincing himself that if it came to it he would definitely be able to carry Eren a fair distance. He didn't mention this to the brunette though. The drive was less than 10 minutes and the little cafe was pretty empty, Levi matched his pace to Eren's slower one as they walked to the door and entered.

A pretty brunette girl seated them in a corner table by a large window, she gave them menus and with a smile she walked away. Eren picked the menu up and scanned it, his eyes growing brighter at the selection of food. Levi knew what he was having so he spent the time watching Eren's calm face, Levi's own smile happy and relaxed in turn.

"You two ready?" the waitress asked as she returned.

"Yes, I'll have a black tea" Levi answered "and today's special. Eren?"

Eren was still studying the menu, his eyes narrowed in concentration, "Umm... I'll have a tea as well and... ah, what's better the waffles or the pancakes?"

Levi snorted at Eren's question while the waitress smiled "It's tough but I'd go with the waffles" she then leaned in a little closer "they come with strawberries, cream _and_ syrup".

"Oh, yes please. Waffles then, definitely the waffles" Eren grinned back and the girl laughed writing everything down. Levi had watched their little interaction, a tightness forming in his stomach but it eased as she walked away and Eren looked over at him happily.

"You OK?" Eren asked, his smile faltering at the serious look on Levi's face.

"Fine, sorry spaced out" Levi replied, he would not have Eren look like that, not if he could help it.

"Good because today is going to be a good day, I can feel it" Eren said lightly making Levi smile. How could he be so positive? Even after everything, after last night, he was still smiling and looking forward. 

Their tea was brought out quickly and the waitress was smiling brightly, Levi quickly looked at her tag- her name was Mina. She was focused on Eren and Levi didn't really like it. He wasn't sure if he was simply being protective of his friend or if maybe it was something more but for now they needed to eat quickly and then leave. He knew Eren didn't have a girlfriend, in the few weeks they'd known each other he was sure that it would have been very clear if he had, but Levi's mind had started drifting to new places. New ideas coming to him and taking hold before he could shake them.

"The bookstore is close, right?" Eren asked lightly, taking a long sip of tea.

"Yeah, a few doors down" Levi answered trying to refocus on Eren, "I think you'll like it".

Eren raised an eyebrow curiously but didn't reply. Their food was brought out much quicker than expected and Mina was hovering, asking whether she could get them anything else.

"We're fine, thanks" Eren answered politely before digging into his waffles. Mina had walked away again and Levi was so glad because Eren started making obscene noises as he ate. Levi's eyes widened at the delighted groans and happy sighs, his stomach fluttering.

"That good, huh?" Levi asked trying for casual but not sure he succeeded.

Eren nodded enthusiastically "Man, the waitress was right, these damn waffles are amazing. I'd give you some but I think I need to eat all of them myself".

Levi chuckled, watched Eren for another moment before starting in on his own food- his omelette paling in comparison. He was half way through when Eren spoke up.

"Nope, can't do it. It's too depressing to see you eat that, you definitely have to try these" Eren said confidently, he held out a fork with a piece of all of his breakfast on it. Levi would never have shared a fork before- it was gross and dirty and who the fuck knows where the other person's mouth had been. But this was Eren and before he knew it he had rolled his eyes and leaned over the table to take the fork into his mouth.

It _was_ really good. But the food was nothing compared to the look Eren had etched on his face, he was bright red, with wide eyes and his mouth half open. 

Levi swallowed and smirked "You're right, they're really good". Eren just retracted his fork, his eyes focused entirely on his plate, and slowly made his way through the rest of his food. Levi grinned at Eren's embarrassment but decided to let it go for the moment.

"You have a favourite book?" Levi asked casually, he hadn't managed to wipe the grin off his face though. He heard Eren release a tense breath before he answered.

"Not really, I like a bit of everything" his voice was light but a little strained, "You?"

"No, I'm the same. I just kind of pick up anything interesting" Levi said. Conversation began to flow a little easier after that and soon enough their food was gone and Mina was back to pick up their plates and give them the bill. She was a little less bubbly on her return and if Levi had to guess he would say she had probably been watching them the whole time. It made him smile triumphantly as if he'd won something but that was stupid, there was nothing to win, not even a competition to enter.

 

Eren POV

 

Breakfast had gone really well until my stupid brain decided it would be a good idea to feed Levi some of my breakfast. Definitely _not_ a good idea.

I had to watch as Levi leaned forward and took my fork into his mouth and then slide his lips backwards. He had smirked and even licked his own lips and I knew I was royally fucked. I was having fun with him, teasing my friend but apparently that wasn't all. I felt my face blush too red and I couldn't look at him. I focused back on my food and slowly continued eating, not really tasting it anymore though.

My brain felt like it was on the fritz, it started thinking things it hadn't thought before. Objectively I knew Levi was good looking, he was lean and muscular, his face fine and his nose straight. He had steely grey eyes which were so intense sometimes I had to look away but I hadn't thought anymore about it. Levi's my friend. He knows me a lot more than most people now, he had been the one to help me through hell but now... now I couldn't help blushing deeper when I saw him smile at me.

I tried to put it out of my head for now but it wouldn't disappear entirely. I found myself sneaking glances at him as we walked out of the Cafe, barely registering our waitress waving goodbye. I was talking normally again, thank god, but my blush was still there although much fainter now. We walked slowly down the street, my feet keeping us from going too fast, until we reached a small older looking shop.

Levi opened the door and held it for me while I walked in. My thoughts stopped at the sight. It was a beautiful shop, polished wood shelves lined the walls and there were maple coloured floorboards under our feet. There were little tables with plush chairs and fluffy rugs scattered around, and the books. Books filled every surface, thick leather bound ones, hard covered ones, paperbacks, picture books, I could go on forever. It was like I had stepped into a little piece of heaven.

"Oh, Levi, it's beautiful" I sighed and turned to him.

Levi was smiling widely watching my reaction "Amazing, isn't it". I just nodded and walked further inside. We spent nearly two hours inside, we went through every book that looked good and by the end we had a small pile each.

"I don't think we'll get through all of these this weekend" I teased.

"We'll just have to come back another time" Levi replied and I grinned. I was very OK with spending more time up here with Levi.

The rest of the day was spent on the beach, the weather was perfect and Levi had found us some blankets to sit on. We had brought out two books each, in case the first one we tried wasn't what we wanted. It was quickly becoming one of the best memories I had, we were happy in our silence, each wrapped up in our own little worlds. I would glance over at Levi and smile every now and then when I heard a snort of laughter and I knew Levi was doing the same whenever I let out a small laugh. We had also brought down some wrapped up sandwiches and snacks to munch on so we didn't have to leave until it started getting darker. 

Levi had finished his book when I looked up, while I still had a hundred or so pages to go.

"Any good?" I asked.

"Yeah, you'd like it" Levi answered "Yours?"

"It's OK. I'm getting through it but it's not my favourite" I answered thinking about the crime book I'd spent my day reading.

"You up for a break? Maybe dinner?" Levi offered and instantly my stomach grumbled. Levi laughed "I'll take that as a yes". I laughed as well and got up to pick up my blanket and extra book.

"Can we get pizza? I'm craving pizza" I asked making Levi smile.

"Pizza sounds amazing right now" Levi agreed.

 

Levi

 

They were sitting on the lounge watching a movie while they waited for their pizza to arrive, they only had a few options from the DVD stash in the draw and decided on going classic with some older James Bond. It was one they had both seen before so it was an easy watch, Levi found it was fun listening to Eren yell at the screen and misquote lines. The pizza arrived half an hour in and they returned to the lounge room, pizza boxes on their laps and drinks balanced on the floor.

After the first movie Eren thought it was a good idea to play another and well, Levi couldn't disagree. Half way through the third one and it was almost midnight, Eren had fallen asleep not long ago and Levi was trying to figure out whether to wake him or risk carrying him to bed. He decided to wake him thinking of the consequences if Eren were to catch him trying to pick him up.

"Hey, Eren?" he whispered shaking the brunette's shoulder and Eren groaned.

"Shh, Levi. I'm sleeping" he mumbled, curling in on himself.

"It's late we should go to bed" Levi said.

"I'm fine. I'll get up... in a minute" Eren murmured.

"I can carry you if you want?" Levi whispered and got the reaction he was hoping for. Eren's eyes snapped open and he stumbled up, waving his hands.

"No, no. I'm good" he said, yawning.

Levi raised and eyebrow but didn't comment; "You sleeping with me tonight?"

Eren blushed but nodded "If you don't mind?" Levi shook his head and led the way to the bedroom.

"Levi?" Eren called out behind him, making him turn "I might have another nightmare" he whispered.

"It's OK, I don't mind. If it happens we'll deal with it and move on" Levi promised and Eren visibly relaxed, he grabbed clothes from his bag (which had somehow made it's way into the room and now lay comfortably beside Levi's own) and wandered into the bathroom to change.

Sleep came easily to both of them but sure enough early in the morning, Levi woke to Eren's screams. He followed the same process as the night before in trying to comfort Eren and it seemed to work because before long Eren was asleep again and Levi was holding him close. It seemed to help Eren to have physical contact, to hear Levi's heart beating even if subconsciously, and Levi didn't mind for one moment having Eren laid out beside him and clutching at his shirt.

Sunday was spent in a similar way to Saturday except that Levi avoided the little Cafe with the pretty waitress to try a new place instead. Eren didn't seem to notice, happy to try somewhere else. They kept their comfortable little bubble going on all day, happy to be near each other and away from life, if only for the day. They did a little shopping and then had lunch in a small ocean view restaurant where they talked over Eren starting University again the next day.

"Mikasa wants me to use the wheelchair but there's no fucking way" Eren said firmly.

"Yeah, definitely don't do that" Levi agreed "If your feet hurt just take it easy and rest, you'll be at a desk all day so there won't be too much walking".

"Exactly! That's what I told Mika!" Eren exclaimed happily.

"She's just worried" Levi said and Eren nodded.

"I know and I don't mind" Eren said quietly "but I have to keep going forward".

"Yeah" Levi agreed "Are you still set on moving out?"

Eren nodded "There's still some dorm rooms left, so the three of us are going to find something on campus together".

"Armin's moving with you as well?" Levi asked.

"We kind of come as a set" Eren shrugged making Levi snort.

"You nervous?"

"A little" Eren replied "I know everyone will be staring, I know they know my face and what happened but I'm not really looking forward to it".

"You'll be fine, you'll be the centre of attention for maybe a week and then some new drama will take place and you can just be Eren again" Levi promised making Eren relax.

There was silence as they sipped on cool drinks "I miss them" Eren whispered.

"Your parents?" Levi asked gently and Eren nodded.

"My parents but everyone else as well. So many people died, Levi, and I knew all of them. They were my colleagues and friends, I know their names and their faces, it's just so fucking hard sometimes" Eren confided.

"I'm not going to lie and tell you I know what you're going through because I don't but I can promise I'll be here for you, in any way you need" Levi replied sincerely reaching out to take Eren's hand. Eren's eyes were glazed over as he looked at Levi.

"Thanks... I'm pretty sure I'll always want you around though so I hope you know what you're promising" Eren said, his voice strained with emotion.

"I do" Levi replied firmly, not letting go of Eren's hand. 

They decided to pack up and head home after lunch because they both had an early start in the morning. Eren was sorting out his transfer and organising accommodation while Levi was back to work. He was currently working for the paramedics in Trost, he _was_ part of an elite team which did operations similar to Eren's rescue but on a normal day he was packed into an ambulance with his partner and sent to much smaller emergencies. He was on call for the next for days so he would need a good amount of sleep.

The drive home was bittersweet; they had had an amazing weekend and loved nearly every moment of it but now they had to leave. Eren had to go back to his sister and his friend and Levi would drive home to his empty apartment and try not to think about Eren.

Levi pulled up out the front of Eren's current home and turned off the engine. He didn't move, Eren didn't either. Levi didn't want to leave, didn't want to drive away. 

"Thanks for the weekend" Eren breathed out moving his hands to unbuckle his seatbelt, "It was perfect".

"We'll do it again soon" Levi promised, his heart was beating faster knowing Eren was only moments away from leaving.

"I should go inside" Eren whispered and Levi nodded slowly.

"You can leave the chair, pretend you forgot, if you don't have it Mikasa can't force you to use it" Levi said trying to make the goodbye a little easier. 

Eren laughed "Yeah, I will definitely take you up on that". His hand moved to the door and slowly opened it, Levi did the same, both of them getting out of the car. Levi walked around and over to Eren who had just pulled his bag from the backseat. 

"I'll see you soon" Levi said.

"Come around for dinner" Eren offered and Levi knew he would definitely be over in a few days.

"Call  me if you need help moving" Levi said, he was drawing this goodbye out, they both were and they knew it.

Eren sighed and dropped his bag on the ground to throw his arms around Levi in a hug. Levi returned the hug tightly and they stayed glued together a little long than necessary. 

"Bye, Eren" Levi said as they broke apart.

"Bye, Levi" Eren replied, the brightness in his eyes very dim now.

 Levi had to force himself to step back, to walk over to his door and to get back in the car. He would see Eren again soon, Mikasa and Armin would look after him, he had Levi's number if he needed him and yet... and yet it was much harder than it should have been for Levi to start his car and drive away. He watched in his mirror as Eren was engulfed in a solid hug as his sister ran out the front door to greet him. He watched as Eren looked over his shoulder in Levi's direction, gave a small wave and then walked inside. Levi sighed dully, he was in way too deep.


	11. Keep Moving Forward

Eren POV

 

"Did you have a good weekend? You barely said anything when you got home last night" Mikasa asked me as we walked towards Trost University's administration office.

I had gone straight to bed when I got home, it was late and I was exhausted. I had taken my sleeping pills again- I didn't want anyone else finding out about the nightmares if I could help it and I really didn't want to have another one. I apparently couldn't sleep with the light off anymore either which was a fun new development, I wasn't sure what triggered it but even with the pills I couldn't sleep until I had rolled over and turned on a lamp. I had had no intention of talking to Mikasa at that point, I had wanted to try and sort out my thoughts alone first. I had felt the bed dip when Mikasa climbed in but at that stage I was pretty out of it and so consumed in thoughts of my weekend.

My relationship with Levi had shifted, I think we had tipped a little over being 'just friends' and now I wasn't sure where we stood. Saying goodbye and watching him leave was a lot harder than it should have been but I hadn't been sure he'd accept if I had asked him to stay the night so I had let him go. Plus Mikasa and Armin would have asked too many questions and assumed a lot more.

I hadn't really been able to sort anything out alone but now Mika was asking and Armin was watching curiously- maybe they could help. Maybe if I let them in they would make sense of the situation- they did tend to know how I thought a lot better than I did most of the time. 

"It was really fun" I began nervously.

"But?" Armin coaxed.

"Well, Levi's my friend, right?" I said, I didn't know how to keep going, how to bring it up. Mikasa had no patience for me though, she rolled her eyes.

"You like him, don't you?" she said steadily, getting straight to the point.

I blushed, I couldn't help it, I wanted to keep going and have this conversation but it was hard and a little too confronting.

"No... I mean, maybe... Ugh, I don't know" I stammered.

"It's pretty obvious" Armin said softly and I turned to him. "It's OK, Eren, your allowed to want this".

"l don't know if I'm ready for any of this, it's too much to think about at the moment" I sighed.

Mikasa reached over and grabbed my hand "Take it slow, find out if he likes you back and go from there".

"That's so much easier said than done" I whined, I was feeling a little more relaxed though.

"I'm pretty sure he likes you back" Armin said calmly "If the way he looks at you is any indication".

I was speechless, I thought I'd been imagining that.

"Yeah, he does seem pretty attached to you" Mikasa agreed.

"It's a lot right now, I have school to start and houses to move, my feet still hurt all the time- I can't just keep piling stuff on top" I ranted my voice rising.

Mikasa squeezed my hand and pulled me to a stop "Then don't. We organise school first, we move house next- those are easy, we can do those two first. Your feet are getting better but don't hesitate to make us stop if it's too much, you know we'd probably try and carry you if you needed us to".

I laughed at that but both Mikasa and Armin were nodding seriously.

"Armin and I will be close by so we can be body guards if anyone tries to talk about anything you don't want. We'll protect you, I promise" Mikasa swore seriously. A laugh was bubbling up in my throat at the idea of Armin try to be a bodyguard, Mikasa could be very scary when she wanted but sweet Armin looked like he wouldn't hurt a fly.

"And the whole Levi thing?" Mikasa continued and the smile dropped off my face at the thought; "I don't know him as well as you do but I do know there's a lot of honesty in your friendship. If you need too then tell him how you feel but say you need to take it slow, like snail pace slow, if he's the right person he'll understand and he'll wait".

"What if he doesn't like me that though? I don't even know if he likes guys" I groaned.

"Trust me, he does" Mikasa said steadily but I wasn't convinced, she sighed "If you want Armin and I can do recon and find out?"

"Would you?" I replied smiling.

"Definitely. Leave it to me" Armin said confidently. We were almost at the building when I pulled Mika up short and looked at her intensely.

"Mika?" I whispered, my voice was wobbling.

"Eren? What's wrong?" She replied worried.

"It's not wrong is it?" I asked quietly.

"What do you mean?" she asked confused.

"To move on? To try and be happy... even though mum and dad are gone" I confessed quietly. Mikasa didn't answer straight away but strode forward and wrapped me up in tight hug.

"No, Eren. It's what they would want, I promise" Mikasa whispered in my ear "they would want us happy and to be with people who make us happy".

I nodded against her shoulder trying desperately not to cry, I was getting much better at holding my tears back now which was good because most of the time I felt like crying at least 10 times a day.

"Come on, we need to get to our meeting" Mikasa murmured and grabbed my hand to pull me along.

The meeting went surprisingly smoothly, we were easily transferred and given our class schedules to start the next day. We were given the keys to our new place- a three bedroom apartment on campus which we had been approved for. It was too easy- I started thinking maybe the administrators at the university were very aware of who I was and our situation. I would have minded I think but I was just happy we weren't having any issues.

We spent the afternoon moving all of our stuff over, we were lucky that the place was mostly furnished as Mikasa and I had barely any belongings anymore. I was going to call Levi to take him up on his offer of help but I stopped, I couldn't see him just yet not after talking wit Armin and Mikasa- it would be awkward and he would definitely know something was going on.

We ate take out chinese food on our lounge room floor that night while watching bad TV- it was nice to be in a new place. We had no memories here yet, no photos to remind us. It was new and clean and fresh for the moment. Mikasa did come into my room later that night, she didn't mention the lights that were still on as she hopped into my bed. Not 20 minutes later I heard quiet footsteps as Armin walked in as well. We all squished up together for the night in a way we hadn't done since we were children but it was nice and comfortable and helped keep the panic and stress at bay.

 

 

Levi

 

"Did you have fun with the boyfriend?" Hange teased as she met him by the ambulance. Levi groaned and rolled his eyes. Why the fuck had he told his partner his plans for the weekend?

"He's just a friend" Levi replied dryly trying not to rile her up- it wasn't working, the mere fact she had so much ammunition would probably keep her going for weeks.

"No way am I settling for that" Hange said grinning "You were so excited on Friday, I mean you were freaking out when you knew you were going to be late and I'm not even going to mention the cleaning. So come on, tell me everything!" _  
_

"It was just a normal weekend, we got breakfast, we read books, it was nothing special" Levi replied trying to keep his voice unaffected. He was lying though, the weekend had been a perfect getaway for them, and now he felt more attached to Eren than ever.

"Nope, not settling for that either. You're different today, happier and more relaxed, it's quite unsettling actually" Hange prodded. Levi sighed, finished packing their supplies into the bus and swung himself into the passenger seat, Hange having demanded she drive today.

She joined him soon enough and now that they were trapped in a small cab together her real interrogation began.

"It's OK if you like him you know" Hange said calmly and Levi glared at her, "Come on, I've known you almost 10 years now. I've been there through all of the disastrous moments, I've seen it all". She was grinning at him, surely remembering some of Levi's less than stellar moments trying to be in a relationship.

"Tch" Levi huffed, he knew what he was like, he was cold and abrasive to most people he met, he was not good at communication and tended to very rarely show his emotions. He may be coming to terms with the fact that he liked Eren but there was no way Eren would like him back in that way.

"Why don't you just go for it?" Hange asked "Just go and ask him out to dinner, I bet he'll say yes".

Levi glared out the window, the remainder of his good mood from his weekend disappearing at that idea. Even if he asked, he was sure Eren would say no. There was no way that bright eyed, amazing person would attach himself to Levi.

He felt a finger poking his cheek; "Aw... see there's the grumpy man I remember" she cooed. He slapped her hand away.

"Just admit it. I know that broody look" Hange whined "Just tell me".

"Fuck, fine, I like him. You happy?" Levi shouted. Hange was practically immune to all of his moods by now and his little explosion only made her laugh.

"Yes! I knew it! So... when are you going to tell him?" she exclaimed "Ooh do it tonight... bring him flowers and confess your feelings!"

"Fuck, Hange, I'm not  _confessing_  anything. I'm not going to tell him" Levi growled making Hange's smile disappear.

"You... you're not going to tell him?" she gasped, staring more at him than the road.

"No, I'm not telling him. It wouldn't work- he's been through enough without this as well. He just lost his parents and his home, he's still on the front page of most major newspapers, not to mention the age difference. He has too many people prying into his life and I will not add to the stress" Levi explained, his voice steely.

"But it could make everything better" Hange replied eagerly "It would be something he could get excited over, feel happy about and the age gap is what like 8 years? That's nothing. You could be someone he depends on".

"I'm already someone he depends on, Hange, and if he doesn't feel the same, if it gets awkward and we can no longer be around each other? He'd lose me and I'd lose him. I'm not willing to risk that, it's not fair to him" Levi said firmly.

"Not telling him isn't fair to you" Hange replied seriously.

Levi just sucked in a deep breath "That's fine. He's had his share of unfairness, I'm OK taking a turn".

"Levi-" she started but Levi cut her off.

"No, Hange, that's it. I'm not saying anything to him" Levi said with finality. Hange just nodded her head slowly and focused on the road. There was silence between them until Hange broke it.

"You'll tell him eventually, though, right?" she whispered glancing over.

Levi exhaled a deep breath "Yeah, I'll tell him eventually".

 

Eren POV

 

The morning was a scramble for all of us, we had to get up and get ready for morning classes and then actually find those classrooms. I managed to get to my room on time as Mikasa and Armin both darted off in opposite directions. We had thought we might get some core classes together but we didn't, so we had decided to just suffer through classes alone and meet up after each one.

I walked in and took an empty seat down the back of the room, nobody was staring at me yet- I was just another late student rushing to class. Although as the class settled I started hearing whispers and saw eyes flicking towards me. I was hoping and praying they were just curious about the new transfer student in their class and that they didn't know who I was.

I knew in my heart they did though- the looks they shot me were of pity and some even of awe. I ignored everyone to pull my bag open and take out books and notes I would need. I had brought everything from my Shiganshina course because I wasn't sure what I needed and what I didn't.  We were in a small classroom of maybe 25 students, it was an 8:00 class and I assumed we the unlucky few who hadn't managed to get a later time. The lecturer entered the room and looked around.

He completely ignored me to which I was eternally grateful and just continued with his class. I was so happy when he started going over things I already knew and I was able to relax in my chair and sort myself out as to where I was up to. The work seemed to be the same as at Shiganshina so I was actually ahead of everyone here. I still hadn't spoken to anyone and as soon as the two hour class was over I waited around until everyone had left and then made my way to the teacher.

"Eren Yeager, correct?" he said steadily and I nodded. "It's nice to meet you, I'm Mr Ness, how are you finding class?"

"It's fine, sir. I'm actually a little ahead in the work" I replied my voice steady.

"Ah, that's good then. We'll be continuing the same curriculum you had at Shiganshina so you're already on track which I'm sure is a big relief" he continued his eyes focused on mine.

"Yes, sir, one less thing to worry about" I replied trying to go for light.

"I'm sure" he agreed seriously.

"Well, thanks, I'll see you next class" I finished awkwardly.

"You'll be fine, Eren, but come to me if you need anything" Mr Ness said, I nodded and quickly left the room. They definitely knew who I was, now it was just a matter of time before someone brought it up. I made it through to lunch with no issues, only the standard staring and obvious whispering. It was driving me a little crazy but it was better than the alternative, at least no one had tried to talk to me about it.

I met up with Mikasa and Armin and we all just dropped onto a bench, exhausted. My feet were starting to really kill me, I had stuffed them into a pair of boot to try and hide them but now they were hurting worse than usual. I knew that if I drew attention to them though Mikasa would march me home and make me put on the pair of thongs I'd been wearing for the last few weeks. They were still wrapped in compression bandages and my toes were not back to their normal colour, in all honestly they looked pretty gross. I didn't want them seen so I had shoved them into my biggest pair of boots and just hoped for the best. I was regretting it now as I could feel my blood thumping painfully through my feet and even though I was sitting down and the pressure was off them, the pain was intense.

I just wanted today to be over, I wanted to go home and get into bed and I really wanted to call Levi and talk to him. At the very least he was one of my best friends, we could talk so easily together and I wanted that familiarity now. Mikasa and Armin were great but I wanted Levi. But I still had two classes left and I had a feeling that Tuesdays were going to be my hell day. I had no choice in which classes I got into and unfortunately a lot had ended up all on the one day.

We finished our lunch and hurried off to our next class, I found the classroom pretty easily but as I stepped in I knew it was bad- the only seat left was one right in the centre. Fuck, I thought, the last thing I need is to be more obvious.

I sighed in defeat and slumped into the seat, trying to keep my head down. My stress was rising as I knew people were staring, my feet were aching and my mind was already overloaded from my previous classes. It was going to be a long hour.

As I unpacked my bag, the teacher walked in and looked around. He noticed me straight away and walked over. I had been lucky so far that no one had called on me, giving me time to adjust, but apparently this asshole wasn't going to do that.

"Yeager?" he asked loudly.

"Yes, sir" I replied, I knew I sounded tired.

"I expect you to be fully up to date with us by the next class, no excuses" he continued. I sighed, with my luck this would be the only class I would actually be behind in. 

"Yes, sir" it came out annoyed but I couldn't help it, the teacher raised an eyebrow.

"Complaining, Yeager?" he asked his voice laced in anger.

I swallowed my annoyance and took a deep breath to calm myself down "No, sir, sorry it's been a long day".

"I don't like excuses" he growled but returned to his desk to begin teaching. His teaching style was different to what I was used too and it put me on edge, he yelled a lot and got up in everyone's faces. He was angry but efficient, and yes, I was pretty behind on the work.

The tension I thought I had let go came flying back and I knew I was getting close to tears. I was trying to concentrate on breathing, trying to centre myself and focus on the work at hand but I couldn't. Thought's of all the work I had to complete tonight was crushing me, my feet had decided to start screaming in pain and the teacher, Mr Shadis, was actually scaring me. His voice was too loud and aggressive and I wasn't coping, the last time I had heard that much yelling and aggression was when I was buried in the rubble. I was so tense now that I completely forgot about my work, I just closed my eyes and tried to breathe normally. It worked for a few moments before Mr Shadis' voice pierced through my brief respite and my eyes snapped open.

It was completely dark. In the few minutes I had my eyes closed Shadis had switched the lights off and pulled the blinds down in preparation for a slideshow. I could see the screen starting up and rationally I knew what was happening but it didn't matter. My instincts took over. I was in full on panic mode, my whole being searching for an exit, for any way out. I was instantly back in my tomb surrounded by dirt and darkness with no way out. I could hear my breathing getting erratic and my heart pounding against my chest. My whole body was shaking as my eyes frantically searched the room. I couldn't see anything, I couldn't move. 

"No, no, no" I gasped, my fingers turning white as they clutched the desk. I was right back in that hole, there was no air and I was choking.

"Please, god, no" I gasped louder. I could feel people's eyes on me but it only made it worse. I couldn't shake it off, there was no light and I was trapped again. I started crying in my panic, tears falling steadily down my cheeks and my voice hiccuping not able to steady itself.

"Sir, I think you need to turn the lights on" a voice said but it felt far away. And then someone leaned over to touch me. A cool hand gripping my forearm, I screamed at the touch and threw myself off my chair.

"Don't touch me" I cried, scrambling backwards until my back hit the wall. My head was so heavy now and I felt dizzy, I couldn't think straight, I was gasping for air and shaking violently. I was scared. So scared that I was back there. My eyes were closed tight and my arms were wrapped around my knees, curling in on myself as much as possible. Images and voices kept going through my head, my mum was screaming and the room was rumbling. I moved my hands to slam over my ears trying to block out the noises but it didn't work.

I knew I was crying and screaming. I was so deep now, I wasn't sure how to get back.

 

Levi

 

 _"We have a call out for Trost University"_ the female voice over the radio said  _"20 year old male with a severe panic attack"._

Levi stopped breathing for a moment, thoughts instantly going to Eren, he looked at Hange who was staring at him.

"You think?" she said and Levi nodded. He grabbed at the radio and confirmed they were on their way. They were the closest ambulance to the University but it wouldn't have mattered, Levi was going there either way. They didn't speak as Hange slammed on the accelerator and turned on the siren in order to get there as fast as possible. They arrived out the front less than five minutes later and Levi was half way out before Hange had turned off the engine.

They had been told someone was meeting them out the front to guide them towards the room. Levi looked around and noticed a tall, freckled boy nervously pacing. He had looked up at the sound of sirens and then was running towards them.

"This way" he called and started running, Levi ran after him. Hange would catch up with supplies and whatever else they needed, it was important Levi got in as quick as possible. They raced up a flight of stairs and down a hall until the brunette was hurtling through an open door, Levi followed, his breathing much shorter and his mind in overdrive. Please god don't let it be Eren, he wished.

But the moment he stepped into the room he knew it was. There were people everywhere, all of them surrounding a crumpled figure against the wall. Levi took Eren in, he was so pale and he was shaking so badly. He could hear him crying and whispering nonsense to himself and a little part of Levi broke to see his friend in this state. He took a step forward and went into rescue mode.

"I need everyone to back away, give him some space" he said firmly. He would have tried to make them leave but he was sure it wouldn't have worked anyway, bystanders were too curious in these situations. They would just have to get Eren out and away as soon as possible.

Levi stepped forward carefully trying not to add to Eren's panic. He was about a metre away when he knelt down on the ground.

"Hey Eren, it's Levi" he called out gently. Eren didn't respond, he just continued to shake. Levi heard Hange enter the room and quietly approach to drop a medical bag at his side.

"Eren? Can you hear me? It's Levi" he tried again his voice a little louder. This time it worked, Eren opened his eyes halfway and glanced up. His bright green eyes took in Levi's face. Levi watched as the shaking lessened and his breathing evened out a little but the tears didn't stop, he only seemed to cry harder. Levi approached a little more and when Eren didn't react he made his way right up to him.

"It's OK. You're OK. You're not there anymore. I got you out, remember?" Levi soothed. Eren had stopped shaking and a little colour had returned to his face, he was nodding, entirely focused on Levi.

"Hey, everything is fine. I'm going to get you out of here and then we're going home, OK?" Levi coaxed and Eren nodded again. Levi thought he would be OK to reach out and when he finally touched Eren's arm it seemed to bring his friend back a little more.

"Levi?" he called out brokenly.

"I'm here with you. I'm not going anywhere" Levi replied softly. Eren cried harder but uncurled himself, Levi moved forward and brought him into a hug which Eren returned. He could feel Eren's heart pounding against him and hear how his breathing was still erratic. Levi needed to get him out of here fast.

"Hold on, OK, I'm going to pick you up and we're going to leave" Levi whispered walking him through it so as not to make things worse with sudden movement. He felt Eren nod and wrap his arms around Levi's neck, Levi moved an arm under Eren's knees and swiftly picked him up. Levi strode out of the room quickly with Hange right behind him until he found the stretcher in the hallway, he carefully placed Eren on it and gripped his hand. Hange pushed it seeming to know exactly where she was headed and not 2 minutes later they were walking into an empty classroom. 

She walked out of the room to leave them alone and the second the door snapped closed, Levi was embracing Eren again.

"How're you doing?" he whispered.

"I need to go home" Eren replied hoarsely.

"I know, I know. How's the breathing" he continued softly.

"Better" Eren answered "Mika's going to be worried".

"It's fine, I have her number, Hange and I will let her know" Levi soothed.

"Can you take me home?" Eren whispered.

"Yeah, Eren, I can do that" Levi promised. Now that Eren was through the worst of it, he was sure he could take him home without worrying about a hospital. Home would be a lot better for Eren than another hospital room anyway.

"Can you walk?" Levi asked.

Eren shook his head "I wore boots". Levi looked down at Eren's feet and knew he must be in agony over trying to get his feet into those shoes.

"We have three choices then" Levi started gently "I can get a wheelchair for you, I can carry you or you can use me as a crutch and try to walk".

Eren pondered over them but before he answered Levi knew which one he would pick "I'll walk a little, home isn't far away".

Levi snorted "We're walking to the ambulance out front and then driving you to your doorstep".

Eren sighed but nodded, carefully stepping down off the stretcher. He put an arm around Levi's shoulder and Levi encircled his waist, he was almost carrying him with the amount of weight he was taking, the fact that Eren had his feet on the ground was only for show. They made their way to the ambulance quickly with very few people noticing, it was the middle of the day and nearly everyone was in class still.

Hange jumped in the front while Levi helped Eren into the back and then loaded the stretcher and supplies back in. He got into the back as well and sat next to Eren, taking his hand for comfort.

"You doing OK?" Levi asked as the ambulance came to life.

"I didn't expect that to happen" Eren answered quietly "the teacher was just so loud, he was yelling and I was behind on work and then I closed my eyes to try and calm down. But- but when I opened them everything was dark and I was back..."

"Back in the rubble" Levi confirmed and Eren nodded.

"It was so scary, I couldn't move and I felt like I was right back in that hole" Eren continued his voice soft and broken.

"Eren, I think it might be a good idea to see someone" Levi said gently and Eren stared at him. "Just someone to talk things through, someone who can help you work through this".

"I'm not crazy" Eren whispered frightened and Levi instantly grabbed his hands.

"No, you're not. You're just stressed and I'm guessing suffering from PTSD. I have a good friend who you'd like, she's someone you can talk to about anything. Just think about it OK?" Levi said.

"Yeah, OK" Eren agreed. They had arrived at Eren's place and Levi helped him out and inside. Hange followed them up and opened the door for them. Levi walked Eren over to where he said his room was and helped him onto his bed.

"Can you stay with me?" Eren asked nervously, Levi glanced over at Hange.

"Stay, I'll handle the paperwork" she said firmly and waved them goodbye. Levi returned to Eren and started helping him get his feet out of those terrible boots, it was a slow process as Levi didn't want to hurt Eren but he was wincing and cursing at every tug. They finally got them off and Eren scooted over to lie down, Levi followed, his own shoes on the floor beside Eren's.

"I'm so tired" Eren whispered, almost automatically snuggling up beside Levi.

"Sleep. I'll stay with you" Levi promised, he was rubbing circles into Eren's back as he relaxed and closed his eyes.

"What if the nightmares come?" he muttered against Levi.

"I'll still be right here" Levi answered softly as Eren fell to sleep.

 


	12. Compromise and Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry its been so long without an update, I promise I'm still writing. I've had a hectic few weeks and with Christmas coming up I may only be able to post once a week.  
> So here's the new chapter, I'm almost certain you'll like it :D

Levi

 

"Eren?!"

Levi heard the shout from where he sat dozing on Eren's bed with Eren snuggled up tightly against his side, fast asleep. They had been there about an hour before Levi heard Mikasa's frantic shouting from the doorway.

"In here" Levi called out keeping his voice relatively low so as to not wake up Eren. Mikasa's movements stopped briefly at his voice but then returned in full force as she whipped open the door.

"Levi?" her voice was high pitched and her eyes wide with curiosity.

"Keep your voice down, he needs sleep" Levi said calmly. 

"What... what are you doing here? What happened? Is Eren OK?" her questions came quickly but she had lowered her voiced to little more than a whisper and she kept glancing at Eren to make sure she hadn't disturbed him.

"He's fine now. He had a severe panic attack in class, my partner and I responded" Levi said calmly from his spot on Eren's bed.

"I heard something happened and there were paramedics and... and I just knew it was Eren... oh God" Mikasa's voice was thick with emotion, her eyes not leaving Eren's face.

"It's too much, isn't it?" she whispered glancing up at Levi, who could only nod. "I thought it would be good for him, be somewhere new and surrounded by new people... but it's his first day and this happens". She looked so worried, her face was pale and her eyes wide.

Levi sighed. "It was a good idea, I thought so too. We couldn't have predicted this Mikasa, it was just a bad reaction to something we could never have seen coming" he said calmly, his eyes meeting hers "But it's too much for him at the moment, he can't handle it".

She nodded "We'll wait until he wakes up and talk with him, he won't like us discussing his life without him" she said steadily, a small smile appearing.

Levi smiled back at her and then looked down at Eren's calm face "Yeah, that's probably a good idea". With one last look at them Mikasa backed out of the room and closed the door behind her. He settled in and picked up the book on Eren's bedside table, it was the one he'd been reading on the beach. A few hours later and Levi was still reading although he had taken to glancing down at Eren more often than not. At almost 8, Eren started shifting beside him, his arms held on a little tighter around Levi and his body scooted in closer so that his entire side was pressed up against Levi's. He watched as Eren's eyes began to flutter and his head turned in to nestle against Levi's chest. It was only moments later that he opened his eyes blearily and tried to get a sense of where he was and what he was doing.

"Levi?" he said, glancing up at Levi's face.

"Hey, you've been asleep for awhile, it's almost 8 now" Levi informed him softly and Eren nodded and then yawned.

Eren moved around a bit more and ended up putting some distance between them, he sat up slowly and then drew his knees to his chest and looked over at Levi. "What am I going to do now?" he whispered, eyes glassing over as thoughts of the day swept over him.

"You keep going" Levi replied gently "you have your sister here to help and Armin".

"And you?" Eren asked nervously.

"And me, I'm not going anywhere" Levi said firmly.

"I can't go back there, it's too embarrassing" Eren admitted quietly, Levi moved his hand to Eren's arm and rubbed comforting circles over it.

"You don't have too if you don't want too, but you should think on it. Don't not go back simply because it's embarrassing, if it's too much and you can't handle it then consider not going" Levi said keeping his voice level.

Eren blinked at him, "You think I should go back?"

"I think you are the strongest person I have ever met and that if you want to study there is a way you can do it safely" Levi told him gently. Eren was about to reply when his stomach grumbled and Levi let out a snort of laughter.

"How about dinner first and then we can talk more about this?" Levi said and Eren nodded. They got up and walked out into the living room where Mikasa was settled on the lounge with her laptop and Armin was pouring over notes at the kitchen table. Levi baulked at the amount of notes Armin had, it was the first day how could he have so much work already?

"Eren!" Armin called out when he heard them, Mikasa's eyes snapped up and over to them as well. Armin leapt from his chair and almost knocked Eren over in a hug, Levi had to restrain himself in order to not pull the little blonde boy off Eren. "Are you OK?" Armin asked his voice thick with worry "I came home as soon as I could but Mikasa said you were sleeping and... and-" His eyes flicked over to Levi, his face flushed and then he refocused on Eren. "She said you needed to rest" he finished lamely.

"I'm fine. Hungry and a little tired but fine" Eren said disentangling himself from his friend.

"I can order pizza?" Mikasa said from next to them, Levi jumped not having heard her approach.

"Yes, please. Pizza sounds amazing" Eren said his stomach grumbling in agreement.

"Go sit down and I'll order it" Mikasa said pushing Eren towards the loungeroom, Levi just stayed standing awkwardly in his spot between the door and the loungeroom. Should he go now? He didn't know if he was welcome for dinner. Eren made his choice for him when he grabbed Levi's hand and pulled him gently towards the couch.

"Can you get enough for Levi as well?" Eren called back to Mikasa.

"Already doing it" Mikasa called back lightly making Levi smile, happy to know he was welcome to stay exactly where he wanted to be. He sat close to Eren on the wide lounge, Armin had put his books down and curled up into the armchair leaving the space on Eren's other side for Mikasa to claim after she ordered the pizza. There was silence until Mikasa was done and walked over to the TV to sit down in front of their movie collection.

"What do we want to watch" she asked, staring intensely at the DVD's.

"Ooh, can we watch Iron Man?" Armin asked excited, Mikasa groaned a little and Eren grinned.

"Really, Armin? Every single time?" Mikasa huffed.

"Hey, we haven't seen it in like a month  _and_ who can ever get sick of Iron Man?!" Armin defended his voice rising.

"That's true, Mika, it's a pretty awesome movie. Levi?" Eren said and then looked to Levi for his opinion.

"I've actually only seen it once but it  _is_  pretty good" Levi said but apparently his words were truly horrifying to Armin.

"Once?! You've only seen it once?!" Armin exclaimed making Mikasa roll her eyes but she had already picked up the movie and was putting it in the player. "Mikasa, put that movie on right now, this man's only seen it once!"

"It's already on, loser" Mikasa said affectionately while Eren was trying to stifle his giggles next to Levi. Mikasa went and sat next to Eren although there was actually quite a bit of space between them and they all watched the entire movie only pausing it when the pizza arrived. It was at about 9:30 when Levi felt Eren's head fall on his shoulder, he glanced over and saw that Eren was barely awake, his eyes struggling to stay open. Levi just shifted a little so that Eren was more comfortable and let him sleep. When the movie finished Eren was completely out of it, he was so deeply asleep that Levi didn't think he would wake up even if they tried.

He could feel Mikasa and Armin staring at them so he stared back.

"Do you mind getting him into bed? Once he's asleep he doesn't really wake up that easy" Armin asked with a small smile on his face. "Plus it'll take both Mikasa and myself to get him there".

Levi rolled his eyes but started moving, one arm under Eren's knees and the other around his back, to lift him up bridal style. He knew his face flushed as Eren snuggled in closer to him under the watchful eyes of Mikasa and Armin. With Eren in his arms he walked out of the loungeroom quickly and made his way to Eren's room, he nudged the door open with his foot and then bent over the bed to put Eren down. He stayed for a moment as he untangled himself from the brunette and with a sigh he turned to leave.

A hand reached out to grab his and in a moment Eren was grasping his hand tightly, Levi turned back to face him and Eren sleepily whispered "Don't go". Levi could feel his stomach fluttering at the words, he knew Eren was mostly asleep and didn't know what he was saying but well, Levi couldn't leave now.

"I won't. I'll be right back" Levi whispered and Eren eventually let Levi's hand go, he watched Eren for a moment before glancing down at himself- he was still in his work clothes. With a defeated sigh he walked out of the room and towards the bathroom.

"Spare towels are on the shelf in there" Armin called from the kitchen table not even looking up to confirm where Levi was headed. Levi flushed and didn't reply, just went into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He needed a shower. He located the towels, undressed and got under that hot spray of water as quickly as possible. He disregarded the little stool in the corner of the shower knowing it must be Eren's and focused entirely on trying to get his thoughts under control.

He liked Eren. He liked him so much it was beginning to hurt not telling him. He wanted to be with him all the time. To be near him and love him and help him much more than any friend could. He needed Eren in his life like he needed oxygen to breathe but he was so fucking scared Eren didn't feel the same or that telling him would ruin what they already had. He would much prefer to keep things as they were than not be in Eren's life at all.

He knew Eren was still recovering both physically and mentally and that adding the idea of a relationship to that would just end in a huge mess. Eren would get so stressed and confused and Levi knew he couldn't do that to him, not now and not ever. He washed his his hair quickly and then just stood under the spray until the hot water ran out. He stepped out and ran the towel through his hair to try and dry it a little, it was styled in an undercut and really didn't take long to dry out. He wrapped the towel around his waist and then just stared at his clothing on the floor stuck on whether to just put it back on or not- he didn't really have another option.

"Uh, Levi?" Armin called out nervously from the other side of the door "I have some spare clothes if you want them".

Oh thank fuck, Levi sighed. "Yes, thankyou, Armin" Levi said and opened the door to take the clothes off him. Armin gave him a small smile as he passed them over and then walked away quickly. Levi closed the door and got dressed, it was only when he was pulling on the grey shirt (which was a size too big) that he realised he was wearing Eren's clothes. They were Eren's and they smelt like him. Levi had to take a deep, steadying breath before he left the bathroom.

He was hoping that Armin and Mikasa had gone to bed but no, there they were at the table. He could tell they were trying to act casual, Armin was staring at a book but his eyes weren't really moving and Mikasa was pretending to play with her phone.

"I, uh... Eren asked me to stay... if that's alright?" Levi fumbled out knowing there was a pink blush dancing over his cheeks.

Armin glanced up "It's fine, we were pretty sure you didn't shower just to head back home".

And then Mikasa joined in "Are the clothes OK? We weren't sure they'd fit". Her eyes raked over the shirt that was swallowing Levi's smaller frame and then over the sweatpants that pooled at his ankles.

"They're fine" Levi gritted out, knowing she was teasing him. "I'm going to bed".

"Have a good sleep" Armin called out and Levi could hear the laugh that he was desperately trying to hold in. Levi just turned and walked back to Eren- he was exactly as he'd left him, fully dressed and dead asleep. Levi ran a hand through his hair and closed the bedroom door, he went to Eren and started the process of changing him- or at least making him more comfortable. Socks came first and then the sweater came second- Levi trying hard not to disrupt Eren too much- then he leant back and realised that the jeans were next. He had to take Eren's pants off.

Well, he didn't  _have_  too but sleeping in jeans was never fun and he wanted Eren comfortable. He slowly unbuttoned them and then went about the annoying process of trying to pull slightly too tight jeans of a sleeping person. When the jeans finally gave in and were pulled free, Eren was left in his boxer shorts and black undershirt. Levi threw the the jeans to the floor and started pulling down the covers for the bed. He then picked up Eren's long legs to reposition them under the covers and moved him slightly so his head was on a pillow. 

Levi jumped up and switched the light off only to come over and turn the bedside lamp on remembering how Eren hated the dark, it took him a few moments before he was able to walk to the other side of the bed and crawl under the covers but as soon as he was comfortable it was like Eren became a magnet. In his sleep he shuffled closer to Levi, as if on instinct, and curled up against him sighing. Levi let out a breath and relaxed into it, he would deal with the awkwardness in the morning, for the moment he wanted to enjoy being here in Eren's bed and having Eren snuggled up with him.

 

Eren POV

 

I woke to the sound of rain. It thundered against my window and made the air smell fresh and sharp. I had always loved the rain, ever since I was small and used to run into my parents room to crawl into my mum's lap, my dad would open a window and pick up Mikasa and we would all just sit and listen to the storm raging outside.

Today it felt a little different though, it was the first storm since my parents had died. Although, I didn't feel sad, it was weird but that same sense of calmness and familiarity settled over me and I could just lay wrapped up in blankets listening to the rain falling and the thunder rumbling. I knew Levi was beside me- I had cocooned us inside the blankets while sleeping and Levi was pressed so close to me I could feel his breath tickling my face.

It was a moment of pure bliss.

I forgot about everything and just basked in the feeling of comfort and safety that always accompanied Levi. I hadn't had any nightmares last night and the events at school were momentarily forgotten, it was a beautiful morning and I desperately wanted all my mornings to be like this. Rain falling and Levi right next to me. I was awake for awhile before Levi started to shift and move around, coming closer and closer to consciousness. I watched as he slowly opened up his eyes to meet mine, I smiled, so happy I was alive to enjoy this.

"Mornin' " Levi whispered, his voice still thick with sleep.

"Morning" I whispered back, staring at his eyes which looked silver in the light. He was so beautiful it hurt. His hair was messy and splayed out on the pillow, his eyes half closed but still staring intently at mine and his mouth was turned up in a rare smile.  I wanted to kiss him, to just lean over and softly put my lips on his, but more than that I wanted him to kiss me back. I wanted him to pull me close and tangle his hands in my hair, I wanted him so caught up in us that he forgot his own name like I would forget mine.

"It's raining" Levi whispered into the silence and I took the chance to shift a little closer to him.

"I always loved the rain" I confided quietly "my parents loved the rain". I thought maybe my words would break the little bubble my room had become but Levi just moved his hand to mine and held it firmly. We just lay there, listening to the rain with Levi's hand held tightly on my own. It took my stomach grumbling in protest for us to finally move. We slid out of bed and headed for the kitchen, I noticed that Levi was in my clothes, which yeah, I really liked. They were too big on him and I found myself smiling happily at the fabric pooling around his ankles and the neckline which fell a little too low- it was really cute.

The house was empty as Mikasa and Armin had left for classes already and I watched as Levi made his way into the kitchen and started poking around.

"Pancakes?" he asked and I nodded happily. Levi could cook. I watched as he managed to find everything he needed only speaking up when he asked specifically where something was. It was cute to watch him fumble around and stand on tippy toes struggling to reach the higher cupboards. I watched as he made the batter and started pouring it into the pan- they smelled amazing and my stomach was grumbling in anticipation. Finally there was a stack of pancakes in front of us and toppings laid out. They tasted amazing and I secretly started trying to devise ways to get Levi here in the morning to cook them more often.

"I don't want you to take this the wrong way but I want to give you the number of my friend. She's a therapist and I know you'd like her" Levi was talking quickly and quietly like if he didn't get it out in one go he never would. I let him stumble on a bit before interrupting.

"It's OK, you can give me the number, it's probably a good idea to talk to someone" I said calmly and Levi breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Thankyou, she's really great and if you don't like her or you don't feel comfortable I promise I won't make you go back" Levi said earnestly. I just nodded and passed my phone over so that Levi could put the number in.

"So, what are you thinking about for school?" Levi asked as he poured maple syrup over his pancakes.

I shrugged and swallowed my current mouthful "I'm not sure, I don't think I can go back to Shadis' class though, I don't want that to happen again".

"Yeah, I agree, I don't really want you back in Shadis' class" Levi said and I could hear the anger in his voice.

"Some of them are OK, though. Like, I think I can manage Mr Ness' class, he seemed really nice" I said.

"Alright, but I think if you decide to keep going to them you should probably talk to the teacher's and let them know what's going on, tell them about any triggers you know of and get them to be careful. If they don't agree they probably aren't the best teachers for you to have" Levi said calmly and I nodded in agreement.

"Maybe just keep two classes for now? I can always do extra work at home if I want and I can talk to my teachers about other options" I offered up, knowing it was a good idea. It would keep me busy but not stressed out like I knew I would be if I took a full work load.

"Part time sounds really smart, Eren" Levi said "but only if you can handle it, if it's too much don't hesitate to stop, I don't want you taking on too much".

"I'll be OK" I said, believing that I would be "I have Mikasa and Armin with me".

"And me" Levi said quietly making me grin.

"And you" I agreed. "Do you have work today?"

Levi looked up and nodded "Night shift". I sighed feeling completely deflated, I didn't want him to go anywhere, not yet. "I don't have to leave until 6, though" Levi said trying to sound reassuring, I nodded but it started to feel like a Sunday before school started. There wasn't enough time in the day.

"How about a movie day?" Levi offered and I looked up "Don't tell Armin but I actually haven't seen a lot of the Marvel movies". I mock gasped in horror, I knew he was trying to lighten the mood and I was very OK with helping that along.

"Right, well, I'll have to educate you, then" I said firmly grinning as I started packing up the plates and piling them in the sink. I started on the dishes and Levi found a tea towel to help dry them and put them away. It was terribly domestic and I found myself really happy and calm- the rain was still falling and we were doing the dishes in my kitchen in a peaceful silence.

The rest of the day was spent on the lounge watching movie after movie with Levi commenting on the ones he hadn't seen yet. We sat close but not touching with a blanket pulled over us for warmth. When it reached 3:00 Mikasa got home, she took one look at us and the TV, dropped her bags in her room, changed out of her wet clothes and then proceeded to fall into the armchair to relax. Armin got back an hour after that just in time for another Iron Man movie and excitedly discarded his work to join us for the film. The rain was still pouring down outside and I could feel the tension building in my stomach, I had a little less than two hours left with Levi.

Only one hour left now.

With thirty minutes left, I wanted to fling myself on him and not let him go anyway. I want him to stay right on the couch next to me and then come to bed with me, I wanted him to make me pancakes in the morning and then help me with the dishes after. I could feel how much I wanted him to stay, it was like a lead weight in my stomach that was getting heavier with each minute that passed and I couldn't do anything. I took to watching him over the screen and I knew Mikasa was glancing at me but I couldn't help it. He was leaving in 15 minutes.

I could feel him shifting on the couch and glancing at his watch and I knew my time was up, he was going to leave.

"I have to go, Eren" Levi whispered and I could feel my head nodding but I couldn't speak. I stood up when he did and followed him to my room, I stood in the doorway as he found his clothes and I watched as he went to the bathroom to change quickly. I was hovering by Mikasa's armchair when he came out.

"I just left the clothes in the laundry bag" Levi said gesturing to the bathroom. I nodded still unable to speak. Levi shifted from one foot to the other. He checked his watch again. "I need to call Hange to pick me up" he said absently. He pulled his phone out and had a quick conversation before putting it back in his pocket.

"Is she coming?" I croaked out and he nodded.

"About 10 minutes away" Levi confirmed and I swallowed nervously. This was it, he was leaving. I knew it was stupid, it was only a night shift at work. Realistically he could come over tomorrow but it felt like an ending, like if he left now something would go wrong. I needed to tell him I liked him, I needed to tell him how much I needed him but the words wouldn't come out. I just stood there as he awkwardly hugged me, as he waved goodbye to Mikasa and Armin (who were watching us like hawks) and as he slowly made his way to the door.

He opened it and with one last look he pulled it shut behind him. Levi was gone.

I stood in my spot by the door silently for about 5 minutes, hoping that Levi would come back, that he would come back inside and kiss me and tell me he wanted to stay. But he didn't come back inside. Suddenly there was a sharp pain on my head and I turned to see Mikasa staring at me, pulling her arm back from whacking me over the head.

"Seriously, Eren?" She said sharply and I blinked in confusion. She rolled her eyes and pushed me forward "Go after him".

_Go after him._

And then my legs were moving so fast, I was out the door and down the stairs. I hadn't put shoes on and I didn't even feel the pain in my feet as I sprinted outside, hoping to catch Levi before he left. I opened the building's door and ran outside, rain pelted down and I was drenched in a few moments but I didn't care. I was just searching frantically for pale skin and raven hair. I couldn't see him straight away but then...

He was by the main road standing in the open rain, not seeming to care if he was getting completely soaked. My stomach twisted and as I ran toward him I just hoped and prayed he liked me back, there was no stopping my actions now so I just ran and hoped for the best. My bare feet ran across the asphalt and finally, finally I reached him. He must have heard me approaching because he spun around just in time to catch me and stop my forward momentum.

My arms were around his neck, my chest touching his and my eyes focused solely on his. I didn't wait for him to pull back but leaned forward and kissed him. I kissed him soft and sweet just as I had been wanting to do all day. I was trying to hold onto the moment until I knew Levi would break it... but he didn't.  _He kissed me back._ He kissed me back turning it desperate and hungry and I instantly knew Levi felt the same as I did, he wanted me just as much as I wanted him.

That knowledge made me grin, effectively breaking the kiss but it didn't matter. I was grinning and laughing and Levi was smiling happily. He rose up a little and kissed me once. Twice.

"I like you, Eren" he said against my lips his voice low and thick with emotion, my grin only widened. I kissed him back and wrapped my arms tighter around him, losing myself entirely. The rain poured down on us but I couldn't help but feel it was perfect. 

"I like you too" I whispered between kisses. I can't say how long we stayed there, whether it was five minutes or an hour but the sudden honking of a horn finally pulled us apart. We broke away from each other and glared at the offending noise. It was a parked car with a familiar woman at the wheel, she was grinning like a maniac and staring at us.

"Fucking, Hange" Levi groaned.

"Your ride?" I asked softly and Levi nodded. I knew he had to leave but it was better now, that feeling of dread in my stomach had disappeared and been replaced with butterflies, anticipation and excitement over the future, he was leaving but he would come back. I was sure he would come back to me.

 


	13. A Start To Something Normal

Eren POV

 

I heard my ringtone through my fuzzy sleep state. I hadn't had a good night sleep at all, I was still riding the high I was left with after finally being able to kiss Levi and I was way too keyed up to be able to sleep properly. I had told Mikasa and Armin not to worry about me and just sleep in their own beds tonight- I figured I would be tossing and turning all night and I didn't want to keep them up. My thoughts had gone over that kiss until it was seared forever into my memory and I was grinning like an idiot into my pillow.

My phone went off at about 6:00 am and I rolled over instantly to pick it up hoping it would be Levi- it was.

"Morning" I whispered, my voice croaky from disuse.

"Eren? Fuck, I'm sorry" came the nervous voice from the other end.

"Levi, what's wrong? Are you OK?" I started to panic, maybe Levi was hurt or in trouble-

"Fine, I'm fine" Levi answered quickly and I let out a deep breath. "I just finished work and I wanted to see you but then I realised it was the ass-crack of dawn and you were probably asleep, and now I've woken you up. Shit, sorry" Levi babbled making me smile. 

"Levi, where are you?" I asked playfully.

"Fuck, I'm outside your door" Levi breathed out and I knew he would be blushing at the confession. "I'm... I'm just going to leave" he said quietly. I hung up the phone quickly and jumped out of bed to run to the door, I tripped slightly on the way my feet still swollen and sore. I yanked open the door and saw Levi's back heading towards the stairs, he had changed into sweatpants and a light grey shirt which hugged his small frame, I dashed outside and grabbed hold of his hand. Without saying a word and with Levi mumbling behind me, I pulled him inside and straight to my room.

"Shut up, Levi, and just get into bed" I said smiling as we entered my bedroom. He matched my smile with his own and started pulling his shoes off and then climbed into what was now his side of the bed, I watched as he crawled in tiredly and then I followed. Feeling braver than normal and honestly still riding that high from our kiss, I moved in close and tucked my body right up against his, I threw a leg over his and then tangled my hand up in his shirt. I instantly felt more comfortable and relaxed than I had all night simply having Levi next to me, Levi himself let out a relieved sigh and shifted closer to me. It felt more intimate this time, maybe it was because we had kissed, maybe it was because we had confessed or maybe it was simply being pressed together as close as possible but I didn't care. It was calming me down and I was finally able to close my eyes for real, Levi sounded like he had already drifted off as his breathing was even and his body relaxed. I grinned happily at having him back so soon and then fell into a deep sleep myself.

We were both woken up a few hours later by the loud banging of the front door. I groaned into Levi's chest knowing I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep now, Levi was shifting awake next to me and in our half sleep state we managed to unconsciously press ourselves closer together. My body already half covered his and my head was tucked comfortably in the curve between his neck and shoulder, Levi had his arms wrapped tightly around me and his head resting on the top of mine. Without moving too much I eventually extended an arm out and grabbed my phone. It was 8:47 and I had 3 unread messages.

The first was from Armin at 7:53:  _Don't spend all day in bed! I know Levi is hot but make sure you meet with your teachers this afternoon ;P_ I groaned out a little laugh, of course Armin knew Levi was here, it was almost freaky how much Armin knew.

The second was from Mikasa at 8:06:  _Hope you're feeling better today :) I'll be out all day with classes but call me if you need anything!_ _  
_

The last was also from Armin but only came through at 8:46:  _I'll be out all day as well! And please don't go too far on the couch- we all have to sit on that thing :P_

 

I groaned loudly in exasperation at Armin's teasing, he would have filled Mikasa in by now if she wasn't already aware that Levi was currently in his bed. He hadn't told them about the kiss last night but he was pretty sure that his blissed out expression last night had tipped them off as to what had happened and now he knew Armin had heard Levi come in this morning he was certain they were both drawing all kinds of conclusions- most of which were probably right.

"What's wrong?" Levi mumbled from under me and I put my phone back down, grinning widely, I could definitely get used to this. I shuffled back down and rested my head on Levi's chest, Levi's hands were running slowly through my hair, massaging my head.

"Mmm... Armin heard you come in this morning... they were invoking their rights to tease me" I murmured. Levi let out a huff of laughter and continued carding his hands through my slightly knotty hair.

"Hange was the same last night... actually, no, I'm sure she was much worse" Levi confided, his voice soft and quiet. I laughed and soon Levi was chuckling as well.

"What do we do now?" I whispered nervously after a moment. I loved and hated this part- it could either go exactly as I wanted or completely blindside me. I buried my head into his chest so I wouldn't have to meet his eyes and just waited... waited for him to speak.

"Are you busy tonight?" Levi asked gently and at this question I perked my head up to look at him.

"I have to meet with my teachers this afternoon but I should be free, why?" I asked my heart thumping a little louder in anticipation.

"Have dinner with me?" Levi asked nervously. His tentative smile made me grin and I couldn't help but move forward and press a hard kiss to his lips. I kissed him deeply, my tongue darting out to taste his lips and soon enough his mouth opened in response and I pressed inside. His arms wrapped around me tightly and then he was moving and without breaking our kiss he rolled us over so that he was hovering over me. I gasped, my heart was racing.

Levi looked down at me smirking, "I'll take that as a yes, then?" he breathed out, his lips so close to mine. All I could do was nod. He smiled, happy and real, and then captured my lips again. We kissed and kissed, Levi's chest on mine and his hands running through my hair as my hands made their way under his shirt. It soon turned lazy and teasing with Levi nipping at my lips and placing small kisses all over my face, I was laughing softly and for awhile it was just us. There was no disaster, I didn't think of my parents, my friends weren't home and the man I liked was in my bed kissing me. I was happy, that hole in my heart which had been ripped open the moment my home came crashing down on me felt a little better, like Levi was carefully sewing it up, stitch by stitch with each kiss and smile he gave me. 

We eventually pulled ourselves out of bed for food and Levi started making a late breakfast. I watched as he found things quicker, like he'd specifically remembered where they were, like he had tried to catalogue my kitchen for future use. This morning he made omelettes out of leftovers we had in the fridge and I watched him intensely, it was probably creepy to stare so hard but I needed to remember everything... just in case. He was relaxed and free as he cracked eggs and flipped omelettes, he kept glancing over at me to smile and make my heart flutter. It was similar to yesterday but so different- today I could get up and put my arms around him or kiss him or tell him how much I like him if I wanted too. It was so freeing to know we were together... although we hadn't actually said that yet. I frowned at the thought, surely if he asked me to dinner that meant we were together, right? Were we boyfriends or just dating? Exclusive or open? Were we just having fun or was Levi as serious about me as I was about him?

I was lost in thought when a pair of arms wrapped around me and a warm voice whispered in my ear "Are you OK? You look like you're thinking too hard".

I took a deep breath, turned to face him and plunged in, I really hated not knowing, "Are we together?"

Levi blinked confused "Of course we are" he said steadily but his voice still held a little worry.

"No, I mean... ugh, it's probably too soon for this but we're together, right? Just you and me, for real?" I said my voice wavering a little, hoping he would just agree. He didn't say anything straight away but put his hand to my face and guided my eyes up to meet his.

"It's only been you. I think from the moment I heard you're voice I was done for. I promise, it's just you and me" Levi said firmly, not looking away until I nodded "I am very serious about you Eren" he whispered honestly.

"That's good, because I'm very serious about you too" I replied, that tightening in my stomach completely gone. It was strange but Levi had a way of putting me at ease and erasing any fears I had without even having to say too much. I looked into those steely grey eyes and it hit me, he was it for me. The man in front of me was it, the one I knew I would be with for a long time, forever if time allowed it.

"Food's getting cold" Levi said gently and I smiled and walked to the table with him. Breakfast was nice and simple, we traded easy conversation and laughs and we easily fell back into the relationship we had always had. Levi had to leave after that, he said he had things he needed to do at home and should also catch up on some sleep. So, he kissed me goodbye and told me he'd pick me up at 7:00.

I spent the rest of the day trying to get a little more control on my life; after holding my phone for a good thirty minutes staring at the therapist's number that Levi had given me I finally dialled and made an appointment for the following week. It was a good idea and as much as I didn't really want to go I trusted Levi's opinion on this matter over my own; he worked in the field and would definitely not tell me to see someone unless he thought it would benefit me.

At 3:00 I made my way towards the university to speak to my teachers. I went to the administration office first and picked up all the forms I needed to drop Mr Shadis' class and extra's just in case the meetings with my other teachers didn't go well. Mr Ness and Ms Brzenska were sympathetic and very understanding, they listened to what I had to say and were eager to help in any way they could. I got the impression from both of them that they were amazed and impressed I was even trying to attend classes, they also gave me some leeway to do work at home if I was getting overwhelmed. Mr Dok was a different issue- he understood where I was coming from but he wasn't sure whether he could be any help. He didn't feel certain that his class wouldn't trigger anything and with a busy schedule he said he was likely to forget I was even there- we came up with the solution that I would switch his class to online and do all of my work from home and meet up with him for an hour at the end of each week to go over the study materials.

The meeting with Mr Shadis was short, I walked in spoke briefly about dropping his class and gave him the paperwork to sign. He looked a little annoyed but did offer assistance to continue his class in another way if I wanted too- I politely declined. I had thought it over and the negatives outweighed any positives not to mention I was sure that Mr Shadis had a short temper and I didn't think that would be a good mix with my studies. I would only do three classes and my teachers had all let me know to come to them at any time if I had an issue or felt like I was getting overwhelmed. 

It was actually a good day and a total relief to have things figured out but after I left the University my mind started to focus on my date tonight and from then until Levi showed up at my door at 6:54 I was a complete nervous wreck.

 

Levi

 

As soon as Levi left Eren's place he was on the phone.

 _"Hello, Magnolia and Church Restaurant, this is Isabel"_   the feminine voice answered on the other end.

"Hey, Izzie, it's Levi" he said and instantly held the phone away from his ear waiting for the screeches to start.

 _"Levi! You never call! Farlan! Levi's on the phone!"_ Isabel exclaimed loudly yelling for someone in the background. 

"Izzie, I need a favour... I, uh, have a date" Levi said tentatively and again held the phone out knowing Isabel would probably burst his eardrums if he held the receiver any closer.

 _"You what?! You have a date! FARLAN, LEVI HAS A DATE!"_ She screamed on the other end and Levi just sighed and waited for her to calm down. He could hear her excited screeching in the background until a male voice interrupted and suddenly he was speaking to Farlan.

 _"Hey Levi, what's this I hear about a date?"_ Farlan asked teasingly on the other end.  _"You want to come here right? You never want to bring your dates here, hell, we never get to even meet your dates"_

Levi huffed "I know but I need a safe space with people I know, it'd be more comfortable for Eren".

 _"Eren? Wait, Eren Jaeger, the guy you saved in the Shiganshina disaster? Fuck, Levi, you're dating him?"_  Farlan enquire his voice rising in pitch, Isabel was weirdly silent in the background and very obviously listening in.

"Yeah, I am and I need somewhere to take him that's familiar in case something does happen and he panics" Levi said firmly trying to get Farlan back on track. He heard Farlan mumbling something to Isabel and her replying mumble but he couldn't make out what they were saying.

"Farlan?" he tried to get his attention.

 _"Levi, leave it to us. What time will you be here?"_  Farlan said and Levi sighed in relief, he could always count on Farlan and Isabel.

"I'm picking him up at 7:00" Levi replied.

 _"Done, everything will be ready when you get here"_  Farlan said happily  _"See you then!"_

 _"Bye Levi!"_  he heard Isabel scream. 

"Thanks, you two, I'll see you then".

Bringing Eren to his family's restaurant was a big deal, Farlan was right that he never brought anyone there, it felt too personal and he honestly didn't feel like he wanted his dates to meet his family. Farlan and Isabel were the only family he had, he had grown up through foster care and been placed in a home with both of them when he was 12, ever since they had been inseparable. 

He wanted Eren safe and comfortable when they went for dinner and he actually really wanted Eren to meet his family and for them to meet Eren. He knew now that Eren was going to be around for a long time and meeting Isabel and Farlan would be just another speed bump. Besides, he had met Mikasa and Armin and everything had worked out OK there.

He got in his car which he had picked up after Hange had dropped him home after work and drove back to his place, although it felt a little empty now. There was no Eren and that made all the difference. He walked to his room and got into bed to try and get some more sleep, he was working on just under 3 hours and after a long day and night shift he really did need the rest.

He slept until just after 2:00, showered and then went about cleaning his apartment. He had been spending a lot of time with Eren recently and the dust and grime had built up on the surfaces around the house. He cleaned his place thoroughly, did a load of washing, changed the sheets on his bed and even went through his fridge to throw out leftover food that might have been in there a little too long. He was trying to keep his mind off his date tonight, it was strange because he knew Eren, knew him probably better than everyone in his life bar Farlan and Isabel. He shouldn't have anything to be nervous about, they had eaten together so many times the only difference now being that they were together.

That thought made him smile. They were together. He was actually dating that amazing, bright-eyed young man. Eren wanted him just as much as he wanted Eren and it felt so right. But for some reason Levi could not shake his nerves, in fact, the knowledge that Eren actually really liked him made the nerves worse. He spent an hour trying to pick out the right outfit and ended up in black jeans and a navy blue button down, he rolled the sleeves up just past his elbows as he knew Farlan and Izzie's Restaurant was a little more on the casual side. He opted for his black combat boots purely because they were comfortable and he was already nervous enough without adding anxiety over his shoe choice-he laced them up over his jeans and then ran a comb through his hair. 

With a final glance in the mirror to make sure he looked OK, he grabbed his keys and his wallet and drove to Eren's.

 

***

 

He arrived early but knocked anyway figuring that Eren was almost certainly ready if he was as excited as Levi was. Armin answered the door with a smile and opened it up for him to come in.

"Eren's in the bathroom, he'll be out in a minute" Armin said cheerfully and Levi nodded. There was an awkward silence between them, Levi too nervous to speak and Armin enjoying the little bit of distress he was causing his best friend's new boyfriend.

"I'm coming!" Eren called out from the bathroom having heard Levi knock, Levi listened as a tap ran and bottles clinked and then finally Eren appeared in front of him. He was dressed in thigh hugging dark blue jeans and a thin black sweater with a white shirt collar poking out, his hair was combed and his face clean and smiling and his eyes looked so bright and so green that Levi was temporarily speechless. He was gorgeous.

"Hi Levi" Eren said happily.

Levi had to shake himself before being able to answer "Hi Eren".There was a moment where they just stood there and drank each other in as if they hadn't seen the other in weeks instead of mere hours.

"Oh for fucks sake please leave, I'm going to get a cavity over here" Mikasa groaned from the coach but her voice lacked any real anger. They grinned at each other and while Eren grabbed his own keys and wallet, Levi made his way to the front door with Eren a few steps behind him. They heard Armin yelling something about 'don't worry about coming home tonight' and then the door clicked shut behind them, Eren reached over and took Levi's hand smiling nervously, Levi squeezed it back and they made their way towards his car.

 


	14. Dinner and a Date

Levi

 

"So, this is the guy you deemed good enough to actually meet your family" Isabel exclaimed as soon as she saw Levi walk through the door with Eren close beside him. She stood right in front of them barring their way into the restaurant, she had her arms crossed and a wicked grin covering her face.

"Isabel, this is Eren" Levi introduced and was practically pushed aside as Isabel descended on Eren. She stepped forward quickly and threw her arms around him, crushing him in a hug.

"It's so nice to meet you, Eren!" she squealed still not letting him out of the hug.

"Ahh, you too, Isabel" Eren replied, awkwardly patting her on the back.

"Izzie, let him go" Levi said dryly, trying to pry her off of Eren.

"Aww, but he's so cute!" she teased but she let go of him and took a step back,"how did  _you_  manage to find someone so adorable?"

Levi rolled his eyes but before he could speak another voice joined them "Levi! It's nice of you to finally visit". A tall sandy blonde man came striding over, a playful smile on his face. "This must be Eren, it's nice to meet you, I'm Farlan" he said extending a hand to Eren who shook it politely.

"It's nice to meet you, too" Eren replied smiling nervously.

"So, Eren... please tell me that you're not here against your will? This grumpy asshole isn't forcing you to come to dinner? Because if he is just say the word and Izzie and I will help you escape" Farlan said and Levi recognised the tone his voice always took when he was teasing Levi but Eren didn't seem to realise it. "You seem nice so I wouldn't want you to be stuck with this shithead if you didn't want to be". Levi just sighed and was about to reassure Eren that his friend was joking when Eren started speaking first.

"Levi's the best thing in my life, I don't think I'll be going anywhere anytime soon" Eren said firmly, his voice strong and not seeming to care if Farlan  _had_  been joking or not. Levi just turned to stare at Eren, his eyes wide and his mouth dropping open a little. He heard Farlan snort out a laugh and Isabel squeal in excitement but he was locked on Eren and the fact that he had basically promised to stay with him for a long time.

"Ooh, I like him, Levi" Farlan grinned and clapped Levi on the back, who managed to snap out of his little daze.

"Oi, shit for brains, can you just show us to our table?" Levi grumbled.

"Yeah, yeah, this way" Farlan smirked and led them towards the back. Levi grabbed Eren's hand and held it tightly in his own, Eren gripped his hand back just as tight. Their actions weren't missed by Isabel who just grinned widely and followed behind them to their table. 

Their table was right in the back, in a quiet corner where Levi noticed that Farlan and Izzie had gone to the effort of moving any surrounding tables much further away. Levi was so thankful because now it would just be the two of them in their own little bubble and Levi wouldn't have to worry as much about something happening to set of a panic attack in Eren. The table was relatively small and round, it was lit by two candles and had a dark red table cloth covering it. They had to let go of each other when they were seated and as Levi glanced up he saw Isabel and Farlan just standing there, hovering by their table grinning widely.

"Are you two going to stand there all night or can we have some menus?" Levi said dryly while raising an eyebrow. Farlan rolled his eyes and turned to walk away and find some menus for them and Isabel skipped after him, returning in the direction of the front desk.

"So... that's Isabel and Farlan, huh?" Eren said playfully, a smile wide across his face.

"Yeah, that's them, unfortunately" Levi sighed, trying to refocus all of his attention on the young man in front of him.

"I like them" Eren said happily "I bet they're good for you".

"Hmm" Levi replied not really wanting to admit that they really  _were_  good for him, Eren just laughed at his response. They sat in happy silence until Farlan came back with menus and Isabel bouncing along behind him. He smirked at us, placed the menus on the table and then had to forcefully drag Isabel back to where they had come from to stop her hovering. Eren was laughing lightly at their actions while he picked up the menu and started scanning it.

"How long have they owned this place?" Eren asked glancing up at Levi.

"Uhh... about 5 years now, I think" Levi answered.

"Wow, that's pretty impressive. They must have been really young when they opened" Eren considered and Levi nodded.

"Yeah, it was a dream of theirs since they were 15. We lived pretty rough until they bought this place and actually started to make some money" Levi replied.

"You all lived rough or just Farlan and Isabel?" Eren asked, their menus all but forgotten in the conversation.

"All of us. We lived in a shit apartment after high school, I got certified as a paramedic as soon as possible while Izzie and Farlan worked like 3 jobs each. We just saved all of it until we had enough money to buy this place, renovate it and open a restaurant" Levi smiled, lost in his memories. "I don't think any of us had any idea what we were getting ourselves into after that but it worked out pretty well".

"So, you own part of the restaurant as well?" Eren asked curiously.

"I guess so, but I really only helped with money, Farlan and Izzie have put everything they have into this place" Levi said with a smile.

Eren tilted his head to the side and asked "You didn't want to be a part of this as well?"

"Not really" Levi answered "I had my own dreams I wanted to see through".

Eren grinned and said softly "Well, I'm glad you did otherwise I might not be here today". Levi blushed, a pink tinge covering his cheeks, and at that precise moment Isabel reappeared with a notebook and a mischievous smile.

"You boys having fun, you ready to order?" she said cheerfully giving them both a knowing smile, Levi all but growled at her for the intrusion but Eren just laughed and looked at his menu.

"Everything looks really good, Isabel, do you have a recommendation?" Eren said, turning his happy smile to the redhead.

She grinned back at him and said "Oh, we have just the thing. In fact, Levi give me your menu, I'm picking your food tonight". Levi sighed but relinquished his menu pretty quickly trusting in Isabel's taste. "I'll be back with some wine" she called out and then skipped away.

"Umm... do I tell her that I'm not 21 yet or do you?" Eren whispered conspiratorially and Levi snorted realising that Eren couldn't legally drink yet, he was still only 20, and then he groaned a little knowing that his boyfriend wasn't even at legal drinking age.

Eren seemed to catch the groan and was able to tell exactly what it was for; a look crossed his face that Levi hadn't seen before and it was vaguely evil. So, when Levi pick up his glass of table water and took a sip moments later, Eren decided that that was the best time to lean forward and whisper in a low, throaty voice "Don't worry, Levi, I'm legal for everything else" making Levi spit his water out everywhere. He sprayed the whole table and even managed to get some on Eren, who just did not give a shit. He was laughing so hard that anyone seated near them were glancing over to look at what was going on, his hands were over his stomach to hold a stitch and his eyes were even swimming with tears.

"Fuck you" Levi growled; which in hindsight was not the best comeback as it only made Eren laugh harder and Levi's ears go red when he realised the connotation. He was actually grateful when Isabel returned with a bottle of red wine and started filling their glasses. She looked over at Eren whose laughter had subsided into giggles as he was trying to calm himself down.

"I'd ask but I'm not really sure I want to know" Isabel commented and Levi groaned, those two would maybe get on a little too well if left alone. She poured them both a glass and neither Levi nor Eren said anything to stop her, she told them their food would be out soon and then made her way back to the front desk.

"Does she always serve tables?" Eren questioned watching her walk away.

"She always serves mine" Levi said dryly, very happy that Eren had changed the topic "and I can't imagine her letting anyone serve me while I'm on a date, it would take all of her fun away".

Eren chuckled and then refocused entirely on Levi, it was almost disarming how he stared and for a moment Levi lost sense and just stared right back, taking in Eren's beautiful face, his brilliant green eyes but most of all his happy smile. His smile was pure and genuine and all for Levi, he could feel his own lips pulling up and his heart pound a little faster at the thought of Eren smiling just for him.

When he felt the heat rising in his face he coughed and glanced away, "Um... so, I know you're a ski instructor but you never told me about the business course?" he said awkwardly, he was trying for casual and failing spectacularly. But Eren, bless him, just smiled and didn't mention it.

"Well, it actually has to do with a silly dream Mika, Armin and I thought up a while back" he said easily, Levi raised an eyebrow but stayed silent waiting for Eren to continue. After a few moments of silence he sighed and kept talking "So when we were 16 Armin started tagging along on a lot of our holidays and well, he fell in love with Shiganshina pretty quickly as well. And one day we were camping and the three of us shared a tent and we started talking about what we wanted to do after we finished school, I told them I always wanted to be here with my mountains and Mikasa agreed, Armin said he'd like to own something of his own and I think it was Mika but I'm not sure, anyway, she said 'what if we owned a ski lodge here?' Armin and I got so excited and we all started making plans. We could live here and do uni, work on business and hospitality courses and anything else we might need. We thought that Armin could run the business and financial side while Mikasa did the hospitality and front of house and I could run the outdoor activities with Mika's help". Levi watched Eren as he got lost in his dreams, he had a dopey, happy look on his face as he talked and levi was reminded of all the times Izzie and Farlan would talk on and on about their plans for the restaurant. It was the same level of passion and intensity that Levi's friends had felt for their own dream and Levi knew that despite Eren saying it was silly Levi knew he wanted it with all of his heart.

"And what about now? Do you still want it" Levi asked quietly.

Eren paused for a moment but nodded "Yeah, I do. I love Shiganshina and I think eventually I'll be able to go back, it's my home and I want to be there, I'm just not quite ready yet".

Levi smiled "Armin and Mikasa still want it?" he asked.

This time Eren nodded without hesitation "We haven't talked about it since the disaster but I know they still do, even if it's hard we belong in Shiganshina and I don't think any of us could hate it for long".

Levi nodded in understanding "Well, then you'd better take school seriously and get to planning as fast as possible. If you want, I know Farlan and Isabel would be more than happy to share some experiences and information to help you" he said steadily and Eren looked at him with wide eyes.

"You actually think it's something we can do?" he asked softly.

Levi had to snort out a laugh at that "Eren, you survived a building falling on you anything after that should be a piece of cake plus... you're you and that means you're capable of anything you set you're mind too".

Eren's mouth dropped open a little and his eyes glistened but before Levi could notice any more Eren had stood up and leaned over the table to kiss Levi firmly on the lips. It was a little longer than probably decent in a restaurant but Eren poured all of his feelings into it and when he pulled back a few inches he whispered a "Thankyou" and then returned to his seat. Levi couldn't form words after the sudden attack and it was only Isabel arriving with their food that made him able to speak again. She was placing bowls of a creamy pasta in in front of them, it looked delicious and smelled even better.

"I'm sorry the food didn't come out quicker I didn't realise you were so hungry, Eren" she commented smirking, Levi felt his ears go red and he was about to snap at Izzie when Eren spoke.

"Wh-what do you mean?" he stammered glancing from Izzie's grin to Levi's slightly red face, very confused.

"Well, I saw you trying to eat Levi and trust me my food taste's much better" she said, grinning, and Eren's entire face went crimson in embarrassment, his mouth dropped open and he turned to Levi seeking help.

"Izzie, please just leave the food and fuck off" Levi said calmly.

Isabel giggled "But that's no fun, he's so cute when he's embarrassed", she then proceeded to lean forward and ruffle his hair like a child. He squirmed away and Levi reached over to grab her hand and hold it firmly.

"Isabel. Stop touching my boyfriend" he warned but it only succeeded in making Isabel louder as she squealed so violently at the word 'boyfriend' Levi was pretty sure only bats could hear her now.

"FARLAN! Levi called Eren his boyfriend! Farlan!" Isabel screeched towards the back room where Farlan appeared and came over to them smirking and for the second time tonight all of the neighbouring tables turned to stare at them.

"Oi, Isabel. Can you lower your fucking voice" Levi growled and although her manic smile didn't go anywhere her voice did get quieter. 

"Sorry, sorry. Just excited, our precious little baby is all grown up and has a boyfriend" she exclaimed. Levi groaned and put his face in his hands.

"Come on, Izzie, if we want Levi to continue having a boyfriend it's probably best for you to be very far away" Farlan commented and with an apologetic smile he steered Izzie away from them.

"Oh god, it didn't really look like I was trying to eat you, did it?!" Eren cried when Isabel and Farlan were out of earshot.

Levi choked out a laugh and looked up at the worried face of his boyfriend; "No, you're fine, Izzie just likes to tease". He heard Eren sigh out a breath of relief and move his hand over to grab Levi's, they intertwined their fingers on top of the table and let them rest there. Eren easily went ahead and picked up his fork to start on the pasta in front of him while Levi picked up his own and started a long struggle with his food. He was torn, he didn't want to let go of Eren's hand but he was having a lot of trouble trying to eat with his left hand. After about five minutes of not eating his pasta, he sighed and looked over to Eren.

"Eren? I kind of need my hand back" he said softly making Eren look up in time to watch the small amount of pasta Levi had managed to gather on his fork fall off and back into the bowl. He grinned but let go of Levi's hand, just as quickly though he traded his fork to his other hand and grabbed Levi's free one, they held hands on the opposite side of the table. Levi smiled and started eating with much more ease but he watched Eren for a moment to make sure he wasn't having any problems, part of Levi hoped that Eren would struggle just as much as he did. But no, Eren continued eating with ease.

"How can you do that?" Levi grumbled at him and Eren smirked.

"I broke my arms a lot as a kid. I learnt to eat with whatever hand wasn't in a cast, I can write with both hands too if you're interested" Eren said playfully and Levi just grumbled a little at Eren's smugness but they continued to eat in a happy silence. The food was amazing and with the wine Isabel had given them the tastes were incredible and their conversation had ended up turning from words to noises.

The wine started to go to Levi's head a little and from the happy laughter that bubbled out of Eren more often as the night progressed he could tell it had gone to his, too. They talked more after they finished their food and then Isabel was bringing out their dessert and surprisingly she left pretty quickly. Their hands stayed intertwined on the table and Levi did not want to let go at all, not when they went to pay and Farlan waved away Levi's money and not when they were walking out and waving goodbye. They had to let go briefly to get in the car but as soon as they'd put seatbelts on Levi's hand was back on Eren's and gripping it tightly.

"You sure you can drive with one hand" Eren teased, Levi grunted and then proceeded to show him just how well he could drive one-handed. They had only had enough wine to make them buzzed at dinner and Levi had stopped when he felt the effects knowing he was driving Eren home later and making sure he wasn't over the limit. Much too soon though Levi was parked out the front of Eren's building and he heard Eren sigh beside him.

"I don't really want to go in yet" Eren murmured, turning to Levi. Levi didn't want him to leave either, he was staring intently at Eren's pink lips and he wanted to kiss them so badly... so he did. He leaned over in his seat and slowly, deliberately put his lips to Eren's, he waited a moment to make sure Eren didn't pull away but then he felt Eren's lips move against his own. He pushed forward and kissed Eren deeply, just as he'd been wanting to do all night, his tongue darting out and tracing the lines on Eren's lips, he heard a soft sigh and Eren's mouth opened to let him inside.

He had to move his whole body forward in order to kiss Eren deeper, there was a gearshift digging into his stomach but it didn't matter as long as he was encased in Eren's warm mouth and Eren was kissing him back. They had to break away for a moment to catch their breath but Levi didn't waste any time, his lips moved to Eren's neck and he trailed kisses down soft skin. Eren was trying to stifle his moans but every now and then one would escape and send a shiver through Levi's body.

"Le-vi" Eren sighed, his breath tickling Levi's neck, Levi had made his way to Eren's collarbone and was slowly going further down, pulling Eren's shirt lower as he went.

"Levi" Eren gasped and tapped his shoulder, Levi instantly glanced up and had to swallow hard at the image. Eren's face was pink, he was breathing deeply and his lips were slightly swollen  and red from kissing.

"Eren... what's wrong" Levi said softly and Eren shook his head.

"Nothing's wrong... I-I just..." he stammered and bit his lip, he met Levi's eyes and said seriously "do you want to come upstairs?"

Levi reeled backwards at the request. He hadn't expected Eren to be so forward with this but as he looked at him he knew Eren was completely serious, "Are you sure?" Levi replied.

Eren nodded, breathed in deeply in responded "I don't want to miss anything in my life, it's short and precious and I don't want to have any regrets. Not being with you tonight? Getting out of this car and walking away? That would be my biggest regret. So, yes, I'm sure. I want to be with you". Levi swallowed hard and waited for a moment but Eren wasn't backing out and he wasn't changing his mind so Levi leaned forward and kissed him one last time before returning to his seat and buckling up.

Eren looked really confused "Levi? What's going on? Don't you want to come inside?" 

"Not really" Levi replied steadily and turned the engine on, he looked over and Eren's face had fallen "I don't really want to test out how soundproof your walls are tonight, I assume Armin and Mikasa are both home?"

Eren's face cleared and he grinned "Yeah, fuck, I never would have lived that one down" he said.

"How about my place instead?" Levi offered and Eren reached over and took his hand in answer, Levi pulled out and onto the road heading for his own apartment.

"By the way, Isabel was wrong" Eren said.

"What?" Levi asked turning in confusion to look at Eren.

"You taste much better than the food" he answered happily.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo... smut next chapter get excited!! I do have a question though and if you could leave your answers in the comments I'd be soo grateful.  
> Would you prefer Eren or Levi to be top??  
> I have a few ideas and honestly can't decide which I prefer so I thought maybe you guys would like to pick?? :P  
> Thanks in advance!!


	15. Love to Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou soo much for all the comments and feedback! I went with the majority so hopefully you like it :P

We barely made it through the door before Levi's lips were on mine and his hands were running down my body. I was so completely consumed by him that I didn't even notice when the door clicked shut behind us or as Levi brought us closer to his room, all I could do was touch him and kiss him back. Shoes were discarded as we stepped inside and my back instantly hit a wall as Levi pressed into me, kissing me deeply and thoroughly. His chest was against mine and his hands roamed down my body, tugging at the edge of my sweater until he finally started pulling it up. We had to break our kiss while Levi pulled my sweater over my head and then threw it to the ground but before long his lips were back on mine and we were moving again, stepping away from the wall as he led me forward.

I'd never been kissed like this before, I mean, sure I'd had boyfriends but kissing Levi was new and way too intense. His touch lingered on my skin and it felt as if I were being ravaged with every kiss and every stroke of his tongue inside my mouth. I couldn't help the little moans from escaping or how my hands seemed to move of their own accord to start unbuttoning his shirt and then throwing it to the floor, completely forgotten. I ran my hands over his muscled back and felt as he started on the buttons of my own shirt, his cool fingers met my burning skin as he quickly removed my shirt and it fell to the ground next to his own.

I honestly had no idea if we were in his room or the kitchen nor did I really care, he could push me up against a fridge and I'd probably melt at this point. I could feel his fingers move to my pants and without breaking our kiss I moved my own, trying to get his pants off as well. I really just needed to be together with no barriers between us, it felt right and I knew that with all the words in the world I wouldn't be able to describe my happiness. I felt as if I were flying, I had no past and no future beyond being with Levi in this moment and it was fantastic. 

Pants were being tugged down awkwardly and I almost regretted wearing my tighter pair but it was making Levi laugh into my mouth at the amount of trouble he was having trying to pull them off my legs.

"I can't... they're too tight" Levi chuckled making me grin and blush a little.

"Sorry... Mika said they made my butt look good" I replied quickly and instantly went crimson at the lack of filter between my brain and mouth but Levi just laughed again, full and loud.

"Well, she wasn't wrong" he managed between gasps of laughter. I rolled my eyes but couldn't help grinning and taking the chance to tug on Levi's pants, which I had successfully unbuttoned, and slid them down Levi's thighs with ease. I smiled in satisfaction as Levi stepped out of his pant legs and went back to work on mine.

"Maybe you're just not trying hard enough" I whispered into his ear, with an excited grin plastered on my face. Levi laughed again and before I could move even an inch he had pick me up gently and thrown me over his shoulder in a few swift movements. I squeaked in a very unmanly way which only made him laugh harder and felt as he moved us forward and then dropped me down onto a soft mattress. I was on my back as his hands were on the cuffs of my jeans and he was trying to pull them off but they only managed to get stuck around my thighs, I couldn't help but join Levi in his laughter and then start wriggling awkwardly to help move them down. And finally, they slid off.

Levi pumped a fist into the air in success and I almost started crying I was laughing so hard. With the pants thrown into a corner Levi descended down on top of me covering my body with his.

"Never wear those pants again" Levi whispered and I nodded enthusiastically in agreement. I raised my head off the bed and kissed Levi again, my hands sliding easily into his hair and pulling his head down closer.

"Do you have..." I whispered into his ear and felt him nod, he moved his arm out towards his bedside table and opened up his draw pulling out a bottle of lube and condoms. I swallowed nervously, for the first time since we kissed in the car I started to realise what was going to happen and as excited as I was I couldn't help the nerves from surfacing. Levi just dropped the items onto the mattress and went back to kissing me, his hands making their way slowly down my chest to play with the band of my underwear and to cup my ass over the thin fabric. My breathing changed and I had to suck in deep breathes to try and calm myself down and let the nerves settle- it wasn't working too well.

Levi noticed and pulled his lips from mine to look me in the eyes "You OK?" he whispered and I nodded but it didn't reassure him and he pulled away a little further. "Eren, what's going on?"

"Nothing, I'm fine" I murmured trying to pull him back into a kiss but he wouldn't budge.

"I'm not going to do anything unless you're totally OK with this" Levi assured me, I sighed knowing he wouldn't keep going until I talked.

"It's nothing... just nerves" I whispered hoping that would work- it didn't. Levi rolled his eyes and kissed me quickly before sitting back and pulling me up with him so that we sat facing each other on his bed. He just stared at me until I gave in.

"Alright, fine... it's my first time" I admitted quietly, not meeting his eyes.

"You mean with me?" Levi asked gently and I sighed and shook my head.

"Ever. I've had boyfriends but we never... I never... I want this to be with you it's just... I'm just a little, uh... tense" I stammered out still not meeting Levi's eyes but instantly Levi's lips were back on mine and kissing me fervently, I had to put my arm around his neck to brace myself against him. He pushed me over until my back hit the mattress again and he was hovering over me.

"And you're sure you want to do this" Levi murmured in my ear, I looked up into his handsome face and knew I really did, it felt right and safe with Levi, I felt alive with him and I wanted to hold onto that feeling for the rest of my life.

"Yes, I'm sure" I said steadily keeping my eyes on his so he knew I was serious, my heart was still pounding in my chest but I had made up my mind and I wanted to follow through. He kissed me again and I felt a smile tugging at my lips, it was crazy how easily he could soothe me.

"I'll go slow if you want" Levi whispered and I felt myself nodding. Slow was a good idea. And then Levi was trailing kisses down my neck and chest, his hands following his lips down as he reached my hips. He kissed me softly over my hipbone and nipped the skin there making me let out a squeak of surprise, he chuckled and I hit him lightly on the head only to sigh as his lips kissed the soft skin again, my hand stayed in his soft hair and I started running my fingers through it aimlessly. 

His fingers lightly pulled at the edge of my underwear and as he slowly pulled them away I lifted my hips to help them slide off a little easier, I watched as Levi discarded them on the floor and then lowered his head. I gasped as his lips touched me and my hands gripped his hair a little tighter unintentionally pushing him down further, I could feel his tongue and his warm mouth over me and I couldn't help moaning. His mouth slid up and down, pushing me to the edge and making my back arch of the bed. I closed my eyes and just let the sensations consume me, let Levi take the lead as I lost myself in him.

I felt as his hand disappeared off my body only to return moments later slick and cool, I felt his fingers tracing over my ass and I inhaled deeply when I felt one press inside. It was at that moment his mouth covered my entire length and his tongue swirled around to distract me from the pressure, it didn't feel as strange as I had thought and my body relaxed in relief as the initial fear disappeared. I felt him press his finger in deeper and let out a slight groan as the pressure increased but it felt good to have his mouth on me and I focused on that.

His cool finger moved slightly, slowly and carefully stretching me out until he felt it was OK to press a second finger in. I groaned loudly and my body rose off the mattress a little at the intensity of what was happening but Levi's mouth kept up its steady rhythm and soon enough I was relaxed again and shifting my body further onto his fingers. I wanted more... more heat, more pressure, more intensity.

"Levi... I want more..." was all I could manage between fractured breaths, I felt his mouth slowly slide away and I couldn't help the whine that escaped at the lack of contact. His fingers were still inside me and moving swiftly. He glanced up at me before moving his free hand to his own underwear and pulling them off in one movement, I looked down at his hard length and felt the nerves rising up a little at the thought of our next move.

Levi removed his fingers and leaned over to kiss me firmly before extending his hand to the lube again but I cut him off.

"Can I?" I whispered and watched as his eyes widened and his head nodded shortly. I moved my hand away and grabbed the condom, I ripped the small package open with my teeth and the rubber fell into my hand. With my eyes locked on Levi's I shifted forward a little and rolled the condom on. I then reached back and took the bottle of lube in hand, I turned it upside down and poured the cool liquid onto my outstretched palm before looking back at Levi. My lips turned up at the expression of complete adoration on his face and I couldn't help moving forward quickly and pressing my lips to his in a heated kiss, with my lips on his and both of our eyes closed I let my hand wander down until I felt him. I heard him sigh into my mouth and my confidence rose enough to move my hand up and down his shaft, listening to Levi's broken groans and heavy breathing was enough to keep my hand from stopping. 

I moved my hand rhythmically until Levi broke off our kiss and started to gently move me until my back hit the mattress and my legs wound themselves around Levi's waist. I watched as he leaned in and moved until he was close but not quite touching.

"You OK?" he whispered and I nodded quickly, I was more than OK, I felt as he gently guided himself forward and started to slide inside. It felt strange and I knew I was holding my breathe in anticipation but Levi never rushed or moved too quickly, he edged in gradually and before long I was shifting my hips to press him inside faster. My eyes were closed and my breathing heavy and all I could focus on were the sensations running through my body and any noises spilling from Levi's lips. He stopped for a moment when I put my hand on his shoulder, I needed a second to adjust and so he just leaned down to kiss me sweetly, I kissed him back and tried to let my body relax. 

As he started to move again my breathing escalated and my hands gripped his shoulders to keep myself steady, Levi was above me with his chest brushing against mine and his hair tickling my face. My legs tightened their grip around his waist as he moved swiftly in and out and my head fell back onto the mattress. His arms snaked around my body and locked on, my hips jerked up and the angle changed. He went deeper and deeper, faster and faster, the bed beginning to rock back and forth against the wall, the panting in my ear growing harsher and harsher...

The edge was the single greatest burn I'd ever felt, the cusp of not just my release, but Levi's, tightening me up all over, my thighs clenching, my pelvis tilting to receive and Levi's strong arms holding us together...

When Levi came, the thrusts locked me in so hard that my head ended up banging into the bedhead- not that I really noticed or cared- and I followed Levi almost instantly with my own release.

It took awhile for us both to have our fill that night. And funnily enough, we were so totally fine with it. When things eventually reached a pause that lasted longer than a minute and a half, I let go of a deep breath and sank back into the bed , turning on my side. Levi was apparently exhausted as well, his body following mine and stretching out behind me. Levi's arm went over my body and he moved it against mine to make sure I was as close as possible to him. 

Behind me, Levi was still breathing deeply, the heat radiating from him, our bodies still joined. I wanted to take advantage of our quiet space: ever so slowly so as to not wake him up I covered Levi's forearm with my own and entwined out fingers. I closed my eyes, smiled, and just prayed we could stay this way for a little longer.

 

***

 

Our sleepy morning bliss was naturally broken by a phone ringing, I reach out to grab it but I fumbled and accidentally knocked it loudly to the ground.

"Shhh... Fuck... " I groaned and then just left it where it was, my muscles ached everywhere and my hips twinged as I shifted my body back towards Levi's.

"Who's phone?" Levi mumbled against my neck, repositioning his arm tightly around me.

"Not sure... but the floor has it now" I replied in a whisper making Levi laugh lightly. "I'm sore" I grumbled, completely forgetting the now silent phone, and Levi started moving his hand up and down my arm in comfort.

"Do you want anything? Food? A bath?" Levi asked softly and I mumbled something in agreement. "I need words, Eren" Levi teased and ran his hand through my hair.

"Can I have food in the bath?" I asked and Levi laughed happily.

"I think I can do that... stay here and I'll set the bath up" Levi said and tried to move away but I had my arm wrapped around him and didn't really want to let go. "Eren, it's either me or the bath" he grinned when I tried to tug him back to the bed.

"You then, always you" I mumbled still not really awake, he leaned down and kissed me hard making my hands move to his shoulders. When I had let him go a little he leaned back and scooted off the bed to my many complaints.

"I promise you'll thank me when you're in the bath" Levi said playfully and walked out, I closed my eyes but couldn't go back to sleep now that Levi was missing. He returned a little while later and actually made the effort to scoop me up and carry me bridal style into the warm bathroom. I would have been annoyed but it was a little too cute and it meant I didn't have to walk anywhere. He placed me gently into a half filled bath with the water running, gave me a kiss and then left saying something about food. 

Levi returned to find me neck deep in bubbles with my eyes closed and a lazy smile on my face, his happy laugh made me snap my eyes open and grin at him.

"A bubble bath, really? I leave you alone for five minutes..." Levi teased.

"Everything's better with bubbles" I said firmly but a laugh escaped ruining any serious effect I tried, Levi just raised an eyebrow, "Just bring me my food and get in the fucking bubble bath" I laughed. Levi relented and brought over two plates of toast which he held carefully as he slipped into the tub, he sighed as the hot water hit his body and I grinned.

"See, the amazingness that is bubbles" I exclaimed making him laugh again, he gave me my plate and with our knees and legs entwined we sat in a bubble bath and ate our breakfast.

 

*** 

 

 _"Hey Eren, sorry I called so early this morning but we may have a problem"_ Armin said from the other end. I had finally picked up my phone from the floor and I now sat with my back against the headboard and Levi's head in my lap as he checked his own phone.

"It's fine, what happened?" I asked curiously, not to worried and still riding a post-sex high, I felt Levi's arm snaked around my waist and smiled widely.

 _"Well, you know your date last night?"_ he said slowly.

"Yeah, Armin, I'm well aware of my date last night" I snickered and heard Levi huff out a laugh at my answer.

 _"Don't freak out... but you may have been photographed"_  Armin said cautiously, his words however jolted me to back to reality.

"What do you mean photographed?" I replied, my voice strained and anxious. I felt Levi sit up and turned to see his worried expression, silently asking me what had happened.

 _"Apparently there were journalists at a table near yours last night and they watched you two all evening and took a bunch of photos- they're everywhere"_  Armin confessed.

"Fuck! What do you mean everywhere?" I cursed, Levi rubbed comforting circles over my back and sat close to me for support.

 _"They're on the internet and all over newspapers and magazines- it's big Eren, like so big you should probably stay where you are for awhile"_  Armin said carefully.

"I can't go home?" I muttered getting annoyed, how dare anyone pry into my private life?

 _"Not really, there are people everywhere around our building- I don't know how they found us but they're all here. You may have to check if they're at Levi's place as well... I mean, I'm assuming you went home with him?"_  Armin pried.

"Yeah, I'm at Levi's... If it's OK with him I'll stay here until it settles down but what am I supposed to do now?" I replied.

 _"Well, actually most of the articles are pretty positive- they're selling it as some kind of fated tragic love story or something. There are a few who are calling it a few less pleasant names but they're just close-minded assholes. Everyone just seems to be more curious than anything and I think they just want your relationship validated"_  Armin answered honestly and I sighed. At least it was positive.

"Alright Armin, thanks for the heads up. I'm going to talk with Levi and I'll call you later and let you know when I'm coming home" I said, rubbing my head trying to ease the headache that had come on.

 _"I'll see you later, be safe"_  Armin said and hung up.

"What's happened?" Levi murmured continuing to rub my back, I let out a breath and relaxed back against his body.

"Well, if we had any intention of keeping our relationship private that's gone down the shit-hole" I answered and Levi's hand stopped its movement.

"People know?" he asked and I nodded in confirmation.

"There were journalists at Magnolia and Church last night, apparently they took quite a few pictures of us and now they're staking out my house waiting for me" I said, slumping backwards into Levi and letting his body surround mine.

"Fuck... people fucking suck! Why the fuck would they do this?" Levi exclaimed, his voice low and angry.

"Apparently we're a fucking tragic love story" I said, joining in on Levi's anger.

"Fuck all of them" Levi grumbled and I agreed, they could all go to hell and I wouldn't care.

"Is it OK if I stay here today?" I asked, I knew he'd say yes but there was still a small feeling of apprehension.

"Of course, I'm not sending you home in this but I do have work tonight... that should be fucking interesting" Levi answered.

"I don't mind staying here alone... I like your bed- it's probably a little too comfortable" I said and Levi chuckled and snuggled in closer, I said comfortable but what I meant was that it smelled like Levi and made me feel more at home and relaxed than my own home did. I had fallen asleep much faster and had no nightmares, although that may have had something to do with all of the sex.

"I don't think they'll leave you alone until we talk to them" Levi said honestly and I knew he was right, they wouldn't stop until they got an answer from us.

"I guess we could organise an interview" I mumbled.

"What would we even say" Levi grumbled, very obviously annoyed "I don't think we can pass of that dinner as anything other than a date".

My eyes widened at his words and I propped myself up on my elbow to look at his face, "I don't want to pass it off as anything, I'm dating you Levi and I don't give a shit if the entire world knows. I just don't want it on the internet or people prying into our business... unless you don't want people to know" I said trailing off at the end not sure of what Levi would say.

Levi didn't even hesitate before he leaned in to kiss me firmly "I don't care about other people- I'm just worried about you and if this will be too much. I'm with you completely and I'm OK with whatever you want to do".

"Alright, how about just a statement to start with to see if it'll quiet them down and then we can do something bigger if it doesn't" I suggested.

"Yeah, we could just say that we're together but we'd appreciate privacy as it's still new" Levi tried and I nodded.

"I like that and can we tell them I don't want them following me, the thought makes me really anxious" I confessed.

"No problem, we can definitely make sure no one is following you and if they do just call me and I'll get them to leave" Levi said strongly and I smiled at his protectiveness.

"I can't believe they took photos... oh no, what photos did they take?" I said quickly jumping out of bed to try and find a computer. Levi went after me and we ended up on the couch staring at his laptop, waiting for it to start. Finally, we managed to get onto the internet and nervously I typed my name into the search engine. It only took a few seconds before we were bombarded with images and articles of ourselves. The main photo seemed to be the one of me leaning over the table to kiss Levi and honestly we looked so happy I might have actually been glad someone had stolen a photo of it. Some were less flattering but honestly none of them too bad, our privacy had only been invaded a little and I was just so happy that they hadn't tried to follow us home.

'They think we're cute" Levi said as he read through the many different comments and articles. It was true, it was mostly like what Armin had said, everyone seemed to be positively cooing over our relationship and proclaiming that they'd 'called it' after we did that interview together. I knew I should be annoyed but after reading through some of it I was actually kind of warm inside. I didn't like them invading my privacy or having my personal life up for debate on the internet but there was so much love and support out there that I really couldn't stay mad.

Instead, I closed the laptop and kissed Levi.

"You've got me all day now... what are we going to do?" I hummed in his ear and smiled as he came forward and attacked my lips.

"Phones off?" Levi suggested, quirking an eyebrow and I nodded enthusiastically.

We would forget about people for now, there wasn't much we could do anyway, and just go back to our happy, new relationship bubble and figure the rest out tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to let you guys know I'm on the downward arc from here for this fic and there will probably only be about 7 chapters left :)


	16. Taking Comfort in Each Other

Levi

 

"So you never said why you were late today" Hange pried and Levi rolled his eyes and groaned a little. He'd thought he'd won the jackpot when he'd arrived 5 minutes late and all Hange had done was raise an eyebrow and smirk. He'd thought she'd actually given him some slack and let it go but no... she was just lulling him into a false sense of security to attack later when his defenses were low.

"Fuck, Hange, I'm not getting into it" Levi replied, annoyed.

"Aww, come on, you know your life is so much more interesting than mine at the moment and I kind of need to know why you were late. Was it Eren? It was Eren right?" she exclaimed happily.

"No, it was traffic" Levi tried but Hange just laughed.

"Yeah, right, your boyfriend totally made you late" Hange teased. 

"Hange" Levi warned but she didn't care.

"I bet you guys were making out and totally forgot you had to be somewhere" Hange said laughing, Levi just huffed and didn't answer. I mean, they  _might_  have been making out and Levi  _may_  have forgotten the time but that was really none of Hange's business.

"Oh man, you totally were, weren't you?!" Hange shrieked and punched him on the shoulder.

"Hange, drop it, I was late because of traffic" Levi gritted out but Hange just seemed to get louder and a little terrifying.

"Yay! I was so worried that the whole media invading your privacy and your photo's getting leaked everywhere would be a problem" Hange said cheerfully and Levi just groaned and put his face in his hands.

"Leave it, Hange, I want to go home" Levi said irritably and headed out of the station and towards his car.

"Ooh, is Eren still there? Eren's still there, isn't he, he's totally waiting for you in your bed!" Hange squealed.

"Fuck, goodbye Hange" Levi called out and turned his back on the very overexcited woman who, if he stayed any longer, would probably start trying to violently hug him soon.

"Have fun!" she screamed as Levi ignored her and got in his car to go home and sighed in relief as he closed his door. His entire shift had been weird and too long, everyone had been staring at him and he knew they were whispering and letting rumours circulate about him. He had always been very private about his life and although he wasn't exactly secretive nor did he really care if people knew he was gay- his private life, which now included Eren, being splashed over the news was pretty fucking irritating. 

The whole drive home Levi thought about Eren, he really just wanted to get home and crawl into bed beside him and go to sleep. It was amazing to be able think that Eren was waiting for him, that he could come home after work and Eren would be there to meet him or at least curled up in his bed where Levi could join him. He'd been alone a long time and honestly he had liked it that way but having Eren in his life made him realise just how boring and grey it had been before. 

He parked in his spot outside his apartment building and closed his eyes for a moment, tiredness washing over him and a yawn escaping, before being able to make his way slowly up the path and into the building's elevator. He ended up leaning against the elevator wall, closing his eyes and getting very close to falling asleep in the 30 seconds it took to reach his floor but as the elevator chimed and the doors opened he staggered out and walked slowly to his door. As he got closer he started to hear music and as he fumbled the key in his lock he realised it was coming from his own apartment. Was Eren still up?

He opened the door slowly and the music seemed to blast out, he quickly checked his watch for the time as he was really confused about the noise coming from what he thought was his kitchen. It was 2:24 am and Eren should have been fast asleep, the apartment should be dark and it should definitely have been quiet but that wasn't what was happening at all. He shut the door quietly, put his keys in the bowl and stepped out of his shoes and then silently made his way down the hall towards the kitchen and the loud music. As he got closer he noticed a second voice and his mouth turned up in a smile when he realized it was Eren and he was singing along... very enthusiastically.

He had to stifle a laugh when he recognized the song as Livin La Vida Loca by Ricky Martin and had to stop himself from running around the corner to see. Instead he slowly approached and peered around the wall to make sure Eren didn't see him and when he saw that Eren was very engaged in both his singing and flipping his pancakes he stepped out and leaned against the counter to watch his boyfriend.

Eren was dressed in nothing but black briefs and Levi's own black apron and he had to admit it was an excellent view. Eren's legs were toned and long and his back muscled and tanned and as he moved his arms and stretched Levi had to take a deep, stabilizing breath to stop his blood running directly south. His almost arousal was stalled when Eren started belting out the chorus into the head of the spatula and sliding his feet sideways to try and dance. His voice was loud and seriously off-key but Levi felt his whole body relaxing and the tension from the day disappearing as Eren made an idiot of himself. He was going to speak up and say something when the song started to fade out but curiosity got the better of him when the next song played and Eren whole heartedly started singing what could only be called his own rendition of Adele's Set Fire to the Rain. 

Levi just stayed by the counter his hand over his mouth to stop the laughs from escaping and his eyes locked on Eren as he started trying to hit the high notes, when the spatula returned as his microphone and at the crest of the chorus he actually pumped his fist into the air in excitement and Levi couldn't help the laugh the burst out. Eren immediately jumped, dropped the spatula and spun around on the spot to face him with his eyes wide and his mouth dropped open.

"Levi! How-how long have you been there?" Eren gasped and Levi watched as his cheeks flushed crimson.

"Since the middle of Ricky Martin" Levi laughed, standing up straight and walking over.

"Oh god, this is so embarrassing" Eren breathed out and Levi just snorted as he stopped right in front of him.

"Yeah, definitely embarassing... and I really wish I'd taped it" Levi teased and Eren went redder.

"I didn't hear you come in! I thought I was alone" Eren groaned.

"That was pretty clear" Levi laughed and Eren hit him lightly on the shoulder but smiled guiltily.

"It was pretty terrible, wasn't it?" Eren admitted with an easy grin.

"Nah, I could definitely get used to it" Levi confessed and leaned up to kiss him gently. "Wait, you're making pancakes at two in the morning?" Levi asked only just registering that Eren was actually cooking.

"Uh, yeah, so I couldn't sleep and I knew you'd be home about now so I thought you'd be hungry... and now we have pancakes" Eren gushed, gesturing to the pancakes on the plate and making Levi smile and lean up to kiss Eren again.

"Thankyou" he whispered and Eren grinned, his embarrassment fading into happiness at Levi being home.

"For the pancakes or the show" Eren chuckled and kissed Levi back.

"Both but honestly I'm really enjoying the apron over the briefs" Levi murmured and Eren laughed outright.

"Clothes are really overrated... you hungry?" Eren asked brightly and Levi nodded. Eren then grabbed everything they needed and proceeded to set it all out right on the kitchen floor for them and sat down against the cupboards. Levi followed his lead without question and sat across from him his back against the counter and his feet touching Eren's.

"This is perfect" Levi said picking up a plate and pouring syrup over his pancake.

"So, I was thinking we should probably head to my place tomorrow at some point" Eren said with a mouth full of pancakes "I've run out of clothes".

"Hmm... I really don't mind thewhole briefs and apron thing you've got going on" Levi suggested with a smile.

"Me either but I'm on my last pair of underwear" Eren smiled.

"Ha, alright we can head over at lunch but keep in mind we could always just forget clothes altogether" Levi said and then took another bite.

"They _are_ overrated... but Mikasa might worry if I'm gone much longer although Armin probably won't mind" Eren said easily.

"True, do we know if the media's still at your place?" Levi asked.

"Yeah, I called Mika earlier today and she said they were still there and that they were getting kind of rowdy and impatient" Eren said.

"You think maybe we should just get it over with and give them a statement" Levi asked, glancing up to gauge Eren's reaction.

"Yeah, I'm starting to get worried about them harrassing Mika and Armin about us if we stay away much longer, maybe if we show up they'll calm down" Eren said, pouring more syrup over his food. "Although, god knows why we're so interesting".

"We're going to have to figure out what to say" Levi groaned.

"We could just like smile and wave and push our way through" Eren suggested and Levi laughed.

"Tell them to leave us the fuck alone?" Levi tried and Eren grinned.

"A little harsh but not undeserved plus I don't think that will really help with the whole rowdy thing" Eren answered.

"True... so we just stick to the facts? Say we're dating but that we'd like privacy and for them to back off?" Levi asked.

"I like that but I'm going to need them to know that I really don't feel comfortable with them following me and hovering around me... it's makes me feel a little claustrophobic" Eren said quietly, Levi leaned over and grabbed Eren's free hand.

"I promise they won't follow you" Levi soothed and Eren nodded in acknowledgement.

"So you couldn't sleep?" Levi questioned trying to change the topic.

"No, I was going to but then I started thinking too hard and I thought what if I have a nightmare and youre not home yet? Or what if I have a panic attack and can't calm down? I really didn't want you to have to respond to an emergency call to your own house" Eren said quietly and Levi put his plate down and shuffled over to hug him. "So I just stayed up and watched movies, your couch is really comfortable by the way" Eren murmured with a small smile.

"The movies were at least good, weren't they?" Levi commented with grin.

"Eh, not bad but it's kind of sad watching a movie alone now, nowhere near as fun as watching it with you or Mika or Armin" Eren replied.

Levi grinned "You ready for bed?" 

"Yeah, I'm exhausted" Eren answered and stood up slowly.

"I need to have a quick shower but Ill meet you there" Levi whispered and kissed Eren on the cheek before heading to the bathroom where he took a very short shower. As he towelled his hair and made his way into his bedroom he found Eren sitting up in bed with his knees brought up to his chest, his fingers playing with the throw blanket and his eyes focused on a spot on the wall. He walked in and sat on the edge of the bed and gently picked up Eren's hand and held it in both of his own.

"You OK?" he asked getting worried, Eren nodded but Levi could see the tears forming in his eyes.

"Shh..." Levi soothed and brought Eren to his chest in a hug, Eren's arms wound around Levi's back and he rested his head on his shoulder.

"Why did it happen?" Eren whispered in a broken voice and Levi breathed in deeply and rubbed Eren's back, this had happened a few times before and he was still kind of at a loss as to what to do. All he did was hold him and rub his back and let him cry, he didn't think anything he said could possibly make Eren feel much better so he went with his gut and stayed pretty quiet. He knew how much Eren hated being alone now but there wasn't much that could to fix that except time, Eren had mentioned how his mind went into overdrive and started dredging up terrible thoughts about his parents but he didn't think it could happen in such a short amount of time.

Levi brought Eren right up against his chest, shuffled them around and then just leaned backwards against his pillows. As he lay down he moved Eren so that he was curled up against his side and crying into his shirt. Levi carded his hand through Eren's hair and just let him cry it out, before long his cries had turned into sniffles and the hand clutching his shirt had loosened a little. 

"Doing Ok?" Levi murmured.

"Better" Eren whispered.

"Want to talk about it?" Levi asked.

Eren took in a few deep breathes before he answered shakily "I'm so happy with you and then when I got into bed I started thinking about how I wanted my mum and dad to meet you... and then- and then I realised they never would... and now the holidays are coming and they won't be there... I just want them back".

"I'm so sorry, Eren" Levi murmured and hugged him tighter "Is there anything I can do?"

"You're doing it" Eren sniffed and clutched Levi's shirt again.

"Are we spending the holidays together?" Levi asked, gently trying to change the topic and try to make Eren feel better, he felt him shrug. "I want to spend them with you" Levi continued and watched as Eren's head emerged from where it was tucked to look up at Levi.

"I'd like that" he whispered and Levi smiled.

"I'll have to bring Farlan and Izzie, we've had Christmas together every year since we met, and I'm going to apologize in advance for their behaviour" Levi said playfully making Eren let out a little strained giggle.

"I have Mika and probably Armin and his grandfather" Eren contributed softly.

"Could we combine? And just all celebrate together?" Levi asked and placed a soft kiss on Eren's forehead.

"Yes, please, if your family doesn't mind" Eren replied and Levi smiled at the return of Eren's happier voice.

"Honestly? They'll probably be so happy I'm including you that I'll never live it down" Levi teased "what about your family? Will they mind us crashing?"

"Not at all, we love big Christmas' and the more people the better plus I really want to spend that day with you... it's going to be hard for us and I need you with me" Eren said. his voice low and serious.

"I'l be there, I promise" Levi said and then pulled the blanket over them and watched as Eren's breathing evened out and he fell into a fitful sleep.

 

***

 

They didn't arrive at Eren's building until after lunch, they had both slept in until eleven and then had a late breakfast and just lounged around Levi's apartment for awhile. They had finally gotten into Levi's car and started the relatively short drive to Eren's place but when they arrived and saw the twenty odd reporters hanging around they froze in their seats/

"We don't have to go in" Levi said tensely "we can just go buy you more underwear".

Eren laughed but it was very strained as he stared at the people standing between him and his home "We should just go, rip off the bandaid, you know" he said stiffly. Levi sighed but reached for the doorhandle, he was definitely going to be the one who had to start the ripping. He stepped out of the car and waited for Eren to do the same, although it took a little longer soon enough he was rounding the car and standing at Levi's side. It took the reporters all of two minutes to notice them, Levi just held out his hand and Eren grabbed on instantly as if Levi were his lifeline. The walked forward and met the reporters halfway.

"Mr Ackerman, can you tell us if you're in a relationship with Mr Jaeger?"

"How long have you been together?"

"Eren! How have you been since the landslide?"

"Eren!"

Levi could tell they were getting to be too much for Eren so he squeezed his hand and called out "Can I have your attention, please?" After he started speaking everyone went silent and Levi made sure to meet each and every one of their eyes.

"I'm only going to say this once and then I hope that you'll all stay out of our private life. Yes, Eren and I are dating. That night at the restaurant was our first date and honestly we were both very annoyed about how our pictures were taken without us knowing and then distributed without our permission. Our relationship is our own and we would be very grateful if you would stop intruding on it. And about Eren? He's doing as well as can be expected under the circumstances" Levi finished shortly but before he could pull Eren away, he spoke up quietly.

"I just wanted to say that I'm getting better, my life is pretty hard at the moment and I have a lot of bad days. My sister and my friends make things better but Levi is also a big part of my life, he makes my bad days hurt less and I know I owe him a lot. I know we would both really appreciate if you could all take a step back so that we can have some space and time to ourselves. I really don't want to see my picture in the news anymore" Eren said steadily and squeezed Levi's hand for support. 

A few camera's clicked but mostly everyone just stayed quiet and nodded in agreement. Eren offered a small smile to them in thanks and then turned and pulled Levi inside the building with him.

"How was that?" Eren whispered as he pulled Levi into the elevator with him and let out a relieved sigh.

"Well, I don't think they're going to bother us much" Levi answered with a short laugh and Eren joined in stiffly, both of them eventually relaxing at the idea of all the media being gone for the moment.

"You still in?" Eren asked with a tentative smile.

Levi answered him with kiss and whispered "All in".


	17. Opening Up

Eren POV

 

A cool breeze woke me early Monday morning, a shiver ran down my back and I reached for the blankets to try and cover up and go back to sleep but they weren't there. I cracked open a bleary eye and tried desperately to find the warm blankets but my fingers only scraped along the fitted sheet underneath me and found nothing else but cold air. I opened my other eye and rolled over so I faced the middle of the bed and was met with such an adorable sight that I couldn't help the giggles that started escapin.

Levi was completely cocooned within a nest of blankets, they covered his entire body with only half of his head poking out of the top, his neck and chin snuggled in towards the warmth. His eyes were closed and his face relaxed and calm in the quiet of early morning, I had to put a hand over my mouth to stifle the laughs and try and focus on getting my blankets back.

"Levi... 'm cold" I whispered, extending my finger and poking Levi's warm cheek.

"Itsnot..." Levi murmured incoherently. 

I couldn't help rolling my eyes a little, "It is... you have all the blankets" I answered tiredly.

"Shh... no, I don't" Levi grumbled.

"Yes, you do" I whispered and I couldn't help giggling at sleepy Levi was "you're all wrapped up like a cute little Levi shaped burrito".

"Not a burrito..." Levi groaned and rolled over so his back was to me.

"Levi... i'm still cold" I moaned moving over to at least try and steal some warmth from the outside.

"Ugh... fine" Levi mumbled and in a very fluid movement he rolled over about 180 degrees to land directly on top of my chest while conveniently disentangling the blankets so that they draped over us. His body was warm against mine and with sleepy movements I felt him trying to tuck the blankets in under my body.

"Now you're a burrito too" Levi mumbled against my chest, I grinned happily and moved my arms up to wrap around Levi and hold him closer trying to warm myself up.

"You can go back to sleep now" I murmured but I didn't need too as Levi was already asleep and making soft little breathy noises through his nose, I closed my eyes again and quickly fell back into unconsciousness.

A few hours later and our alarms were going off, Levi woke up pretty easily and didn't seem at all confused by being pressed into my chest or our little bundle of sheets surrounding us. I was so tired that my arm reached out blindly trying to find my phone so I could throw it somewhere very far away- anything to stop the incessant beeping. 

"You have classes today" Levi muttered sounding much more awake than he should for 7:00 in the morning.

"No, don't make me" I groaned, hiding my face in his neck and clamping my eyes shut. We had stayed up into the early hours of the morning and I was regretting it deeply now that I had to go an entire day on a little less than 5 hours of sleep.

Levi chuckled but managed to shift his body away and out of bed, "I'll make some coffee" he said as he left the room. I didn't really hear him but as he left and I could close my eyes again and return to sleep, I grinned at my victory. It didn't really last long as Levi returned about 10 minutes later just as my back up alarm went off.

"Make it stop" I grumbled and rolled over and away from the noise.

"Come on, I have coffee" Levi said softly and moved the coffee mug to my nose so I could inhale the amazing smell. I groaned loudly but shifted to sit up and reached out to wrap my fingers around the hot mug. 

"Thanks" I sighed and took a sip of the delicious hot coffee. 

"You ready for classes again? If you're not up to it you can stay here or go home" Levi asked gently but I shook my head.

"It's fine... I want to go. I need to get out and go to school again" I answered trying to soothe Levi's anxiety over me going back to my classes for real.

"Can I at least drop you off?" Levi asked with a resigned sigh.

I couldn't help but chuckle "Unless you want me walking there then yes, you can drop me off".

Levi huffed lightly but leaned forward and kissed my cheek softly, "I'm gonna have a shower" he said and stood up to walk towards the bathroom.

 

**

I ended up being 10 minutes early to class. Levi was incredibly efficient while getting ready and somehow we hadn't managed to lose track of the time or even actually make out at all. It was all quick kisses and light touches as we moved around each other to get ready for the day. I ended up having to borrow a coat from him as mine wasn't thick enough for the sudden turn of the weather. Levi's coat was a little tight but i didn't care, it smelled like him and was really warm and that's all that mattered. He stopped in the student parking area and left the car running while I sat still in my seat not actually getting out of the car. 

"You do know your classes are inside the building?" Levi teased but gently moved his hand so it entwined with my own.

"I know, I just need a second" I answered, my eyes locked on all of the students milling around. What if they had seen me on the internet? Fuck, who was I kidding of cause they had seen me- the only question now was how everyone was going to react.

"I can turn around and drive you home if you want me to" Levi offered steadily and squeezed my hand.

"No... I'm OK" I said slowly and turned to face him and try and give him a reassuring smile. "Mika and Armin are meeting me by the front office so it should be fine".

Levi nodded "If you need anything just call me" he said seriously and leaned in to kiss me firmly in goodbye. I kissed him back quickly, I would have like to have stayed longer but I was wary of the prying eyes of all the people walking past. I really didn't need anymore rumors about me.

"I'll see you tonight?" I asked and Levi smiled in agreement.

"Dinner at your place?" Levi asked and I nodded happily.

"Armin has a new movie he wants to watch" I said smiling and then reached in to my bag to pull out my beanie.

"I'll see you there" Levi said as I put my hand on the handle and opened the car door to get out. The cold wind bit into my face and I pressed Levi's coat tighter around me and pulled my beanie down to cover my ears and try and keep the warmth in, I closed the door firmly behind me and started making my way towards the front office. I saw Mikasa's green coat and Armin's brilliant blonde hair and made my way over, they were standing out the front but as they looked around and saw me they rushed forward to meet me halfway. Mikasa crushed me in a hug as if she hadn't seen me in months when really it had only been less than two days while Armin just grinned at me knowingly.

"Have a good weekend?" he asked with a smirk, I just ignored him and tried to pry Mikasa off me.

"It's good to see you, Mika, but I have to go to class" I said with a laugh as she finally let go.

"We'll walk you" she answered and hooked her arm through mine so as to not let me get to far away, I didn't really object too much as I had missed her a little as well.

"So Levi and I were talking" I started hoping that she would go for my idea and not completely hate it.

" _Talking_? I don't believe that for a second" Armin teased but I ignored him again, Mika had turned to me silently and just raised an eyebrow in question.

"Well, we were hoping he could be with us for Christmas this year" I rushed out and then watched her closely, she only rolled her eyes.

"Is that it? We already figured that one out" she said dryly and kept walking.

"Seriously? It's OK with you?" I asked but she only groaned.

"Eren, it's fine, we expected him to be there. Is he bringing anyone?" Armin asked in Mikasa's silence.

"Uh, yeah, actually. He has two close friends Isabel and Farlan who he spends Christmas with each year, they'll probably come" I answered in mild shock- they were taking this so well.

"Alright, I'll tell Gramps that we have an extra three people this year" Armin said and his voice had risen in excitement but before I could say anything more we had arrived at my classroom door.

"If you need anything call me" Mika said sternly.

"If you feel sick or anxious just leave" Armin lectured.

"Try and make some friends".

"Take notes".

"Don't listen to any-"

"Guys, stop" I said having to raise my voice a little for them to hear me, "I'm fine, I have you both on speed dial. Go to class, I promise I'll call you if I need you".

With a last quick hug from each of them they stepped off and walked away, I took in a deep breath and opened my classroom door. There were only five other people there so far and all of them looked up in interest as I entered, I just bowed my head and walked towards the table in the back corner. I had only set my books down when I heard someone approach, I looked up and was met with two people with open, curious faces.

"You're Eren, right?" the girl asked, she had brown hair tied up in a ponytail and brown eyes that seemed to glisten in the light.

"How'd you guess" I answered in a sarcastic huff, so this was how it was going to be.

"I saw your photo everywhere, of course! Although, you're a lot cuter in person" she babbled not quite picking up on the sarcasm and I raised my eyebrows in a way that reminded me of Levi, "I'm Sasha and this is my boyfriend, Connie". The shorter guy next to her grinned and waved at me.

"By the way your boyfriend is just adorable! He looks so small and angry, it's amazing!" she blurted out and Connie just sighed in defeat.

"We were going to be cool and calm, Sasha, what the fuck happened?" he grumbled rounding on her with an irritated look.

"I couldn't help it" Sasha moaned "I saw him and he's just so pretty, I want one".

"You do know I'm your boyfriend, right? Plus he swings for the other team and his boyfriend looks like he could kill you with just a look" Connie said in a light and cheery voice.

"Sorry,  but I really wouldn't take your chances with Levi and I also have a very angry sister who could definitely kill you with a look" I replied lightly, hoping that they knew I was joking with them. Sasha started laughing and Connie snorted.

"I like him, I knew this was a good decision" Connie said, "Can we sit here?" Sasha was now bouncing on her toes in excitement and Connie was grinning widely.

"Uh, sure" I said not really knowing what else to say, besides Mikasa  _had_  told me to make new friends. 

There was only a moment of silence before Sasha barreled on "You're probably wondering why we're here?"

"Actually, yeah, I figured I'd get some stares but I wasn't really expecting this" I answered with a sheepish smile.

"Well, Connie and I were talking it over with our friends and we all agreed to try and get you to sit with us, I mean, you're at a new school in a new city and dealing with a lot in your life so we figured we'd reach out" Sasha smiled and shrugged "if you want, that is".

I couldn't believe it, she was being so open and sincere, they actually wanted me to come and sit with them. But then a thought occurred, what if they were only being nice to me because of who I was and the unfortunate notoriety that came with that?

"Before you ask, no, we don't care about having our faces in the media. We just saw you sitting alone last week and all of us have been friends since primary school and we thought new blood might be nice" Connie answered before I could even ask my question. I watched them for a moment and took in their honest, happy faces and decided I'd just jump in. If they were planning on hurting me they would have to get through Mikasa, Levi and Armin to do it.

"I'd like that but I promised I'd sit with my sister and friend today" I answered and watched as they both just laughed.

"Bring them along, I'd love to meet your angry sister" Connie said cheerfully and I actually managed a grin in return. "Oh, plus we're all having drinks at Titan Bar on Friday, you should all come and bring your boyfriend too".

"Alright" I answered happily, today had gotten instantly better and as our teacher started speaking I couldn't help but pull my phone out of my pocket and message Levi under my desk to tell him everything that had happened.

 

***

 

Lunch went surprisingly well, there were only a few really invasive questions and if I didn't want to answer something the person who had spoken got a very evil glare from Mikasa across the table. Sasha and Connie had introduced us to their friends: a tall brunette named Ymir who was dating an adorable little blonde named Krista, a big blonde guy named Reiner, an even taller brunette named Bertolt, another tiny blonde named Annie, a really sweet, freckled brunette named Marco and his two-toned irritating boyfriend named Jean.

Everyone seemed really nice and as Mika, Armin and I sat down the conversation went pretty smoothly. For the most part they berated me with questions about Levi, we had definite no go topics like our parents, my recovery or anything to do with the disaster but they did make an effort to ask some pretty personal questions about my relationship with Levi and even if I tried not to answer I knew my face was giving me away. It was all in good fun though and by the time classes were starting again I felt lighter and happier than I ever had at this university.

"I like them" Mikasa said firmly as we walked away with a wave goodbye.

"Well, you did tell me to make friends" I said with an easy smile.

"They'll be good for us" Armin said joining in and smiling as well.

"Oh, Eren, are we still on for Christmas shopping this afternoon? I know you always leave it to the last moment and I thought we could get a headstart" Mikasa asked.

"Shit, I totally forgot, but yes I'm definitely up for shopping" I answered in a rush and then turned to Armin, "You coming?"

"I would but I have a lot of work to do, maybe we can go again on the weekend?" he answered but I had a feeling he was bowing out so that Mikasa and I could spend some quality time together.

"Alright then, I'll meet you out the front at 4:00 and we can take the bus in" I called out to Mikasa as we separated to our own classes.

"See you then!" she called back.

 

***

 

"So Levi's coming for Christmas, huh?" Mikasa asked absently while rifling through the clothing racks. We were currently looking for new clothes, we had set out to do Christmas shopping but realised that we really did need new clothes seeing as how most of ours were destroyed in the landslide. We had been coping with only a few different options and I had taken to wearing Levi's clothes but now we were here we just decided to get it over with and buy more.

"Yeah, I hope that's OK, I know I kind of sprung it on you" I replied a little nervously, she had said she was OK with Levi being a part of our Christmas but I still wasn't really convinced, I wanted him there so badly and a small part of me thought Mikasa might not.

"It's fine, honestly the more people around the better" Mikasa said and I smiled, that tight feeling in my chest loosening considerably, we both turned back to the shelves to keep going through the clothes until my eye caught something, something absolutely glorious. I turned my head to my sister and smirked evilly.

"So... I've been thinking I kind of want to know how much Levi likes me" I started up playfully and Mikasa glanced over, she registered my expression but seemed a little confused.

"Well that's pretty obvious, I mean, you're never apart I'm pretty sure he likes you a lot" Mikasa replied dryly.

"Yeah, sure, but does he like me this much?" I asked mischievously pulling  the hanger off the rack to show her, she saw what was hanging there and her mouth dropped open and her eyes widened in excitement.

"Oh, Eren, it's amazing" she whispered, extending her hand to softly touch the fabric. "You win this year and I haven't even looked yet!"

Our family had had our own traditions when it came to Christmas, we had made up our own version of secret Santa and we had all taken it very seriously. We all got to pick a name out of a hat each year and that person was the one we bought for but they weren't regular presents- we had all accepted the mission a long time ago to find the ugliest, tackiest Christmas themed sweater possible for our secret Santa.

Neither of us had mentioned our tradition yet this year, we weren't really feeling up to it and it only made us think of our parents but now that I'd found this monstrosity and shown Mika it felt right. We needed to keep this going, even if it was only a small piece of our old lives it was something we couldn't and didn't really want to give up. This godawful sweater made us both remember just how much fun our secret Santa tradition was and how much we needed to keep it alive. And by bringing Levi into it I felt that Christmas could possibly be OK this year even if mum and dad weren't there.

"How about we change it up this year" I said softly "I get one for Levi and you get one for Armin, we'll kind of induct them into the Jaeger family secret Santa... I mean, we don't have too but-"

I was cut off by a tight hug from Mikasa "I love it" she said sincerely "I can't possible beat that monstrosity but it'll be fun to try". I laughed, a little relieved she was going for it and set back to work on finding more clothes, the terrible sweater bundled up on my arm to purchase later. Maybe this year would turn out OK even after everything that we'd been through.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so Christmas Chapter next week!! Also, I may have to retract my 7 chapter time line, I've come up with some more ideas and it'll probably go a bit longer than that :)


	18. Facing the Holidays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys sorry for the late update, Christmas kicked my butt and kept me really busy plus I had to finish my Ereri Secret Santa Gift :P Also I got a little carried away so most of Christmas next chapter.. but I hope you like this anyway!!

Eren POV

 

"Hey! You guys showed up!" Sasha cried out as we entered the bar. They were all sitting on a big table in the corner and Connie and Sasha were waving us over, I waved back and grinned.

"Where's the boyfriend?" Connie called out as we took our seats, Armin was next to me with Mikasa on his other side and leaving a spare seat on my other side.

"He's on his way" I replied taking a beer from Reiner "He had to finish work and change but he should be here any moment".

"Yay! I can't wait to meet him" Sasha exclaimed, her face was a little flushed and I could tell she'd already had a few drinks, I was about to say something when I heard the door to the bar open and turned to look for Levi. And there he was. He was dressed in tight black jeans and a dark grey t-shirt, he had his big black boots on tied up around his ankles and his shirt did an excellent job at showing off his muscled arms and creamy skin. His hair still looked damp from his shower and his eyes seemed to glow silver in the fractured lighting of the bar.

"Damn..." was all I heard from behind me, I thought it may have been Bertolt but I couldn't be sure. I was completely focused on Levi and how fucking gorgeous he looked tonight, I waved my hand slightly and he caught it as he looked around. He smiled a tiny smile at me but it felt like his entire face lit up, I knew mine had at seeing him.

"Wait? _That's_ Levi?" was Jean's response as he saw who I was waving over.

"Idiot, don't you read?" came Annie's voice "of course that's Levi".

"I saw his picture but damn, Jaeger's got game to get him" Jean replied with awe in his voice. By this time Levi had approached our table and zeroed right in on me, he stood next to me and I couldn't help but lean over and kiss him.

"Hi" I whispered as I pulled back a little.

"Hi" he replied with a smirk, "I'm going to get a drink, you want one?"

"I'm good" I answered happily and gestured to the drink in front of me and with a casual hand running over my shoulder, Levi headed for the bar.

"Eren, he's really hot" I heard Sasha comment and I turned my attention back to the table, everyone was nodding in agreement with either a really impressed look or they were just in plain shock at Levi's arrival. "I mean, his photo's really didn't do him justice" Sasha continued, her eyes now focused on Levi's retreating back.

"Sorry Sash, I'm pretty sure he doesn't swing your way" Connie said, patting her gently on the shoulder and laughing gently as she let out a deep sigh.

"Plus he's already got Jaeger's booty so... I think that's all he needs" Reiner commented with a loud laugh effectively making the table snap out of their Levi fantasies and back into reality.

"Shut up" I called out but I was laughing too, the little knot of tension I had been carrying around easing slightly at their positive welcome of Levi. Well, they hadn't spoken to him yet so things could still go to shit, I knew Levi was open and happy with me but around other people he tended to get annoyed quickly. There was a moment of awkward silence when Levi sat down, the type of silence that you have when you were just openly talking about the person.

Levi just raised an eyebrow at me and took a sip of his beer.

"They were just commenting on my hot boyfriend" I replied to his unasked question. 

"Really?" Levi said, his voice laced with amusement.

"Oh yeah, especially Sasha over there" I said with a grin and pointed at the now crimson brunette, who was trying to hide behind Connie.

"Isn't she dating the bald one?" Levi asked coolly, his eyes flickering between the two.

"Yepp, but honestly I'm not sure he'd object" I answered on a laugh. I heard a squeak of protest from Sasha but funnily enough Connie was smiling as if considering my words. "On second thoughts, Connie looks like he'd join in" I continued playfully, at this Connie did turn red but he was still grinning at the teasing.

"Yeah, if you ever get tired of Jaeger I'm sure you'd have a lot of volunteers for rebound sex" Reiner called out crudely making everyone laugh loudly and even Levi cracked a proper smile. He just pulled my hand over to his and laced our fingers together on the top of the table and took another sip of his drink.

"Thanks for the offer but I'm good" Levi answered dryly and I could feel my cheeks flushing at his answer. There were a few 'awws' from around the table and I watched as Krista leaned into Ymir a little more and Jean tried to subtly pull Marco closer.

"So what are you two doing for Christmas?" Marco asked happily from across the table.

I could feel my face heating up a little more hoping they didn't ask us too many questions about Christmas but I answered as steadily as I could "Uh, Levi is spending it with us".

"Aww, cute! Ditching your own family to spend the day with Eren, that's just too cute" Sasha said excitedly, I cringed a little at her words but Levi rubbed a circle on my hand with his thumb to let me know he was OK to answer.

"Actually I grew up in foster care, my mum died when I was really young and I never knew my father" Levi answered coolly, I watched as Sasha visibly flinched and then turn red as she realised just how far she'd put her foot into her mouth. "But I have two close friends I grew up with who are my family now and they're coming over to Eren's as well" Levi finished off and I knew he was subtly trying to ease the harshness out of what he had just said.

There was an awkward pause when no one knew what to say, Levi just took another sip from his drink and I did the same. Unfortunately, our new friends would have to get used to the idea that there were some topics they should stay far away from.

"Well, if you guys don't have any plans for boxing day we actually have a pretty awesome tradition you can join in on if you want?" Marco said, easily breaking the tension with his steady voice and happy expression. I looked over at Levi who shrugged and then to Mikasa and Armin who nodded in excitement.

"We'd love too, what do you guys have planned?" I asked.

"Paintball" Jean answered with an evil grin. I looked around the table at everyone else's happy smiles and noticed that even Armin looked excited over the idea of paintball.

"Definitely" I agreed but I couldn't quite smile, my feet were still pretty swollen and ached if I even stood for too long. It would be a pretty painful day but it would be so worth it to have some fun.

I felt Levi lean over and whisper into my ear, "Just let me know when your feet start to hurt and we can take a break". At that I really did smile and I couldn't help myself in leaning forward and kissing him quickly.

"Thankyou" I whispered in answer.

"Are they always like this?" Jean directed across the table and I looked up in time to see Mikasa shrug and Armin grin back evilly at Jean.

"Always, we can't watch a single movie now without them becoming fused at the lips" Armin teased making my face go red in embarrassment.

"Shut up, Ar, it was one time and only because we watch the same movies over and over again" I answered and then tried shifting a little closer to Levi, "we get bored is all". Armin almost started choking on his laughter at my answer and Mikasa was rolling her eyes with a pained expression.

"I'm pretty sure it's because neither of you have any self control" Mikasa teased with a straight face and yeah, I couldn't fault her on that one... I had very little self control when it came to Levi.

"Just be glad we don't spend our nights at your place" Levi injected coolly and I knew my face had gone bright red at that, I could hear Jean choking on beer that had gone down the wrong way and everyone else just absolutely in hysterics.

"Cheers for the little victories" Armin said while laughing and raised his bottle a little in Levi's direction, who picked up his own bottle and tipped it back.

"So how's everyone else spending Christmas?" Mikasa called out loudly, very obviously trying to swerve far, far away from a conversation about her brother's sex life. There were a few giggles but everyone let the change of subject go and I listened as they all talked about their plans with their families and all of the traditions they were excited about. I leaned over to Levi and started to whisper in his ear.

"You'll pay for that one later" I said, my voice very low and laced with venom.

Levi turned his body a little closer to mine and whispered back "Just letting them know it could be a lot worse". I snorted out a laugh but in my head I was coming up with many, many different plans to get some revenge on Levi. I settled with the idea that Farlan and Izzie were both coming for Christmas and I would have a lot of chances to embarrass him then.

 

***

 

"Don't you think the mistletoe's a little much?" Mikasa said quietly from behind me, making me jump and almost fall off the little step ladder I had pulled over to reach the top of the door frame.

"Never, Mika. If there's a chance for me to kiss Levi I'm going to take it" I teased and watched as she rolled her eyes and then surveyed the rest of the apartment. 

She raised her eyebrows and turned back to me, "how long have you been up?" she asked curiously. I blushed and shrugged. It was Christmas Eve, Levi was staying over tonight  and I hadn't been able to sleep well, so when it hit 5:00 am I just gave up trying, I had instead gotten up and started decorating the apartment.

"Nice job" Armin snickered "it looks like Christmas threw up in here". He had wandered out of his room hearing our conversation and looking around the room, his eyes glanced up and saw the mistletoe as well, he just sniggered and walked into the kitchen. I narrowed my eyes and glanced around at my efforts and sighed, Armin was right, it looked like a festive explosion.

"Too much?" I asked stepping down and walking into the kitchen, Mikasa trailing after me.

"Just a tad" Mika said dryly going to the cupboards to pull out cereal and bowls.

"Is there a reason for the mistletoe? I'm pretty sure you're going to kiss Levi anyway" Armin asked coolly, he stood by the toaster warming his hands over the heat coming from the top.

I blushed but smiled mischievously "Well, I figure if I manoeuvre it right I can get an unlimited amount of kisses from him plus he may be grumpy about my present so this is really just a precaution".

"A precaution to make sure your grumpy boyfriend has to kiss you on Christmas?" Armin asked with an eyebrow raised and a teasing voice.

"Yepp, don't laugh Armin, I'm serious" I said steadily but I couldn't help the smirk.

"Yeah, that's what worries me" Mikasa said softly into her bowl of cereal. I was about to reply when my phone started buzzing, I left the kitchen and walked over to the bench I had left it on and unlocked it. I quickly scanned the message, my mouth dropped open and my eyes bugged out.

"Oh, shit... fuck, fuck, fuck" I swore. I immediately started running around trying to find my shoes and wallet and keys.

"Eren?" Mikasa called from the kitchen, she sounded really worried. "Eren? What's happened?"

"Oh nothing, you know, it's just my boyfriends birthday on Christmas and he didn't tell me!" I yelled from my bedroom while shoving my wallet into my back pocket.

"Dude, are you serious?" I heard Armin call out.

"Dead fucking serious, I just got a message from Isabel" I called back a little frantically. I had already gotten a Christmas present for him but now I needed a birthday present _and_ I had to brave the mall on Christmas Eve.

"What? Maybe it's not what you think? Surely he would have told you?" Armin said now standing in my door frame. I snorted and threw my phone over to him.

"I don't think that has too many different meanings" I said and then watched him read the message I had gotten.

 From: Isabel

       _Hi cutie! I don't think my grumpy brother mentioned it or_

_I highly_ _doubt that he did but I thought I'd give you a_

_heads up that his_ _birthday is also on Christmas Day!_

_Merry Christmas and we'll see_ _you all tomorrow!! :D_

 

"Well shit" was all Armin could say. 

"I have to go shopping right now" I said and I could feel the panic settling in, what the fuck was I going to get him? His Christmas present was hard enough and now this? I felt the stress burning through my body and I could feel my breath shortening. Armin noticed straight away and came over, he wrapped me in a tight hug and didn't let go.

"Everything's fine. I'm coming with you and we'll find something, I'm sure. Just calm down and we'll get this done, it's going to be fun" Armin soothed against me and I started breathing more steadily.

"Everything's fine" I repeated, "it's going to be fun".

"Come on you two, apparently we have some last minute shopping to do" Mikasa called from the hallway and I smiled slowly. Mikasa was coming as well, we'd find something perfect. Armin grabbed my hand and pulled me towards Mika, where she locked up and we all sprinted down to the road to get the bus into town.

 

 

Levi

 

Levi woke to Eren kissing him. His eyes blinked open and his senses came alive, Eren was sprawled out on top of him both of them covered by a thick doona cover. His hand was in Levi's hair and his lips were trailing slow kisses over his face and down his neck.

"Morning" Levi croaked out, his voice rough with sleep.

"Merry Christmas" Eren answered and brought his face back up to Levi's. He kissed his lips gently at first but when Levi's hands moved to grip his waist, their kiss deepened, Levi's tongue skimming along Eren's lips asking for entry. Eren's mouth was warm and the little noises he was making, intoxicating. Levi was very much awake and as Eren pulled a little on Levi's hair he couldn't help but grip Eren's hips a little tighter and roll them over so Eren was on his back.

He pulled back a fraction and looked down at his boyfriend, Eren was smiling happily, his lips red and a little swollen from kissing but his eyes were bright and seemed to glitter. He dipped his head down and continued to kiss the brunette. Eren's body was warm under his own but he could feel the chill in the air outside of their blankets and knew it was probably still fairly early in the morning.

"Levi..." Eren sighed suggestively against Levi's mouth after they had been kissing for awhile. Levi moved his hands so that they raked down Eren's tan back and cupped his ass against the sheets. His finger moved slowly until it rested against Eren's entrance.

"We'll have to be quiet" Levi murmured and Eren grinned and nodded excitedly, he leaned up and captured Levi's mouth in a deep kiss. Levi kissed him back while he extended a hand to grab the lube off Eren's bedside table and pour a liberal amount over his fingers. He slowly inserted a finger and had to make sure he kept his mouth fully over Eren's to swallow the groan he knew was coming. He moved his finger slowly until he felt a slight nodding of Eren's head and inserted his second finger, he made sure to lean down and press a hard kiss to Eren's lips effectively silencing the next groan.

He crooked his fingers and moved them up and down in a way that had Eren squirming underneath him but he wanted to do more, they both needed more. Slowly he moved his head back and looked down at Eren.

"Can you stay quiet?" Levi murmured and gradually moved his head down, trailing kisses down Eren's chest and letting him know his exact intentions.

"Probably" was Eren muffled reply and Levi had to smirk at his honesty. Apparently this was going to be more of a test than they had thought, Levi hadn't realised how much noise they were free to make when they didn't have people sharing their walls. Levi kept heading down though and when he reached Eren's erection he made sure that the brunette was well aware of what was about to happen.

He stroked his hand up from the base to the tip and surprisingly heard nothing from Eren, he glanced up and saw Eren biting his lip while his hands were gripping the sheets. Levi grinned and slowly placed his mouth on Eren, his tongue swiftly circling the tip. At the sensation of Levi's mouth on him Eren couldn't help the muffled sigh that escaped but it was mostly quiet, Levi only just heard it.

He lowered his mouth down fractionally until he had mouthed Eren's entire length and then he moved his fingers inside of Eren and pressed a little deeper. He felt it as Eren's back arched off the bed and the shudder that ran through his body and he couldn't help but flick his tongue out and press his fingers deeper.

"Ngnn" Eren moaned quietly not able to help the sounds but by this point neither really cared to much if anyone heard them. Levi swept his tongue over Eren a few more times as he simultaneously stretched him out with his fingers. When Eren started tapping his shoulder impatiently he slowly removed his mouth and retracted his fingers. He shifted his body so that Eren's legs were on either side of his hips and then lowered his chest so that he could face Eren.

He glanced up at Eren's face and with his other hand he gently picked up one of Eren's and laced his fingers through before moving it up and kissing his wrist, "I may need your help" Levi whispered, his voice low and full of need. Eren looked up at him curiously before Levi moved Eren's hand to cover his mouth and press it there tightly, Eren swallowed noticeably but kept his hand firmly against Levi's mouth.

"Me too" Eren breathed out and gently moved Levi's hand over his own mouth to muffle the sounds they both knew were going to come. With their hands firmly in place Levi leaned in and positioned himself close to Eren's entrance and then slowly pressed himself in. Levi could feel Eren's breath against his hand and felt when his head tilted back into the pillows. 

Levi thrust in deeper and deeper until he felt that he was all the way in, Eren's breath was coming out in shudders and his eyes were screwed closed. Levi lowered himself over Eren's body until they were chest to chest and then he slipped his hand away from Eren's and gestured for Eren to do the same while he leaned down and covered Eren's lips with his own. 

He kissed him deeply, his tongue moving against Eren's and allowing him to adjust to Levi being inside of him. He moved slowly and carefully so Eren didn't make any loud noises and provide Armin and Mikasa with embarrassing ammunition for the next few days.

With his hands braced on either side of Eren, he gradually started to move. When Eren's breathing got louder and Levi started to anticipate the words which he knew were going to spill out soon he carefully covered Eren's mouth with his hand again and smiled down at him. Eren's eyes glittered and a few moments later his hand was over Levi's mouth in return, apparently Levi had been unconsciously getting louder and louder.

"Shh..." Eren murmured with a playful voice, loud enough to make it through Levi's hand but quiet enough so that it didn't leave the space of their bed. Levi grinned against Eren's hand and moved his hips backwards and after a little pause he pushed in quickly and deeply. He felt the groan Eren let out under him, neither of their hands could have covered it up much or stopped the complete body shudder that ran through him.

Levi lowered his head so that his forehead touched Eren's, they moved their hands away and just grinned at each other not much caring anymore about being quiet. Levi set up a nice slow rhythm, pulling out and moving in in a way that had Eren breathing harshly. The doona had been kicked off as they moved and the chilly morning air blew against their sweat soaked skin, making both of them breathe a little more erratically and let out breathy laughs.

Levi knew that he was on the edge of his release and he could feel Eren on the edge of his own. Eren's length pressed hard and wet into his stomach and with one last, lingering kiss Eren let go with a pronounced groan that Levi felt all the way through him, Levi thrust in once more, twice until he felt himself spill out and inside of Eren. He breathed out deeply and slumped down onto Eren's chest. Eren's hands found his hair and carded through it while his long legs wrapped themselves protectively around his hips and pulled him in tighter. They were still joined and Levi didn't feel like letting go anytime soon but he knew their time was limited, he glanced up and moved his hand over to the little table to grab his phone. It was 7:26 am and Levi had no idea what time Eren's roommates were likely to be awake or whether they already were.

"Do you think we can sneak to the bathroom?" Levi murmured into Eren's ear, resting his head on the pillow.

"What time is it?" Eren asked while still trying to regain his breath.

"Almost 7:30" Levi replied.

"Probably, Mika and Armin shouldn't be up until 8ish" Eren answered with a smile. The thought of pressing Eren up against the glass of the shower was what made Levi move, he pulled out nice and slow and sat up on the bed pulling Eren up with him. He didn't miss the slight wince Eren made when he moved his hips.

"Are your feet sore?" Levi asked instead. Eren looked up surprised but as he focused on his feet he did actually manage a slight nod of his head. "Come on, shower time" Levi said and helped Eren to his feet. They pulled on their underwear and then Eren opened his bedroom door slowly and peered out, checking to see if there were any signs of life. It seemed as though no one was there as Eren stepped out on tiptoes and with one hand holding onto Levi's they moved out into the hallway. Levi would have started laughing but he really didn't want to be spotted by Armin and Mikasa, especially covered in sweat and come. So instead they ninja'd their way into the bathroom, all quiet steps and muffled voices.

Levi moved Eren's little stool out of the shower and instead let Eren lean on him for support. They spent lazy moments wiping each other down and having a murmured conversation, it was quiet except for the sound of the shower and the whispers of their voices.

 


	19. Christmas Day

Levi

 

"Stop banging and get out here!" a female voice called from the outside of Eren's door. Levi had been laying in bed resting while Eren had actually managed to fall back asleep, it had just ticked past 10:00 am and Levi had heard when Farlan and Izzie had burst inside. He hadn't wanted to wake Eren up yet and figure that a locked bedroom might just deter Izzie a little. Apparently not.

"We'll be out in a minute" Levi called out dryly and looked down to see Eren's eyes flickering open and then closed again.

"Fine but make it quick. We have presents!" Izzie called out excited and Levi rolled his eyes. Izzie reverted to a child whenever Christmas came around.

"Eren, babe, time to get up" Levi murmured while tucking a piece of flyaway hair behind Eren's ear. Eren squinted his eyes while slowly waking up and then turned to the door.

"Did I hear presents?" Eren mumbled while cuddling up against Levi's side.

Levi couldn't help but snort out a laugh at his boyfriend, "Yeah, Izzie and Farlan brought presents". That simple sentence was like throwing a bucket of water over Eren, his eyes snapped open and he sat up quickly, a happy grin plastered on his face.

"It's Christmas!" Eren exclaimed jumping a little and clapping his hands together like a kid, "Come on, we have to get up" he said while pulling on Levi's arm and shoving him out of bed. Levi was laughing as Eren started throwing mismatched clothes at him, too excited to find anything relatively matching. Soon enough, Eren was grabbing Levi's hand and hauling him through his door and out into the lounge room.

"Cutie!" Izzie called out when they came into view and rushed over to give Eren a hug. Eren was crushed but he didn't seem to care in fact, it looked like Izzie was getting just as crushed by the hug. Farlan stood off to the side watching just like Levi was, Armin and Mikasa were sharing amused looks in the kitchen and Armin's grandfather was hovering by the lounge room.

"We brought your presents over, hun" Izzie called out to Levi over Eren's shoulder. Eren immediately broke away from Isabel and stared at Levi.

" _They_ brought your presents?" Eren huffed out.

"Yes, did you think I didn't get you anything?" Levi asked with his eyebrows raised.

"No... of course not" Eren mumbled while everyone else started laughing.

"Come on, idiot, I made you a hot chocolate" Mikasa called out as she walked over with a mug in her hand.

"Does it have-" Eren started but Mikasa interrupted.

"Three pink marshmallows? Of course, I know you Eren" Mikasa said gently and passed the mug over to Eren's waiting hands. Armin wandered over holding two mugs of coffee and handed one silently to Levi.

"Heard you had an early morning, thought you might need some caffeine" Armin teased in a low voice so that only Levi could hear him. Levi looked at the little blonde with the smirk and just rolled his eyes. Of course Armin had heard them.

"Levi! Hurry up, we have presents!" Eren called from the lounge room and Levi just chose to take the coffee and ignore the blonde for now.

"I'm coming" Levi called out dryly.

"Yeah, you were" he heard Armin mutter from behind him and he couldn't help the blush heating up his face. Levi decided to remove himself from Armin's presence and go and sit next to Eren, who was on the floor by the tree. Levi rested his back against the lounge, nice and close to Eren's side.

"Can I go first?" Eren called out excitedly to the laughter of everyone else in the room. 

"Hang on, we need the other presents first" Farlan said and moved over to the bags they had brought in with them, Izzie bounded after him and started helping him unpack the presents and start placing them under the tree. Eren was bouncing excitedly as the presents built up and by the time everything had been brought out they had a nice pile of gifts built up.

"Us first!" Izzie called out and grabbed at the stack of presents she had brought. She pick up the first one and handed it to Armin, Eren pouted for a second but then got caught up in what Armin had gotten. "This is from me and Farlan!" she said.

"Oh wow, it's awesome!" Armin said while he pulled open the little box with a leather banded watch and silver face, it was slim but elegant and seemed to actually fit nicely on Armin's wrist. After that first present everyone got excited over Armin's presents and decided to give them to him first: he got a stack of old out of print books from his Grandfather which he got very excited over, he got an expensive pen he'd been eyeing from Mikasa, Levi and Eren had gotten him a pass for a sold out lecture in the city he'd been dying to go to as well as noise cancelling headphones.

"Really guys? Noise cancelling headphones" Armin commented with a smirk.

Eren grinned and Levi shrugged "Just in case, you know, don't want you to have to hear anything you don't want too" Levi said dryly and effectively made Armin blush a little as well as being able to get back at him for some of his commentary from earlier. Izzie was laughing hard while Farlan grinned and Mikasa rolled her eyes.

"Ooh, these one's are for Mikasa and Eren from me and Farlan" Izzie shouted pulling over two small boxes, "we know you lost a lot of your belongings so we thought these might be nice". Together Eren and Mikasa opened their own little box and simultaneously their mouths dropped open and their eyes widened. They were holding two top of the range phones.

"You guys, this is too much" Eren croaked out while Mikasa just stared at the phone in her hand.

"It's nothing! Levi's been telling us how you've been using those shitty excuses for phone so we'd thought we'd help out" Izzie beamed, "plus we have a pretty awesome plan so we just put you on that as well".

"This really is too much, we can't- we can't..." Eren stammered trying to get a grip over himself.

"Just shut up and say thankyou, we threw away the receipts so you're stuck with them" Farlan added shutting down any further arguments.

"Thankyou so much" Mikasa murmured and she moved from her spot on the floor to go and wrap both Farlan and Isabel in a hug. They were very surprised by her outburst but hugged her back genuinely and when Eren moved over to join in they just drew him in too.

"All right, next present!" Izzie called when Mikasa and Eren had sat back down with excited smiles, staring at their new phones. 

"Can we go next?" Eren called out and moved over to grab five relatively similar parcels from the back of the tree. He passed them out to each person besides himself and Mikasa and smiled sadly "Our family had a little tradition at Christmas".

"Oh no..." Armin groaned and poked the parcel hesitantly.

"Oh yes, we decided we want to keep it going with our family... and that's you five now" Eren said looking at each face in the room and finally landing on Levi, "we apologize in advance but photo's will be essential". Farlan and Isabel looked really touched by the sentiment as they tore into their presents first and Armin, Levi and Gramps waited and watched.

Farlan pulled out a bright lime green sweater with actual tinsel sewn on around a large Christmas tree, the tree had jingle bells attached to it which when the sweater moved the whole shirt jingled loudly.

"Oh, this is just lovely" Farlan commented to the laughs of the room and then everyone was focused on Isabel who was pulling out a bright reddy orange sweater- it had an intense close up of Santa's face with wool sewn on as a beard and horrible scratchy fabric for the hat and 'Merry Fucking Christmas' scrawled over the top.

"Excellent" Izzie sighed as she stared at the creepy Santa face looking up at her, she instantly pulled the sweater over her head with a satisfied grin and then made sure Farlan pulled his over his own head. Gramps just smiled happily as he pulled open a mud brown sweater with three very evil looking snowmen on the front and scattered with bells as well. Armin opened his warily but couldn't help the smile and laugh as he pulled out the blue sweater with gingerbread men saying and doing very crude things.

"Your turn" Eren said nervously and tapped the present impatiently. Levi frowned but started pulling open the present and his mouth dropped open at the heinous sweater falling onto his lap.

"This is just horrible" Levi gasped as he took the sweater in hand and Eren burst out laughing at his expression.

"It's glorious" Izzie fawned as she leaned over and got a better look. It was grey but as Levi held it up higher the full terribleness of the sweater came to life, there was an actual reindeer head coming out of the sweater, antlers and all in a horrible brown colour, there was red tinsel sewn on and silver bells dangling on the hem and as Levi turned it around he saw the back end of the reindeer coming out as well.

"How did you even..." Levi tried.

"Find this masterpiece?" Eren laughed and leaned over to kiss Levi's cheek "Must be fate".

After wrestling all of them into their sweaters and Eren and Mikasa bringing out their own old ones which had been stored at their parents house, the rest of the presents were exchanged. The most loved of which was when Eren gave Mikasa a new red scarf to replace one that she'd lost in the slide which she then immediately wrapped around her neck and didn't let go off. Eren received new clothes and shoes from Gramps while Mikasa gave him a new iPod and Armin thought he'd be funny and give both Levi and Eren a box of sex toys, protection and lube which they only got a peak at before Eren slammed the lid closed. He had to run it to his bedroom and lock it in his cupboard with the sounds or Armin's laughter echoing behind him. When he returned and sat down with a red face there was an awkward silence before Eren decided to give his gift to Levi - it was tickets to an amusement park in the city and although Levi laughed at the cuteness he was really excited about it.

"So, I have a present for both Mikasa and Eren, it's the box at the back if someone could pass it over" Levi said coolly but he was nervous at what they were going to say. He handed the box over to both of them. "I know some people who have been working on restoring the site of the landslide" he started and Mikasa and Eren glanced up at him in surprise.

"Most of them are friends of mine and well, I asked them to do a favor for me and keep an eye out for anything of yours or Mikasa's" Levi continued to the complete silence of the room. Mikasa and Eren were both staring at him hard with dumbstruck expressions, "It's not much but I saved these for you both". Levi handed the box over and placed it on the floor between both of them.

With trembling hands Eren reached forward, slowly untied the ribbon and carefully took the lid off. He shifted his body forward a little and looked down, Mikasa moving in with him. Wrapped in bubble-wrap sat four beautiful wooden frames, Eren extended his hand and gently picked up the first one. Levi had placed the photo's in the box hoping that they wouldn't make Eren or Mikasa too upset, the first one was of Eren and Mikasa on the day they first moved into the little apartment at Shiganshina Lodge, they stood in the living room completely surrounded by boxes but they looked happy and had huge grins plastered on their faces. 

The second picture was of their high school graduation, they stood next to the parents holding their certificates with their arms all wrapped around each other. The third one was Levi's favorite and pictured just Eren and his mother, they were sitting in the back seat of a car fast asleep, Eren had his head on her shoulder and her head rested on his. They looked so peaceful and content that Levi couldn't help but smile at the photo.

The last picture was of Christmas maybe one or two years earlier, Eren, Mikasa and their parents were all standing by their Christmas tree wearing their ugly sweaters. Eren was laughing, Mikasa was scowling down at her sweater, their mum looked like she was halfway through an argument and their dad was trying to pull on a sweater at least 2 sizes too small. It was a precious moment caught on camera and when Levi had seen it he thought it was strange that Eren had hung onto this photo but the more he looked at it the more he had realised just how special it was. It wasn't perfect but it was their family and Levi loved it.

"I'm sorry I couldn't get more but it was all we could recover and- " Levi started but was interrupted by two people crushing him into the floor. Mikasa and Eren had both pounced, the photos forgotten for the moment as they tackled him in a hug. 

"Thankyou" Eren whispered and Levi felt as Mikasa's slender arms squeezed him a little tighter.

"It's perfect... we thought we'd lost these" she murmured and after a moment they scooted back and smiled at Levi who just sat stunned, he had thought they would probably just cry a lot, he wasn't expecting hugs. They moved back to the photos and picked up the Christmas one and just stared at it for awhile with sad smiles.

Without wanting to break their moment but also not really wanting them to get lost in sadness Levi spoke up, "so I have one more present for Eren". This made both of their heads shoot up to look at him again, Mikasa wearing a knowing smile while Eren just looked confused.

"I have to go and get it so wait here" Levi said and leaned over to kiss Eren's cheek and then he stood up and walked over to the laundry, "Close your eyes" he called back and waited for confirmation that Eren had his eyes shut. Levi then picked up his present to Eren and slowly walked back into the lounge room to sit opposite Eren.

"OK, open them" Levi said softly. Eren's eye's opened and with a small gasp he took his first look at the tiny little snow white kitten on Levi's lap.

"Oh my god" Eren whispered as he stared, then he smiled softly and looked up at Levi "she's mine?"

"All yours" Levi replied and gently passed the kitten over to Eren's waiting hands "Merry Christmas".

"She's beautiful" Eren whispered while he cuddled up to the cat, gently petting her head and scratching behind her ear until she purred, "does she have a name?" Eren asked and glanced over at Levi.

"Thought I'd leave that one up to you" Levi answered with a happy smile and Eren grinned.

"Hmm... OK then I shall call you... Pippin" Eren said happily and kissed Pippin's head, "what do you think?" he asked looking up at Levi.

"Perfect" Levi answered and leaned over to kiss Eren quickly.

"Oh god, you bought me a cat!" Eren exclaimed with wide eyes and a happy grin.

Levi blushed and under everyone's stares he murmured "So.. I kind of got her for us... I thought maybe we could share her" and while Levi's face turned crimson and everyone else started laughing at his embarrassment, Eren leaned forward with Pippin still in his hands and kissed Levi firmly.

"I can definitely share" Eren whispered and Levi smiled.

 

After presents, Farlan and Izzie hijacked the kitchen so they could start making preparation's for lunch. Everyone just laughed and wandered into the lounge room to put on a movie, after a lot of discussion it was decided they would honor Eren and Mikasa's traditional Christmas movie first and watch Home Alone. Gramps took the armchair while Armin and Mikasa took the lounge and Eren and Levi squished into the other armchair. Levi sat down first and Eren crawled onto his lap still cradling Pippin, Levi wound his arms around Eren and they shifted a little until they were comfortable. Pippin didn't stay put for long and soon enough she had jumped down and gone hunting after the food Levi had put out for her, Levi had already made a date with Eren to go out and buy the rest of the stuff she would need as soon as the shops were open.

By 1:00 the kitchen smelt amazing, nobody was in the loungeroom anymore as nearly everyone was hovering around the kitchen or helping to set the table except for Levi and Eren who were playing with Pippin in the hallway. Farlan called everyone over as lunch was finished and set out, they all took their seats around the small table with both elbows and chairs touching. 

"We should get a photo" Armin called out.

"Our first Jaeger-Alert-Ackerman-Magnolia-Church Christmas" Izzie exclaimed to the laughs of everyone else, Levi  couldn't help but look around at his little makeshift family and he didn't think anything could top this moment.

After lunch they all went to the loungeroom to lie down and let lunch settle, it was Armin's Christmas movie next and soon enough they were watching The Grinch and laughing at all the little things they had missed as kids. Movies turned into board games and everyone found out just how bad both Eren and Izzie were at losing. There were arguments and pieces got thrown and everyone else was laughing hard at them while Levi and Farlan tried to calm them down through their own laughter. Levi ended up making dinner which was mostly just leftovers from lunch, Eren tried to help but distracted Levi so much that Armin kicked him out of the kitchen because he was too hungry and Levi was not going fast enough. Farlan, Izzie and Levi's Christmas movie came during dinner and with no embarrassment and very loud voices they were all singing along to The Muppet Christmas Carol.

Eren disappeared while Levi was doing the dishes, he left the kitchen to check if he was in the bathroom but instead saw everyone else curled up watching yet another Christmas movie (Gramps choice- It's A Wonderful Life) which was turned up absurdly loud. Levi rolled his eyes at them but didn't say anything, he checked the laundry where Pippin was currently living but found only a sleeping kitten and then he went to Eren's room.

He opened the door slowly and walked in.

The room was dimly lit with burning candles, they were littered everywhere and cast a golden glow on the room. As he looked around he took in the wine glasses on the bedside table and the rose petals flung all over the room and then he saw Eren.

Eren was on the bed, his head propped up on his hands and his legs crossed at the ankles, he was wearing only a pair of tight black underwear and a red Santa hat that jingled when his head moved. He grinned up at Levi's slack face and said "Happy Birthday". Levi moved quickly, slammed the door closed and locked it. Yeah, no way was anyone walking in on this.

"How did you- how..." Levi stammered while Eren just reveled in his ability to make Levi speechless.

"Izzie told me" Eren said and quirked his eyebrow in question.

"Sorry, I honestly forgot to tell you... I don't really celebrate my birthday" Levi said while walking over to the bed, Eren just smiled and rolled up on to his knees and extended his hands. Levi stepped in to his embrace and Eren placed his arms over Levi shoulders and brought their heads together.

"Well, if you want too I'm very willing to help you celebrate it this year" Eren whispered, his voice low and his eyes bright.

"What did you have in mind" Levi murmured back, he was totally focused on Eren and his beautiful smile.

"Nothing actually" Eren answered in that same low voice and with a smirk he continued "I thought I'd leave that up to you... anything you want tonight".

Levi's eyebrows shot up and his mind went into overdrive. They had been relatively tame so far but this... this was an excellent opportunity to try something new. Before he could say anything Eren spoke up again.

"First though, I got you a present" Eren said happily and moved off the bed and to the cupboard pulling out a wrapped parcel, "I only found out it was your birthday yesterday so I didn't have much time, I went into the mall but honestly I couldn't find you anything that was right so I gave up on that and decided to go for something a little more home made".

He held out the little square parcel for Levi who took it carefully as they moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

"You'll probably laugh at this because we actually had similar ideas but anyway... open it" Eren said excitedly, tapping on the wrapping paper.

Levi smiled at his enthusiasm and opened the present. Inside were two iron framed photos... of them. Levi stared down at the two photos- the first was of them hugging on the news set after being reunited after the landslide and Eren's release from hospital. It was a nice close up where they both looked really happy and somehow hugged each other in a way that made Levi's heart clench with happiness. The second picture was from their date when Eren had leaned over and kissed him, it was beautiful and Levi made a mental note to thank the photographer for capturing the moment.

"How?" Levi asked softly, staring intensely at the photo'.

"I tracked down the journalist who was at the restaurant, she felt really bad and she said this was the least she could do to apologize and then I just had them framed. Do you really like them? I know it's not much but-" Eren said but Levi interrupted him with a kiss.

"It's perfect. Thankyou" Levi whispered and kissed Eren hard.

"So..." Eren murmured against Levi's mouth, his voice lowing suggestively "Anything you want to do?"

Levi paused for a moment before an idea struck him "How do you feel about blindfolds?"

Eren grinned at his answer and kissed him firmly "Definitely pro blindfold".

 

***

 

They heard the movie turn off as they lay together in bed trying to catch their breath and silently hoping nobody tried to talk to them or say goodnight. Levi knew that Farlan and Izzie would end up just staying here for the night and sleeping in the loungeroom, Gramps had Armin's bed while Armin was going to bunk in with Mikasa for the night and of course Levi was staying exactly where he was.

"Thanks for making today amazing" Eren whispered as he snuggled into Levi's side.

Levi laughed softly and said "I was about to say the same thing". 

"It's been perfect... I couldn't imagine it without you" Eren murmured sleepily.

"Best Christmas slash birthday ever" Levi replied with a smirk making Eren giggle.

"Thanks for Pippin... I love her" Eren continued but Levi knew he was fading quickly but before they could close their eyes properly they heard a scratching at their door. Levi shifted Eren off him with a sigh and a laugh... of course they manage to get the only cat that can tell which room they're in. Levi opened the door and scooped up the little kitten and brought her over to the bed.

Eren grinned as he felt Levi's body close to his and heard the soft meows from Pippin, he held out his hands and Levi passed the kitten over who instantly started purring at Eren's touch. Eren hugged her while Levi scooted back under the covers and folded Eren into his arms again now with Pippin resting between them.

"I love you, Levi" Eren said, his voice soft but clear.

Levi leaned in and kissed him sweetly "I love you, too".

 


	20. Knocked Down

Levi

 

Levi had known this was coming. Well, he had had a feeling in the pit of his stomach over Christmas that everything was too fine, that Eren was too OK. So when he woke up a few days later to Eren's terrified screams and thrashing limbs he felt somewhat resigned even through the initial panic. 

Eren was violently tossing around in bed obviously in the middle of a severe nightmare and Levi braced himself to try and wake his boyfriend up. He had already been hit in the shoulder by a wayward fist and Eren's long legs were smacking hard against his body. Levi got out of bed and moved around to Eren's side where he then bent over and shook Eren's shoulder, he had positioned himself in a way that if Eren did decide to try and throw a punch he could move easily.

The shaking didn't work though and only seemed to set Eren off more, his screams rose in volume and his thrashing worsened.

"Eren! Wake up!" Levi called out trying to shake him harder, Eren needed to wake up now before he hurt himself. He was yelling names now, tears streaming down his face and if Levi hadn't been sure before then he was now, Eren was reliving the landslide. His mum's name was the most prominent, followed by his dad's and then Levi was surprised to hear his own. Eren was calling out for his mum and dad in desperation but when he started screaming Levi's own name it was pure panic, as if Eren were seeing something truly terrible happening.

Levi shook Eren harder and called out his name louder but Eren was so deep into his nightmare that it didn't seem to work. 

"Levi?" A terrified voice called from behind him and Levi turned quickly to see Armin and Mikasa in the doorway with wide eyes and frightened faces and then Levi remembered they hadn't really seen Eren like this before. He sighed but honestly, it was in Eren's best interest for the people closest to him to know what he was going through.

"He's having a nightmare, I need to wake him up before he hurts himself" Levi explained quickly and then turned back to Eren. He didn't know what else to do besides physically hitting him or shocking his system awake. But before he could move to do more Eren jerked suddenly, his body turning over and dropping heavily to the floor with a loud crash. Levi startled at the sudden movement but then jumped into paramedic mode and instantly went to Eren's side to assess the damage and see if he was OK.

"Eren?" Levi called out softly as he knelt by Eren's slumped body, Eren didn't move and then slowly he sat up and blinked his eyes open. His face was red and blotchy, tear stains leaving tracks over his cheeks and his whole body was shaking.

"Levi?" Eren whispered out on a croak, his voice sounded broken and empty and Levi couldn't help but move forward and wrap his arms tightly around his boyfriend and draw his body against his own. Eren was limp in his arms, shock still coursing through his body but Levi didn't let him go, he couldn't. He felt the tears start to fall on his shoulder and then the sobs started. They racked Eren's body in huge, heaving waves and all Levi could do was hold him through it and rub his back to try and ease him.

He didn't know how long they sat there with Eren crying into his shoulder but after awhile the sun started streaming in through the window and the smell of coffee permeated their senses. Levi moved slowly to look around and saw Mikasa fully dressed and holding out two mugs of steaming coffee for them.

"Thanks, Mikasa" Levi said quietly, she just nodded and placed the mugs on the bedside table, leaned down and placed a kiss on the top of Eren's head and then walked out and closed the door behind her.

"You OK to stand up?" Levi whispered and after a moment felt Eren's head nod against his shoulder. Levi carefully retracted his arms and then moved to help Eren stand up and get back into bed, "You want to talk about it?"

Eren just shook his head while he pulled the blankets up and over his body, his knees to his chest while he cradled the mug in his hands. Levi took his own and circled the bed to get in on the other side, he kept a bit of space between them not sure how much contact Eren wanted at the moment. They sat quietly for a long time, Eren didn't so much as drink his coffee as stare at it and occasionally take small sips. Levi watched him and started to get torn, he had to go to work today but also he didn't want to leave Eren's side. This was one of the more severe episodes he'd seen and Eren wasn't bouncing back from it, in fact he seemed to be shutting down. 

He hadn't said a word since he'd come out of the nightmare properly, he'd just sat still in bed holding his mostly full mug of coffee and staring off into space. After an hour Levi knew he couldn't leave so he silently pulled his phone out and sent a text to Hange.

 

To: Four Eyes

Can't make it into work, Eren's having a bad day and I need to stay with him.

 

From: Four Eyes

No problem! Tell Eren I send him my love!

 

With that done and his day cleared Levi started to make plans. He figured his best option was to try and get Eren moving, get him up and awake and hopefully talking. Slowly he inched over and took the cold coffee out of Eren's hands, Eren just let it go and didn't seem to realize what was happening, he just kept staring at a space on the wall. 

"Eren, we're going to go have a shower" Levi said his voice low but firm, hoping that the lack of a question would stop Eren from declining. It worked but only just, Eren nodded but didn't move out of bed. Levi took it as a good sign that he heard him at least, the rest he could work with. He slid out of bed and walked over to Eren, took a hold of his hand and gradually pulled him to his feet. He stumbled a little but his grip on Levi's hand tightened and he tried to take that as another good sign. He pulled him out of their room and down the hall, giving a slight nod to Mikasa and Armin who were sitting silently at the kitchen table.

He had to help Eren undress when they reached the bathroom as he was still not really functioning well, he quickly turned on the water and waited for it to heat up while he helped Eren out of his boxers and sat him down on the closed toilet seat. Levi quickly stripped out of his own clothes, checked the water temperature and when he deemed it warm enough he helped Eren to his feet and under the spray.

Eren seemed to come back a little under the shock of water, his eyes came back into focus and his hands had started inching their way up over Levi's back to grip it tightly but unfortunately by pulling Eren out of his stupor he released another wave of tears. Levi could only hold him and make shushing noises into his ear, he was there and helping and hopefully that would be enough to calm Eren down.

They spent too long in the shower, Levi was worried that pulling Eren out would make him shut down again. By now Levi had a feeling there was more going on than just the nightmare, Eren wasn't talking at all and Levi just knew he was lost in deep thoughts over something else. Every now and then he heard Eren muttering names... Jane... Jarrod... Peter. He had no idea who they were until Mikasa had overheard him and mentioned they were the names of the people who had died in the landslide. 

Levi took Eren back to bed and tucked him up in blankets, he had a feeling in his gut that this time was going to be a lot harder for Eren to bounce back.

 

 

 

Eren POV

 

I couldn't understand what was happening, I had been fine yesterday. I had played with Pippin and kissed Levi and joked around with Mika and Armin and then I'd gone to sleep. That nightmare had hit me out of nowhere, it was too real and too vivid. I couldn't control anything that was happening, I was stuck and helpless. My parents died all over again and this time Levi was there. He was stuck under concrete and I was useless to get him out. Water was drowning us and then other faces started appearing. People from my building, friends I had worked with, people I hadn't really like. They were all there in my head but I would never see any of them again.

It had rocked me hard, upending me into a place I had struggled with since the slide. I was falling deeper into myself and I couldn't stop. I had put all of my focus and energy into physically recovering as quickly as I could and then being with Levi and enjoying what we had. But something had shifted, maybe it was the fact that our relationship had felt so solid, maybe that feeling had always been there and I was only recognizing it now, maybe this was the universes way of fucking me over again and again.

I just kept spiraling and getting reminded of things I would much rather forget.

And names. I had a constant stream of names running through my head. Mum. Dad. Jane and Andy from upstairs. Mrs Braddon from across the hall. Old Mr Peterson. Sophie. Louise. Jarrod.

Everyone who hadn't made it out.

I couldn't stop thinking about them. I was almost constantly listing their names and remembering their faces. Thinking about the last time I saw them and trying not to remember photo's of body bags from the site. It was too much and it was crushing me from inside.

I couldn't talk about it, I had talked too much, I had burdened too many people with my problems. I felt like if I kept going they would stop talking to me, they would avoid me, and I couldn't handle that thought.

I couldn't handle the idea of Mikasa and Armin getting irritated and leaving me alone so they could move on with their lives while I stayed stationary, forever spiraling out of control and never moving on. And then there was Levi. I couldn't talk to him. I wanted too desperately but dangerous thoughts kept intruding. What if he finally found out just how damaged I was inside? I couldn't ask him to stay with me through this but I couldn't cope with the idea of him leaving. So, I said nothing. 

I thought he knew some of what I was thinking or at least that I was caught up inside my head, he was handling me a little too carefully this time around, like if he said or did the wrong thing I would break and honestly, maybe I would, that's what scared me the most. I felt fragile and broken, I couldn't leave the warmth of my bed or it would feel like the world was caving in on me, I wasn't hungry or tired, I was just there. 

Levi was next to me every moment and I thought maybe it helped, he was always there to hold me if my thoughts got too dark or the overwhelming sadness threatened to consume me. I was crying on and off for what felt like days, Levi seemed to get a sixth sense and curled in close and started rubbing my back before the tears even started but they always would and I didn't know how to stop them.

Levi tried to get me to eat but everything tasted like cardboard and I couldn't swallow anything properly as my throat felt swollen but Levi would give me these intensely worried looks and I would chew the food until that look disappeared. I wasn't sleeping at all, I would even my breathing out and concentrate hard on pretending I was sleeping until I felt Levi relax next to me. I couldn't close my mind off, I couldn't stop thinking, so I just stayed up with silent tears running down my face and my whole body shaking with fear at the future I knew was going to happen.

It was a world where Levi had left.

He wouldn't be able to keep up with me, I started to believe that no amount of love he might have for me could make him want to stay and see this through. I was too much, I was too broken and too empty. I didn't even feel like Eren Jaeger anymore. No one, not even Levi, could love a shadow of a person. 

I don't know how much time passed but slowly I got better at pretending, I had built my walls up again and gone over every scenario in my head to prepare myself for what I knew was coming. Levi was going to leave me, he would get tired of me and realize he would be better off without me anyway. He didn't need me bringing him down or stopping him from living his life. Because of me he had spent who knows how long just lying in a bed and trying to care for me. He hadn't gone into work. He had't left the apartment. He was being too kind and too considerate and I just didn't fucking deserve it.

He was giving me all of him and in return he got nothing more than a damaged, empty shell.

Before that nightmare I had thought I was getting better, so far I had been doing well, I had been moving forward and finding happiness and even starting to go hours without having flashbacks of that cold, wet coffin I had lain in for hours. But it was all for nothing, I was right back at the start, what if I never got better? 

I tried to put on a calm face, I could control myself a little more and I went about my usual routine. I ate when Levi gave me food and I stepped into the shower when he pulled me into the bathroom but I knew Levi wasn't buying it. For better or worse he knew me and he knew I was only going through the motions, trying to make him happy. I still barely spoke, I felt like if I started talking I would never stop, that all of my worries and fears would come pouring out and Levi would realize just how truly fucked I was and decide not to stay around for it.

"Eren, I need you to talk to me, its been three days and I'm really worried about you" Levi said softly. I was curled up deep in blankets and Levi knelt on the floor by my head with his hand running through my knotted hair, I looked up and noticed the dark circles under his eyes and the lines of worry that now seemed etched into his face. I felt tears burning at my eyes knowing I was the reason he was so tired.

"Eren, please" Levi pleaded, his voice quiet and sad, "talk to me".

I opened my mouth and then closed it again. I couldn't do it. It was so incredibly selfish of me but I couldn't let him leave. Not yet. I wanted him with me forever and the thought of him going was going to destroy me.

But then, I wanted him happy and I felt like he wouldn't be if he stayed.

I just shook my head and buried myself deeper.

 

***

 

Levi thought I was asleep but I wasn't and I could hear him talking.

"I don't know what to do, he won't talk and he won't eat, I'm really fucking worried" Levi said his voice a strained whisper.

"What about his psychiatrist? I know he went and saw one" another voice answered and I recognized it as Mikasa.

"He never said anything and I never asked but he hasn't been back" Levi said softly. I crumbled a little at the mention of that, I hadn't gone to the psychiatrist, I had stood out the front of her office for an hour but couldn't go in and then I'd given up and gone home. I had been too embarrassed to talk about it with anyone.

"Do you know what's going on?" Armin asked and I closed my eyes tight at the sound of his worried voice.

"I think after that nightmare he spiraled back to right after the landslide", Levi answered gently, "it could be PTSD or depression or a combination of both, I'm just not sure where to go now".

"How did it happen so suddenly? He was fine at Christmas, hell, he's been getting better every day" Mikasa said and I recognized the little bit of anger in her voice, I knew she would be blaming herself for this, thinking she could have picked up on it sooner. Maybe it really would be better for everyone if I just wasn't here? It would certainly make their lives easier.

"It happens sometimes people just get triggered and they spiral, he's been having nightmares for awhile but he didn't want you two to worry. I think he's been repressing a lot of things so we think he's OK but it's taking its toll now" Levi said sadly.

"Fuck" Mikasa groaned.

"What about the hospital?" Armin whispered nervously and I felt my heart start to race. I didn't want to go back to a hospital ever again. "They could at least put him on an IV if he needed it and they would have something to help him sleep without having nightmares".

No. Please, god, no.

"No, Eren hates hospitals it might make it worse to bring him there" Levi replied firmly and I exhaled deeply with relief. No hospital.

"So we just leave him be?" Armin asked. No, I felt like calling out, please don't leave me.

"No, we just keep doing what we're doing until he decides to do it himself, we make sure he's eating and I'll get him to shower, maybe we can get some other people around to help bring him out of it" Levi suggested.

"He likes Izzie a lot" Armin offered. Izzie. Another person that would be leaving. She was basically Levi's sister, when Levi eventually had enough and left she would too.

"I'll give her a call" Levi said but I tuned them out from there. I couldn't listen to them anymore, so I just pulled the blanket over my head and tried to fade away.

 

***

 

"Eren, honey?" 

I cracked my eyes open, I hadn't been sleeping but it was easier to pretend than have to deal with worried looks and concerned family. Izzie was sitting by me.

"Izzie?" I said, my voice cracking from lack of use.

"Yeah, cutie" Izzie said with a smile, "how you doing?"

I couldn't tell her. I liked her, she felt like she was my family and I couldn't burden her as well. I had done enough damage. I didn't say anything but turned my body away from her, I didn't want her to see me crying over this.

"Oh, sweetie" Izzie sighed and to my surprise she shifted her body and laid down behind me, hugging my body to hers. I couldn't help the tears after that but she only hugged me tighter and didn't let go.

"It's OK to be sad" she whispered, "it's even OK for you not to want to talk to anyone. After everything you've been through you are allowed to do this". I just sobbed louder. Why was she being so kind?

"Please reach out to Levi and Mikasa and Armin, though. They're so worried about you. Levi's so scared, I've never seen him like this before, he loves you so much. And so do Mikasa and Armin. And so do I".

I cried harder. I was being so unfair to them. They had done everything for me and this is what I give them in return? I don't deserve them, any of them. But something inside me had shifted again, Izzie, with her soft words and her comforting presence had helped a little.

"I-I don't w-want..." I croaked, I faced away from her my eyes closed tight and my fists bunched into the sheets. "Th-they're gonna leave..." I whispered. It was so quiet I wasn't even sure I had spoken out loud but Izzie gripped me firmly and hugged me so tight I knew she had heard.

"No, Eren, they will never leave you. Mikasa is your sister and you know she wants you in her life forever. Armin is your best friend, he's not going anywhere. And Levi, well kid, you are the fucking love of his life, I'm pretty sure you'll have to be the one to break that off if you want him to leave" Izzie said softly.

"Why?" I whispered desperately, "I'm not worth it".

As soon as the words left my mouth, strong hands pulled me up and turned me to face her. Izzie was looking at me fiercely, her eyes dancing with fire and jaw set in determination.

"You are worth every damn thing you get. You have been through enough shit in your life to be happy for a few lifetimes over" Izzie demanded as she grabbed my face and wiped away my tears with her sleeves. "Never ever believe that you aren't worth it and if you ever have doubts you just tell Levi and he'll probably smack them out of you".

I was sniffling but her words were hitting me, I was taking them in and slowly I was coming back.

"Please just go talk to him, he doesn't know what else to do, I mean, he called me and he never voluntarily does that" Izzie said with a small smile. I nodded, I could talk to Levi. I could.

"He loves you so much and I promise that if he ever does anything mind numbingly stupid like walk away from you then I will personally go and get him and drag him back" Izzie promised, her hand squeezing mine. I nodded my head.

"He's in the loungeroom" Izzie urged, she jumped off the bed and pulled me along with her. I stumbled as I stood up. She pushed me towards the door so I kept walking, trying to breathe in steady breathes.

He loves me. He's going to stay. He loves me. I repeated it over and over in my head on the way to the lounge until I saw him and guilt welled up and made me stop in my tracks. Levi had his head resting on the back of the armchair, his eyes were closed and his face looked pale and exhausted.

"Levi?" I murmured as I stepped closer, instantly he sat up and looked at me his eyes going wide at my sudden appearance.

"Eren? Are you OK?" he asked as he stood up and started coming over.

"No" I whispered as I shook my head but moving my head so fast was a bad choice as my vision started to cloud over and my legs went limp under me. I heard Levi call out my name before blackness creeped over me and I felt my body falling to the floor and strong arms grabbing hold.

 

 

Levi

 

Levi had fallen asleep in the loungeroom, he had been up with Eren for the last four days and although he caught sleep every now and then he wasn't getting a full nights rest. Then again, neither was Eren. He had been so tense and worried over his boyfriend that when he had finally sat down knowing that Izzie was with him, he had rested his eyes and fallen asleep.

Eren's tentative voice had woken him and as he blinked his eyes open he saw Eren. Eren who was voluntarily out of bed and standing in the middle of the loungeroom staring at him. Levi had jumped to his feet immediately but before he could do more than ask if Eren was alright and get a soft 'No' in answer did Eren crumble and collapse on the floor. Levi panicked.

He caught Eren before he hit the floor and gently lowered him. He started checking him all over. Pulse. Breathing.

"Izzie!" he yelled and a moment later Izzie had rushed in, taken in Eren's unconscious body and rushed forward, "Call the station, ask for Hange if she's there". And then Izzie was nodding and running for the phone. Levi sat down with Eren's head in his lap and combed his fingers through his hair. He thought he knew what had happened, Eren's breathing was shallow but strong and his pulse was more or less normal but Levi knew he hadn't been eating and his sleep was irregular at best.

"Eren? Eren! I need you to talk to me" Levi called out loudly, trying to get through, but Eren was out. Izzie returned from the kitchen and immediately dropped to the floor beside Levi.

"Izzie, I need you to lift his feet up onto your lap, we need to get his blood circulating properly" Levi ordered and Izzie moved quickly to Eren's feet and lifted them up onto her lap.

"What happened?" Izzie asked her eyes wide with worry.

"Not sure, but I think he just stood up to fast and the lack of food and sleep he's been getting is kicking in" Levi said, he was trying to be calm, trying to be the paramedic Eren needed now rather than the boyfriend who was just plain freaking out.

"Hange is on her way, she's bringing Moblit as well" Izzie informed Levi who just nodded and kept his attention on Eren. He was very glad Mikasa and Armin weren't home but out grocery shopping, he didn't need to deal with their panic on top of his own.

It took only 8 minutes before Levi heard the sirens and his breathing could relax a little. Another 2 minutes and Hange and Moblit had burst into the apartment, gurney behind them and supplies at the ready.

"Levi, what happened?" Hange asked her tone professional but Levi heard the concern.

"He collapsed about 10 minutes ago, his breathing is steady and pulse is normal but he's not waking up" Levi answered and he knew his voice had cracked in the middle, giving away his pretense of calmness.

"Alright, Levi, I need you to just breathe normally and just keep doing what you're doing. We've got it from here" Hange said coolly and Levi really had no energy to disagree so he just lowered his eyes back to Eren's face and kept carding his fingers through knotty brown hair. Hange and Moblit were complete professionals as they checked Eren over and deemed him stable enough to move, they were however very forceful on taking him to the hospital for a full check up. Levi just nodded and hoped Eren didn't hate him for bringing him back to a hospital. He was slowly moved onto the gurney and Levi just followed wherever he went, his hand moving from Eren's hair to take his hand desperately. 

"Izzie, can you stay until Mikasa and Armin get back? I need you to tell them what happened" Levi asked quietly his attention still focused entirely on Eren and only heard Izzie's soft 'yes' from a distance. Hange pushed Eren out of the apartment and into the lift, Moblit at his feet and Hange at his head while Levi stood to his side, squeezing his hand. They loaded him into the bus, Moblit jumped into the front and Hange climbed into the back with Eren and Levi.

"What happened?" Hange asked softly, her usual brashness gone.

"He-he wouldn't get out of bed, he wasn't talking to me, he was barely eating" Levi listed, his voice quiet and cracking again. Couldn't Eren just catch a fucking break? And what the fuck was going on in his head?

"Levi, honey, you know what this is. You know all the signs, didn't you see this coming" Hange said softly, she was trying to comfort him with her words but they only made the guilt burn deeper.

"I should have known, I'm a fucking paramedic" Levi groaned tiredly, accepting the fact that his boyfriend needed more help than just Levi could give him, but Hange just patted him gently on the arm.

"We've got him now" she said firmly and Levi nodded, "we know what we're dealing with and how we can help now. Sometimes people need to fall apart in order to put themselves back together".

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soo sorry for the angst but I promise we are back to fluff next chapter (after a much needed conversation between Eren and Levi) :P


	21. Finding My Feet Again

Eren POV

 

I woke to a steady rhythm of beeping and immediately started panicking. Oh, god. I was back. I was in a hospital. My hands clenched the sheets and my body started shaking, I could feel things attached to me and I hated it. My heart pounded faster in my chest making the steady rhythm more erratic, I felt a hand close around my own but before I could shake it off I head a voice.

"Calm down, Eren, I'm here" It was Levi and his soft voice broke through my panic like a shot. I instantly opened my eyes and searched for him. I needed to see his familiar grey eyes and feel his warmth around me. I needed him.

"Levi" I croaked out, my voice rough from disuse. I finally found his face and felt guilt well up in me, he looked exhausted, dark circles under his eyes and his skin was almost translucent. I felt his hand squeeze mine and tried to shove the thoughts away.

"Hi, there" Levi said softly and I saw the relief shining through and I knew he was happy I was here.

"You look terrible" I muttered and finally, finally I saw his smile again. It was small and crooked but genuine and all for me.

"You don't look much better" Levi replied with a smirk. I stared at him for awhile with a tiny smile making its way onto my face and as I did I saw his eyes glass over with tears. Then his head fell down over my hand and I heard him sniffle in earnest, I picked up my other hand and even though it felt heavy I moved it towards Levi and ran it through his hair. Slowly and carefully carding through unwashed strands.

"You need a shower" I muttered and was relieved when I head a little huff of laughter coming from Levi.

"Yeah, brat, I do" Levi said as he picked his head up to look at me, I ignored the brat comment in favor of taking in Levi's blotchy face. I had never seen him cry before although, to be fair, I probably cried enough for the both of us. We were silent for a moment before I moved my hand from his hair to his cheek and held it there.

"I'm so sorry, Levi" I murmured quietly, tears burning at my own eyes. I needed to get it out now, I needed to apologize to him.

"No, Eren" Levi said firmly and gripped my hand in both of his, "You never have to apologize to me for how you feel. Never". 

"But Levi... I can't say it won't happen again... " I sniffed out, I had started and as I'd thought I wasn't going to stop, "I'll understand if you want to leave". I had shifted my eyes down, not able to watch his face if it happen to look relieved, what I hadn't expected was to hear his chair screech backwards and feel his soft lips on mine.

"I love you and I promise I'm not going anywhere" Levi said gently against my lips, I knew my tears were falling again and I couldn't help feeling like a leaky faucet- the tears just wouldn't stop.

"I'm too damaged" I whispered, my voice breaking and my eyes shifting up to meet Levi's, what I saw there made me startle. Levi looked angry, like really pissed off.

"You are not damaged" Levi ground out firmly, "You are hurting and in pain but you are not damaged".

My tears started falling harder as I listened to Levi, his words were going in but I still couldn't quite accept them. Levi sighed and moved in to place a gentle kiss on my lips and cup my cheek.

"You, Eren, are the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with so if some days a littler harder than others or even if some are unbearable I'm still going to be here" Levi said and I felt my heart hammer.

“No matter what, I love you, so remember that". And he kissed me again a little firmer this time, I lifted my hand up and cupped his cheek. My head was clearing bit by bit and Levi's words were taking hold, I didn't know if I'd ever not need to hear them but for the moment they were keeping me grounded.

Levi broke away and then moved his body so that he sat down on my bed, I shifted to the side and let him climb in next to me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulled me in close and I curled up into his side.

"How long do I have to be here?" I whispered burying my head in his chest and trying to drown myself in his smell over the clean, antiseptic of the room.

"Not much longer" Levi said softly and then took a deep breath, "there are some things that have to happen first, though".

"What... what type of things" I muttered nervously, raising my head to meet Levi's eye.

"We have to speak to your doctor and... it's your decision entirely so if you don't want to I won't force you too... but he did mention it might be a good idea for you to go back to your psychiatrist" Levi rambled while he inadvertently pulled me closer to him.

"Oh" was all I could say as I shifted around uncomfortably.

"Please, just think about it... it might help for you to talk to someone" Levi said quietly.

"If I say yes" I murmured after a moment, my voice trembling, "will you come with me?" I really wanted him to say yes, maybe if Levi came with me I might actually be able to go through with it. 

"If you want me to, I'll be there" Levi said and then leaned down to kiss me on the forehead. I sighed in relief but before I could say thankyou I heard the door click.

"Eren? Eren!" I raised my head and saw Mikasa fly through the door and over to my bed and fling her arms around both me and Levi, "Oh, thank god, you're awake".

"Mika..." I glanced at her, that now familiar feeling of guilt rushing back at the sight of her tired face.

"Are you OK? Please tell me you're OK?" she said in a rush, her hand gripping my shoulder.

I took a deep breath and nodded slowly, "I'm better... I feel a lot more normal" I said slowly and actually realized the words were true. I did actually feel like my head was clearer, like I'd breathed in fresh air and with it a little clarity. Mikasa smiled softly and leaned in to hug me gently.

"I was so worried about you" she murmured as she sat down on my other side. I could feel more tears burning at my eyes but pushed them down, I had done enough crying for today.

"I'm sorry, Mika" I said quietly and reached out a heavy hand to grip hers, "I didn't realize... no, no... I think I did realize what I was doing- I just- I just couldn't pull myself out of it". Mikasa squeezed my hand in hers and smiled again.

"Its OK, I'm pretty sure I still love you" she said steadily and god dammit I started to cry again. I felt Levi rubbing my back and tried to stop the tears, I was sniffling now but thank god the tears were gone. While he was brushing the last them away there was a knock at the door and all three of us swiveled to face it, Levi's arm tightened around me and Mikasa instantly glared at the newcomer. Both of them eased up when they saw who it was, I didn't recognize the face but the fact that Levi and Mikasa seemed comfortable was enough.

"Eren, this is Dr Mike Zacharius" Levi said softly, answering my silent question.

"Oh..." I whispered as I stared at him, my face was flushed in embarrassment and without really realizing it, I moved in closer to Levi.

"It's nice to see you awake, Mr Jaeger" Dr Zacharius said with a smile as he strode further into the room. He was a tall, well-built man with blonde hair and a darker beard, he seemed nice enough but I still didn't say anything.

"You're family's been taking good care of you, you know?" he commented easily and I felt myself nod in agreement, he moved over to the medical equipment beside my bed and started fiddling with things and reading off what I guessed was my chart. I started to shake silently, not sure what he was reading on the chart and really scared over what he was going to say next.

"Babe, its OK, I've known Mike forever, he was actually my first partner as a paramedic" Levi said gently as he tried to soothe my shaking, I glanced over at Levi quickly and saw him nod.

"Really?" I asked quietly, seeking out reassurance that I wasn't in the hands of a stranger.

"Oh yeah" Dr Zacharius agreed as he turned back to Levi with a grin, "he hasn't grown any since then either".

"Tch, not all of us can be giants" Levi grunted with a scowl.

"Oh, man, do I have some stories for you, Mr Jaeger" Dr Zacharius said with a smirk.

"Do not fill his head up with your shit, you fucking moron" Levi said dryly while Dr Zacharius just laughed. He had an easy, loud laugh, one that make you feel at ease and somehow their teasing was making me feel more relaxed.

"So, Mr Jaeger-" Dr Zacharius started but I interrupt him quickly.

"It's just Eren" I said, my voice still crackly and hoarse.

"Eren, then" he continues with a warm smile "I have some things I need to talk to you about and I'm sorry but they will be a little personal, it's probably time for Levi and your sister to leave".

No, no, no... I started to panic, they couldn't leave me alone in here. I missed it but it seemed like Mikasa and Levi had a silent conversation over my head as when Levi settled in next to me and made himself comfortable, Mikasa stood up quietly and kissed me on the cheek.

"Levi's going to stay but I'm right outside if you need me, I'm going to call Armin and let him know you're OK" Mika said gently, she waited for me to nod in understanding before she left the room, the door banging behind her.

"Are you OK with Levi staying?" Dr Zacharius asked firmly but I was nodding quickly before he even finished his question. Levi promised he wasn't going anywhere and he was keeping that promise.

"Alright then, let's get started" he said and I saw a change in him, he went from Levi's friend to my Doctor in a moment and became instantly professional. He took a seat next to my bed and started talking, "Have you been sleeping well?"

I shook my head, "N-no, I- I get nightmares" I stammered out, trying to ease up my breathing. I could do this, it was just a few questions.

"About the landslide?" Dr Zacharius asked gently and I nodded but I wasn't going to elaborate. "How many times a week?"

"At the start... after I stopped taking medication... it was almost every night" I said nervously, my fingers clutching unconsciously at Levi's shirt.

"And now?" he asked, glancing over at me.

"Once a week sometimes more..." I started and glanced up at Levi, who was watching me carefully, "they slowed down when Levi started staying over" I finished on a whisper, my face flushing.

"Can you tell me about the last one?" he asked softly and I shook my head, "you don't have to go into detail, just generalize".

I breathed in deeply. General answer. Nothing detailed. I could do that. "I was trapped again" I whispered, I wasn't sure they could hear me but this was all I could do, "I watched my mum and dad die again... and then Levi".

"OK, Eren, that's really good. You're doing great" Dr Zacharius said warmly and I glanced over at him, "How much sleep have you had since the nightmare?"

I took in another deep breath, "Not much, maybe a few hours" I whispered and flinched when I felt Levi's gaze on me.

"You only slept a few hours?" Levi asked worriedly and I nodded.

"I pretended to be asleep" I confided in a small voice, "I wanted you to get some rest".

"Eren..." Levi chastised but honestly that was one thing I couldn't feel bad about, I'd let Levi sleep even when I couldn't.

"It's alright, Levi, he was just looking out for you" Dr Zacharius said quickly and then changed the subject before Levi can do more than huff and I think maybe I might actually like this Doctor.

"Were you eating?" he asked and again I shook my head.

"Not a lot... but I ate what Levi made me" I answered honestly and the doctor nodded.

"How about getting up? Walking around? Did you talk to anyone?" Dr Zacharius asked and I took a moment before I shook my head again.

"Levi helped me shower" I murmured, while my face flushed again, "but I didn't really want to talk".

"Alright, that's OK" he confirmed and leaned in a little, "I think I'm done with questions for the moment but I do want to have a talk with you".

"Alright..." I stammered and nestled closer to Levi for support.

"I'm going to talk to you honestly, Eren, because I think you deserve to know what's happening" Dr Zacharius started and I nodded slowly, "Levi and your sister have told me from their side what's been going on since the landslide and I want you to know my honest opinion of what I think you're going through".

I nodded again and held my breath until he spoke again.

"I think you're suffering from PTSD which I'm sure you already have an idea about" he started and I breathed out slowly. Levi had mentioned PTSD and I had thought about it a few times, it made sense but I didn't like having it confirmed. "I also think you might be depressed".

Depressed? That was something else I had heard Levi mention. But depressed? I didn't think I was depressed. But then I remembered how much I had not wanted to get out of bed in the last few days, how much effort it had taken to simply have a shower or try and talk to someone, how hard it was to stop my brain from thinking too hard. That wasn't normal behavior and so I just nodded slightly.

"I want you to talk to someone" Dr Zacharius recommended, "it'll be very beneficial for you to get some of your thoughts out in the open, it'll help relieve some of your stress and it'll validate your feelings". I stared at him as he spoke and when he leaned in and patted my shoulder I didn't move away.

"Everything you have been thinking and feeling in the past few months is important. _You_ are so important, to your sister and friends... to Levi" he said warmly and I just nodded again, "what you're going through is normal after what happened to you and honestly, I'm surprised it's not worse".

"You're doing unbelievably well, Eren, you have a strength that is very rare to see and I know... I know that you are going to be fine. Maybe not today or even tomorrow but you will be, I promise" Dr Zacharius said firmly and with a genuine smile.

"Th-thankyou" I whispered and with that he was standing up.

"Levi's mentioned you don't like hospitals and with your current condition and the fact that your boyfriend is medically trained I can probably discharge you in the morning" he finished almost instantly losing the professionalism, "I mean, unless you want to stay a bit longer?"

"No! No.. tomorrow morning is good" I answered in a rush and then, "Ah, what time is it?"

"About 7:30" Dr Zacharius answered, "which means visiting hours a long over but I guess, seeing as he _is_ technically a medical professional, I can make an exception and let Levi and your sister stay the night, if they want". I felt my heart sore at his words and cement the fact that I did like the man.

"I'll send in a nurse to bring you some food and then we'll give you the good stuff and knock you out tonight, I'm positive you need at least another full night of uninterrupted sleep" he finished and with a cursory wave in our direction he left the room.

"You'll stay the night?" I asked turning to Levi who just snorted.

"Of course, they would have to physically remove me from your room to get me to leave" Levi answered with a small smile.

 

***

 

I was discharged the next day after a good 12 hours of medicated sleep. Mikasa had gone home after awhile opting to sleep in her bed but Levi had just scooted close to me and we had fallen asleep like that. They sent me home with kind smiles and encouraging words not to mention the weeks supply of pills to help me sleep and the contact names of a few psychiatrists. I had to leave the hospital in a wheelchair and although I fought them on it they said it was hospital policy, which meant I had to endure the embarrassment of being wheeled out even though I could walk.

Mikasa picked us up and drove me home with Armin in the front seat and Levi in the back with me, it was a quiet drive as I don't think anyone really had any idea what to say but it eased up when we got home. I didn't really want to go back to my room just yet so I made my way to the lounge, Levi was hovering behind me and I knew Mikasa and Armin were staring at my every move.

"Movie?" I asked as I nestled into the corner of the couch and instantly everyone was moving. Armin was racing toward the TV to pick something out while Mikasa turned on the kettle and started pulling mugs and teabags out of the cupboard, Levi just walked out of the room for a moment but came back to sit next to me with Pippin in his arms. I smiled slowly as Levi settled in and Pippin struggled against his hold to get to me, Levi let her go and in a matter of seconds she was snuggled in my lap and keeping me warm. Levi curled an arm around my shoulder and I leaned into him instinctively, burrowing my head onto his shoulder.

Mikasa came around with the mugs and handed them out to everyone while Armin still sat on the floor.

"Hmm..." Levi whispered and looked down at me with a smile, "what's the bet-"

"What about Iron Man?" Armin interrupted and Levi actually started laughing, setting me off as well. And oh fuck, did it feel good to laugh a little.

"Iron Man's perfect, Ar" I answered and settled in for the movie. We only got past the credits before Levi started talking to me.

"I don't know if you know but... it's actually New Years Eve today" Levi said nervously and I blinked at him, was I really out of it that long? "It doesn't matter... and only if you're up to it... but I thought maybe we could go and watch the fireworks tonight?" I bit my lip, torn. Fireworks sounded amazing but... I didn't want to be in a crowd or really even leave the house just yet.

"Ah... I'm not sure" I answered him honestly, "I don't want to be in a crowd".

"What if I said no crowd? It will be outside but it'll be just you and me and the fireworks?" Levi asked his voice still racked with nerves. I had to think on it a moment and steel myself to what I was committing too but slowly I nodded. I could handle outside as long as it was just me and Levi. I ended up falling asleep against Levi halfway through the movie and only waking up to Levi shifting beside me.

"I'll be back in a few minutes but Mikasa's going to sit with you" Levi whispered and I nodded sleepily, feeling Levi's body replace by Mikasa's. She was gently running her hands through my hair in a way that made me fall back asleep instantly.

 

***

 

"Eren? Babe? Time to get up".

I heard Levi's voice break through and slowly pulled myself out of sleep, I blinked open my eyes and saw Levi's face near mine.

"Levi?" I whispered.

"Yeah, it's 10:00 pm, you slept all day but if you're still up for it we can make it to the fireworks" Levi said, his voice was open and allowed me to change my mind if I wanted too.

"It's OK, I'll go" I answered softly and I swear, the smile Levi gave me in return for those words would be worth all the effort.

"I left enough time for you to shower, thought you might like one" Levi said gently and clasped my hand to help me sit up. I yawned loudly and blinked a few times, it was awfully quiet around here.

"Ah, Armin and your sister went to a party at Sasha and Connie's place, you were invited but I figured it might be a little too much for tonight" Levi answered registering my blank looks.

"Thanks, I think a Sasha party would be a little too much" I answered trying to stop another yawn. My thoughts went to the shower and I started getting up, a shower sounded like the best thing in the world right now.

"Towels are in there" Levi said tensely but he breathed a little in relief when I asked him to join me. There was nothing romantic about the shower but it was exactly what I needed, it was hot water waking up tired muscles and Levi's warmth and soft touches making me comfortable.

"Where are we going tonight?" I asked as he washed my back.

"It's a surprise" Levi answered and I sighed, resigning myself to Levi's plans. We dressed in warm clothes, Levi going a little overboard and stuffing a green knit beanie on my head, a blue knit scarf around my neck and purple knit gloves on my hands. With the black coat I was wearing the colors all stood out in stark contrast with each other and I raised my eyebrow at Levi.

"You're lucky no one will see us" I said gesturing to my outfit but Levi just huffed and muttered something about not letting me get cold... which actually made me want to keep them on. He bundled me into his car, cranked the heater on and then drove away from my place. I was starting to sweat and get very curious when we finally stopped, Levi hadn't spoken the whole way but stared out the window in deep concentration. It was nearing 11:40 by the time Levi finally pulled the car over and I was able to jump out.

Winter hadn't really hit us before tonight, the air was sharp and cold and there was a freezing breeze lifting up my hair and raising goosebumps on my arms, even under all the layers. Not that I would tell him but I was secretly very pleased over all the extra warmth.

"Le-vi" I stuttered and before I knew it Levi was beside me with a huge bag in his hands.

"Come on, its just up here" he said and took my gloved hand in his. We walked through a few trees and up a small rocky path until the leaves cleared and I couldn't help but gasp. We were on a hill overlooking the city and right below us was the New Years Eve celebrations in town and to our left was the empty field in which they let off the fireworks. I could already tell we were going to have the best spot.

"Levi... this is perfect" I sighed in anticipation and looked over at him to see a pink tinge on his cheeks. 

"Wait there a moment... I, ah, I have blankets" Levi mumbled nervously and I watched in wonder as Levi started to unpack the bag he'd brought. A thick picnic blanket came out first and then another thick blanket was pulled out, a few bags of snack were thrown out next and then surprisingly two thermos'.

"Is that?" I whispered eyes locking on the thermos, "when did you even have time?"

"It's hot chocolate and, umm, I did it while you got dressed" Levi answered that cute pink tinge not leaving his cheeks and then he gestured for me to come over. I walked over slowly and folded myself down onto the blanket, Levi sat down next to me and threw the second blanket around our shoulders effectively covering both of us. He reached out and grabbed a thermos and passed it to me and then took the second for himself. I sat there in awed silence as I took a sip of perfectly hot liquid and then turned to Levi with a small but happy smile.

"Do you have any New Years Resolutions?" I whispered into the silence.

"Just the one" Levi answered with a smile and a small pause, "I want to make this new year better for you than the last". I felt tears pricking at my eyes and I leaned in to kiss him softly.

"I want to try and live without regrets" I breathed out and Levi nodded his understanding as he leaned back in for another chaste kiss.

"Two minutes til midnight" Levi murmured and I smiled, for the first time all week feeling perfectly happy to be alive and present.

"Hey, Levi?" I said, I wanted to get this in before midnight, "about this year? It wasn't all bad..."

He cocked his head to the side slightly and gave me a curious look, so I laced my fingers through his under the blanket and said gently, "I met you, after all".

We heard the shouts from below as the whole city started to count down.

10... 9... 8...

Levi leaned in so close I could count his eyelashes

7... 6... 5...

I could feel his breath on my lips and let out a little contented sigh

4... 3...

Our lips touched 

2... 1...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I heard the shout from all around and yet it didn't touch me, I was in my own little world under a blanket with the man I loved and even though my life wasn't perfect for this one moment it didn't matter.

"Happy New Year" Levi whispered with a smile and then suddenly there were loud bangs overheard and we both looked up to watch as golden, shimmering lights showered down on us. I had been right... our spot was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!  
> OK so fair warning I am officially starting to wind this story down now and there will probably only be about 5-6 chapters left :D  
> Hope you're enjoying it and let me know what you think !! :P


	22. One Year After Shiganshina Landslide

Levi

 

The last year had been the hardest of their lives but they were making it work and getting through it together in one piece. They had made it to the one year anniversary of the landslide and although it was going to be so much harder than they could even understand, they had taken time off and with Mikasa and Armin in tow were finally heading back to Shiganshina.

They were going to go back to the site for the first time since the landslide had happened and they were going to pay their respects to their own family as well as all of the lives lost in the disaster. Eren had been a wreck in the week leading up to leaving, nightmares he hadn't had in months were coming back in full force and he was starting to break down again like he had in the early stages after the slide. But Levi was there every step of the way to provide comfort and calm his boyfriend down, he knew what was happening and the toll this week was having on Eren but they were battling their way through, it was something they needed to face.

Prior to this week Eren had been recovering steadily, the nightmares had mostly disappeared and the breakdowns came less and less often, Eren was visiting his psychiatrist once a week religiously and as Levi had thought it was helping him a lot. He hadn't been hospitalized again and although he had some days where he couldn't get out of bed, Eren was opening up to Levi more and talking about what was going on in his head and Levi was able to help him through it. Their relationship had moved very quickly after New Years and although nothing had really changed, it felt like everything had. They barely spent a night apart even if Levi was on a night shift, Eren stayed at his own place on those nights but had given Levi a key so that when he finished work in the early hours of the morning he could come up to Eren's apartment and fall into bed beside his sleeping boyfriend.

They had talked about moving in together but Eren still wanted to be close to Mikasa and Armin and although he spent half of his week at Levi's place anyway it wasn't the right time yet. So they made it work. They had Friday nights set aside as date night- even if Eren was feeling depressed or Levi was exhausted they always spent Friday night together even if it was just pizza and a movie.

Eren was making steady progress with his studies, the subjects he studied at home being completed just as well as the others, he had a great support system with some of his teachers and they helped him to get through his workload. He had made solid friends and along with Mikasa and Armin he was rebuilding his life in Trost and slowly healing, piece by piece.

The night before they were set to leave, Levi opened the door to Eren's apartment, wandered down the hall into Eren's room only to find Eren having a mild panic attack by his suitcase. Levi dropped his keys on the bench and went to Eren's side immediately, he rubbed his back and muttered soft words to him, Eren looked up at his sudden appearance and his presence seemed to be helping.

"I can't go back" Eren wheezed, his eyes stuck on Levi's and his hands clenched in clean t-shirts.

Levi made himself comfortable on the floor and brought Eren into a hug, "I know it's more than anyone should ever ask of you but I think you need too" Levi said gently and heard Eren crying on his shoulder.

"It's too much" Eren muttered, his voice low and a little hoarse.

"I know, I know" Levi comforted but took in a deep breath and forged on, "but I think we need to go, it's been a year and I think it will help. You love Shiganshina and even if it is too much just think of your mountains".

The mention of the mountains had Eren sniffling and trying to get a hold of himself so Levi continued, "even if we just go back and don't talk to anyone. We can spend the whole time just sitting on the mountains and you can remember them that way. We can do whatever you want".

Eren nodded and pulled back a little, "You'll come up the mountain with me?"

"Of course" Levi answered instantly and rubbed a hand on Eren's back.

"We don't have to talk to anyone or see anyone?" Eren asked quietly.

"Not if you don't want too" Levi confirmed and that had Eren breathing steady and nodding slightly.

"What if Mikasa wants to go to the- the site" Eren asked softly.

"Armin is coming as well, if it's too much for you or you don't want too she'll understand if we need to separate, she'll have Armin with her" Levi soothed and Eren continued to nod his understanding.

"Come on, I can finish packing for you, you can head to bed" Levi offered but Eren shook his head.

"I'm fine, I'm OK now... I just needed a minute" Eren whispered and Levi moved back so Eren could start packing again.

"I'm going to go make some tea while you finish" Levi said gently and with only a little hesitation he left Eren and headed into the kitchen. He was going to be so glad when this week was over, it was bound to be difficult no matter if they were going to Shiganshina or not but it was exhausting for everyone, there were too many emotions that were demanding to be felt and Eren was getting the brunt of it.

Levi took his time making their tea and returned to Eren's room with two steaming mugs to the sight of Eren zipping up his suitcase.

"All done?" Levi asked and Eren nodded while Levi passed him a mug.

"Where's your stuff?" Eren wondered as he stood up and walked over to his bed, Levi followed him and they sat down on the edge of the bed together.

"Still in my car, we're taking it tomorrow so I figure it's easier just to leave it in there" Levi answered and Eren nodded stiffly.

"Be prepared for a restless night... I don't think I'm going to sleep well" Eren said quietly, Levi leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"I'm OK with that" Levi answered with a tiny smile and bumped Eren's shoulder with his own.

 

Eren POV

 

I woke up to Levi kissing my cheek and rolled over slowly to face him properly, my mind filled only with sleepiness and sunlight and the nearness of Levi. I leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips and we managed to have a tiny moment before the events of the day came crashing down on  me.

"Oh god" I whispered quietly, I was going back to Shiganshina today, I was going to see my home and my mountains and I was going to have to face that place again.

"Shh... it's OK" Levi whispered back and put his arm around my waist pulling me into his body, "We're taking it one step at a time today".

"One step at a time?" I asked softly and Levi nodded against my head.

"First step is a shower and then we eat breakfast" Levi said in a low, sleepy voice. I swallowed nervously and nodded putting the rest of the day out of my head and focusing entirely on a shower.

"You want to join me?" I asked, Levi answered with a hard kiss and his body rolling on top of mine and pressing us together closely. He ran his hand through my hair and cupped my cheek with a cool hand while I threw my arms around his waist and gripped tightly, needing his body as close to mine as physically possible.

"We have to shower" Levi grumbled but I didn't want to move, I felt better with Levi pressed against me, it was like he was blocking out the harshness of today.

"But it's warm and nice here" I mumbled back, Levi just kissed me softly and then sat up with his legs on either side of my waist. I looked up at him and wondered for the thousandth time why this beautiful, kind man ever wanted to be with me.

He must have had an idea what I was thinking because he leaned down one last time and placed a chaste kiss on my lips, "I love you, you know that?"

"I do" I murmured and as Levi sat up he pulled me with him and wrapped his arms around my chest to support me.

"Shower?" Levi asked again and this time I nodded and we rolled out of bed and dressed in only briefs we made our way to the bathroom and stepped into the hot shower.

 

***

 

Step one was the shower and step two was breakfast but after that we had to get going. I sat with Pippin and picked her up to cuddle her before I had to put her in her little carry case so we could drop her off with Farlan and Isabel before we left town.

"I don't want to leave her" I muttered as I heard Levi approach, I held Pippin close to my chest and scratched her ears.

"It's only a few days, she'll be fine with auntie Izzie" Levi soothed and rubbed Pippin's belly to the low purring of our kitten.

"Yeah, I know... but I'll miss her" I pouted and kissed the top of her head while Levi laughed softly and smiled at us.

"Come on, we have to get on the road" Levi said gently and pulled the carry case over so I could put Pippin inside, I sighed but moved Pippin to the case and closed the door behind her. We stood up slowly and with Pippin's case in my arms and Levi next to me we went into the loungeroom to find Mikasa and Armin waiting for us on the lounge.

"You ready to go?" Levi asked and they got up, grabbed their bags and made their way to the door. Levi picked up my bags and the four of us walked down to Levi's car, packed our bags in the boot and with Pippin on my lap we drove away from our little apartment.

"You OK?" Levi asked me softly from the driver's seat, he extended his hand to hold mine and laced our fingers together.

"Fine" I answered but I don't think I sounded convincing as Levi squeezed my hand a little tighter. The step by step process was getting harder and I knew after we dropped Pippin off it would only get worse.

The drive was only 20 minutes but it felt so fast, time was getting away from me and soon enough I would be back and I was going to have to face the rest of the day. Levi pulled up outside their place and together we got out and carried Pippin inside, Mikasa and Armin just waiting in the car for us to return. Levi knocked and I held Pippin a little closer, I didn't want to let her go because letting her go meant that the next step was coming fast and I hated that step.

Isabel answered the door with a grin, "Ooh, you're finally here!" she squealed and instantly went for Pippin's case. I handed her over with only a little resistance and as soon as she was gone Levi took my hand and held on tightly.

"We'll be back in a few days" Levi said to her, I felt my lip quiver and I squeezed Levi's hand. I didn't want to go anywhere.

"We'll be fine. We're going to have so much fun, aren't we kitty?" Izzie crooned and opened the little case to let Pippin out and cuddle her close, scratching her head, "be safe, you guys".

"We will" Levi said gently, there was a moment of silence before Farlan appeared in the doorway as well, Izzie passed Pippin to him, looked to me and then went in for a hug. She threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly, I returned the hug stiffly but eased into is as my friend tried to comfort me.

"Make sure Levi looks after you, don't do anything you don't want to and if you feel overwhelmed get out of there" Izzie ordered in a whisper while squeezing me, "Promise me, Eren".

"Promise, Izzie" I answered and extricated myself from her warm hug.

"Be safe and come home soon" Farlan offered and hugged Levi briefly before coming over and hugging me quickly as well while still holding Pippin. Izzie had moved on to embrace Levi and was whispering something in his ear that I couldn't hear but odds were it was about looking after me.

We walked away slowly and got back in the car, Levi turned the engine on and much too quickly we made our way out of Trost and onto the road towards Shiganshina.

 

***

 

We had been driving for most of the day when I finally caught a glimpse of my mountains on the horizon, they were just as beautiful as I remembered and for a moment I couldn't breathe.

"We're home" Mikasa whispered from the backseat and I couldn't help but nod in agreement. It felt like I was coming home, the butterflies and stress that had been making a home in my stomach were disappearing as we got closer to the mountains. I felt Levi glancing over at me and I took my eyes of my beautiful mountains for a moment to give him a soft smile, he smiled back and the tension in the car eased much more than I expected.

This was easier than I thought, it didn't feel like I was walking into a nightmare but instead I felt like I was returning home from a long and exhausting absence. My smile spread across my face and all I wanted was to ski down those mountains on my favorite runs with Mikasa next to me, exactly like how it used to be.  We drove through town and it was exactly as I remembered it, there was no sign of the landslide and no sign that anything had happened here a year ago. We finally made it to a lodge and with only a little hesitation I got out of the car and followed Levi inside a building that was eerily familiar. I grabbed Levi's hand as we walked inside and he pulled me along beside him and up to reception.

"Hi, welcome to Titan Lodge, how can I help you today?" the young woman at reception asked as we stopped at the desk, she took us in and did a double take at my face and then glanced between Levi and Mikasa.

"Mr Jaeger?! Your room's are all ready for you if you'll follow me" she said quickly and grabbed some keys from under the desk. I looked over at Levi with raised eyebrows, he just shrugged and followed the receptionist down the hallway.

"I guess they were expecting us" Levi said quietly and I sighed. I wasn't feeling stressed or panicked anymore but a calmness had found its way inside and being here, being back in Shiganshina was getting easier and easier. Mikasa and Armin followed us and with all of our suitcases rattling along behind we were shown to our rooms.

"We have two room's ready, this one's got the two singles and that one has the queen size. If there's anything you need just ask!" she said cheerily as she stopped in front of one of the doors, "have a nice stay and um, Eren? It's nice to see you back here". She smiled shyly at all of us and then made her way back down to reception.

"So we'll settle in and then go find dinner?" Armin asked to the general consensus of everyone and we split off to go into our rooms. Levi opened the door and held it open for me, I shot him a small smile and followed him inside letting the door close soundly behind us.

"Are you going to be OK here?" Levi asked softly, worry lacing his voice and his body stepping in to hug mine. 

"Surprisingly yes" I admitted and wrapped my arms around his body, "it's not bad at all, it actually feels like I'm coming home".

"I'm glad" Levi sighed with relief and hugged me to him a little closer, "I was really worried about you".  I breathed in deeply and thanked the universe for bringing Levi to me for the thousandth time, he was one of the best things in my life and it would have been so much harder to make it through without him.

"It's more therapeutic than I thought, I'm not stressed or panicked but this place... I don't know, it's strangely comforting" I said with a small smile and knew it was true. Everything I had worried about wasn't concerning me anymore, I really was feeling calm and this place that I had known all my life was doing exactly as it had always done- protecting me.

"So are we skiing tomorrow or do you feel like you want to go back?" Levi asked gently and I closed my eyes in thought.

"I think I need to go back... I think I need to see it now and get all of those horrible last images out of my head" I answered honestly and Levi nodded.

"We can go in the morning, maybe visit some of your old friends and then we can go skiing on your favorite run" Levi stated and I murmured my agreement. If the morning was too stressful it would be a good idea to look forward to skiing plus I was curious just how good Levi was going to be at skiing, it would be nice to beat him in something for a change.

"I want a shower before dinner, you want to join me?" I asked softly leaning my head down to look at Levi.

"Thought you'd never ask" Levi said and leaned in to kiss me, he took my hand and together we made our way into the shower. 

 

***

 

The morning broke to the white light from the snowy mountains pouring through our window. I knew where I was instantly and it actually made me smile... I was home and I was in the place I belonged with the man I loved. For the first time this week I felt completely at peace with the world and as much pain as today was going to bring it felt right... everything felt right.

I heard Levi snuffle next to me and curl in closer to the warmth of my body, I ran my hands up over his back and closed my eyes to breathe in our little moment of peace. It was still early but I was enjoying having a moment alone with my thoughts, it was good for me every now and then to come to terms with myself and to understand the changes that had happened in my life.

I was coping with my new reality of the last year, I was coping without my parents and coping with my new life in a new city. I had my bad days but I was improving and I knew it... life was slowly getting better. Levi was there every step of the way as was Mikasa and Armin and I knew I was steadily recovering from the disaster.

"What are you thinking about so hard?" Levi murmured in a heavy voice and I turned my body into his and opened my eyes a little to meet the storm grey ones staring at me.

"The last year" I answered softly and raised my hand to trace over Levi's cheek, "and just that I got through it in one piece".

"You did" Levi said with a small smile and leaned in to kiss me softly, "I'm so proud of you".  I just smiled a tiny little smile and buried my head against Levi's chest and we lay there in silence until we heard a knock on the door.

"Hey guys?" Armin called through the door and we both turned our heads towards the door, "Mikasa and I are going to head down for breakfast soon if you want to come with us".

I looked to Levi and saw him nod, "we'll be out in 20 minutes" I called back.

"We'll meet you downstairs" Armin called out but I just turned back to Levi. 

"You ready for this?" Levi asked seriously, I just nodded slightly and kissed him. I was ready for this, today was going to be OK.

 

***

 

After breakfast the four of us made our way down the street and towards the space where Shiganshina lodge used to be. With a few deep breaths and everyone's attention mostly focused on me we rounded a corner and it came into view.

I gasped softly and Levi wrapped an arm around my waist and brought me in close. There was nothing there. No buildings, no rubble and no wreckage. There was nothing more than smooth dirt spread out over the site and the small wooden sign that read 'Shiganshina Lodge' still in the spot I had last seen it.  If I hadn't known any better I would have thought it was merely a construction site, I never would have guessed of the devastation this spot had leveled exactly a year ago.

"There's nothing left" I whispered to no one in particular and felt Levi press against my side. I took a step closer and then another one until I was tracing my fingers over the wooden sign, a sign I had known since I was very little. I took another step and my toe stubbed something on the ground, I looked down and saw a metal plaque.

With Levi close beside me and Mika and Armin behind me I knelt down on the ground and ran my finger alone the words on the plaque. They were names.

"It's a memorial plaque" I murmured and traced the carefully written names, I stopped as I reached Carla and Grisha Yeager and sat down solidly on the dirt with my legs crossed and my hand touching the C on my mother's name. I felt Mikasa sit down next to me and move her hand to the names as well, she was tracing the Y slowly.

"Have I ever mentioned how glad I am that your name is not next to theirs" Mikasa admitted after a while, her voice very quiet and shaky. I nodded and took my finger of the letters to take hold of Mikasa's hand and hold it for comfort. Levi was hovering just behind us with Armin next to him letting us have our time alone with our grief.

I don't know how long we stayed there but I knew when other people approached to pay their respects, I never turned to acknowledge them but I heard when Levi shooed the nosy, prying ones away. I just sat with Mikasa and remembered all of the good memories I had with my parents, I remembered all of my friends that died and all the lives that were left unfulfilled. I didn't know when I started crying but I felt the tears dropping from my face and leaving tracks down my cheeks and I didn't dare stop them, I just let them run their course.

When I'd had my fill and wasn't able to stay any longer I tried to move my legs to stand up but they were numb, I tried to walk but stumbled backwards into Levi's chest feeling the full force of pins and needles run down my legs.

"I want to go, please" I whispered and felt Levi wrap his arm around me and guide me back towards our hotel, I heard Mikasa stand and walk with Armin just behind us. We walked back in total silence, I couldn't talk but instead let the shock run through my body and take over, feeling everything I always tried to lock up.

Levi led me through the lobby and up the stairs, we ignored the receptionist greeting us and made our way straight back to our rooms. Levi opened the door and turned to say something to Armin but I wasn't listening, I was on autopilot just wanting to curl into a ball for a little while. I heard the door close behind me and felt Levi's arms wrap around my waist from the back and pulled me onto the bed to lie down.

He pulled me tight against him on top of the blankets and ran his hands through my hair and let me cave in on myself under what today was. It was hard, too hard, but it also felt a little like closure in a way. I was back here and facing the worst time in my life and I was pulling through and that gave me strength.

"I want to ski later" I murmured while I felt Levi card his fingers through my hair.

"We can do that... you can laugh at just how terrible I am" Levi replied lightly and I huffed out a little laugh.

"I look forward to it" I answered softly and turned my body so I could face him, "thankyou so much for being here".

"Where else would I be" Levi said quietly and leaned in to kiss the tip of my nose making me laugh softly.

 

***

 

We sat together on the top of my mountain and looked out over the town stretched out before us, it was getting late and we would have to head back soon but for the moment we had a little time to enjoy the view.

"Will it sound crazy if I said I want to live here again?" I asked gently and looked over at Levi sitting next to me.

"No, not crazy... I think I expected it" Levi answered and turn to look at me with a smile.

"Really? Would you... I mean, would you come with me?" I asked and bit my lip nervously.

"Of course I would. I want to be wherever you are and if you're here then I'm here too" Levi replied in a steady voice and squeezed my hand tightly.

"You'd move to make me happy?" I asked in surprise, honestly expecting a little more of a fight from him.

"I'd do a lot more than that to make you happy" Levi said and with a small frown he kept going, "will it sound crazy if I said I want to live together when we move back here?"

I blinked in surprise but moved in instantly to kiss Levi hard on the lips, "Not crazy, I'd love to live with you" I answered with a wide grin.

"Now, let me be clear, when I say live together I mean alone together. As much as I love your sister and Armin I don't particularly want to live with them" Levi replied with smirk.

"That's OK, I don't even know if they want to come back plus I want to live alone with you as well" I answered happily, "I want to be with you".

"I can move whenever you're ready" Levi offered, "I might have actually checked with work about transfers and it's pretty easy for me to move to Shiganshina".

I stared at him in shock, "You- you've already checked?"

"Of course, I want everything with you Eren and I had a feeling you'd want to move back here sooner rather than later, so I wanted to be prepared" Levi said casually and shrugged his shoulders.

"God, I love you" I said starkly and kissed him deeply, thanking the universe once again for the man next to me.

"I love you too" Levi murmured and then raised his eyebrow in question, "does that mean you want to move soon?"

"I think I do" I answered and realized it was true, I felt at home here and although it was the place where the most painful moment in my life had happened it also felt like the place where my future was. If Levi was ready to move here then I think I was ready to come home, "I can transfer back to university here".

"We can find an apartment close to the University and I can transfer my job" Levi murmured and looked at me with a serious expression.

"We're doing this then?" I asked, surprised at the sudden turn of our conversation.

"Yeah, we are" Levi answered and kissed me softly, "I'm ready whenever you are". 

I smiled and looked out over the snow covered mountains, I was ready to come home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have 3 chapters left where I plan to do a 2 year, 5 year and 10 year time jump :P Thanks so much for reading!!


	23. Two Years After Shiganshina Landslide

Eren POV

 

I woke to the phone ringing. I groaned and threw my arm out to try and get it to stop but my arm just came into contact with the hard empty surface of my bedside table.

"Ugh... Levi... make it stop" I grumbled and rolled over into the middle of the bed to burrow into his side and start poking him in the ribs. Levi grumbled but the combination of the phone ringing and my poking had him moving away and extending his arm to grab the phone that was on his side of the bed.

"Hello" Levi huffed, I buried my head in his side once more and closed my eyes tightly trying to go back to sleep but suddenly Levi sat up straight and my head hit the mattress softly. I opened my eyes slowly and looked up in annoyance but as I took in Levi's expression I sat up quickly as well and touched his shoulder gently, worry coursing through my body.

"Levi?" I whispered but Levi just put his hand over mine and shook his head slightly before focusing all of his attention back on the phone.

"What happened?" Levi said, he sounded completely awake now and very serious, my own head was clearing and getting sharper by the second. Levi was nodding and then with a serious voice he said, "I'll be on the next plane out, see you soon" and hung up.

"Levi?" I said softly and Levi turned to me.

"Something's happened" Levi answered, his voice thick with emotion, I gripped his shoulder a little harder and stared at him until he continued, "There was a small earthquake, it triggered a rock fall underground".

"Oh no" I murmured but Levi wasn't finished.

"There was a collapse in a mine in Stohess... 18 people are trapped" Levi finished but he grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly, "I'm... I'm taking the next flight out". In that moment I knew what I had to do, my mouth was in a tight line and I took in a deep, steadying breath.

"We better pack then" I said firmly and moved into action but before I could get too far away Levi had a hand on my upper arm.

"We?" Levi asked as I turned to look at him and nodded.

"I'm not letting you go alone" I answered softly.

"Eren, it's not a good idea for you to come... you still have nightmares from the landslide, I don't want this to make it worse" Levi replied slowly, his eyes filled with worry. I sighed and moved in closer to him, I kissed him softly and placed both hands on his shoulders and looked at him seriously.

"I'm coming with you so no arguing" I said, "Those 18 people are going through a hell I've lived through... even if I can't help them I'm going to be there for you. This is going to be so hard and now it's my turn to support you and be there for you".

Levi looked resigned as he noticed the stubborn set of my chin but he kept trying, "What about work? You guys are about to open your lodge... you need to be here".

I raised and eyebrow and spoke steadily, "They can cope without me for a few days besides Farlan and Isabel are down to help out and until we open it's honestly best to let Mika and Armin handle things- they're so much better at this than I am".

"Eren, you know you're going to do great, right?" Levi said temporarily distracted and somehow trying to distract me too.

I rolled my eyes, "At the skiing and activities I'll be fine but with the business side it's definitely best to let Mika and Armin take control of that. Now, we have to pack or we're going to miss our flight". I tried to get up again and heard Levi sigh behind me his hand still on my arm, I turned back slightly and gave him a look until he let go.

"You sure?" Levi asked again and now it was my turn to sigh.

"Yes, I'm sure. You're not going alone and I want to help as much as I can" I answered and leaned in to kiss him again.

"Alright then we should go" Levi replied and together we got out of bed, dressed and packed our bags as fast as possible. I checked my phone as we got in our cab and realised it was only 6:24 am but those 18 people weren't about to wait any longer. Our cab arrived at the airport and we had to run towards our terminal in order to make the flight. As we stowed our luggage and finally sat down I sighed and leaned into Levi, closing my eyes.

"Get some sleep... we'll land in a couple of hours and from then on sleeps going to be tough to get" Levi said gently.

"Sounds good" I answered and breathed out trying to get my breath back after our frantic run to the terminal, "what happens when we get there?"

"I have to go straight to the site and report to Erwin, you can come with me or you can go to a hotel" Levi answered, leaving the final decision up to me.

"I'll come with you" I replied, "see if there's anything I can do to help".

"OK, well after we get to the site it will be pretty intense, there will be people everywhere and heavy machinery and I'll be at the front of the rescue with my team... just like I was with you" Levi informed me, his voice gentle.

"Do you know how bad it is?" I whispered.

"Hange told me it was pretty bad but we won't know specifics until we get there and Hange can survey the site" Levi said and I nodded slowly, sleep was taking hold of me again and within moments I was out against Levi's shoulder.

 

***

 

The turbulence woke me and I shifted against Levi who was also shifting against me. 

"What's happening?" I mumbled and sat up straighter, looking around the cabin, the seat-belt sign was flashing and everyone was beginning to move their seats up and buckle in.

"Just landing" Levi answered and took my hand in his, I sighed in relief at the response and sat up straight and made sure my seat-belt was secure. The plane landed without issue and with my hand firmly in Levi's we made our way out of the airport and through to the exit, trying to get to another cab. The site of the cave in was out of town a fair way but we had no other way of getting there that was faster than.

"Levi!" A voice called out and we both turned to stare behind us at the woman waving us over, Levi sighed but I wasn't sure it was annoyance or relief. I smiled, happy to see Hange's familiar face and stepped forward, taking Levi with me.

"Eren, honey, what are you doing here?" she cried as she noticed me, she hugged me tightly but I noticed the evil look she threw in Levi's direction, "you shouldn't be out here... Levi, why would you bring him?" Her voice carried all the worry that Levi's had that being here at the site of another disaster was just going to hurt me.

"It was my choice to come, I thought I could help" I answered. 

"Hon, I know you mean well but maybe you should go to a hotel" Hange tried with her voice full of worry.

"No, look, I'm here and I'm coming with you. I can handle whatever happens and if I can't _then_ I'll leave... you two should not be worrying about me" I said firmly and with that I stalked away and left them to follow me out.

"Ah, Eren?" Hange called out behind me and I turned to see they hadn't moved.

"What?" I said.

"I have a car waiting for us... that way" she said and pointed in the opposite direction I was walking. I huffed and with as much dignity as I could I walked back in the other direction, past Levi's smirking face and Hange's chuckles and towards the rental cars. Hange and Levi caught up quickly but my words seemed to have convinced them not to argue with me further. They had turned conversation to the logistics of the rescue and as we walked to the car and drove away out to the site I was relatively forgotten to the more important matter at hand.

It was an hours drive to get out there and with Hange and Levi talking in the front and the gentle rocking of the car I began to drift off again in the backseat. I woke suddenly when the car stopped and I heard Levi and Hange's intake of breath, I looked up and gasped at the sight before me.

I'd never been on this side of things before, I'd never seen the destruction or panic that consumed every part of a disaster, I didn't know the other side of what had happened to me. There were people everywhere just as Levi had said, firefighters and paramedics and policemen as well as all of the civilians, it was chaos at the moment as the sun was still rising and the people in charge were in starting to make headway. I heard doors open but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the entrance to the mine and the obvious signs of the earthquake.

"Eren, you OK?" Levi said and I turned to see him standing next to me, his hand on my door that he had pulled open.

"Yeah, fine" I said slowly and shook my head to clear it a little, this wouldn't shake me, I would be fine. I moved and stepped out of the car and with Levi's hand gripping mine we walked towards what looked like a command centre. There was a tall, blonde man at the front giving orders and Levi and Hange walked directly up to him.

"Good, you two are here" the blonde sighed as he noticed them, he approached and shook Levi's hand firmly but that was when he noticed me standing on Levi's other side.

"Eren Yeager" he said shortly and thrust his hand out, I met it and shook his hand, "I've never had the pleasure, I'm Erwin Smith".

Realization shook me and I smiled tightly, "You were in charge of the Shiganshina Landslide as well".

"I was, I'm sorry I was never able to meet you properly, my job keeps me very busy" Erwin stated but I just shook my head softly.

"No, it's OK, thankyou so much for everything you did" I said sincerely.

"It was my pleasure, Eren" Erwin said and smiled a little, "are you here to help out?".

"Yes, whatever I can do" I answered and Erwin smiled.

"We can always use more hands here" Erwin stated and then got on with the job, Levi moved us forward and Erwin started to talk and fill them in on the whole situation.

18 people were trapped down in the mine, some were closer to the entrance as they had run when they felt the quake but the rockfall had stopped any escape. Erwin was in the process of getting into contact with them and making plans to get everyone out and now that Levi and Hange had arrived they were making significant progress. I sat on the sidelines for the next half an hour watching and listening to them plan and strategize how to rescue everyone, they had no news about the condition of everyone inside but they were working under the assumption everyone was still alive.

They got to work 10 minutes later and I moved to where I was needed as I watched Levi walked to the front and start making his way to the rockfall where he would eventually descend into the mine. I swallowed nervously but I knew how good he was, he had rescued me and kept me alive, he could do the same for everyone else inside and my job was to help as much as I could and try not to worry about things I could do nothing about.

 

***

 

Cheers rang out over the area as work stopped and we finally saw the last two people emerge from the hole, they walked out supporting the other but they were on their feet and grinning in relief as Levi, Hange and Eld trailed after them covered in dirt but smiling. I watched as the two men found their families and embraced them eagerly, watched as one picked up his little girl and hugged her tightly, tears of utter relief falling down his cheek.

I let out a deep breath and finally relaxed, it had been a long 8 days but besides a few injuries everyone had made it out alive and well and now the two who had been trapped more than half a mile underground and thought impossible to free were making their own way out. It was the reality I had wished for two years ago and a rarity that no one here had been blessed to see yet, 18 men had been trapped and 18 men had been freed.

I watched as the ambulances and paramedics descended on the last two men standing and Levi was convincing them to go to the hospital, I saw heads shaking but I also saw Levi's expression and there was no arguing with him when he looked like that. I had been relatively forgotten in the activity of the last week, a few people recognized me but there was so much more going on I wasn't really thought about.

As Levi had said he was right at the front of the rescue so I really hadn't been able to speak to him the entire time, I wanted to now though, I wanted to see him and hug him and know that he was OK. He had been down there with them, risking his life to save theirs and for 8 days I had been too stressed and worried about him to even think of or acknowledge my own feelings about being near a disaster again but now that he was out everything was bubbling to the surface. I moved forward quickly, I wasn't stopped as I entered the restricted area as everyone there knew me well, I had been a constant presence and they knew who I was with and they understood my need to get to him.

I walked even faster the closer I got, the last two men had followed Levi's orders and were being loaded into their own ambulances, their families getting a police escort to follow them to the hospital but I ignored them and went straight for Levi. He was covered in dirt and dust, his face blackened by the mine he had been crawling around in but he was grinning, his teeth stark white against his face. He stood off to the side with the same group of people that had rescued me, they were smiling happily and laughing knowing that they had gotten everyone out- no one had died this time.

I watched as Petra tapped Levi on the shoulder and point to me after noticing me making my way over, he turned slowly and as he took me in I got a wide smile from him. He was euphoric at the moment after his efforts had worked, he had been at the very front working to keep each and every man inside alive and he had succeeded. When I finally reached him I threw my arms around his neck and crushed him in a hug and felt as his arms wrapped around me tightly and kept me pressed against him.

"We got everyone out" I whispered in awe and felt him nod.

"We did" Levi answered, his voice laced with his own awe at the entire situation.

"Can we leave now?" I murmured in his ear, I needed Levi and I needed him anywhere but here.

"I'm not sure I can leave yet" Levi replied softly and I screwed my eyes shut, I had made it through 8 days here I could last a little longer but my thoughts were interrupted as Erwin spoke up behind us.

"Take him home, Levi, you two have done enough on this one" Erwin ordered and I disengaged myself from Levi enough to look over at the blonde, "Get some sleep, you both look like shit".

Levi gave him the finger but extricated himself from me enough to turn towards Erwin and the others, "You sure?"

"You're a paramedic, Levi, for the rest of this operation we won't need you" Hange said with a smile, "our job here is done". Levi nodded in thanks and with a few claps on the back he said his goodbyes, he grabbed my hand in his and slowly we made our way over to the rental car we still had parked and forgotten on the edge of the site. We didn't talk, not yet, for now we just needed the other to be there next to us and we needed to find somewhere to sleep. I jumped in the driver's side with only a raised eyebrow from Levi but I set my jaw and put the keys in the ignition waiting for him to climb in on the passenger side, he was too exhausted to drive and I knew I could do this much for him.

I drove us into the closest town I could find and stopped at the first hotel, Levi was sitting quietly in his seat staring out of the window with a dopey smile on his face as he thought of our win today. I pulled the keys out and opened my door and Levi opened his own and stumbled to his feet, we were both exhausted not having had much sleep at all in the past week. We needed a shower and then we needed like an entire day to sleep off the last week.

We grabbed our bags and then walked inside, the receptionist noticed us instantly, she took in our grimy clothes and tired faces and grinned.

"Thankyou so much for your efforts!" she said and came over to hug us despite the dirt. Levi patted her back awkwardly and I just tried for a smile in thanks, I hadn't really done much at the centre of everything but I had been working tirelessly on the edges.

"Do you have any rooms available?" I asked not really caring about anything other than finding somewhere to sleep.

"Of course, come with me, we can deal with everything else later I'm sure you two just want a shower and a bed" she exclaimed and circled back behind the desk to look up available rooms, her brow furrowed and she looked up guiltily, "I'm sorry, we only have our honeymoon suite available but I can bring up an extra bed if you'd like?"

"No problem" I answered realizing she didn't know that we were actually together, "we're a couple so it'll be fine".

"Oh" she said surprised and then grinned, "perfect! Here's your key, just get in the elevator and it's the fourth floor, first door to the left. If you need anything just called me down here".

"Thankyou" I said grabbing the keys and then taking Levi's hand, I looked back at him and saw that he'd half closed his eyes almost falling asleep while standing, as little sleep as I had gotten Levi had gotten less. I pulled him close and together we made our way slowly into the elevator and over to our door, I opened it with the key and tugged Levi inside. He was all but asleep now and as much as I wanted to put him into bed and let him sleep we needed a shower first, so I closed our door and dumped my bag on the ground and Levi managed to do the same.

I led him to the bathroom, turned on the shower and then my fingers went to his shirt, his weight shifted and he lay his head on my shoulder and leaned into me for support, I finished removing his clothes and then slowly moved him over to sit on the closed toilet while I removed my own. When I was done I led him into the hot shower and let him lean against me completely, his head on my chest and his eyes closed. The shower woke me a little but my own exhaustion was creeping over me, so I washed Levi's hair and body thoroughly, getting rid of all the dirt and grime and then did the same for myself before stepping out of the shower and wrapping us both in towels.

The exhaustion hit me as soon as the bed was in view and I stumbled over to it with Levi in tow, he was still walking on his own but if I had to guess he was mostly asleep. It was too much effort to even think about finding clothes and getting dressed so I just pulled down the covers and helped Levi in and then followed, our hair was wet and leaving marks on the pillows but we didn't care, as soon as our heads hit the pillows we were out of it.

 

***

 

We slept for 17 hours straight and when I woke Levi wasn't next to me and the smell of something delicious was filling the air. 

"Levi?" I mumbled and sat up stiffly, I heard footsteps getting closer and saw Levi come into view, he grinned at me and leaned over to kiss me deeply. I smiled into the kiss and let my hands run through his hair in a way I hadn't been able to in more than a week.

"You hungry" Levi murmured pulling back a little and smiling.

"Starving" I replied but I couldn't help pulling him back and kissing him again until I had to release him and get my breath back, "OK, food now".

Levi laughed and I watched his face transform, he looked happy and well-rested but there was something else, it almost seemed like a flicker of apprehension. I moved out of bed, dressed quickly and grabbed my phone before I followed Levi out of the bedroom but instead of stopping by the dining table he led me outside onto the balcony where an entire spread of food awaited, it was late morning with the sun peaking out over distant hills and the bright sunlight surrounding them.

"What's this for?" I asked, my mouth slightly open at the amount of effort Levi had put in, there were blankets on the ground and food piled up high on trays not to mention the little vase of flowers in the centre.

"Well, it's actually sort of an apology" Levi admitted and tugged me forward and down onto the blankets.

"An apology?" I asked seriously confused, Levi hadn't done anything wrong, had he?

"Check the date" Levi prompted so I pulled out my phone, flicked it on and... oh.

"It's our anniversary" I said with surprise as I remembered that I knew this, we had made plans to go back to the beach house for the weekend and celebrate there but then the disaster had happened and I had completely forgotten.

"Happy 2 years" Levi said softly and leaned in to kiss me, "I had a whole thing set up at the beach house but that got ruined" Levi continued, he didn't seem too annoyed but Eren could sense the nerves building up.

"Wait, you had a whole thing planned?" I asked raising my eyebrow, not able to help the laugh that bubbled up.

"Shut up, I was trying to be romantic" Levi grumbled and that made me burst out laughing for real because although I loved him and he could be genuinely sweet, planning a 'whole thing' wasn't really part of the package.

"Oh man, I wish I could have seen that" I laughed, clutching at my side as the laughter brought on a stitch, "did you have like rose petals and candles and shit?" The blush over Levi's cheek was enough of an answer and it made me snort and continue laughing.

"Fuck off, Izzie helped and she went way overboard" Levi tried to defend himself but he still seemed nervous, I controlled me laughter for the moment a little curious as to why he was so nervous.

"Oh god, what else did you have planned?" I whispered dramatically, "A couples massage? Walks on the beach? Ooh, skinny dipping in the ocean?"

"You're not going to make this fucking easy on me, are you?" Levi said with a huff but it was more to himself than to me and before I could speak he had moved in front of me and taken both my hands in his, his eyes meeting mine.

"Levi?" I whispered, my voice dropping any teasing it had held and my heart pounding at the sudden turn this conversation had taken.

"Marry me, Eren?" Levi breathed out quickly as he moved a hand to reach into his pocket to pull out a ring.

"Oh... fuck" I murmured, my head was reeling and my stomach light and fluttering, I stared at the beautiful platinum ring in Levi's open palm.

"Not really the answer I was looking for" Levi murmured with a smirk but he moved his hand forward a little closer to me and tried again his voice just as nervous, "Eren, will you marry me?"

"Yes... yes, I will. Yes. Oh, god yes" I answered quickly and moved in quickly to kiss him, the ring in his hand forgotten as I just kissed him deeply. Levi was laughing into my mouth with pure joy and I couldn't help my hands going up and running through his hair and trying to bring him in closer. 

"Four yes'? That eager, huh?" Levi murmured and I just burst out laughing again and kissed him once more, I didn't think I could be happier than I was in this moment. I kissed him deeper, running my tongue along his lips and pushing him back until I lay on top of him with his back lying on the deck.

"I love you so much" I whispered and grinned happily as I heard him laugh.

"You want your ring now?" Levi teased and I nodded eagerly, he pulled his hand out and sat up quickly with me sitting on his lap and my legs on either side of his hips. He extended his hand and held the ring out, I moved my hand closer to Levi's, it was shaking terribly but Levi just held it firmly in his and slid the thin ring onto my finger.

"You're stuck with me now" Levi teased and I grinned.

"I'm very OK with that" I answered and kissed him softly, the ring on my finger felt like it had always been there and as I lifted my hand to cup his cheek it glinted in the sunlight...today was going to be a perfect day.


	24. Five Years After Shiganshina Landslide

Eren POV

 

Being back here was too much, the smell of antiseptic and the crying of sick and hurt children in the waiting room. The stiff plastic chair was cool against my back and the constant activity of the room was surrounding me making my head hurt and my heart pound. I had to rest my head in my hands and close my eyes to concentrate on breathing, of course my luck would follow me through to today and bring me back here.

It was five years ago today when they had wheeled me through these same hallways, I had been laid out on a stretcher with frostbitten feet and grief still crushing me even though I had been freed from my tomb. It felt like some kind of twisted fate that brought me back here and had me sitting outside of a hospital room with my foot tapping against the floor and my whole body on fire. I was on the other side of the door today and I found I really hated it.

I could hear the grunts of pain coming from the room and then the shouting that followed, I needed my husband next to me so desperately I could almost feel him there. But he wasn't here and my hands were clenched together in my lap with nowhere to go and no strength to latch onto. 

Today was one of the longest of my life and I had spent 7 hours of it in this chair just waiting. A doctor would come out every hour or so and update me but they wouldn't let me go inside and I couldn't bare to leave, so I sat and waited and hoped for the best. It had been a stroke of luck that I was in Trost visiting Isabel when I got the phone call, it only took me 45 minutes to reach the hospital instead of the hours it would have taken to get here from home in Shiganshina, but now I was alone and waiting. 

Isabel and Farlan had both come with me, not letting me drive as I was too on edge and very close to a panic attack, but I had made them leave and go to work telling them I would call if anything happened. I hadn't called yet.

"Eren, hon?" a nurse called out softly, rousing me from my thoughts and offering me a smile, "I brought some food up from the cafeteria for you, I can't say it's good but there's coffee and sugar".

I tried a smile in return but it came out more like a grimace as I thanked her shortly. As my twisted fate would have it the nurse that had been floating around me all day, updating me and bringing me coffee was the same nurse who had showered me and given me pain meds all of those years ago, she was still working here and I still thought she was pretty wonderful and I finally found out her name was Maggie.

"How are you holding up?" she asked and sat down in the chair beside me, I saw the worry on her face but she covered it very well with her smile and then handed me the food she'd brought.

"I've been better" I muttered and glanced over to the door where I had just heard some rather loud and creative cursing from behind it, "it's taking too long".

"I know, hon, but just a little longer" Maggie soothed and rubbed my shoulder in comfort, "you still waiting on someone?"

"A few people" I said and nodded, I looked to the hallway hoping they would appear but they didn't and I didn't know why they were taking so long to get to me.

"I'm sure they're getting here as fast as they can" Maggie comforted before she stood up and with a final pat on my shoulder she turned to leave down the hallway, that was when I heard the bang of a door and shoes screeching on the hospital floors. "Looks like the cavalry's here" Maggie teased gently and I looked up to watch the hallway, Mikasa was the first to run headlong around the corner and towards me with Armin right on her heels and then finally- finally I saw the face I wanted the most. Levi was here. 

"Fuck... finally" I huffed but jumped out of my chair before I was tackled in a hug from Mikasa. She was pushed away pretty quickly as Levi ran forward and embraced me, muttering apologies so fast I could barely make them out.

"Levi, breathe, it's OK you're here now" I said but I hugged him back tightly, so infinitely happy they had finally gotten to me and they hadn't missed anything.

"Sorry Eren" Armin said with a grin and motioned to Levi, "but this one had a few slight freak outs on the way over and we had to stop so he could calm down".

"Fuck you, Alert" Levi snapped but he stepped back from me and seriously focused on my face, locking my eyes with his, "is she here yet? Did I miss it?"

"No, she's still on her way" I answered with a smile, my whole body calming down at the arrival of my family, "Zoe's learned some pretty creative new swear words though, she's almost beating you out, babe". Levi was about to say something in reply when Zoe's loud voice filled the room and they learnt firsthand what she thought of the people trying to help her.

"Fuck, how long has that been going on?" Levi asked, his voice pained and his hand running through his already messy hair.

"Too long" I answered quietly, my eyes going back to the door and my hand grabbing Levi's and lacing our fingers together, finally able to share this with him and lean on him for some support.

"I'm sorry it took so long, I was working when I got the phone call and then well... we got delayed on the way-" Levi started but was cut off when Armin started laughing.

"Delayed, sure! If delayed means we had to pull over three times so you could puke your guts out then yeah, sure, we were delayed" Armin teased and I actually managed a tense laugh at that.

"Babe, you weren't even this nervous on our wedding day" I said grinning, trying to lighten the mood but I couldn't help laughing at the scowl now on Levi's face.

"I knew what I was getting into with you, idiot" Levi grumbled and then breathed out deeply and murmured, "but her? I have no idea with her". I smiled softly, we'd had this conversation so many times in the last year and we'd worked through most of it together but no matter what there was always going to be doubts and worries today and we both knew it.

"We're going to be fine and well, if not, then we can always hand her over to Isabel and Farlan, you know how excited they are" I said and squeezed his hand again to let him know we were in this together and we had so much support from our family.

"Right, cause I'd trust her with those two morons" Levi answered and rolled his eyes but I caught a little smile tugging at his lips and watched as his face relaxed. "What's going on in there?" Levi asked his eyes flicking over to the room where Zoe was screaming again.

"The nurse said it would be soon" I answered my eyes locked back on the door as well, "but I-". I didn't get any more out as a new shrill voice broke through the silence and effectively cut me off and the crying resounded around the room.

"Oh, fuck" Levi cursed as he heard the cry while I just stood frozen on the spot. The moment we'd been waiting for had happened and suddenly all of my fears and doubts were crashing through me all at once, I felt my face whiten and Levi's death grip on my hand, he was freaking out on a very similar level to me.

"I'm so going to tell her those were the first words you said after she was born" Armin teased quietly and laughed lightly as he approached us and slapped us on the back, "Congrats, guys". Our eyes were still locked on the door but it wasn't opening, we could still hear her crying inside but we couldn't move and nobody was walking outside. It took 10 minutes for the door to open and for a doctor to walk out and smile at us.

"Congratulations, you have a beautiful, healthy baby girl" he said and walked towards us slowly. His words were making their way through our brains and we were still standing frozen in panic, we didn't know what to do or where to go, but his next words had our eyes snapping up and our heads nodding.

"Do you want to see her?"

 

***

 

We followed the doctor through to a little empty room down the hall, it had a small two-seater lounge against the wall and was painted in creams and soft yellows. Mikasa and Armin had just patted us on the back and shoved us a little to get us moving forward calling after us that they would call Izzie and Farlan and tell them everything was fine. I couldn't think of anything but holding onto Levi's hand and walking forward one step at a time, there was a constant white noise filling my head and I knew that Levi was doing just as well as I was both of us internally freaking out at who we were going to meet at the end of the hall.

When we stepped into the room I looked around eagerly but there was no one there and I had to pull in a deep breath, Levi doing the same beside me. The doctor gestured towards the seat off to the side and said something to us, I didn't really hear what he said over the buzzing in my head but I followed Levi's lead and sat down on the offered seat.

"They said she was getting some tests done" Levi said softly, somehow knowing I wasn't listening, and I twisted my body towards his and focused on his words, "the doctor's going to get her now and bring her to us".

"We get to see her now?" I asked nervously and saw Levi nod his head in reply. I turned my head and stared at the closed door, waiting for the moment the doctor would return with our daughter. It took another ten minutes but it felt so much longer to me, it felt like I had waited an eternity to hear the footsteps in the hallway and to see the door handle turn and then to finally see the bundle of pink blankets in his arms.

I registered the doctor was smiling and saying something else but I was entirely engrossed in who he had in his hands, the little bundle moving slightly and making gurgling noises that filled up my mind, completely wiping anything else from existence. She was finally here and we were finally going to hold her. I felt my breathing come a little faster but Levi's steady hand on my thigh was calming me down and grounding me to him as the doctor stepped forward and held her out for me. 

I instantly extended my arms for her and felt as her tiny weight met my arms and the doctor let her go, giving her to me entirely. I pulled her close and held her against my chest, folding my arms in and securing her against me, she was too small and fragile and it felt as if I might break her at any moment. I didn't hear the doctor leave but I did feel as Levi scooted in as close as possible and raise a hand to softly trace her pink cheek.

She had her eyes closed and she was breathing steadily, little gurgling noises and spots of drool falling from her lips, she had a mop of dark hair on her head, a tiny, thin nose and bright pink lips turned up at the edges in what I thought was an almost smile. 

"She's perfect" I whispered, not able to tear my eyes away from her face to even look in Levi's direction.

"She's beautiful" Levi murmured next to me while running a thin finger down her nose and then catching one of her little clenched fists in his own. At Levi's touch she opened up bleary blue grey eyes to meet my own and opened up her little fist to curl around one of Levi's fingers and hold on tightly. I heard Levi gasp at her movement and I couldn't help the tears burning at my own eyes, we had finally made it here to this moment... this was real.

"I can't believe this is happening" I whispered, I felt like I couldn't raise my voice louder than a whisper or I'd break our perfect little bubble, "I can't believe she's real... and that she's ours".

"I know" Levi answered, his voice just as quiet and his finger still clamped by her entire hand but he smiled as he continued "poor little thing's stuck with us for parents".

"Yeah and she didn't even get a say in the matter" I answered with a smile, the reality was setting in as we teased each other and lightened the mood a little, I shuffled her carefully in my arms and shifted back in the seat so my back rested against the seat and we were a little more comfortable. Her head was resting in the crook of my arm and one of her little socked feet was starting to poke out of the end of the blanket and kick softly. Levi moved as well so that he his head was bent over hers and he could place a soft kiss on her forehead but he made sure to keep his finger securely locked in hers, his other hand finding her foot and holding on.

"We never decided on a name..." Levi said softly as he managed to pry his eyes away from her for a moment to shoot me a look of panic but I just smiled feeling completely calm and happy.

"It's OK, we have time" I murmured and couldn't help the grin that spread over my face as she squirmed in my arms and made another muffled gurgle, her eyes now half closed but still locked on mine, they looked surprisingly similar to Levi's in this light. "She has your eyes" I whispered and laughed lightly.

Levi snorted softly but I could see him staring openly at her eyes now, when he spoke it was light and teasing, "you know that's technically impossible seeing as she's adopted".

"Hush... she has your eyes" I answered and smirked as I continued to take in each part of her perfect little face, "and she has my nose" I continued and leaned in to kiss the tip of her nose.

Levi laughed but actually joined in, "hmm, her ears do look suspiciously like Izzie's and her chin-"

"Mika's right?" I finished for him and we both laughed at the absurdity of our conversation, "let's just hope she's as smart as Armin".

"Yeah and as kind as Farlan" Levi murmured quietly but blushed a little at the words, "so... we have to pick a name" he said quickly changing the topic.

"We do" I sighed but I couldn't look away from her to focus properly, "what were our final choices again?" I whispered, my brain not able to think about anything other than my daughter in my arms.

"Mm, we had it narrowed down to Lydia or Anna" Levi said but as he said them and I watched her face they just didn't fit and I knew Levi was thinking the same thing.

"We have anything else?" I asked into the silence while trying to think of names we had come up with in the last few months, "they're not right..."

"I know" Levi answered on a sigh and then after a quiet moment he smiled and glanced up at me, "what about Alice?"

I tilted my head down and stared at her face and felt the smile on my own lips, "Alice Ackerman-Yeager, what do you think, baby girl?" I asked softly and got a gurgle and a bit of drool escaping her mouth, I couldn't help laughing.

Levi was laughing as well as he answered, "do you think that mean she likes it or not?"

"I think yes... plus I like it" I answered with a smile while turning the name over in my head, "Ally Ackerman has a cute ring to it" I admitted.

"It really does but Ally Ackerman-Yeager is better" Levi answered with a grin, we had gone through all of the possibilities of last names and seeing as neither of us had changed our name when we had gotten married we had both wanted our own surnames in there, so instead we had compromised and decided to hyphenate for now and if our daughter really hated it we would let her drop a name later on.

"I had an idea..." Levi said nervously and I managed to glance up to catch the look of slight nerves on his face.

"Well, that's never a good thing" I teased softly and turned back to Alice with a smirk while I heard Levi huff a little.

"I was thinking of a middle name..." Levi started, "and thought maybe you'd like Carla?" That had me glancing up to lock my eyes on Levi and smile, I leaned in and kissed him quickly on the lips but I was shaking my head.

"No... thankyou so much for the thought but... she's her own person and I want her to have her own name" I answered as sincerely as I could while trying desperately not to hurt Levi's idea, I loved the thought but I didn't want to live in the past and as much as I loved my mother I wanted my daughter to be her own person and that meant having her own name.

"But I have another name" I continued and made sure to look up to get Levi's full reaction, "I like May".

"Alice May Ackerman-Yeager..." Levi said as he thought about it and with a small smile he whispered, "it's perfect".

"Hmm, it is a bit of a mouthful though" I replied with a teasing voice but I was happy, our daughter had a name and we hadn't even argued over it, it may have been a little too easy.

"Alice May... you're in for an interesting life, baby girl" Levi murmured and I cracked a grin and started laughing- interesting was definitely an accurate description. 

"You want to hold her?" I asked as I shifted little Alice closer to Levi and watched as he swallowed nervously but nodded, I lifted her gently and carefully laid her in Levi's arms. He handled her so carefully it had me sighing with contentment, this was our life now and I couldn't be happier but a light knock at the door had us looking up. Mikasa peeked in with a smile and as her eyes landed on Alice she grinned and stepped inside, Armin following her closely.

"Can we come in?" she asked a little too late but I nodded anyway and she all but ran over to us and crouched on the ground to get a look at her niece, Armin bending over the edge of the lounge to look from there.

"She's beautiful" Mikasa whispered as she gently played with Alice's fingers but they didn't latch onto her the way they had with Levi, it made me silently happy even though it was probably just a fluke.

"She really is" Armin grinned but he didn't reach out, happy to watch from a distance.

"Are Izzie and Farlan close?" Levi asked and I could tell how much he wanted them here.

"Yeah, they were on their way back when I called so should be here any second" Mikasa answered but her eyes weren't moving from Alice's face but I could totally understand that. Not a minute after Mikasa finished talking and the door was banging open again making Alice jump a little in Levi's arms- Levi soothed her while simultaneously shooting an evil look to the door to give a silent warning to whoever had disturbed his daughter but the look faded as their guests walked in.

"Oh my god" Izzie squealed as she got a full view of her brother holding a tiny little pink bundle in his arms, his face soft and happy as he cradled her close to him. I watched as Izzie started to cry right there on the spot and I even got a surprisingly soft look from Farlan as they took in their brother and started to come over.

"Hey Izzie, Farlan" Levi greeted and I'm sure to them it was one of the happiest and most content moments they had caught Levi in.

"Wait a second" Izzie greeted back while taking her phone out and snapping about twenty pictures of Levi and our daughter, when she was finished and the tears had stopped she crouched down next to Mikasa but instead of focusing on Alice she wrapped Levi up in a careful but tight hug and then made her way to me to do the same. "You guys look insanely happy" she whispered sincerely and then cracked a wide grin as she finally looked at Alice, "and who do we have here?"

"We'd like you to meet Alice May Ackerman-Yeager" I said proudly, I looked around at our little family, still not quite believing this was real life and that I had made it here. While our family cooed and laughed I sat silently and reached over for Alice's hand, her little fist instantly latching around my finger like she had with Levi and I knew instantly that this here was the reason I was saved- for Levi and for Alice.

 

***

 

We had to stay at the hospital a little longer so that Alice could have more tests and so the nurses could help us with feeding her and take us through a few more little details to get us started. We had asked after Zoe, Alice's birth mother, but we were told she didn't want contact with us. We knew that was likely to happen, she had wanted a closed adoption for a reason and even though we had previously offered to send her updates and photos she had declined quickly. 

Zoe was only 17 and she wanted to finish high school and go to college, she had told us quite firmly she wasn't ready to be a mother and that as much as it hurt her giving her daughter away it was the best option for everyone involved. She wanted to forget about this and move on with her life but she had wanted her daughter safe and loved and to give her her best chance. She had found us not even two months after we had started the adoption process and agreed quite easily and quickly just after she met with us. She had never had any regrets over her decision and as we got to know her and she got to know us we had a feeling it was going to work out for the best.

But as I walked past her room on the way out of the hospital I stopped... I felt a twisting in my stomach and I suddenly knew what I had to do. I passed Alice's carry case to Levi and with a deep breath I knocked on her door and opened it slowly. I peered in and saw Zoe sitting up in bed, her knees were brought up to her chest and her head resting on her knees as she stared out of the window.

"Zoe?" I whispered and watched as she looked up and her face crinkled in confusion but she didn't yell at me so I stepped inside and closed the door.

"Eren, hi" Zoe murmured and I smiled softly at her knowing instantly what she desperately wanted to ask me but wouldn't dare to let slip from her lips, her eyes glanced to the door as if she knew exactly who was outside.

"How are you?" I asked and she nodded slowly and even managed a small smile.

"I've been better" she answered honestly but the little smile didn't falter when she met my eyes, "but I know I didn't make a mistake... she never- she never felt like mine" she admitted softly.

"Her name's Alice" I said matching her honesty with my own and hoping I wasn't about to make things worse for her but at the genuine smile that flicked over her face I knew I had been right to tell her.

"It's a pretty name" she said as her eyes flicked to the door.

"I know you said you didn't want too" I said and breathed in deeper, "but would you like to hold her?" Zoe looked torn at the offer, desperately not wanting to lose herself but also needing to hold her daughter at least once, she nodded once and that was all it took for me to go to the door and open it to let Levi walk in with her.

I lifted Alice out of her carrier and with only a slightly worried look from Levi I brought her over to Zoe and placed her in the girl's arms, Zoe frowned and she didn't manage to hold her in the same comfortable way I did or Levi did but with a cautious restraint. 

"Hand me your phone" I said a to Zoe and she passed it over slowly while trying not to move the baby in her arms, Alice was starting to fuss and Zoe was looking uncomfortable but I knew she wanted this, if only for a moment. I took three pictures of them together and then locked her phone and passed it back, Levi had stepped forward and was making a move to take Alice back.

Zoe gave her back easily and then looked over to me with a watery but sincere smile, "Thankyou... I knew I picked the right people for her".

"Have a good life Zoe" I said with a smile and laced my fingers through Levi's as we left the room and the young girl behind us.

 

***

 

We finally got her home safely a few days later and after a long car trip I got to take Alice out of her seat and carry her into her new home. We had bought this place 18 months ago after making the decision to adopt and needing a bigger place than the two bedroom apartment we had been living in since moving back to Shiganshina. We had been saving up since moving back and with mine, Mika's and Armin's lodge being more successful than I would have ever believed and with Levi working hard at his job we had managed to save up much quicker than we had thought.

We had bought a brand new three bedroom house on the edge of town, it was a bit further out from both of our work than before but it was worth it for the view- our floor length bedroom windows had an almost perfect view of the mountains in all of their snow covered glory. The smallest bedroom we had turned into a study but the other bedroom had been transformed into a nursery- we had painted the walls green and I had worked hard to paint the little pink birds sitting on the branches of white trees. We had a white crib in the corner and sheer white curtains over the windows as well as an old rocking chair in the corner of the room next to the changing table. 

As Levi locked the car and walked in front of us carrying all of Alice's things I stopped to breathe everything in. Levi was smiling and talking about having Mikasa and Armin over for dinner next week as he unlocked the front door, there was a slight mountain breeze whistling through my hair and my daughter was sighing happily in my arms at the feel of wind on her face.

"She likes it here" Levi whispered and I blinked as I noticed that he was now standing next to me and smiling down at our daughter.

"Of course she does" I answered with a grin and watched Alice's little mouth turn up at the edges at the sound of our voices, "she  _is_ our daughter".

"Come on" Levi said with a laugh and put his hand on the small of my back to get me to walk inside and out of the cold, "I don't want either of you to get sick". I laughed at his concern but walked inside anyway thinking happy thoughts of our future.

"When can we take her up on the mountain?" I asked excitedly and heard Levi groan with obvious affection as he closed the door behind us.

"Soon" Levi answered knowing if he gave me a time I would hold him to it, "but no skiing until she can at least walk".

"Aww, but that's no fun" I answered with a laugh, we had had this conversation a lot as well in the past year and as much as I wanted to take her up on he mountains as soon as possible I conceded that maybe Levi was right in thinking she probably shouldn't ski until she could walk... maybe.

We walked into her nursery and with Alice falling asleep in my arms and Levi next to me I lifted her up and placed her carefully in her crib, cocooning her tightly in her blanket but neither of us stepped back far.

"We can watch her for awhile, right?" I asked softly and Levi laughed quietly.

"I think that's allowed" he answered, we stepped back up to the edge of the crib and watched as Alice squirmed a little on the mattress and then sighed a tiny little sigh.

"Welcome home, baby girl" I said happily.

 


	25. Ten Years After Shiganshina Landslide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! Here goes...

Eren POV

 

"Done!" I shouted and threw my hands in the air as the last of the paperwork was done for the week and it was finally time to get out of here, "today has been way too long!" I heard a snort coming from the desk next to me and looked up to meet Armin's eyes as he looked up from his own desk.

"You've only been here like four hours" Armin teased, I rolled my eyes and stretched my arms up over my head.

"Four hours too long" I complained and heard Armin laugh again, "Oh come on, I know you're excited to get out of here too".

"I am, but not as excited as you" Armin replied with a smirk and officially put his pen down as well, signalling that he'd finished too, "Your worse than your own daughter".

I couldn't help laughing at that, Alice had been almost bouncing out of her skin in excitement for this weekend and it had been a nightmare trying to get her to go to school at all today even if it was only a half day for her and well, she had to get it from someone. Her excitement was understandable though, it was her birthday today and she had been promised a real mountain adventure with the whole family for the entire weekend.

Levi had even caved to mine and Alice's begging and she was finally allowed to ski on her own down a proper run. Levi had been very cautious in letting her ski all by herself but she had practically grown up on the mountains and even through Levi's worry she had been skiing before she was even walking. I couldn't believe we were finally going, it had been a long few months since we had even been able to go on some of the smaller runs, our Ski Lodge had been booked solid over the winter months and Levi's team had been called out three times over the last few months to help with disasters.

We had both been so busy we'd barely had enough time to see each other let alone plan a ski weekend but as Alice's birthday drew closer we made sure we had blocked out the weekend for us, we needed a weekend off to be with our family.

"I don't think anyone's as excited as her" I laughed and remembered how just yesterday she had talked for a solid two hours about this weekend and we hadn't been able to get her to go to sleep until late.

"Yeah, that's true, I don't think I've ever seen her this excited" Armin replied grinning and relaxing back into his chair.

"Alright, so my paperwork's done, it's... 12:00 which means Levi is on his way to get Alice and we have 30 minutes to pack up and get the staff up to date for the weekend and then get to the car so we're not late meeting them" I said ticking things off as I went through them. Armin and Mikasa were coming with us as well as Farlan and Isabel and we were all supposed to meet up at Shiganshina Diner for lunch before heading up the mountain.

Armin was laughing softly in his seat but I ignored him so I could pile my work up, grab my bag and get out the door. Armin did the same and followed me out still laughing quietly, I wasn't sure why but at the moment I couldn't really care less as I was too excited to leave and see my little girl. Filling the inside staff in about the weekend cover took longer than we'd thought, it wasn't the first time we'd all left for a weekend but usually we were able to be contacted pretty easily, this weekend though we'd made a pact to answer phones for emergencies only.

Mikasa met us down in the lobby at 12:15 after finishing her own work for the week and filling in the outdoor instructors about the weekend, she smirked at Armin and raised an eyebrow at me as I came over.

"OK, what is it? What did I do? Do I have food on me?" I asked my eyes scanning my clothes trying to find out why they were so amused.

"No" Armin teased and then glanced to Mika, "but you're forgetting something".

"Forgetting something?" I asked, I immediately went over my mental check list for the weekend and everything was done, I was ready to go. At my look of confusion Mikasa laughed out loud and raised an eyebrow.

"Forgetting someone" she cleared up with a grin.

"Oh fuck!" I cursed and with Mikasa and Armin laughing loudly behind me I ran down the hall and towards the room at the back of the lodge. 

"Eren! I wondered when you were going to be here" Hannah greeted him with a wide smile as she got up from her behind her little desk.

"Sorry, Hannah, uh, paperwork took longer than expected" I tried but her little smile said I wasn't fooling her.

"Uh huh" she grinned and then pointed over to a corner, "he's over there". I called back a thankyou as I made my way over to the corner and knelt down, big grey eyes met mine and I couldn't help the the grin that spread across my face.

"Hey buddy, sorry I'm late" I cooed and reached forward to pick him up, he gurgled in my arms as I brought him close and his little pudgy hands found my face.

"Daddy!" he cried and his face lit up in the way only Levi or I could bring out in him, I cuddled him close for a moment as an apology and then settled him on my hip to carry him out of the Lodge's daycare centre. I grabbed his bag and Hannah waved goodbye to us, as soon as I left the room I was hurrying again, trying to get back to the car as soon as I could so I wasn't late for Levi and Alice.

"Not a word" I warned as I walked past Mikasa and Armin who were still laughing like idiots.

 

Levi

 

Levi pulled up to the school at exactly 12:10 which meant he had 20 minutes to get his daughter and get down to the Shiganshina Diner to meet everyone, he really didn't need to be too worried though as he was almost certain Eren was going to be late. He smiled at the thought of Eren and as he walked into the school office to sign Alice out he almost couldn't believe this was his life now- that he was a husband and a father with the best family he could hope for.

"Hi, Mr Ackerman, here to pick up Alice?" the receptionist asked with a smile as he stopped at the desk.

"Yes, thanks" Levi answered and was caught up in small talk for the next few minutes as he signed the forms to get his daughter pulled out of school early, he smiled a goodbye to the woman and then made his way over to Alice's classroom where he could collect her. He saw her before she saw him and had to stop for a moment just to watch her, she was beautiful, a little tall for her age with bright green eyes and long dark brown hair that Levi had pinned back that morning so it was away from her face, the rest was flowing all the way down her back with the little colorful butterfly clips she had asked him to buy for her last week pulled into place by her ear.

He smiled not quite believing she was real for a moment, she had somehow grown up to look very similar to Eren but her personality was a perfect blend of both of them, she was sweet and kind and so optimistic but she also had a stubborn streak to render both of her fathers useless. Levi watched as she laughed with one of her little friends before he stepped up to the door and knocked loudly, Alice instantly turned and her face transformed.

She jumped out of her seat with a grin and ran for him, Levi catching her when she threw herself on him and hugging her a little tighter than usual. She was five today and the last five years had gone much too quickly for his liking. Soon he wasn't going to be able to pick her up and she may not even want too hug her father like this for much longer so Levi was getting in all the hugs he could while she was happy to give them.

"Papa, you're here!" she squealed and tightened her arms around his neck like if she let go she might have to go back to her work. 

"I promised, didn't I?" Levi said with a smirk and she beamed up at him and nodded happily.

"Sorry, Mrs Fraser" Levi apologized over his daughters head to the teacher who was just smiling at them.

"No problem, Mr Ackerman, Alice honey go and pack your bag up and say goodbye and then you can go" Mrs Fraser said kindly, Levi lowered Alice to the ground and she sped away to get her bag and pack away her things while Levi walked over to her teacher.

"I hope she wasn't too much today" Levi said with a small smile, she was usually a really good kid but today was her birthday and she was much more excited and energetic than on a normal day.

"No, no, she was fine. If I can't handle an excited child I'm probably in the wrong profession" Mrs Fraser laughed and Levi let out a little sigh of relief just as Alice ran back over to him and pulled on his arm to hold his hand. "Happy Birthday, Alice, have a good weekend" she said as Alice nodded and Levi led her out of her classroom all the while she was waving back at her classmates.

"Do you want me to hold anything?" Levi asked and looked down at his beaming daughter.

She grinned up at him and held out her arms, Levi sighed dramatically but was secretly happy she still wanted him to carry her, she wouldn't let him in front of any of her friends but now they were out of sight she was practically climbing back into Levi's arms. He took her pink bag from her and swung it over his own shoulder before holding out his arms and picking her up easily.

"Oof, you're getting heavy" Levi teased while Alice giggled and lay her head on Levi's shoulder.

 

"Will Daddy forget Liam again today?" Alice asked and Levi had to laugh at that, it had been a bit of a running joke in their little family since Eren had left Liam at daycare a year ago only to get home and have Levi freak out because Liam wasn't with him. It had happened again 5 months ago and now the joke had stuck and Eren was never going to live it down.

 

"There's a good chance, sweetie" Levi answered playfully and then flicked her nose. 

She scrunched her nose at the contact but laughed "Hmm, maybe you should call him and see? I don't wanna be late today".

"Alright, Ally, but get in the car first then we'll call you Dad" Levi promised as he unlocked the car door and helped her into the back seat while he climbed into the drivers seat and pulled out his phone. 

"Do you want to talk to Dad or should I?" Levi asked and Alice looked at him, seriously contemplating her answer.

"I'll do it, you let Dad get away with everything" Alice informed him primly and held out her hand for the phone, Levi snorted and handed the phone over not even able to tell her she was wrong.

"It's ringing" she informed him seriously, "Daddy? Papa, he picked up!"

"Maybe talk to him then?" Levi teased but Alice actually held out a finger to shush him in a very Eren-like way.

"Hi Daddy" Alice said happily, he couldn't hear Eren on the other end but Alice's blinding smile said enough, "Daddy, Papa and I wanted to call and make sure you 'membered to get Liam". Levi waited and he swore he heard laughter on the other end, most likely from Mikasa and Armin, which let him know that yes, Eren had definitely forgotten Liam for a little while.

"Papa, Daddy says he has Liam and that we should trust him more" Alice informed Levi and he just smirked at Eren's words.

"Tell your Papa he should remember he has two children" Levi teased and Alice nodded seriously and relayed the message to Eren, Levi listened and actually heard Eren's undignified spluttering from the other end before the sound cut off and Alice passed him the phone back.

"He hung up on us after saying some bad words" Alice said with a cheerful smile and Levi pocketed his phone with a grin before turning on the engine and driving towards he diner, Alice chattering away in the backseat about her friends and her school and the trip they were taking to the museum next week that Levi was chaperoning.

 

Eren POV

 

The mountains were just as beautiful as ever as we finally reached the top of the run, I stopped and breathed in the cool, crisp air and grinned, today was a good day. Alice was wrapped up in her new red jacket with her hair tied up in braids while Levi held onto Liam who was bundled up in his warm green snow jacket to keep the cold of his little body. Farlan and Isabel had already launched down the side and I could still hear Izzie's enthusiasm from the top, Armin and Mikasa had gone next kissing Alice and promising they would wait for her at the bottom. 

I watched my daughter steeling herself to go, her chin was set and her green eyes determined as she stared down the run with a happy grin on her face. She turned to us and yelled, "Promise you'll watch me?".

"Of course, go Ally!" I cheered from my spot next to Levi, he just laughed and nodded in our daughter's direction as she bent her knees and tipped her skis forward over the edge. My heart jumped at her movement and if it wasn't for Levi's hand on my arm I may have gone after her to stop her, my heart was hammering against my chest as I rushed forward and watched her sail down the side of the mountain more nervous than I ever thought possible. But she was fine, she was a natural and had no fear of falling only the desire to go faster and faster which she had unfortunately inherited from me.

 

"Fuck, I don't like that" I murmured as Levi covered Liam's ears at my swearing.

"Yeah, no, me either. Maybe next birthday we just take her to the zoo or something?" Levi replied in a tense voice as neither of us took our eyes of Alice's little body until she finally stopped at the bottom and was converged on by Mikasa and Izzie.

"The zoo sounds excellent" I agreed but had to laugh, she had gone down with no problems and I knew she would be asking to go on the other runs soon, the ones with jumps and obstacles... that would be a conversation for much, much later. We watched as Alice bounced around at the bottom and could hear Izzie's excited voice travelling back to us on the wind.

"Mum and Dad would have loved today" I whispered.

Levi leaned in and kissed my cheek gently, "I'm sure they would have" he said softly and then bounced Liam up on his hip to get a better hold of him.

"I wish they could have met you" I murmured as I turned to take in Levi's face, he was just as handsome as ever but I could see the grey hairs amongst the black and the laugh lines around his eyes. He was still the same man he had been ten years ago when we'd met but he'd eased a little over time, he laughed easier and smiled more and in turn it made me happier than I thought possible after the landslide. He was different again with our kids having a smile reserved only for them and willing to do anything to make them happy, I remembered too many days when I had come home from work to see him playing dolls with Ally and pretending to sip tea from her little plastic cups.

"I wish I could have known them too" Levi answered softly while holding Liam a little closer to his chest.

"This is what they loved" I said and looked out over the mountain with my family all around me and knew they would have been so happy to be a part of it. But they weren't and I was finally starting to realize that I was OK with that, I missed them everyday and knew they would always be with me but there was no longer a place missing in my heart where they used to be. Sometime between meeting Levi and having Alice and Liam that little break had been filled with new memories, the times I missed them were steadily being filled with laughs from Alice and first words from Liam and new adventures with Levi.

I was feeling whole again after so much time and I knew it was all because of the man beside me.

"I love you, Levi" I said seriously, he must have caught my mood because he smiled sincerely and leaned in to kiss me properly.

"Happy Anniversary, Eren" Levi murmured. We stood at the top and just enjoyed the moment and the breeze before we started hearing the yelling from the bottom.

"Never a quiet moment in this family" I laughed and held my arms out for Liam, I gathered him up and kissed the top of his beanie covered head before settling him into his backpack seat and hoisting it onto my back while Levi helped me secure the straps.

"Never" Levi promised with a smile as he thrust himself forward down the slope and towards our daughter.

I laughed loudly and with a deep breath and a happy grin I tipped myself over the edge and let my mountains take me away once more.

 

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it!!   
> I just want to thank everyone so much for reading and sending their love and support! I've had so much fun writing this fic and I hope you've had just as much fun reading it :P  
> As always I'd love to hear what you think :D


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